Part 5, Altered States
From Part 4:
“Mike?” he said. Mrs. Shaw and Mike
approached Eric and stopped. Eric smiled and offered his hand for a shake.
‘Jeez,’ he considered, ‘he does look very similar to me at that age.’ His son
was definitely in the transition from boy to young man, Eric thought, as he
studied Mike’s trim, sturdy physique and feet that were out of proportion to
the rest of his body. If Flynn genes were in play, he knew that Mike was primed
for a growth spurt.
“You’re my real father?” Mike asked. He
grabbed Eric’s hand and held it very firmly.
“Yes, Mike. I’m your father. Your real
dad.” Eric shook the smaller hand and raised his eyebrows. For a moment, Mike
seemed unsure what to do. They voluntarily released each other’s hands and Eric
gestured with open arms.
“Hi.” Mike walked into Eric’s arms and
wrapped his dad into a crushing hug. He sighed, buried his head into Eric’s
chest and started crying. Eric reached around to balance the hug.
“Hi, Son.”
~~~~~~~
The father and son stood together until
Mike’s sobs ran out. Mrs. Shaw backed away to afford privacy.
“Why did Mom do that? It just sucks.”
Mike asked, after he pulled away from Eric.
“Mike, it does suck. I guess your mother
had a lot of problems that overwhelmed her. I’m really sorry, son.”
“Um, Thanks. I’m glad you’re here.”
Mike’s stare into Eric’s eyes telegraphed an initial, guarded acceptance.
“Listen, I saw a burger place not far
from here. Why don’t you get whatever you brought with you, and we’ll grab some
lunch. We’re okay to leave this place.” ‘Okay,’ Eric thought, ‘the first couple
of baby steps have worked out.’
“Yeah, I’m kinda hungry. I’ll get my
backpack and the letters. By the way, I had no idea that you had been writing
me back then. They’re really neat.” For the first time, Mike offered a small
smile.
“I brought many more with me. These were
letters that were returned unopened. We’ve got lots of lost time to make up,
buddy.” Eric nodded, as Mike walked back to the hallway. He hoped that Mike
would buy into the move to California.
“Mr. Flynn, I think this went better
than I expected,” Mrs. Shaw offered. “Under normal circumstances he would need
a strong, male role model. With the mother gone, you’ve got a big job ahead.”
“I know what you mean. I think that the
letters he’s been reading point out that I really didn’t want to desert him. My
challenge is for him to understand that his life is now going to continue with
me out in California. I have no idea about his friends, school, nothing.”
“You seem to be a man with a good head
on your shoulders. I feel positive about your ability to effect change,” Mrs.
Shaw said, as Mike returned.
“Let’s hope. Thanks for looking after
Mike,” Eric said.
“That’s our job. Your case is a success story
we don’t see that often. Good luck to both of you.” She squeezed both their
hands at the same time and smiled.
“Thanks, Ma’am,” Mike replied. Father
and son turned and walked out the door and into the future.
*****
The stop at Fuddrucker’s was a big hit
with Mike. Eric was amazed that his son could put away with ease the ‘world’s
greatest burger’ and all the toppings. Eric made a mental note to adjust his
household expense budget to handle feeding a soon-to-be teenager. Eric had a
more modest chicken Caesar salad.
To relax the atmosphere, Eric spent the
first part of lunch telling Mike about Solana Beach, his job, the home and the
grandparents that Mike hadn’t seen for over eight years. He purposely skirted,
at this point, any mention of why Brenda and he had split up.
“I kinda remember goin’ to the beach
with Mom and you,” Mike said, between mouthfuls. “I liked playing in the sand.
Jeez, being with you has brought back all these memories.”
“Yep, me too. I remember that we’d build
things with the sand, and later the ocean waves would come up and wash them
away. You and I did that a lot the year before you left. And we used to have
picnics with your grandparents. They are really looking forward to seeing you.”
“Those were the old people that lived in
a house on a hill? When we’d visit, I remember thinking that you could see the
whole world from there.”
“Mike, that’s where I live now.” ‘Might
as well open up this can of worms,’ Eric thought, ‘while the subject is on the
table.’ “And this is where you’re going to live.”
Eric saw Mike’s expression suddenly
freeze as he stopped chewing and considered that statement. After a few moments
he started eating again, slowly, while looking down at the plate to avoid eye
contact.
“I guess I knew that was what we were
going to do,” Mike said, as he recovered from the news and swallowed the food.
Facing Eric again, he continued, “Leaving my friends and school is goin’ to be
tough.”
“We need to work out a plan that you and
I can both live with. There are several things that we need to accomplish in
the next couple of days. Just so you know, we need to travel back west on
Sunday.” Eric observed Mike digest this statement with no reaction.
“I’ve got some people I want to say
goodbye to,” Mike announced with widened eyes that only accentuated the blue
pupils. “Mostly school friends.”
“Let’s talk about that, and what we need
to do between now and Sunday. First, we need to take care of your mom. I’m
aware of her wishes. Why don’t I settle up the bill, and we can go back to the
house and talk. Is that okay?” Eric observed that Mike didn’t have a negative
reaction to the suggestion.
“Um, yeah, we could do that. But I gotta
tell you that going back there gives me the willies…finding her like that, an’
all. I really don’t want to stay there tonight,” Mike said in a voice of
trepidation.
“Buddy, no problem. You’re going to stay
in an adjoining room with me at an airport hotel. We’ve got to sort through her
things, though. And you should be thinking about what you want to take to
California with you. You up for that?”
“Yeah, Dad. As long as you’re with me, I
can do that.” He reached across the table and grabbed the back of Eric’s hand.
Eric rotated his hand so that they could firmly lock into a solid handgrip.
*****
Eric was happily surprised to discover
that the house, however modest, was clean and well organized. He remembered
several pieces of furniture that had been part of his earlier, married life.
Generally, the furnishings were pretty threadbare and not worth salvaging.
Mike began making two piles of
belongings in his room: one for the Salvation Army and the other for packing.
Eric called the school and arranged to meet with the principal at 4:30 p.m. He
was told that because Mike’s grades were so good, they would probably waive
final tests and give him a pass for sixth grade graduation. ‘Curious that there
was no computer in the house,’ he observed.
In the small master bedroom, there was a
desk that contained all of Brenda’s papers. Eric decided to take everything
that looked important, including a will that bequeathed everything to Mike. He
noted that nothing pertaining to her missing husband existed. The one bright
ray of discovery was the deed to the house. ‘Hmm,’ he considered, ‘She must
have used money from the inheritance to pay off the mortgage.’ Eric decided to
find a real estate broker to handle a quick sale. Any money could go into
Mike’s college fund.
Another detail remaining was Brenda’s
remains. Eric called a mortuary/crematorium that was recommended and arranged
for the body to be picked up from the morgue and cremated once the county sent
the release approval. He needed to know about her friends, church or social
groups. ‘Better see what information Mike can shed,’ he concluded.
“How are ya doing?” Eric asked, walking
into Mike’s bedroom.
“There’s a lot of sh…um…stuff to sort
out.” Mike sheepishly smiled and shrugged. “I guess that I don’t have to worry
about furniture?”
“Not at all. As a matter of fact, your
new room will be the one I had when I was your age. We’ll get it fixed up. I’ve
got a lot of sh…stuff to sort out when we get back,” Eric said with a smile and
wink. “How’s your computer skills? I noticed that you don’t have a computer
here.”
“Um, Mom thought that a computer was
just too corrupting for someone my age. We also couldn’t afford one. My school
has a computer program and a lab. I can do pretty well for someone who doesn’t
have a PC at home. Jeez, Dad, I’m the only person in my class who doesn’t have
a computer.”
“Well, we’ll have to change that when we
get back. Your mother did have a point.
There’s a lot of real crap on the Internet. And instant messaging can lure some
kids into dangerous situations. However, I’ll set you up with a computer…and
some ground rules…when we get back.”
“Cool. That’d be rad.” Mike flipped on a
trademark, broad Flynn smile.
“Mike, did you and your mom go to
church? We need to discuss whether or not we need a service for her in
Richmond. Just for your information, we’ll have something special for her back
in California. That’s what she requested.”
“We went to a Baptist church up to a
couple of years ago. But the guy she married really objected to going. In fact,
he called the junior minister a fairy and a queer…plus other things.” Mike
looked at Eric like he wanted to share something more.
“Really? What brought this on? That
sounds pretty hateful.” Eric decided to gauge the level of homosexual
acceptability from his son. ‘This is like the proverbial 500 pound gorilla in
the room that no one will acknowledge,’ he thought.
“I don’t exactly know. I remember once
that we were out for dinner and Rev Dan – that’s what we kids called him – came
in the restaurant with another guy. This must have been Rev Dan’s best
friend…I’d always see them together at church functions, picnics and at the
mall. Ya know?” Mike paused and took a sip of Coke.
‘Best friend, at the very least,’ Eric
thought, as he waited for the rest of the story.
“Anyway, my ‘loving step dad’ was really
pissed and started calling them both bad names from the table. Then he went
over and really got in their face. It got so bad that Rev Dan and his friend
left the restaurant. I never went back to the church after that.” Eric couldn’t
help but inwardly smile at Mike’s sarcastic reference to his step dad.
“I feel sorry for your minister and his
friend. That’s a shitty way to treat people.” ‘Might as well use a street-term
to loosen up the conversation,’ Mike decided.
“Yeah, real shitty,” Mike replied with a
small laugh. “Once I saw Rev Dan and his friend in the mall and apologized to
them for what happened. They were real nice and Rev Dan said that my step dad
was speaking from a level of ignorance and hate; that accepting of all types of
people marked a real Christian. Rev Dan even invited me to come to the
Christian Youth meetings on Wednesday nights. Occasionally I would go on the
sly and tell Mom that I was studying over at a friend’s house. He’s a neat
guy.”
“Your minister offered good advice.
Sounds like your ‘loving step dad’ really hated gay people. Why do you think he
was like that?”
“I don’t know. He was a real a-hole, and
I didn’t like him or what he stood for. Other times he called me a few names
like that when he got mad and said that I was probably going to be queer, too.
I guess he knew about you.” Mike looked at Eric and grimaced when he realized
what he said.
“Son, I guess it’s serious discussion
time. Let’s go out to the living room and talk about what you just said. You
okay with that?” Eric asked with compassion.
“Err, yeah. I guess we should.” Mike
followed Eric out to the front room and sat on the couch. Eric pulled up a side
chair near Mike. They were both silent for a few minutes.
“How much do you know? You gotta
remember that I haven’t been a part of your life for eight years.”
“I only remember the times when Mom
would be talking to her folks on the telephone. Or when she and that guy would
be discussing me. Your name would come up and usually Mom would really get
pissed. I guess she didn’t realize that I understood what she meant by calling
you a fag.”
“Terms like fag, queer, fairy. Are these
names that people call each other in your school because someone is a
homosexual?” Eric was curious about Mike’s term of reference to steer the
discussion along to a positive conclusion…he hoped.
“The guys call each other that all the
time. I don’t think they mean anything by it, though. There’s one boy at school
who’s a sissy. But he’s more ignored than anything.”
“I guess some things never change. It
was the same way when I was your age,” Eric said. “But it doesn’t make it
right.”
“Um, is it true? That you like guys
instead of girls?” Mike had an expression of concern mixed with anxiety. ‘Well,
there it was,’ Eric thought. ‘My son doesn’t beat around the bush.’
“First, Mike, I don’t think that anyone
has the right to call people names to inflict hurt. Second, to answer your
question, I denied that I was a homosexual when I was younger. I came to
realize after your mother and I married that I really was gay. Gay is the term
that is acceptable. I finally was honest with myself by acknowledging that I
was attracted to men and told your mom. She couldn’t handle that news when I
told her.”
“So that’s why we moved back here?”
“She wanted a divorce, but I thought you
two would remain in California. After we split, she took off one day with you
and cut off all contact with me. I tried, buddy, real hard to be part of your
younger life. She just wouldn’t let me.” Eric offered a hand and Mike accepted
it. They held each other tightly and didn’t say anything for a few minutes.
“Um, how could you choose something like
that?” Mike asked. Eric picked up that it was an innocent question of curiosity
and was relieved that his son seemed to accept what he had just mentally
digested.
“You don’t. That’s the point. Most
scientists and doctors now agree that it’s something that’s part of genetic
makeup. It’s not a choice. It’s something that you’re born with.”
“You mean like the same way that I really like girls?” Mike asked
with a grin.
“Yep, that’s about it,” Eric replied
with a laugh. “Mike, I’m your Dad and I’m prepared to do everything in my power
to provide a loving, safe home for you. I need to know if you’re going to be
all right with me being, um, well…gay?” Eric stared into his son’s eyes with
quiet, pleading and caring questioning. There was a silence that enveloped the
room. All Eric could hear was heavy breathing.
“I guess the easy answer would be ‘I
don’t have a choice’. But the real answer is that I’ll try to figure out what
this all means. Mom’s death and you coming has been a real eye-opener.”
“A lot has been thrown your way, Son.
I’ll try to make it up to you.”
I’m willing to give it a try, too.” Mike returned Eric’s stares
before dropping his head for a moment.
“Buddy, that’s all I can ask for. Please
understand that I’ve always loved you and will never let anyone or thing harm
you. I’m also a little rusty being a parent. If something bugs you, promise
that you’ll let me know. Deal?” Eric reached over and offered his hand.
“Yeah, deal.” Mike smiled and took
Eric’s hand.
“Time to get over to your school and
meet with your principal. Let’s lock up and finish this tomorrow. Okay?”
“Yes, Dad. I’m ready.”
“By the way, there are a lot of cute
girls in your new neighborhood,” Eric said with a Flynn grin.
Mike giggled as they bumped knuckles.
The two, genetic grins matched each other.
*****
“Hi, babe. I hope you don’t mind me
calling at The Factory?” It was almost midnight in Richmond, but Eric was
concerned that, approaching nine in California, Brian would be too busy to
talk.
~~~ “Not a problem. When I knew it was
you, I came back to the office. How’s it going?”
“It’s been crazy but good. My son has
been very accepting of the scenario that I’ve offered. I guess I’m the security
blanket and emotional glue he needs.”
~~~ “And much more, ‘Dad’. I’m sure of
that. How’s his reaction to coming out here?”
Mike is getting warm to the idea of moving to California and seems
to be open-minded about his dad being gay.”
~~~ “Wow, that is progress. You going to
wrap up everything and get back on Sunday?”
“That’s the plan. Apparently Brenda
didn’t have many friends. Because of the a-hole – to use Mike’s words – she was
married to; Brenda pulled out of all church activities and was pretty much a
recluse. I can only assume that this husband of hers was very domineering. And
I think that the guy’s homophobic attitude and comments probably work in my
favor.”
~~~ “Sounds like Mike didn’t have a very
happy home life.”
“It even gets stranger. From what I can
gather, Mike’s most positive adult male influence is his minister: a single guy
who is always accompanied by his best friend…boyfriend, I think. My gut
reaction is that Mike has subconsciously put the pieces together of that
relationship. Gives me a chance to be accepted…if I’m a good dad.”
~~~ “You’ll be great. Maybe he’ll have
room for an Uncle Brian?” he asked with a chortle.
“Uncle at the very least,” Eric replied,
joining in the laugh. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Tomorrow I need to make sure
that Brenda is cremated, help Mike get everything packed and find a real estate
agent to handle the house. Then Saturday, I’m hosting a pizza farewell party at
some popular, local place that the kids love. This’ll be a chance for Mike to
say goodbye to his friends. I’m also going to invite his youth minister and see
if the friend shows up. I’m sure that there will be an interesting story to
tell you when I get back.”
~~~ “Okay, Eric. Would you be
embarrassed if I told you I really miss you? When you guys get back, I’d like
to figure out how we can get a little time to ourselves. I’ve been thinking a
lot about the other evening. Fuck, has it only been two days ago since the
world changed for me?”
“Okay, truth time. I feel the same way.
Whatever happened the other night wasn’t a fluke. You’re a special guy, and I
want you in my life for a long time.” Eric felt that if this didn’t scare Brian
off, nothing would.
~~~ “Sounds like we’ve got like
feelings. Babe, let’s talk Saturday. Why don’t you call me around 1:00 p.m.,
your time? I’ll be at the restaurant.”
“Will do, you sexy guy. I got a feeling
that things are going to work out. Bye, babe.” Eric had to stop himself from
using the “L” word.
~~~ “Bye, bye.”
*****
The powerful roar and thrust of the Rolls
Royce engines threw the passengers back into their seats on takeoff. Mike and
Eric were able to stretch out with a seat in the middle not occupied. Mike was
eager to take the window seat; it was his first airplane trip. With the one
stop in Charlotte, N.C., it would be a full day of travel. They would not
arrive in San Diego until early evening.
Eric decided to pack all of Mike’s
belongings in boxes and pay the additional freight costs. He added Brenda’s
documents to his carry-on suitcase for safekeeping. The other carry-on package
was her cremated remains.
“This is really neat,” Mike said, once
they leveled off. “How long will the flight take?”
“If we were going non-stop, it would be
around six hours. However, with our one stop in Charlotte to pick up more
passengers, it’ll be closer to a nine-hour trip. You’ll get to take off one
more time.”
“Cool. Um, what happens if I have to,
um, go to the bathroom?”
“All these planes have toilets. They’re
kinda tiny, though. Let me know when ya have to go and I’ll show you what the
deal is.”
“Thanks, Dad. And thanks for helping me
get through this. I’m goin’ to miss her…a lot. But I’m just going to think
about the happy times.”
“That’s a great idea. I still think
about the happy times we all had together. And I’m really looking forward to
you and me getting to know each other. There are so many things I want to do
with you. And you’ve got a great set of grandparents that will probably spoil
you rotten.” Eric and Mike laughed as he playfully punched his son on the
shoulder.
“I don’t mind that, as long as it’s okay
with you.”
“In moderation, I think that you’re
entitled to a little spoiling…and a little love. I think you’ll really like my
mom and dad. They’re excited about seeing their grandson again.”
“So who’s Brian? The guy who’s picking
us up at the airport.”
“He’s a friend that volunteered to meet
us. I really appreciate it ’cause the shuttle from the airport to our home is a
long drive.”
“Is he, um, well, you know…gay…like
you?” Mike asked with an expression of innocence.
Eric looked over at his son, swallowed
hard, and sighed. ‘One more hurdle,’ he thought. “Before I answer your
question, do you mind us establishing some ground rules?”
“Ah, yeah, I suppose. Whaduya mean?”
Mike furrowed his brow and looked into Eric’s eyes for clarification.
“I’m always going to be completely
honest with you. Remember that, Son. However, my answer to your question is
what gay people call ‘outing’. That is revealing someone’s sexuality without
his or her permission. Like your mother’s former husband, some ‘a-holes’ like
to make life miserable for gay people. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Putting it that way, yeah, I
understand. If someone wants to know about some guy’s private life, they’re
going to have to ask them. Right?”
“Correcto. The only exception will be
talks you and I have. Now, to answer the question; yes, Brian is gay and we’re
becoming good friends. I’m pretty sure you two will hit it off just fine. He
also manages a restaurant that we’ll have to check out sometime.”
“Ah, yeah. If he’s your friend, I’d like
that. Maybe he’s like Rev Dan’s friend?” Eric was privately amused and pleased
that Mike seemed to digest this information.
“Best friends? Maybe,” Eric said with a
slight pause. “In the meantime, I thought we could invite part of his family
for a spaghetti dinner next week. Brian’s sister and her two sons are
temporarily living with him. I haven’t met them yet. The boys are four and six
as I recall.”
“If you’ll let me help cook. I did that
with Mom all the time. The last few months I made all the meals,” Mike replied
with a tone of sadness. Eric noticed a tear appear before Mike turned his head
towards the plane window.
“Sure, Son. That’d be great.” Eric
patted Mike’s thigh before closing his eyes.
*****
“Hey, guys, over here.” Mike and Eric
heard the voice and turned to see where it was coming from. Mike noticed Eric’s
grin become broad when he spotted a man standing next to a luggage cart.
“There’s Brian. You stay here with all
our stuff, and I’ll bring him over with a cart.” Mike was staring at the man
who recognized them.
“Sure, Dad. We can use all the help we
can get.” ‘So this is Brian? A cool
looking dude,’ Mike thought. ‘Best friends? Hmmm, I wonder…’ He watched as Eric
greeted the man with a handshake and pat on the shoulder. The two said
something, waved in Mike’s direction and came over with the cart.
“Son, this is my friend Brian McGruder,”
Eric said as they all gathered together. “This is Mike.”
“Hi, Mike. Welcome to San Diego.” Brian
offered his hand and Mike eagerly shook it.
“Thanks, Mr. McGruder. It’s been several
years since I’ve been here. I guess it’ll take some time to get used to the
differences.” Mike was a little amused to notice the ‘locals’ with their
suntans, tees, shorts and flip-flops. Just then a group of young women walked
by. ‘Wow,’ he observed, with a leer, ‘do all the girls have such big cans out
here?’
“First, please call me Brian or Mac.
Second of all, if I read your mind correctly, there’s lots of hot, young girls
in California,” Brian said with a snicker. “And a good-looking young guy like
you will be very welcomed by our single, female population.”
“Since Dad calls you Brian, I will too.
If there are a few girls where we’ll be living, I think I’d enjoy gittin’ to
know them.” Mike turned to Eric and grinned. All three paused for a second and
let out a loud laugh.
“School is out next week, and we’ve got
a great community pool. I’m sure you’ll find a few new friends,” Eric replied.
“In the meantime, let’s load the cart and get down to the baggage claim. We’ll
probably need two more carts for all the luggage and boxes.”
“I’m glad that you suggested using the
Cherokee. Sounds like we’re going to need all the cargo space available.” Brian
started stacking the cart with the carry-ons.
“Yeah, your Wrangler wouldn’t have cut
it,” Eric said, as he finished the loading.
“Gee, you’ve got a Wrangler, Brian?”
Mike’s eyes became wider with this new information.
“Yep. Something I’ve driven since
college. It’s great for the beach. I’m off work on Wednesday. Maybe you and I
can take it for a drive?”
“I’d really like that. Could you show me
some of the town?” Mike couldn’t help but like this new adult in his life.
‘Maybe things won’t be so bad out here?’ he thought.
“If it’s alright with your dad, we gotta
date.” Brian said. He placed his hand on Mike’s back in a fashion that made the
young man feel protected.
“That’s a great idea, ’cuz I’ve got to
work. Brian, I’m officially appointing you Uncle. Is that okay with both of
you?” Eric asked with a sincere inflection in his voice.
“Works for me. How about you, Mike?”
Brian squeezed Mike’s shoulder for emphasis.
“Me, too. Just don’t forget to show me
where all these girls are,” Mike replied in an upbeat manner. ‘Yeah, I think
things are going to work out okay,’ he decided. ‘A dad and an uncle.’ He
smiled, as he thought of this ‘twofer’ walking next to him.
________________________
TO BE CONTINUED