Excerpt from Jake's journal
The night settled around me with a sky full of stars, but no moon,
leaving only the cone of light from my headlight in front of me and the lights
on my gauges to light my world. I rode like a demon was chasing me. And truly
it was. But I couldn't get away from it, for it was in my mind.
The garage door started raising when I pulled into Charley's driveway, he
must have heard me coming. I rode right into the garage and Charley was on my
case as the door closed. "God, you scared me. What's wrong? Where in hell
have you been? " he demanded, as he squeezed the breath out of me, kissing
my face and neck in between words.
"I love you, Charley," was all I could gasp as I clung to him.
It was so good holding him and having him hold me. He let go and stepped back,
giving me room to dismount.
Taking my face between his two hands he said, "I don't know what's
wrong. Something's bothering you, we have to talk about it." He grabbed my
hand, pulling me into the kitchen. "I thawed a container of stew.
Hungry?"
"Starved," I said, pulling my jacket off and following him into
the kitchen.
While he filled bowls with stew, and poured two tall glasses full of cold
milk, I washed my hands. He'd also heated a loaf of hearty, crusty Italian
bread. I grabbed a cube of butter, stuck it on a saucer and we sat down to eat.
After a few bites Charley paused and looked at me. "Are you going to
tell me what's going on?"
My appetite disappeared. I laid down my spoon, and the piece of bread I
had in my hand. I stared at the bowl of stew.
"If we don't talk about it, it will only fester," he told me.
Clearing my throat I looked into his beautiful eyes. "I lost it. I'd
put off thinking about what I'd do or how I'd feel when you went back on
patrol. I just lost it." I made a gesture of helplessness with my hands.
He saw the band-aide and grabbed my hand. Noting how angry red the palm and
finger pads were. He rubbed a finger over the other blisters. "What in
hell did you do?"
I shrugged and let out a chuckle. "I dug half the plot for your
vegetable garden."
"Damn, Jake, there's a pair leather gloves on the work bench in the
garage."
"Who was thinking logically?" I was feeling foolish and
depressed. I had kind of thought that Charley would be impressed. But if didn't
even seem to register that I had dug up much of the plot for his garden. I
didn't stop to think that I hadn't done it to impress him. I pushed away from
the table, picked up my nearly full bowl and carried it to the sink.
"Aren't you going to eat that?" Charley asked.
"I'm not hungry."
"Well, put it back in the pot. It's too good to throw away."
I did as directed and rinsed out the bowl. Charley had gone back to
eating. I sighed and sat back down.
"So where were you when you called?" he asked, not looking at
me.
"The sign that stopped me said a hundred and fifty-seven miles to
"Damn, Jake, that's nearly three hundred miles. It's only four
hundred and thirty-two miles total, isn't it."
"Yeah." I agreed, wondering if he was just going to ignore what
I'd said. I stared at the top of his head while he gathered the last bite of
stew into his spoon and crammed it into his mouth.
"Charley?" He knew what I was asking. He deliberately finished
chewing and swallowed. He lay his spoon next to the bowl, wiped his mouth
folded the napkin and placed it next to the spoon. He pushed back from the
table and raised his eyes to meet mine. His voice was unemotional, soothing,
quiet. "It's my job, Jake. I'm a motorcycle patrolman. What do you want me
to do? Quit?" When I didn't answer, he said, "I will if you ask me
to."
I felt like I was being patronized I knew he wasn't, but that's how I
felt. "No, Charley I couldn't ask that of you."
"So what do you suggest?"
I sighed. "I'll get used to it."
"I don't want you to have to get used to it, Jake. It's... just a
job. Maybe a high profile job, but it's still just a job."
"I keep seeing you laying in that hospital bed with all those tubes
and wires connected to you."
"It could as easily have been you. If you'd been there at that
moment, that sniper could have put the bullet in you. It was just chance that
it was me. I really don't think it was because I'm a cop. The police report and
the psychiatric profile both indicate that he was just out to shoot somebody.
It could have been anybody."
"I just feel so helpless. There's nothing I can do to protect
you."
Charley started chuckling. I couldn't help but smile at his beautiful grin.
"The Army grunt is wanting to protect the big bad-assed Marine who was
trained to kill with his bare hands? That's a good one, Jake."
"Hey, I wasn't a grunt. I was a corpsman. My family's all Army. It
was expected of me to join the Army."
Charley's grin disappeared. "Mine was too, I just thought the
Marines could make me into the man everyone thought I was. But in the end... I
was still gay, and in love with my best buddy." He turned inward,
remembering.
Seeing him being introspective made me forget about my own problems. I
knew he was still having a battle with himself accepting that he was gay.
"You never even told him....., did you, Charley?"
"No, I didn't tell him."
"He was in love with you, you know."
"What are you talking about?"
"He's the guy in the photo on the mantle, right?"
"Yeah."
"He was in love with you, Charley. It shows on his face."
"I never saw that. I was in love with him, too. I guess we were both
afraid to say anything." He looked intently at me. "But I knew he
wasn't the one. He wasn't my soul mate, Jake."
I grasped his hand as he reached for mine. " God! I love you,
Charley." It's amazing how he can make my whole world light up with joy.
"And you...you know I love you, Jake."
My stomach rumbled. Charley laughed. "You'd better feed that
growling creature or he might eat you from the inside out."
"Yeah, now I'm hungry."
"Sit still. I'll heat it up for you."
We'd touched on part of the problem, but still not knowing each other
very well, we were both more comfortable skirting the issue for now. I still
had to figure out how to tell him the rest.
End of excerpt from Jake's journal
-=J=-
Pete woke about nine that evening. The house was deathly quiet. He slid off he
bed and stood up. He wandered down stairs wondering where Jason was. When he
opened the master bedroom doors he saw that all of Jason's belongings had been
moved down into that closet. He knew then that Jason had seen the kiss. His
chest ached with regret. He felt he should be angry with Arlen, but all he
really felt was disappointment in himself.
Wandering listlessly into the kitchen he wondered where Jason was. They
didn't really have any close friends that he could run to. He pictured his
little lover huddled in a coffee shop or a café and thought about going to look
for him. God damn this cast. He couldn't drive his car with his arm in the air.
He stepped out the front door and saw Jason's car sitting in the
driveway. Maybe Jason was in the house. He stepped back in and called out.
Silence answered. Going into the hallway he bellowed, "Jason. Please
answer me." Silence again.
He looked into each of the spare bedrooms and then shambled into the
livingroom and crumpled into a chair. His eyes burned, and his head hurt, but
not as much as heart. As he wondered what to do he thought about Arlen. Maybe
he'd gotten over being miffed by Pete's rejection. Maybe he'd help him look for
Jason. He looked up his number in the student directory and called him.
"Arlen, it's Pete."
"What do you want? I'm studying."
"Jason saw us."
"Yeah? So what? It was just a kiss. What do you want me to do about
it."
"He's gone."
"So? What's that to me?"
Pete thought a moment. "I thought you were my friend. I apologize
for disturbing you. You really had me fooled into believing you're more that a
football jerk." He disconnected feeling lower still. It dawned on him as
he slumped back into the chair that Jason always carried his cell phone. He
quickly dialed it and listened to it ring. He disconnected and redialed and
listened to it ring some more. With every ring his spirits sank a little.
-=J=-
Pete's words stung, but they made Arlen think about what he had done. He
was more that a football jock but he knew he was definitely being a jerk and
how badly he'd reacted when Pete hadn't given in to his desires. He'd
definitely acted like a ass, blaming Pete for his own feelings and actions.
Although, Arlen had been feeling he would like to know Pete in a more intimate
way, he realized he wanted him as a friend even more. He decided an apology was
in order, but his roommate had come in before he could call Pete back. He and
his roommate had nothing in common except for playing football and sharing the
dorm room. The thing to do, he decided, was to get up early, go over and
apologize in person and volunteer to help Pete look for Jason.
-=J=-
Jason awoke before the dawn. Laying in the dark he collected his thoughts
after remembering where he was and why he wasn't snuggled up to Pete. He felt
bad about the way he'd reacted. He'd not given Pete any quarter for what had
happened. He didn't know whether it had gone beyond just a kiss. He didn't know
if Pete would even see that guy again.
'But then,' he thought, 'Pete hasn't even tried to find or contact me'.
Jason hadn't stopped to consider that he'd left his car in the driveway or that
he was hidden away in Jake's apartment where Pete couldn't find him. He'd
forgotten about his cell phone ringing in the middle of the night.
He got up, washed his face and wandered into the kitchen. Opening the
fridge, he discovered that it was bare except for a bottle of Heinz Catsup and
several cans of Bud. He searched the cabinets for coffee grounds and found a
small bag of stale gourmet roast. After smelling it, he threw it in the trash.
He'd just have to get a cup on the way home. If he left now he'd have a chance
to talk to Pete before he left for class. He grabbed his jacket, locked the
door and headed across the campus.
The morning was chilly. He pulled the collar up around his neck and
stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and headed toward a hot cup of brew.
In the middle of the quad he heard someone call his name. He ducked his head
and hurried on. A few moments later he heard two runners come up behind him. He
whirled ready to go down fighting.
"Jason, I thought that was you. What are you doing out so early. You
and Pete should still be snuggled and cozy."
It was Dave Gates and his partner out for a morning jog. Jason relaxed.
"I'm just out for a walk." He knew the answer was lame.
Dave could see from Jason's forlorn expression it was much more than
that. "Is there trouble in paradise?" he asked.
Jason's shoulders sagged. He nodded and looked away.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Jason shook his head.
"Well, you know where we live. If you need anything just come on
up," Dave said.
"Keep your head up, Jase, Pete loves you. You know that," Joe
said.
"Thanks, Guys." Jason gave them a semblance of a smile, turned
and trudged on toward the coffee shop.
Once he got a large cup of good strong American coffee he headed the four
blocks on home. As he rounded the corner he saw a red Mustang parked behind his
car in the driveway. He froze.
-=J=-
Arlen was always an early riser. Usually at six in the morning he was
tying his running shoes in preparation for a morning jog. This morning he dressed
in regular clothes, hopped into his Mustang and headed over to Pete's. He's
called Pete to see if Jason had come back or if he'd found where he'd gone.
Pete in a morning haze forgot for the moment what the last words that he and
Arlen had had yesterday, and just accepted the fact that he would soon be over
to help search for Jason. Arlen figured he would do his apologizing when he
knew Pete was fully awake.
Pete had fallen asleep in the big Barcalounger and had spent the night
there. He'd had a miserable night, but he could see no reason to go to bed. It
was bad enough sleeping with the damned cast, but without Jason in bed beside
him, and the fact that there was no way to get the oversized sweat shirt off by
himself, he could see no reason to go through the trouble.
Arlen's call had roused him enough to let him realize his bladder was
near bursting. He tried to bring the chair upright. He hadn't realized Jason
was always there to give the extra boost so he could get out of the chair.
Alone, it was impossible to do with the weight of the cast. He tried rolling
over the arm. That didn't work. And then he thought about the dynamics of what
the position of his weight in the chair did. He slid his butt off the front
edge of the seat which lowered the weight of his torso on the chair back. He
was dumped onto the floor as the chair folded into an upright position. He sat
there stunned for a minute and then struggled to turn over, get to his knees
and stand up.
He went into the bathroom and shucked his sweat pants, shoes and socks.
Filling the sink with warm water, he proceeded to wash himself. The washing he
found pretty easy, but the drying wasn't, managing the large bath towel was
difficult. It was so much more simple to just stand with his legs spread and
let his lover do it all for him.
For a moment he wondered if Arlen would do the things for him that Jason
seemed to take such pleasure in. He shunned the thought. God, he missed his
beautiful little guy with his bright sparkling blue eyes, and that shock of shiny
raven black hair always hanging over his forehead. And his shy smile, Pete felt
that he would shrivel and die if he couldn't get that smile back into his life.
He managed with little trouble to pull on a pair of sweat pants. He
attempted to pull a sock onto his foot with one hand without falling over. How
he hated this helplessness. Throwing the sock down in disgust, he slipped his
feet into his trainers leaving them untied. He stood and looked in the mirror.
An unkempt slob looked back at him. Grimacing in disgust he went back to the
bathroom to comb his unwashed hair. He wished that he could rubbed the
deodorant stick under his arm but of course that was impossible
Jim would do it all for him he knew, if he waited until eight, but Arlen
would be there in a few minutes to pick him up to begin his search for Jason.
Jason. Never in his life did Pete regret anything like he did that kiss
yesterday. The stinging words that Arlen had slapped him with as he broke away
from him stung again as he recalled the event.
The doorbell rang. Arlen was met with a hard glare when Pete opened the
door. Arlen looked contrite. "Looks like you woke up." Pete continued
to glare. "Pete, I apologize. It was a shitty jock attitude I pulled on you
yesterday. And last night too. I really would like to be friends with you. I
promise to behave myself and respect your relationship with Jason. Let me help
you find him. It's the least I can do, since it's my fault he's gone.
Please?"
Pete's expression relaxed. "Come on in, you big lunk."
For the next fifteen minutes Arlen grilled Pete about where he might have
gone and got nowhere. He sat and thought a minute. "I've got an idea.
Let's get the whole campus and neighborhood to look for him."
-=J=-
At that moment, Jason was standing down the street wondering what to do.
He saw the front door open and Arlen step out carrying Pete's book bag. Pete
followed and turned to lock the door, Jason panicked. He didn't want them to
see him. Looking around, frantic to find a place to hide, he ducked and ran
behind the neighbor's hedge and crouched down. He couldn't believe that Pete
thought so little of him that he'd invite Arlen had spent the night. They
didn't seem concerned that he might catch them. Jason felt totally wretched.
He watched Arlen open the Mustang's passenger door and help Pete settle
into the seat. Tears filled Jason's eyes at the intimacy of the act. Not for a
moment did he stop to consider that it was just the caring actions of a friend.
As they drove away he stood and watched the car disappear around the corner. He
shuffled into the house thoroughly depressed.
Into the car he loaded the computer that Pete had bought for him. He took
it because he couldn't do without one in his class work. Next all of his
clothes, even though Pete's reward money had paid for some of them, they were
personal enough that he didn't feel wrong in taking them. But when he came to
the new leather Jacket, he looked at it and put it back on the rack. After
gathering all of his personal items and school stuff and putting it in the car,
he drove to Jake's apartment and carried it all inside.
He sat down at the dinette table and composed a note. He then took the
car back over to the house and parked in front of the garage. Dropped the house
and car keys into an envelope and slipped it through the mail slot in the front
door and trudged back toward Jake's.
As he approached the corner where the coffee shop stood he saw the red
Mustang approaching a block up the street. He ducked into the coffee shop and
went into the restroom and locked himself in the toilet stall. He sat on the
toilet until his legs started going to sleep. 'Surely,' he thought, 'if they
stopped for coffee they'd had time enough to get it, drink it and leave.' He left
the restroom, bought a cup of coffee and started out the door. He stopped in
shock.
Taped to the window next to the door was a poster with a photo of him,
offering a reward to anyone who could give certifiable information on the
whereabouts of Jason Warren. He hurried out of the shop and across the campus
as fast as he could without running. He kept his head down, he didn't want to
bring any attention to himself. Between the coffee shop and Jake's apartment he
passed seven posters. No one seemed to notice him, but then most people never
did.
Jim arrived at the house at eight as usual. The front door was locked and
no one answered the door bell. He figured the boys must have early classes and
went around to the back took the hidden key from under a flower pot and let
himself in. Since both boys were gone he fixed himself a pot of coffee went
through the fridge and cupboard making a shopping list.
At this point in his employment he felt he was filling the roll of house
keeper more than a nurse but the pay was very good and it was a easy job. He
wasn't going to complain. He figured he'd straighten up the bedroom before
going for the groceries. He wished he knew where Jake was. He missed the big
lug and he enjoyed their occasion meetings for lunch. Today would be a good day
for that. He sighed. He still couldn't admit to himself that he loved Jake.
Standing in the middle of the big upstairs bedroom he couldn't believe
how it resembled a war zone. The bed obviously hadn't been slept in even though
the cover were pulled up and piled on one side of the bed. Dresser drawers hung
open one even pulled completely out and lay on it side. He walked over to pick
it up and stepped on broken glass. That was when he noticed the framed photo
laying on top of the dresser with its glass shattered.
After putting the drawer back into the dresser and closing them all he
walked into the closet and saw that all of Jason's clothes were gone.
'Figures,' he thought to himself. He'd learned to like Jason and even admired
him for his spunky attitude, but the kid did have a tendency to run.
-=J=-
It was past eleven by then and Jason hadn't eaten anything since
-=J=-
Joe and Dave continued on their run, discussing Jason and Pete, wondering
what their fight could be about. When they got home they showered and Joe
dressed like a construction worker. It had been a while since Dave had seen him
do that. Usually Joe dressed in a suit and tie since he was dealing with
business men potentially interested in leasing offices in his new tower. He
turned from the mirror when he saw Dave's reflection beside him. Dave took his
hand and opened it palm up.
"Are you going to read my palm?" he asked.
"No, just checking the callouses. They're almost gone. It's been
months since you got out and worked along side your men."
"I know and I've missed it."
"Wear some gloves. You don't need to be getting any blisters."
Joe grinned, loving the concern. "I will, Mommy. I promise I'll be a
good boy," he said in a little boy voice.
Dave grinned back. "Fuck you, you smart-ass Italian hunk."
"Do you really think I'm a hunk, Dave?" Joe's voice was grave
Dave searched his eyes. "You know I do. Where is this insecurity
coming from?"
"I don't know. It just popped out." Joe pulled away and walked
across the bedroom to pickup his wallet and keys. "Maybe seeing Jason this
morning. He and I are kind of in the same boat, you know."
"No, I don't know. What are you saying?"
"You and Pete are the ones with the big money in our respective
relationships. I think that I would be feeling like Jason looked if we ever had
a serious fight."
"Joe, every bit of the Way Fortune is legally yours. If it were
possible, you could go out right now and spend every red cent of if without
having to confer with me. Don't you understand that?"
"Of course, I do. But do you think I would touch a cent of it if you
were to leave me?"
Dave stared at Joe, opened mouth. The thought of anything ever happening
to separate him from Joe devastated him. He shook his head and stared some
more. How could he think that he'd ever leave him? He shook his head again and
turned on his heel and left the room.
Joe mentally kicked himself in the head. 'What the fuck did I just do?'
he screamed silently at himself. He ran after Dave and found him sitting at the
kitchen table. He pulled him up and embraced him. "I don't believe you'd
ever leave me unless I did something monstrously horrible to forced you
to."
Dave didn't move his head from Joe's chest for several moments while his
mind processed and then he pushed back and looked Joe is the eyes. Everything
was okay, still on an even keel. He grinned as he looked up at
Joe."Conceited, aren't you?"
Joe grinned knowing everything was alright. "There' no conceit,
Self-assured? Yeah. And the assurance of your love is even stronger. I love you
so much, Dave."
"I'm glad you know that I love you. Now no more doubts. And as for
Jason, I still wonder what's happening."
~~~
Arlen had taken Pete directly to a 24 hour Kinko's and paid for a hundred
posters with Jason's photo on it, asking anyone to contact Pete's cell phone
with any concrete information on his whereabouts. It offered a reward of five
hundred dollars. Arlen got on his phone and recruited several of his buddies to
help post the signs all over the campus and surrounding area. With in minutes
Pete started getting calls. None of them substantial. They'd seen Jason but
didn't know where he was now. When Pete got tired of fending calls Arlen took
over. He would answer calls as they drove around. At one point they thought
they saw him go into the coffee shop on the corner. They parked and went in.
Jason wasn't to be seen and no one had seen him. Arlen even opened the restroom
door, but saw no one inside. As they left he taped a poster on the window
beside the door.
Pete suggested they just go back to the house and wait for someone to
call with real information. Arlen conceded and they headed that direction. When
they pulled into the driveway they noticed that Jason's car was parked all the
way up in front of the garage. Hoping he was inside, Pete manage to get out of
the car before Arlen could get around to help him.
He called aloud for Jason as he opened the door. The responding silence
slapped him in the face. He stepped on the envelope containing Jason's note and
keys. Arlen scooped it up and handed it to him.
-=J=-
Dave walked over to the bookstore to see how Sue was doing. He missed his
daily chats with her. On his way there he passed several posters taped on poles
and trees. The first few he ignored, but then Jason's photo caught his eye. He
stopped to read. He pulled out his phone and called Joe.
"Joe, you won't believe what is going on here. There are Wanted
posters pasted all over the campus offering five hundred dollars for Jason's
whereabout."
"You're kidding. Who do you think did it?"
"I don't know. Pete most likely." Dave replied.
"Wonder why he'd do that."
"Desperation? Jason reminds me of a little jackrabbit. He's so
skitterish."
"Well, I hope they get their problem straighten out. I like both of
those kids, and they really seem to have been made for each other."
"Yeah, like you and me." Dave said.
"You got that right. Love ya, Babe."
~~~
Pete tore the envelope open with his teeth letting the keys fall out.
Arlen retrieved them from the floor. Pete grasped the note and shook the
envelope off of it. He read it with a little whimper.
Dear Pete,
I thought that what we had was forever.
I hope that your football jock will love you as much as I have and that
he will give you the care that you're needing right now.
I'll always love you. That's why I've stepped out of the way, so you can
be free to love him without me being an albatross around your neck.
Jason
His nerveless fingers let the note slip away and float to the floor. He
let his head fall forward in defeat as he shuffled over to the recliner and
collapsed into it. He lay back with his eyes closed. Arlen, filled with
trepidation, picked up the note and read it. "God, I am so sorry to have
caused this, Pete. But it's obvious that Jason loves you. We just have to find
him and make him listen to you."
Pete raised his eyebrows in agreement, but didn't open his pain filled
eyes. Arlen collapsed on the sofa and they both dozed off, exhausted from the
fruitless search.
Jim came in lugging two bags of groceries. Seeing his charge asleep in the
recliner and another handsome young fellow asleep on the sofa he walked on into
the kitchen and put the groceries away. He'd seen the poster and as he worked
his curiosity got the better of him. He strode into the living room.
"Alright wake up you two I want an explanation." He barked. Pete and
Arlen sat up rubbing their eyes. "What is the deal with the poster that's
stuck on everything around the neighborhood?"
Pete stuttered and Arlen broke in and explained why Jason was on the lam.
When he finished Jim shook his head. "That boy has got to learn that
running everytime something goes wrong is not the way to handle things. You two
hungry?"
Arlen helped Pete out of the recliner and they followed Jim into the
kitchen. "It's just sandwiches." Jim said putting the makings on the
table. He looked at Pete. "Damn, you look like hell. Jason wasn't here to
help you this morning obviously. That's the same sweatshirt you wore yesterday.
And your not wearing any socks. Boy you are a mess. Soon as you finish I'll
help you bathe and get into clean clothes." He shook his head and muttered
to himself. "Didn't realize how much help that boy is."
-=J=-
As soon as dusk came, Jason put on a jacket and scurried across the campus to
Fine's Grocery/ Deli. He kept his head down as he pushed a cart through the aisles,
praying no one would recognize him from the posters. He gathered dry cereal and
milk and then sandwich makings.
Outside a grimy bum was chuckling to himself as he sneakily torn a poster
off the wall.
As Jason went through check out the woman looked at him for several
seconds as she ran his chosen items across the scanner. Jason cringed. He
ducked his head praying that she hadn't figured out where she'd seen him.
"I don't know what you've done, Honey. But good luck, huh?" she said
handing him his bag of groceries.
"Thanks," he muttered and scurried out the door. He didn't
notice the dark figure standing in the shadows studying a poster torn from a
light pole. He didn't hear the man chuckle to himself as he fell in behind him.
With his head low he hurried back to Jake's apartment. He pulled out the key,
an arm sneaked around his throat as he started to put it into the keyhole.
"Gotcha!" a raspy voice laughed in his ear.
Jason dropped the key and his groceries and kicked backwards, catching
the man on his shin. He bopped Jason on the side of his head and tightened his
hold on this throat. When Jason stopped struggling the man reached down and
unhooked the cell phone from the clip on Jason's belt. He dialed the number
from the poster.
-=J=-
Jim had ended up making dinner for Arlen and Pete and then left. They
dozed fitfully until the ring of the phone woke them. Pete fumbled for his cell
phone in the dark. "Hello?" he answered, as Arlen found the lamp at
the end of the sofa and turned it on.
"Are you the party offerin' the money for this little black headed
hellcat?" a raspy harsh voice asked.
Pete mentally cringed at the thought of his sweet little guy in the hands
of a goon with such a creepy voice, but chuckled at the thought of him being
described as a hellcat. "Y-y-y-yes. Yes, that's me," he stuttered.
"Well, I've got the little bastard. Meet me outside number 14 at the
College Garden Apartments on Harding Street. I grabbed him just as he was
unlocking the door. Get here fast. He's already bitten my arm and kicked me in
the shins."
Pete heard Jason yell in the back ground, "Let go of me you stinking
bum."
"Don't hurt him." Pete yelled into the phone. "The reward
is off if you do."
"Well, hurry up. I don't know how long I can hold on to this little
fucker.
"We're on our way."
Pete repeated the address to Arlen. He struggled to get out of the
lounger. Arlen already had his jacket on and held the one that Jim had altered
for Pete to wear over his cast. He put his shoe on the footrest and pushed.
Pete shot up and Arlen steadied him on his feet. Pete yelled, "Come
on." ignoring the jacket as he pushed past the big jock and headed out the
door. Arlen pulled the door closed and beat Pete to the car and opened the door
to help him in. He tossed the jacket to Pete as he started the Mustang.
-=J=-
While the man was on the phone, Jason squirmed and turned until he faced
him. His nose was buried in the man's filthy shirt. The smell of unwashed body,
spilt stale beer and cigarette smoke gagged Jason. Apparently Jason's diminutive
size gave the man false confidence, he was unprepared for his attack. As he
closed the phone, Jason simultaneously rabbit punched the man in the stomach
and in his side, and raised his knee to connect hard with the man's testicles.
The man grunted and let go of him to protect his balls. Jason took off
running. The man held his testicles for a moment, waiting for the pain to
subside, watching his reward get away and scurried after him. Jason ran as fast
a his short legs would move. He was fortunate that the man, although long
legged, was not in good physical shape. Jason kept his distance and ran for the
Tower. Bursting into the lobby, he collapsed against the Guard's desk.
"Dave Gate's, please. I'm Jason Warren."
The guard took his time calling up to verify that it was okay to send
Jason up to the Eyrie. "The first elevator." The guard pointed at the
single door next to the two double doors. As the elevator enclosed Jason in its
safety, the bum rushed into the lobby. The guard stepped around the desk to
intercept him.
"Where did that little creep go?" the grimy man demanded,
clinging to the edge of the desk to keep from collapsing as he sucked in air.
He looked around full of suspicion as if the guard was hiding Jason behind a
potted palm.
"What are you talking about?" The big guard asked, his voice
full of disgust.
"I saw him come in here..... I want my money...... I'm the one that
found .... him." he was breathing hard, gasping out the words.
"Looks to me like he got away from you. Why're you chasing him,
anyway?"
"The reward..... five hundred dollars..... for catching him..... And
I caught him,..... but he got away.... I saw him run in here...... Where did he
go?"
"Well, that I can't rightly tell you." the guard said.
"You know where he went. You just want that money for
yourself." The man slunk outside, but he wasn't defeated yet. He slipped
Jason's phone out of his pocket and called the number again. It rang a couple
of times before a different voice answered. "I want to speak to the guy offering
the reward."
"You're speaking to him." Arlen replied. "Where are you.
We're at the apartment and you nor the young man that we're looking for is
here."
"He got loose and ran. He's some where it this tall building called
The Tower. The guard won't tell me where he went."
~~~~
In the Eyrie, Dave and Joe had gotten Jason calmed down enough he could
talk. He'd slowed his breathing to normal, but he was still bristling with the
indignities of the nasty street person having his hands on him. He shuddered as
he watched Dave standing at the microwave heating milk. Joe put a comforting
arm around his shoulders.
"Can you believe there are posters all over campus offering a reward
for catching me. I guess I should be thankful it didn't say 'Dead or Alive,'
I'd probably have been shot by some maniac by now."
"Why is he hunting you? What did you do?" Joe asked.
"I didn't do anything." He couldn't keep his eyes off the cups
Dave was removing from the microwave.
"So why don't you sit down and drink this hot chocolate and start
from the beginning." Dave sat three steaming cups on the table.
Jason sat down and the two men sat on each side of him. He took a
cautious sip of the hot brew. "Mmm, this is good." His stomach
growled. "I have eaten anything all day. I was afraid to leave the
apartment until dark."
"You might have been safer shopping in the daylight." Joe
commented, and watched Jason grimace in response.
"Would you like a snack?" Dave asked.
"Anything, thank you."
Dave got up and sliced some roasted chicken and made a sandwich for him.
Neither of the men pushed him to talk while his eyes followed Dave's every
move. When Dave sat the sandwich in front of him Jason grabbed it up and took a
big bite.
Joe chuckled. "Slow down, Man, no one's going to take it away from
you."
Between chewing mouthsful of sandwich Jason began telling them about
yesterday's events. Joe interrupted him when he got to where he'd sneaked
upstairs and saw Pete laying on the bed sobbing. "Have you stopped to
wonder what he was crying about, Jason?" Dave asked.
"Arlen probably had his way with him and then dumped him. I just
wanted to run."
"Which you did." Joe commented dryly. "Go on."
When he got to the point where he saw Jake's name on the book cover in
the store window and called him, Joe interrupted. "You talking about the
author of "Those Shifting Sands"?
"Yeah, Have you read it?"
"Damned right. It's probably the most important Gay novel ever
written. It might yet even change the attitudes of the damned military."
Dave injected.
Joe laughed. "Sure it will."
Dave ignored the derisive tone of voice and asked, "So you are
friends with Mr. Shipman?"
"Ever since Jim started taking care of Pete. He was Jim's friend you
know?"
"So where is he now?"
"He didn't tell me. I guess he and Jim broke up and Jake left town
for a while. He sounded like he was on the edge of a freeway when I talked to
him."
"I'd really like to meet him." Dave said.
Jason continued his story, telling about hiding behind the hedge. This
time Dave interrupted. "Jason, you don't know that Arlen spent the night
,and even if he did, it might have just been to give him moral support.
Besides, if you knew Pete was searching for you, why didn't you just go talk to
him?"
"He was with Arlen. Have you seen that guy? He's huge. Well, not
huge, but tall and well-built and handsome. He's the star quarterback. What
kind of competition could a puny little runt like me offer? There's no way I
could compete." Anger had enter his voice again.
"Have you stopped to consider that there is no competition, that you
have Pete's affections hands down?"
Jason looked at Dave like he'd lost his mind. "If you had a choice
between me and a big gorgeous football player who would you chose?"
"Jason, from what little I know of you I would probably choose you.
You may be small, but you're handsome and spunky. You're one of the sweetest
guys I've ever met. And if I was as madly in love with you as Pete is, there
would be no choice, would there? And from what I've seen, you are Pete's whole
world."
Jason studied the table top, it could have been seconds or minutes. Joe
and Dave waited for him to complete his thoughts. Finally looking up he said,
"Maybe I should call him, huh?"
At that moment the chime from the guard desk in the lobby sounded."
Dave went to the phone and picked it up, listened a moment and said. "I'll
be right down." He turned to Joe and Jason. "There's a disturbance in
the lobby. I'll be back in a moment." He turned and stepped into the
elevator. Joe and Jason looked at each other.
"It's that bum. I bet he's still trying to get that reward."
Joe smiled and shrugged. "Well, he won't get his hands on you
again."
~~~
When Pete and Arlen arrived at Jake's apartment, Arlen picked up the
spilled items, stuffing them back into the bag. He discovered the Apartment key
laying on the edge of the sidewalk nearly hidden by a plant. He unlocked the
door and carried the bag into the kitchen. Pete's cell phone rang, Arlen
answered it and yelled,"Stay right there we're just a couple of blocks
away." Arlen yelled into the phone and then cut the connection and yelled
for Pete who was wandering listlessly though Jake's apartment, taking note of
how Jason had already settled in. "Pete, he's in the Tower condo building.
Come on."
"He ran to Dave." Pete yelled back as they ran for the car.
In minutes they were pulling under the portico at the Tower. The grimy
man with stringy greasy hair and a dirt streaked face stepped out of the
shadows. "You's the guys offering the reward?" he asked."
"Yes, where is he?"
The man shrugged. "Like I told ya, the guard won't tell me."
"Well, if we can find him, you'll get your money. Wait here."
Arlen commanded and went inside
The grimy man looked at Pete with his cast. "That little turd do
that to ya?" he asked motioning with his chin at Pete's arm.
Pete looked at the man with disgust. "No and don't call him a
turd."
"I call 'em like I see 'em. The little shit kneed me in the
balls."
"You probably deserved it. And if you want that reward you'll show a
little respect." Pete countered.
"You damned college kids are all alike, playing high and mighty with
daddy's money. Wait 'til you get into the real world you'll see.... it ain't so
easy."
"It's obvious that it hasn't been easy for you." Pete turned and
went inside where Arlen was already querying the guard.
"So what are you hunting him down for?" the guard was asking.
"It's a private matter. I promise we're not going to hurt him. We
just need to talk to him."
Pete stepped up and interrupted. "Sir, would you call Mr. Gates and
tell him that Pete is in the lobby."
"And who is Pete?"
"I am."
"Do you have a last name?"
"Peterson, sir."
Arlen was looking frustrated that Pete was being so polite to the
stubborn guard and that the guard was being more responsive to him. Pete
shrugged.
The guard took a minute to process up to Dave the name and what was
occurring in the lobby. When he put the phone down he looked at Pete with a new
respect in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Mr. Peterson, Dave will be right
down."
Arlen leaned into Pete and whispered, "This is The Dave Gates."
Pete only nodded. He noted the guard's name as he spoke to him.
"Richard, don't call me Mister. I'm one of Dave's employees just like you
are."
"You're kidding."
"No, I work in his bookstore. Well, I will again soon as I get this
cast off."
Richard reached across the desk offering his hand. "It's really cool
to meet a real hero, Pete."
Pete blushed and said, "I just did what I had to do. I'm no
hero."
Richard grinned and winked. "Bullshit," he said.
Arlen was looking puzzled. Richard turned to him. "You are aware
this man saved Dave's life, aren't you?"
"I had no idea." Arlen muttered.
The guard grinned. "That's why he's wearing that cast. Took the hit
for Dave. Modest young bugger, isn't he?"
At that moment the elevator opened and Dave strode across the lobby to
Pete and gave him a big hug. "Are you all right, Pete?"
Pete just nodded. Dave turned to Arlen. "Hi, I'm Dave Gates. Just
Dave to my friends and family. If you're a friend of Pete's, then welcome to
the family."
"It's nice to meet you, sir. I'm Arlen Aldridge. My dad will have a
stroke when he learns I met you. "
"Carl Aldridge. Yes, he's mentioned that his son is attending school
here. When you talk to your dad give him my regards. And you might tell him you
have some very esteemed friends." He nodded at Pete who just blushed
again. "Pete, you know that Jason is up in the eyrie, right?"
"Yes sir, that's why I'm here. I've been trying to catch up with him
for two days. He just keeps running."
Dave chuckled. "So you put up a reward and wanted poster. Ingenious,
but it sure pissed him off. He's......
Arlen interrupted him. "Excuse me, but speaking of rewards I owe the
bounty hunter that ran him to ground." he turned and went outside to deal with
the man who had called them.
"As I was saying," Dave continued, " you have Jason
running scared. That man that Arlen is paying off out there the scared the
bejesus out of our boy."
"I wasn't the ingenious one, but maybe I can talk to him before he
runs again."
"Is it too personal for me to ask what your argument is about?"
"We haven't had an argument yet. He caught Arlen kissing me and just
packed and left."
"You have something going with Arlen?"
"No, Dave. We're just friends. Arlen is straight as far as I know.
He was just curious to what it would be like to kiss me. He caught me off guard
and Jason saw us."
"Hmmm." was Dave's only comment as Arlen came back inside and
Dave motioned the two young men to the elevator. "Thanks, Richard."
he called across the lobby and waved to the guard.
-=J=-
"You know that is probably Pete coming up with Dave." Joe said.
Jason nodded, looking at the elevator doors with trepidation. When the
doors opened to reveal Arlen with Pete and Dave his fear turned to consternation.
He stood up knocking his chair over backwards.
Pete walked up to him. "Jase, we have to talk."
Jason held himself stiff with anger. "You've got your new boyfriend,
there is nothing to talk about."
"Jase, you've got it all wrong.....
"Wrong? I saw you kissing that big gorilla and I have it wrong? I
saw him coming out of the house this morning just as if he lives there. He
spent the night with you.
Arlen picked up the chair and set it upright, nudged Pete to the side and
stepped up to the diminutive Jason. He put a hand on Jason's chest and pushed
him back to sit on the up righted chair "Why don't you sit there and shut
up until your boyfriend has a chance to explain. Yeah, you saw me kissing him.
He didn't have a choice, I caught him by surprise and kissed him before he knew
what was happening. I've apologized to him repeatedly. And I'll apologize to
you, too, if you'll let me. I went to get him early this morning to help him
look for you. I spent the night in the dorm. You can check with my roommate if
you don't believe me. I know Pete totally loves you and I know you feel the
same about him, so why don't you stop being stupid and make up."
The other three men in the room stood stunned and surprised at the direct
no bullshit approach Arlen used. Jason gulped and nodded his head. He looked
from Arlen to Pete and back. Sliding off the chair he put a hand on Arlen's
stomach and pushed. "You're standing between me and my boyfriend, you big
bully."
Arlen stepped back grinning. Jason stepped up to Pete. "I'm sorry,
it's just my nature to run from hurt. I've hurt you and I'm sorry, Petey.
Pete wrapped his arm around the little guy. "There is no one in the
world for me but you, Jase. And if you don't start believing that, I don't know
what I'll do."
"I know you do. I saw you in his big arms and my mind just shut
down. I never stopped to think. I just ran."
Arlen tousled his hair. "Jason, I gotta admit I really like kissing
your boyfriend, but I'd rather have the two of you as my friends. I apologize
for all the mayhem I've caused."
Jason looked up at the big Jock. "Well, if we're going to be
friends. We need to start off on the right foot." He offered Arlen his
hand to shake. "Hi, I'm Jason Warren. Pete's boyfriend."
"It's nice to meet you, Jason. I'm Arlen Aldridge. Pete's friend,
and hopefully yours." He took Jason's hand and formally shook it.
Pete smiled. "I guess none of this would have happened if I'd
introduced the two of you on day one." He hugged Jason again. Arlen just
beamed along with Joe and Dave.
"Have you guys had dinner?" Joe asked. With an unanimous
"No" for and answer, he suggested they all go to Gio's for dinner...
on him.
Dave laughed. 'When have you ever had to pay for a meal at Gio's?"
-=J=-
Nothing was said during the meal at Gio's about Pete and Jason's
altercation. The two young lovers kept glancing at each other all evening, once
in a while catching each other's eye. When they did they'd smile shyly. When
they left the restaurant they all strolled back to the Tower and parted ways in
the lobby. Arlen offered Pete and Jason a ride home.
Jason had to sit in the backseat by himself. He hadn't gotten over the
insecurities that seeing Pete and Arlen kissing had instilled in him. He
hunkered in the uncomfortable seat, and watched the ebullient Arlen talking to
Pete. It was something about one of their classes. Jason paid no attention.
'I'm just a backseat person. The big guys always put me in back.' he thought to
himself, ignoring the fact that Pete could no way get in the back of the
Mustang with that awkward cast. But he knew that even without the cast Pete
with his long legs would sit in front where there was more leg room while he
being small would be shunted to the back seat. He sighed, 'It's no big deal, I
guess, I just live in a big people's world.'
Arlen pulled his car into their driveway, hopped out and opened the
passenger door and helped Pete out, who made his way to the porch. Arlen then
held the seat forward so Jason could crawl out of the back. He tousled Jason's
hair as he straightened up. Jason frowned up at the big smiling jock.
"Arlen, if we're going to be friends, you're going to have to stop
treating me like a pet."
"What do you mean? I thought I was being nice to you."
"That was the fourth time you have tousled my head in the last three
hours. I really don't like it. Okay? I'm not a puppy."
"Hey, man, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just being
friendly."
"I'm the same age you are, Arlen. Despite my size, I'm not a little
boy. You want me to respect you, then you've got to respect me."
"Gee, Jason, I'm sorry. I guess that I did look on you as just a
cute little kid. Forgive me, again?"
"We'll get off on the right foot yet, Arlen. I think I might even
learn to like you." Jason smiled. "You seem okay, despite having
kissed my boyfriend,."
Arlen looked relieved. He had come to value Pete's friendship and he knew
it couldn't come to full fruition unless Jason was his friend, too. "Are
you guys going to be okay with each other? I still feel really bad for being
responsible for all this."
"Is it true that you really gave that bum $500 for finding me?"
"Yeah I did. I was desperate. Pete was going out of his mind not
knowing where you were, and it was all my fault. I had to do something."
"You are a good guy, Arlen. Pete's lucky to have you for a
friend."
"I'm the lucky one. And I want to be friends with you, too,
Jason."
Jason wrapped his arms around the big guy. His head only came up to
Arlen's chest. Arlen hugged him around his shoulders with one hand and rubbed
his back with the other. He kept his hand away from Jason's hair. "We're
friends." Jason declared.
Pete had watched in apprehension from the porch. He couldn't quite hear
what his lover and his friend were saying, but he knew everything between them
was okay when Jason hugged Arlen. Jason turned to walk up to the house, and
Arlen turned to get into his car. Pete waved. "Thanks, Arlen, I'll talk to
you tomorrow."
Jason took Pete's keys and unlocked the door. Once inside they were shy
with each other. They had hardly said a word to each other all evening.
They stood facing, at a loss for words for where to begin knitting up the
damage they'd both done to their relationship. Pete reached for Jason's hand
and they ended up in a tight embrace.
"We have a lot to talk through, but we're both exhausted. I stayed
in that damned lounger last night. I don't sleep well with out you in my bed.
Let's go to bed and talk tomorrow."
"I love you, Pete."
"I love you too, Babe. Come on let's get some sleep."
They crawled into bed with Jason on the right side away from the cast
arm. He snuggled against Pete with his head on the corner of his pillow which
he'd pulled over the cast that covered his lover's upper torso. When Pete's
breathing settled into a soft snore Jason rolled to his side of the bed and lie
staring at the dark ceiling.
It may have only been a splinter, but it was a wedge none the less that
Arlen had driven into the his trust of Pete. Despite the protest of innocence
Jason knew what he'd seen and he had seen Pete caress the back of Arlen's head
during the kiss. And the image of that caress lay on his memory like a scab.
Would it in time dry up and fall away, leaving an unnoticeable scar? It would
take trust. Could he find faith in Pete's love for him to be able to rely him
without question, without doubt? Jason turned on his side to stare at his lover
in the dark. He had no choice. His love for Pete left him with no choice. He'd
have to learn again to trust him.
-=J=-
Excerpt from Jake's journal
It was too late in the growing season for cool weather vegetables, but
carrots, corn, tomatoes, and herbs found their way into the garden plot over
the following weeks. I bought an automatic timer that hooked right on to the
faucet and laid soaker hoses down the rows. All I had to do after that was weed
and aerate the ground once in a while, and wait for the vegetables to grow.
The corn had matured and we enjoyed three ears each. Charley was
impressed with how much better they were than even corn bought at roadside
markets. The tomatoes had been big and juicy and more flavorful than any he'd
ever eaten. The vines were looking tired and worn out by the time my novel was
published and ready to hit the bookstores. If it hit the charts I would have to
be traveling the country on a book signing publicity tour. It hit number nine
the second week after its release. Charley was ecstatic. I was well pleased,
but I didn't want to be away from Charley for two months.
The occurrence on my bike still haunted me. I thought I'd gotten past all
that crap. I really thought that loving Charley and being loved by him had
negated that hollow aching need that I'd hidden even from myself. Having to
leave on that damned tour made me hesitate even more in not saying anything to
Charley about it.
During the months before I had to leave we'd settled into a livable
agreement, he would continue being a Cycle Cop and I'd live with the anxiety. I
wasn't about to ask him to quit. And he wouldn't quit unless I asked him. It
wasn't a verbal agreement. It just seemed to work out that way. As my mother
would have commented "it was a guy thing."
My agent sent me the agenda for the book signing tour. There would be
thirty cities in forty-five days. It was going to be grueling, but it would
immensely raise the sales of my book. Being I was from University City, the
first signing would be at the Gates Way Bookstore where I used to spend a
couple of hours every day eating my lunch and reading.
-=J=-
Charley had to be on duty at seven the morning I had to return to
University City, so I planned on leaving at the same time he left the house.
The book signing was to start at one that afternoon. I figured I could arrive
with time to spare. I didn't have much to pack, my PC, and a couple of books
went into the saddle bags. My clothes went into the small duffle and was tied
onto the back.
When I left Unicity I had done nothing about my apartment other the lock
the door as I was leaving and later drop a note to the landlord telling him I'd
eventually return, and asking him to please empty the fridge of any
perishables. My bank automatically paid the rent, utilities and phone bills
each month. All I had to do was unlock the door and I was back.
We'd made our last evening together special with an intimate meal at an
expensive steak house. Later we slowly undressed each other teasing as we
stripped. By the time we were naked we were so hot we were gushing. Charley
pushed me onto my back and crawled on top of me. In moments our bellies were
slick. We were enjoying the feel of our cocks rubbing against each other when I
moaned out, "Charley, you've got to fuck me. I need to feel you inside of
me."
He froze, holding his breath. It was several seconds before I felt his
body slowly relax and his breath again on my neck.
"Jake, let's save it for when you get back. Make it something
special to celebrate your return."
He growled it. I guess he was trying to sound seductive, but something
didn't ring true in his voice. There was an indistinct quaver, an unsure
quality to it. It wasn't the voice of the man in charge just a minute ago. I
wondered again why he didn't want to fuck me. I needed to feel his cock in my
ass, the reassurance of his love for me and he was refusing. I withered inside.
Capitulated.
"Sure, Charley," I replied, "that sounds like a good idea.
Waiting will make it really special." I tried to keep the disappointment
out of my voice.
He started rubbing against me again. It wasn't the same; the spark had
died. Finally, Charley climaxed and rolled off of me. He lay on his back
staring at the ceiling. I felt lower than a dog turd. My cock shriveled even
though I hadn't come. Sighing, I rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom
to clean his cum off my belly. I wet a hand towel and went back to the bedroom.
I knelt beside his beautiful body and cleaned up the mess on him from his
climax. Even if he wasn't interested in fucking me, I told myself, he, at
least, loved me.
He lay watching me. When I finished I balled up the towel and tossed it
toward the bathroom door. Charley ran his hand down my thigh. "You didn't
get off."
"That's okay. I don't need to."
"Bullshit." He raise up and pushed me down on my back and
forced my legs apart as he knelt between them. For a moment I thought he was
going to relent, give me what I wanted, needed, but he put his hands on my
thighs and bent forward to take my cock in his mouth. It felt good. It always
felt good, his tongue rolling around my cock head, but I wasn't getting hard.
He fingered my hole and started pushing in. It was dry and it hurt. "Use
spit on it." I said, pulling air through me teeth. This was the first time
he'd even touched my anus. It was obvious that he didn't know what he was
doing.
"Sorry." He pulled his finger out and stuck it in his mouth,
wetting it. He tried again and succeeded in going right to my prostate. I
moaned and he rubbed it again. I wanted to beg him to fuck me, but I bit my
tongue. Between the prostate massage and his intent sucking I soon released my
load. I still hadn't completely hardened.
Charley sat back on his heels caressing my shins. I lay with my eyes
closed wishing I'd kept my mouth shut. Tonight was supposed to be a wonderful
experience for us to remember while we were apart. My neediness had fucked it
up. I was sure we'd both remember it and regret it ever happened.
When he moved to lay down beside me I rolled off the bed a went into the
bathroom closing the door behind me. I stared at my image in the full length
mirror on the back of the door. What was it about me that he didn't want. I'd
read enough to know that most men didn't give a damn about who had previously
had their cock in the hole they were fucking. So was it Charley or me that was
the problem? It had to be something about me. My rectum ached with unfulfilled
desire.
Disgusted, I wiped the come off my chest and belly, opened the door and
llooked at him. He'd turned off the lamp and the light from the bathroom fell
in a hash glare across the bed illuminating the lower half of his face. He had
the sheet pulled up under his arms. His hands lay on his chest. I could see
tears glisten in his eyes as he stared at the ceiling.
I flipped off the light and crawled into bed beside him. He didn't move.
I lay on my back next to him, not touching, listening to his jagged breathing.
"I'm sorry, Jake," he whispered
"Charley, you didn't do anything to be sorry for. It's me."
He turned on his bedside lamp and rolled on to his side and looked at me.
He had tears running down his face.
"Jake, is it really over?" He whispered.
My heart jumped. I swear it stopped beating for a moment. Did he mean
that we were over? Not really daring to find out, I had to asked, "Is what
really over?"
"You know... the sex..... with Jim." Charley studied the bed
sheet. "You're not going to see him again, are you?"
I tried to get my heart to stop racing. "I don't want to ever see
him again, Charley. There's only one man in my life and that is you. I won't
touch another man and I damned sure won't let anyone but you touch me."
He nodded, crawled off the bed and headed into the bathroom. I listened
to him relieve his bladder. I was going to miss that sound.
When he came back into the bedroom he slipped into bed and turned off his
bed side lamp. He turned to hug me and I gathered him into my arms."I'm a
one man man, Charley. And you are the one." I murmured in his ear. We
clung to each other until I felt him relax and his breathing evened out in
sleep. I wondered how much he trusted me. And then I wondered if I trusted
myself. I lay awake, holding this precious man as he slept, and I thought about
the coming weeks and dreaded them. I didn't want to be away from him at this
point in our still developing relationship.
-=J=-
The LED numbers on the clock read 3:30. I had learned it was near
impossible to awaken Charley at that hour. I slid out of his warm comforting
arms and quietly dressed. I tiptoed out to the kitchen. I wrote a note:
Charley, my love,
I hate good-byes.
My leaving like this will be easier on both of us.
I love you,
Jake
I slunk back into the bedroom and placed it on my pillow. Charley lay on
his side facing me. He was my image of what an angel really looks like, strong,
virile, beautiful, and filled with the inner strength and conviction to stand
up for his beliefs. But in his sleep he was so very innocent. I closed my eyes
and envisioned him in his uniform; the fitted gray pants with the calf covering
boots, his black leather jacket and helmet, the Ray-ban sun glasses hiding his
beautiful eyes. There was nothing innocent about that image.
I could have sworn that in the dim light I saw a tear on the side of his
nose , but convinced myself I was imagining it. I also convinced myself that I
had imagined that he whispered. "I love you, forever, Jake." as I
slipped back out the door. I was a coward in the way I left, but I hate
good-byes.
I gathered the last few little items and stuffed them into my jacket
pockets. Nearly four months I had lived in this house and there was nothing to
show for it. I imagined Charley waking tomorrow and wondering if I had just
been a dream. It left me feeling hollow. Maybe I was just a dream, but who's?
I pushed my Indian two blocks down the street before I started it. I rode
to the outskirts of the city and pulled off to the side of the road to clear my
eyes. The wind had made them tear so much that I couldn't see where I was
going. Hell, who was I fooling; it wasn't the wind in my eyes. I broke down and
bawled and yelled at the heavens, condemning my past, praying there still might
be a real future with Charley, a fulfilling future.
-=J=-
The ride and the wind didn't do their usual thing of emptying my head.
Gloria's last words to me echoed through every thought. I knew that Charley
would be hurt by me just disappearing while he slept. But like I told him I
hate good-byes.
When I arrived at my apartment I was exhausted. I collapsed on the bed
and slept for three hours, fitfully. I awoke with a headache and an insipid
tune bouncing around in my head. I realized it was my cell phone. I'd turned it
on knowing my publicist, Carl Wooden, would be contacting me on it. My brain
was so befuddled I hadn't thought to check missed calls.
I looked to see who was calling; it was Carl. I answered and told him I
would be at the bookstore by twelve-thirty. He told me the bookstore had called
him about receiving numerous calls for me from a Charles Hill. I mentally
kicked myself in the head and called Charley immediately.
"It's about time you turned on that damned phone. Are you
okay?"
" I'm okay. I'm sorry about the phone. Didn't even think about it
until I got here."
"Why'd you leave like that, Jake?"
"I have a hard time with good-byes. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry about last night. I should have done what
you wanted."
"Charley, it's too late for recriminations. Forget about it for now.
I'll be back in six weeks. Whatever it is, we'll work it out."
"I miss you already.
"I'm ready to cancel this whole thing and head back to
Kirksville," I told him.
"You can't do that. You have obligations. We'll be okay."
"I love you, Charley."
"I know you do. And you know I love you, Jake. But I'm still teed
off that you didn't wait to let me say farewell."
"I like farewell."
A silence fell between us for what seemed an eternity.
"What time do you have to be at the bookstore?" he asked.
I glanced at the clock. "Oh, damn. In twenty minutes, and I still
have to shower."
"Better get going then, Jake. Farewell, Love."
"Farewell, Charley."
As I showered I wondered again why Charley wouldn't fuck me. Myriad
reasons swept through my mind, but the only one that stuck was that he was
repulsed by Jim having had my ass before him.
-=J=-
The signings went well. Between one and three thirty I must have signed
close to two hundred books. I never imagined that a Gay themed novel would be
so popular.
Jason had been first in line and I wrote a personal note in his book and
signed it with my full name. All the rest were signed "Enjoy, Jake."
Pete was still working in the bookstore and brought me fresh coffee every so
often. I made a date with them for a late afternoon lunch, but Pete had to be
in class at that time, so it was just Jason and me.
That kid is so cute. I had become rather fond of him the times I had gone
to his and Pete's place with Jim. He is so full of spunk. He seems to be
fascinated by my size, but then, he is just a little overgrown pixie.
"So you and Pete are okay?" I asked.
He blushed. "Yeah, and what's crazy Arlen, that's the big lug that I
caught kissing Pete, is now our best friend."
"Our best friend?"
"Yeah, if he's not hanging with Pete he's with me, or us."
I raised an eyebrow.
"As far as we know Arlen is straight. At least he's dating
girls." He changed the subject by commenting on not seeing me for quite a
while and enquired about how things were going with Jim. When I dissembled, he
wanted to know what had happened. I found myself telling him the whole story
about splitting with Jim and meeting Charley. I couldn't tell him about how I
felt about Charley, but Jason saw right through me.
"You fell in love with him, didn't you?" he asked.
"Am I that transparent?"
He giggled. "Yeah, to me you are. So have you seen Jim?"
"No, and I don't really want to."
"So you just left him wondering if you were coming back?"
"Yeah."
"The first time I ever saw the two of you together I felt like there
wasn't any real love between you."
"Was it that obvious?" I asked.
He nodded.
"I did try"
"Jim's a nice guy, Jake, but..."
"He can only be caring to those he is unattached to."I said,
finishing his sentence.
-=J=-
I had a second session of book signing from six to nine, and signed even
more than the first session. The tour was off to a grand start.
-=J=-
In New York I was on the Today Show. That damned ball busting Katie kept
trying to get me to divulge my private life, but I refused to say more than
that I had an apartment near the university and that was where I did my
writing.
After the third city, New Haven, Connecticut, I think it was, the
excitement wore off and the rest of the tour was pure drudgery. Even if they
were my fans and had paid money for my book, it was an effort to smile and be
friendly to all those strangers as I signed their books. If it hadn't been for
getting to talk to Charley every evening I think I might have faked an illness
and cancelled the rest of it. He held me together and gave me the courage to go
on.
The night I spent in Eugene, Oregon, Charley informed me he'd gotten on
the computer and had done a lot of research on line.
"Did you know, Jake, that a lot of gay couples never get into anal
sex?" he asked me.
It took me several seconds to process what he had said and the
implications of the question left me feeling ill. The thought of never having
the fulfilling feeling of Charley's cock massaging my prostate left a
hollowness in center of my being. "I didn't now that." I finally
replied.
Charley must have been able to tell that I was not responding positively.
"Damn, Jake, I wasn't implying that we wouldn't."
"Oh." Was all I could say. I was in anguish.
Our conversation was interrupted by Charley's mother showing up
unannounced to check on her son's well-being.
"We need to talk when you get back." He said. "You know I
love you, Jake. We'll work it all out when you get back. I've got to go
now." He disconnected before I could say goodbye or that I loved him. I
spent the rest of thenight staring at the ceiling feeling lonely and empty.
-=J=-
Sacramento, San Francisco, L.A., San Diego, Tucson, Phoenix, Albuquerque,
El Paso, Dallas, Houston, St. Louis, New Orleans, Miami, Tampa and finally
Atlanta, the last city before heading back to Unicity. I'd circled the country
and now I was going back to Charley's arms. I was eager to be there. The plan
was for him to ride his Harley over and spend a few days with me at my
apartment and we'd make plans from there. He had a job he liked and I could
work anywhere, so it looked like I would be going back to Kirksville with him.
End of this excerpt from Jake's Journal and end of Part Four