Rants and Raves- Weekly Opinions and Editorials
Opinions expressed here do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor or Rainbow Community Writing Project as a whole, but are soley those of the contributor.
Rants and Raves- Rebuttals
Opinions expressed here do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor or Rainbow Community Writing Project as a whole, but are solely those of the contributor.
Another Rebuttal To “We have met the enemy he is us.” by Desertmac, RCWP Author
I wrote my rant about sex in stories for the rant section on RCWP and submitted it to Riley before I read Etienne’s rant in September’s posting. (Yeah, I shoulda checked it out earlier.) Anyway, although other writers rebutted his rant, I feel that I had something to say to it as well. Fact is, I just couldn’t let this go without saying something. So here goes:
Dear Etienne,
Can you say “internalized homophobia”? My fervent hope is that any impressionable young (or any age) people who are just discovering and exploring their identities as LGBTI et al who happen to read your piece will have enough information and balance in their heads about what being gay means to them to read that piece as merely another perspective-- which it is. To use your term: Sadly, it is a perspective that is not as uncommon as you might think among gay people.
Look at gay Republicans and many other closeted gays. In addition to whatever other Mark Foley types there are out there, there are many closeted gay Republicans who make their living working behind the scenes as critical staff support for the most virulently homophobic politicians in the country from the local level to the highest levels of our government, (Some of them talk in this New York Times article: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/08/washington/08culture.html?ref=todayspaper )
and there are behind the scenes gay power brokers today who are just like Roy Cohn of years gone by, who promote these rightwing politicians. These people are the ones who work out the details and get the antigay legislation actually written, and they all work tirelessly to help advance the deadly anti-gay agendas of these hatemongers, whose words and actions fuel hatred and violence toward us, as well as suicides among us. Somehow, such people sleep soundly at night. It boggles the mind, but it’s reality, and like yours, another perspective.
And just to address the misconception you reinforced: Bill Clinton wanted to let gays serve openly in the military, but Congress, both Dem and Rep, would not let him. Period. Clinton knew where and when to pick his battles and since they made it crystal clear they would raise hell if he tried it, the DADT compromise was worked out and was supposed to end witch hunts for GLBs. It is the leadership of the branches of the military that have relentlessly violated the word and spirit of DADT, which while certainly not ideal, was simple in concept. The point is: DADT was the best Clinton could get at that time with the political climate as it was. He would have had a full scale revolt on his hands if he had issued an executive order on the matter. Now his support for DOMA was inexcusable, so I’m not saying he was a saint. I just wanted to speak to this DADT misrepresentation that is constantly put out there by gay and straight people alike.
Now, I am compelled to admit that, though I fight it, I do harbor some prejudices within me, various big and little ones. Most of my prejudices are dichotomies for me in that while feeling them, I almost always simultaneously hold a nearly equal or greater amount of the opposite gut feeling, so I have this balancing thing going on whenever one of these rears its ugly face in my mind.
For instance, reading the pieces “Fitting the Cliché” by Dean Anthony, and “Acting Straight” by Josh Aterovis (both of which speak some to your piece), I was plopped right smack in the middle of my longest standing dichotomy about gays and the gay community: the straight acting versus the flamer thing. You see, I came out rather defiantly and with an in-your-face attitude at eighteen, technically in the south, in the suburbs of Houston, Texas, in 1978. Not one of my friends, up to my announcement, ever had a clue that I was gay (I dated girls through most of school because I didn't know a guy could fall in love with a guy, so I wanted the emotional connection with women and the sex with men-- plus I was horny-- until I checked out the gay community and figured things out).
I intuitively knew then that part of the reason every one of my friends and acquaintances was so cool with me coming out was because to them, aside from this info, I was no different the day after I told them than the day before (I hadn’t had a girlfriend for some time by then ;-). I still looked and acted like one of them. I still partied with them and liked the same music, the same pastimes, was still assimilated, except that I openly liked guys instead of girls. I took a few of my straight friends to gay bars that year, and they loved them! My friends were mostly rock n roll type guys, and they all accepted me much better and easier than I would ever have dreamed they would, maybe because I had such an attitude.
The reason I mention this aspect of my coming out is because I didn't, and never have, shown any traits considered effeminate. I admit that I have always felt a small sense of smugness that I didn't have a limp wrist, and I will admit right here that I am easily-- but not always-- irritated when surrounded by very nellie queens for more than an hour or two at a time. The bitchiness and humor-coated viciousness toward each other that is de rigueur just gets on my nerves, ok? So, I have this prejudice, but, at the same time, I feel a huge, and I do mean huge, sense of pride when I think of these same queens’ right and ability to be who they are and express themselves, however it works for each and every one of them.
I’ve been to Pride parades & events, from New Orleans to Honolulu and a few cities in between, and it never fails to make me tingle to feel the energy and connectedness in the air with all the various stripes of gaydom represented and gathered together to say to the world that we can be magnificent in our diversity! How exciting would a parade be if the men all wore Dockers and Polos and the women all wore whatever it is yuppie women are wearing? It’s kinda all about the rainbow flag, get it?
And you see, Etienne, I never feel the urge to apologize to anyfuckingbody about the gay community, about “those people” bumpin’ and grindin’ on those floats because I am one of them whether I look and act like them or not (and yes, I CAN camp it up on occasion!). To do so would be betraying everything we stand for, everything we’ve fought for, which is simply the right to be who we are, in broad daylight and not be arrested, beaten or killed for it.
When you say these people shouldn’t act “Flamboyant” at parades and in front of Ward and June, you are saying you don't think they should be who they are, and obviously, you would rather they acted like you, ashamed. You can come back at me and say you are not ashamed all you want, but there really is no other way to see it if one looks objectively at what you wrote.
I wish that the media didn't naturally focus on the extremes of EVERY group, ethnicity, scene and lifestyle, but that’s reality. If you’re a cameraman and you go to a riot, you look for the most dramatic scene you can find-- you don't show much of the average bystanders except for comment. If you go to a Pride parade, you want to film the Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence, drag queens and the masters and slaves. Who wouldn't? The networks wouldn't believe a writer who told them a non-bitchy, non-verbal-sniping average-Joe acting queer would be interesting to middle America, regardless of the fact that good writing can make shows “about nothing” funny as hell. They don't get it.
My point is: Media will never highlight the average; they will always go for the ostentatious. They will never highlight people like you because they can’t see you. So if you feel the urge to apologize for queers, you’ll be humiliating yourself for a long time to come. As is well known, it’s when straight people personally know gay people who are not ashamed that attitudes change, one by one. Since you “never discussed” your life, never got the chance to glow with pride about your life partner and proudly say how long you’ve been together and so very in love with your man, you’ve continually reinforced for them that yours is the love that dare not speak its name. How can they ever know that being gay is anything more than base sexual acts if you never express your love in front of them? For all they know, you two are merely roommates who go home and do unspeakable sexual acts and throw tasteful but restrained dinner parties.
It’s when straight people come to understand that gay people love as strongly and passionately as they do that they will slowly begin to understand that we are more like them than different and that marriage means something to many, but not all, gay people. And Etienne, I beg to differ in the strongest sense of the concept: Marriage between two men or two women is anything but silly. What a thing to say. I just shake my head. Aside from the over 1,000 rights, obligations and protections marriage offers, and aside from the obvious protections this offers children of gay couples, there are a lot of gay couples who are proud of their relationship and who want to officially solemnize it and be recognized as a couple by the law and their peers. They want that feeling of commitment and symbolism that only marriage can provide in our society.
As Billy (William Tyler King) pointed out in his excellent piece, “A Reflection on September 11th”, if those gay people in the World Trade Center had been allowed to marry, then this injustice wouldn't have occurred. A painful example: Recently in Oklahoma, a gay couple who owned (in one partner’s name for financial and tax reasons) and worked a ranch together for something like thirty years had made a will out that spelled out that everything was theirs together and was to go to the other in case of one’s death. Well, despite lawyers drafting this will and witnesses, they technically lacked one more witness signature, and when one died the homophobic Oklahoma judge gleefully ignored the clearly stated wishes of the deceased and let the deceased’s family waltz in and take everything these two had built together and kick the grieving partner out on the streets. If they had been married, this could not have happened. If they had been a heterosexual couple, even NOT married, after that many years together the law would have automatically designated them common-law married and this could not have happened. How just is that?
HRC and other groups, Jesse Jackson and other politicians who work for equality, Will and Grace, QAF and The L Word all get the issues out in the public discourse-- sure, not always in the best light, but it’s out there-- and it causes personal gay-to-straight conversations to happen, so people begin to understand what is at stake. If gays in general thought and acted the way you pleaded for us to, then these conversations would never happen. You said so yourself, “They all knew that we were a couple, but it was never openly discussed, nor should it have been. They didn’t ask questions about our sex life nor we theirs. In a word, we had more or less assimilated into mainstream society.” I have so many problems with that quote on so many levels it’s hard to decide where to begin.
What you did was hide in plain sight. We would still be illegal and hunted down like dogs if we all thought the way you do. You didn't assimilate, you cowered with a martini in hand and tried to convince yourself that these people respect anyone who dare not speak of their love. I know that people who think like this can never quite make the connection that this attitude and behavior engenders no respect, only a feeling of superiority among those to whom you would apologize.
FYI: You can discuss being gay, being in a loving relationship and what equal rights mean for gay people, with straight people without mentioning where you stick your dick-- and that discussion is easier to have these days because of the others who have taken the risk to stand up and be counted. That you have gradually felt comfortable going to the symphony and restaurants as a couple is only because of those loud people who stood up and pushed for the unthinkable--which, like marriage now, were simple civil rights then, and still. You enjoy the fruits of their passion, but wish they would just shut up? Hmmmm… Something about wanting to have your cake and eat it too…
You say your relationship “…was never openly discussed, nor should it have been.” Well, there’s no way you could convince me that in all those cocktail parties and dinners you attended that those audacious straight people never talked about their relationships. It’s simply human nature in social settings to talk at least some about their relationships. But you didn't talk about yours because you felt they would be uncomfortable with it, and you knew for sure you would because that would remind everyone, painfully, that you are not really one of them at all, and you simply never can be. It’s just not appropriate in polite society to talk about gay relationships, right? Shame. There’s no other word for it.
Being out to the people you know is the most valuable thing you can do, and here’s more proof: (I copied and pasted this section of an article about this new study from 365gay.com today) “The new report, compiling data from a wide variety of polling finds that, in 2001, having a gay or lesbian family member raised the typical American’s support for gay marriage by 17 percentage points, and it raised the typical American’s support for adoption rights for gay couples by 13 percentage points.
Using data from 2004, the report finds that contact with gays and lesbians is associated with a 13-percentage-point increase in support for some sort of legal recognition of same-sex couples (either marriage or civil unions) among heterosexual Americans who are otherwise typical with respect to characteristics such as age, education and political party.
Similarly, personal knowledge of a gay or lesbian person was associated with a 13-point decrease in support for an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would ban same-sex marriages. “These two newly released reports now provide us with even greater insight to how important it is for us to live our lives openly and honestly by telling our stories," said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese.
“If seven out of 10 heterosexuals know someone who is GLBT, then many gays and lesbians are making their identity apparent as a natural part of their lives — just like their age, height, hair color or personality,” said Mark Shields, director of the Human Rights Campaign’s National Coming Out Project. “For most people, coming out or opening up to someone starts with a conversation. And for those interested in fostering strong, deep relationships with their friends and family, living openly often allows for closer relationships with the people they care about most.”
Now, Etienne, you can say you are “out” because those around you know you two are a couple, but my point is that you are not really out because you show no pride in your relationship when among these people. I’m only going by what you yourself said. You apparently never have ‘these conversations’ with straight people, even though every last one of them is bound to be wondering why you never talk about your relationship, and they can only logically conclude that you are too ashamed to talk about it.
And as to a backlash against the gay community when we push for our rights: No fight for rights, for change anywhere in any time, has EVER been successful without causing a backlash, big or small, violent or just sinister, somewhere along the way. Ward and June, Bubba and Betty Jo will risist change; that’s simple human nature. From Ronyx's rebuttal: "Wait just how long? Ten years? Twenty? Fifty? Maybe after one hundred years of ‘keeping our mouths shut,’ then we could make a small step." I would add: If gays are all laid back about equal rights for, let's say, fifty years, then all of a sudden, one day we say, "Ummm, hey guys? D'ya think we could have equal rights now? We can't? No? Oh, okay... Well, we'll try again in another fifty years or so. Sorry to bother you; we don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything."
The religious right and the Republican Party have found the best whipping boy they could hope for in gay people. They can whip up a frenzy of fear with boldfaced lies and distorted images of us and what we will do to their children. But the only way they can make this horribly destructive message work for them is if those voters don’t know any open and unashamed gay people whom they can look at and see that they are good people with honor and integrity.
The very people-- upper middle class doctors, lawyers and accountants-- whom you admire and strive to be accepted by are, in general, the very people who abhor change in the status quo the most. These successful middle aged (predominantly) white males are, after born-agains and the elderly, the next most conservative group of voters. They have you over for dinner one day and quite smugly donate money to and vote the next day for every politician who leads the charge to repeal those local and state laws in that backlash you bemoan because “your kind” are raising too much fuss and are, quite frankly, disgusting, even if your kind can decorate the hell out of a house.
And you’re right: They don't see you in any better light than that drag queen on the news at Pride because you don't show any pride in being a gay man who ISN’T flamboyant, who IS like the guy next door. You haven’t done a damn thing to change their minds about gay people because you’re too busy hiding in plain sight and apologizing for how some gay people act and for the fact that some of them are a bit odd and some are even a bit offensive to your straight friends.
When talking to others, I have to admit that I often feel the urge to apologize for people like you, Etienne, and for people like those gay House staffers who do so much to help fight “us”, and for every gay person who rails against the gay and straight heroes and heroines, like everyone from the people at HRC to the brave boys and girls who dare to take their same sex date to the prom instead of trying to draw “that protective coloration around” themselves and not be noticed, all those people who fight so hard for our right to exist, and for just a little respect.
Is it possible that people like you and your partner are the ones who set us back? Aside from the racist and classist undertones in your commentary, could your attitude overall be the very thinking in the gay community that hurts us the most because it shows shame and intolerance? And lest you say I am showing intolerance toward you and your views, I admit up front that I am intolerant of intolerance.
I hope someday you and all the people who think like you will be able to joyously gather under a big umbrella and smile at that drag queen on the left and that dyke on a bike on the right and that leather daddy behind you and that preppie in front of you and sigh and think to yourself, “What a wonderful world.”
Mac is available through both his email desertmac2000@yahoo.com
or his website: http://www.geocities.com/desertmac2000/
Fitting the Cliché
by Dean Anthony, RCWP Author
“I feel like for me to judge other people and to not accept them as they are, that would be a sin against my spirit, my talent and my human decency.” ~ Dolly Parton
What does one say to an editorial that is so sad, so disheartening and so very infuriating all in one sit down?
Lots, actually. Lots and lots and lots and lots.
When I turned 19, I decided to attend my first pride parade. Now, the pride parade in New York City is not just any ordinary event. It’s the crème de la crème of pride parades. It attracts high profile politicians, (Hilary and Chuck have both marched in election years) celebrities, (albeit very minor ones) drag queens, scantily clad muscle boys and all that jazz. I remember that at the time, one of my best friends asked me why I was going.
“Why go and support something that demeans us?” were his exact words. He was very active in gay rights at the time and I thought that he was just the smartest person out there. I listened very closely to his argument that going to said parade would make me look like a sell out to the “queen” crowd as he put it.
If I went, I would become “one of them.”
One of them.
That stings now in hindsight. Back then though, I listened attentively to his words, wondering if maybe he was right.
I could be flamboyant in front of my friends. I could do my fabulous Bette Davis impression or quote the script from “Steel Magnolias” word for word. I could sing the lyrics to “The Golden Girls” and wear a pink shirt with no shame whatsoever.
In front of them.
But “… why let them see that side? They’ll just make fun. They’ll just taunt you and call you names.”
I was afraid. So afraid in fact that I took the train back and forth six times before I finally got off on 23rd Street. My heart was beating fast and furious, I was sweating profusely and I felt like I was going to vomit. Millions of things and scenarios ran through my mind. People seeing me, opening their arms, welcoming me to a place I belonged; to a community that I was a part of just by default. There were men and women protesting our existence with signs, shouting that being gay was a sin and I was going straight to hell. Those were my two most prevalent thoughts. I was either going to find a new place, a new plateau in my life or I was going to become the self-loathing, disgusted with myself gay man that my friend already was. Thank the Lord, I chose the latter. I saw the flashy pink taffeta, the Dolly Parton wannabes, and the bearded nuns. I saw it and I was entranced by the sheer outlandishness that they possessed.
I wanted, I needed to be different. Different for the sake of being different? Maybe a little bit at first. However, when you grow up worshipping Dolly Parton, “Cabaret,” Barbra Streisand and Monty Clift, I don’t think that a person would need to be a rocket scientist to deduce sexual orientation. It didn’t matter though. I didn’t want to pretend I was someone else. I’d never been a good pretender anyway. I wanted to be me. Myself. A gay man who was flamboyant. A gay man who fit every single cliché about gay men out there.
But at the same time I have a job I absolutely adore, I have a wonderful man to come home to every night, I have friends who would do anything for me and who’d I, in turn, would do anything for. I have everything I’ve ever wanted for myself up until this point in my life
It shouldn’t matter that I love to listen to show tunes and have a higher voice than some of my female friends. I’m still a person and as such have rights just like anyone else. Should being who I am be a cause for the fellow members of the GLBT community to be embarrassed? No, I don’t think so. There are plenty of people in this world who are different and because I choose to attend Pride events and I want to be married to my partner (intend to be in a few months actually) doesn’t mean that I am less of a man than any other on the face of this planet and being such deserve the same amount of respect as any other.
There’s a song, by Dolly - of course, that I’ve always loved. Right now, the lyrics are just begging to be quoted.
I'm far from perfect but I ain't all bad
It hurts me more than it makes me mad
You gather your stones by stooping so low
Then shatter my image with the stones you throw
If you live in a glass house don’t throw stones
Don't shatter my image 'til you look at your own
Look at your reflection in your house of glass
Don't open my closet if your own's full of trash
Stay out of my closet if your own's full of trash
In the meantime, though, am I the enemy? I think not.
Yes, I love pink and Dolly and Broadway. I am the epitome of the cliché that our disgruntled author speaks about. Perhaps, though, just perhaps Mr. Reynard should stop blaming other people and take a good look at what’s in his closet.
And whether or not he truly ever came out of it to begin with.
You can email Dean Anthony at grassisb@aol.com
Heart to Heart Column- Printed with permission of the author Josh Aterovis from his website..
Heart to Heart is timely, knowledgeable, and hard-hitting, but always sensible and without rancor. I'm very impressed.-- Nann Dunne, Author and Editor-in-Chief of Just About Write
Acting Straight
By Josh Aterovis
August 18, 2006
I recently watched the first season of the hit Logo series Noah's Arc on DVD. While I doubt there are any Emmy nominations in the show's near future, it's really sweet and entertaining. I count myself among its fans now. One of the things that most impressed me was the way it didn't shy away from tackling tough subjects with unflinching honesty. One of the topics raised was the way gay men have a tendency to worship the heterosexual image. In white culture, it's the whole Abercrombie model obsession. In the African-American culture, they call them homothugs.
That got me thinking about how often I hear someone gay use the expression "straight-acting" to describe another gay man. The more I thought about it, the more offensive it became. I'm sure I've been guilty of using it in the past, but more recently, I've come to realize just how damaging the term can be -- both within and outside the LGBT community.
How does one even act straight? Is there one prescribed way to be heterosexual? And why would a gay person even want to act straight? Possibly because the flip side of acting straight would be acting gay.
Ask your average Joe on the street what it means to act gay and you're likely to get a laundry list of gay stereotypes: limp wrist, lisp, obsession with appearance, flamboyant, and effeminate, maybe with a few "you go, girls" thrown in for good measure. Do I know any gay people who fit that description? Sure. But I know even more who don't. The truth is there are as many ways to act gay as there are to act straight. It's the stereotypes that scare some people, though.
I used to date a guy who could easily have been described as straight acting. By his nature, he was very masculine: liked guns and cars, played in a death-metal band, and always dressed in a sloppy-casual style that was as far from the typical "gay style" as you could get. He had a sweet, sensitive side, but he viewed it as more of a weakness than anything. On more than one occasion, I heard him make extremely homophobic remarks. It always bothered me, but I was still struggling with finding my own identity at the time, so I never made an issue of it.
After we broke up, I remember him telling me about a time when he was out with a group of his straight friends, none of whom knew he was gay, and they started assaulting a couple of obviously gay guys. He couldn't understand why I found the situation so disturbing. Eventually, I came to realize that he was extremely self-hating. Going into the military and having to crawl even deeper into the closet certainly didn't help. Today, he's dating a woman even though he's told me he still considers himself gay. He's taking acting straight to a whole new level.
I think a big part of his issue is that he'll never fit society's idea of what it means to be gay. He could never be somebody's girlfriend. Of course, you and I know that not every gay man has to fit the stereotype, but his fear was that if people knew he was gay, they would assume he did. He was always afraid people would judge him as something he wasn't.
Obviously, we can't blame all his issues on society. He's responsible for his own actions, and the general public is changing as quickly as it can. These things take time. However, the gay community has to share in the blame. We've accepted the idea that there's a specific code of conduct that makes one gay or straight.
So many gay people are caught up in negative image ideas. Some feel they have to act a certain way in order to be gay -- you have to worship Madonna, call all your guy friends "girlfriend," and sleep around as much as possible. Hey, if that's who you really are then great! You be you. The problem is, I've seen so many young gay guys just coming out embrace these traits simply because they've been led to believe that's what being gay means.
On the flip side, I've also seen many gay guys who are so busy trying to emulate heterosexuals that they start to resent their more flamboyant brothers. I hate to hear a gay man say something like, "I can't stand flamey guys." That's just as homophobic as Fred Phelps picketing a gay funeral with a "God Hates Fags" sign.
Again, I want to stress that if you're naturally inclined to be feminine or masculine, then run with it! I don't believe there's anything more freeing than accepting who you really are. I have a close friend who fought for years against his desire to be a drag queen. When we first met him, he was struggling to tone down his flamboyant nature for the sake of his straight friends. Over the course of the last few years, he stopped trying to be something he wasn't and simply allowed the real him to shine through. Today, he's happier than ever, and he didn't lose a single friend in the process. In fact, all his friends have been 100 percent supportive.
The idea that there is only one way to be gay is extremely damaging, not just for those of us already free from the closet, but for those who haven't come out as well. Here's the catch-22: The more non-stereotypical gay people who come out, the more the stereotypes will be debunked, but the very ones who need to come out in order to do this may be afraid to come out because they don't feel they fit the stereotypes.
By continuing to embrace phrases like straight-acting, we're perpetuating the idea that there is a proper way to act gay. The truth is you can't act gay or straight. The words only describe what gender you're attracted to, and how do you act as if you're attracted to the opposite sex?
So let's get rid of the mindset that there is a particular way to be gay or straight. If we want society to accept us as we are, we have to accept each other first. We have to realize that we come in all shapes and sizes, colors and creeds. We range from magnificently masculine to fabulously feminine, and everything in-between. There is no one way to "act gay," so let's celebrate all of the many colors that make up our rainbow flag. We need to stop acting like anything, and just be who we are.
The State of ‘Our State.’
An Examination of the GLBT Community
By Riley M. James
Since the dawn of time, the human race has slowly been diversifying, changing, accepting new ideas; a constant state of flux. As they say “nothing is as constant as change.” So it should not be a surprise to anyone that the next great debate in this country is over the rights of Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, Transgender and Intersex individuals.
Religious persecution brought the Europeans to the eastern shores of the US, claiming a land that did not belong to them. The Second Continental Congress settled the debate of British rule by declaring this country’s independence, but at the price of the eventual demise of the Native American culture. Slaves were then imported to help cultivate the land and work the farms, against their will and only to the advantage of the land barons of the time. This atrocity was finally repealed by our fourteenth president. Domination of women and the attempt to keep them “barefoot and pregnant” was denounced slowly with the event of Women’s Suffrage and finally the Women’s movement of the 60’s and 70’s. Gandhi protested the injustices in his country; Martin Luther King, Jr. helped to win the civil rights for African Americans in the U.S; Mandela overturned apartheid and so on.
History should be always be our guide. However, no one in the GLBT community seems to want to take up the mantle of a unified front for our rights. Hmmm…why is that? The last few articles we’ve posted here at RCWP, have shown that in only two months we have three totally different points of view, on not only the prospects of our political and social future, but also who is to blame for it. Is it the GOP, the Religious Right, our activists who some claim push too hard for our rights, the flamboyant among us who embarrass a percentage of us who can’t accept everyone as they are or all of the conservative, apathetic members of our community that refuse to get involved? One of our authors has quoted famous cartoonist Walt Kelly and his character POGO when he said “…I have seen the face of the enemy…and he is us.” Well I believe this true only in the sense that we couldn’t agree on a general consensus of what’s best for our community if we had a hundred years to plan it.
The reason we can’t move forward in the war against homophobia and the destruction of our rights as GLBTI Americans is because we’re at war with each other. The Human Rights Campaign, our strongest political lobby in Washington claims that they are there representing the rights of all GLBT Americans, however when I read my Lambda Legal notices every month, I see another faction resisting their claims; the Transgender community. Every time HRC has a press release there seems to be reverberations among the Transgender community that they are not properly being represented. The Lesbians put their name first in LGBT, the gay men in GLBT and in the fray we have no chance of winning the right to openly express our love for our partners in public without fear of reprisal or gain the right to be united in recognized, lawful, permanent unions; whether they be called marriages or not.
How can any of us expect to be treated as equals in hetero society when we refuse to accept each other as such? Can we ever stop shifting the blame long enough to examine what the best course of action really is? Or are we doomed to stay in the closet, bereft of legal recourse in the estates, medical conditions and benefits of our partners? I think that in order to make any progress at all, the answer to all of these questions rest within the hearts and minds of those of us who choose to try and make a difference. Can we lay aside our differences long enough to unite against the staunch conservatives who want to slowly and methodically erode our rights?
The power to change the state of “our state” is completely within our reach, but who among us is willing to take the first leap of faith, with an open heart and an open mind?
You can email Riley James at rilyjames64@aim.com
Rebuttal by Ronyx to "We Have Seen the Enemy....and He is Us."
There is so much I want to dispute with this month's Rant. But one statement in particular made my skin crawl:
If they had simply been willing to keep their mouths shut and wait, we might have seen a gradual acceptance, but their desire for instant gratification has brought about a backlash.
Wait just how long? Ten years? Twenty? Fifty? Maybe after one hundred years of ‘keeping our mouths shut,’ then we could make a small step. I disagree with you completely. It is for us to make the sacrifices so that our younger brothers and sisters lives can be better than ours. We need to be out front screaming as loud as we can because of the injustices of this intolerant society so that we can make gay life better for those who come along long after you or I are dead.
Personally, I don’t give a ‘rat’s ass’ as you say, whether my partner and I will be able to marry or even have a civil union. But I want to fight for the right that a young child today can have that right when he or she decides they want to make a commitment ten or twenty years from now.
This country sat back and allowed the Supreme Court pass the ruling, ‘Plessy vs. Ferguson' in 1896, which allowed for separation of the races in this country for the next sixty years. It wasn’t until 1954 when a few ‘rebel rousers’ like Martin L. King decided that this law was unconstitutional. It took a small woman to refuse to give up her seat on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama to begin a movement in this country that went against every law in the South in which you live. You probably would have said that she should have just kept her mouth shut and moved to the back of the bus.
You want to degrade the works of Jesse Jackson. Reverend Jackson with Operation Breadbasket fed and clothed the poor people of Chicago neglected by that city while you complained of people doing too much too fast. I was privileged to hear Reverend Jackson speak on two occasions to groups of black youth, giving them hope for a better tomorrow. It saddens me that some people think this world would be a better place if people like him were silenced.
I admire people who speak out for the injustices being committed in this country. I applaud the Jesse Jackson‘s and Cindy Sheehan’s of this world. They are making a difference, while most only sit back and criticize them because they are making waves and upsetting people.
I attend the annual Pride March in Columbus, OH each year. I come back energized because I am proud to see the common gay men and woman walking side by side with the outrageous drag queens and bearded nuns. We march-100,000 strong- unashamed of who we are, united in a common cause- equality for all gay men and women.
You can go hide in your closet if you want and wait for other people's opinions to change. But my partner and I will go into any restaurant, store, movie theater we want; and I personally don’t give a ‘rat’s ass’ if Ward and June Cleaver don’t like the fact we are there.
Thomas Paine, who I am sure you would consider a 'rebel rouser,' said in one of his essays, Common Sense: "Lead, Follow, or Get out of the Way." I think dear friends, that if you don't subscribe to this sentiment, it is time for you to step aside.
We live in the United States of America- the land of freedom and opportunity. Maybe some are willing to give up a few of your rights because you are afraid of offending some people, but I damn sure am not.
Ronyx
You can email Ron at ronyx@woh.rr.com
