During Charley's nine days in the hospital I was a welcomed member of the
Hill family. Chess treated me as his one of his own sons. Tom was a bit aloof
in a amiable way. Robert? I couldn't decide what his problem was. He was
friendly, yet I still got the feeling that he'd like to punch my lights out..
Gloria was reserved, at times amicable, at times nearly cold. I felt like she
thought I was a threat. To her? To Charley? I' didn't know.
Then came the day that Charley was to be released. Gloria wanted to take
him into her home and take care of him. Charley wanted to go home and let me
take care of him. Me? Well, I was willing. Some of the willingness was lust. I
couldn't wait to get him alone and naked. Charley admitted in private that he
felt the same way, although he didn't present it as an arguing point. But
truthfully, I had come to feel about Charley like I'd never felt about another
human being. His happiness and well-being were all that mattered to me. I
hadn't yet put a name on how I felt about and toward him, but Chess had told me
that I was obviously head over heels in love with his son.
Chess basically settled the argument by pointing out that Charley was
going to be in a wheelchair until his neck and shoulder muscles healed enough
that he could use crutches. That meant a lot of lifting him in and out of the
chair. He also pointed out that all of the bedrooms were upstairs in their house
where at Charley's everything was on one floor.
Charley got to go home and a battle royal was begun between Gloria and
me. She praised me to his face, and then behind his back double checked and
criticized everything I did. I felt like a hired servant and I didn't like it,
but for Charley's sake I hid my feelings and put up with her. I knew if I were
to complain to him it would only make me look small in his eyes.
After two weeks I guess the wear was beginning to show. She arrived one
morning just in time to join us for a first cup of coffee. Charley needed to
sit on the bowl. I helped him into the guest toilet right off the living room
and assisted him in getting seated. When I returned to the kitchen Gloria
started in on me. She'd made a cursory check of our bedroom and was accusing me
of being lazy for not making the bed as soon as we got out of it.
When he was ready, I lifted him back into his wheelchair and moved back
him back into the kitchen. I hid my anger from him. Gloria smiled sweetly at me
and told Charley I must really love him to take such good care of him.. I was
standing behind him, so he didn't see my look of disgust at her two-faced
hypocrisy. He turned and pulled me down to hug me. As he kissed me on the cheek
I glanced at Gloria. Her expression was malevolent. Even with Charley's arms
around me I felt at that moment that I was in a losing war. As I straightened
up and Charley turned back to the table Gloria syruply
said, "You boys are just so sweet together." I was still inwardly
fuming from her dressing me down about the bedroom. Charley grinned at her and
then at me, unaware of what was going on. I went into the bedroom to straighten
it.
When I finished and walked back into the kitchen Gloria smiled sweetly at
me. She'd won another little battle. I made and served breakfast and then
bathed Charley and helped him dress. He gave me several curious looks while I
was doing this. I suppose it might have alerted him that I was disturbed about
some thing when I didn't play around with him. "Jake is something
wrong?" he asked me at one point. I blew it off by saying that I was
uncomfortable with his mother in the house.
All the while Gloria sat at the kitchen table and perused the morning
paper. She moved into the backyard to sit under the big Elm with him while I
cleaned up from breakfast. I stood at the kitchen window and watched the two of
them wondering what they talked about. Rather than go out and join them I sat
down at my PC. I propped my elbows on the table and stared at the blank screen unable
to formulate a sentence. I must have phased out. The next thing I knew Gloria
was standing there wanting to know when I was going to fix lunch. "You may
serve it outside at the picnic table." she said and went back out.
I stood there and fumed for several minutes until I calmed down enough to
do it without destroying the kitchen in anger. I fixed a light lunch of tomato
soup and melted cheddar sandwiches. Gloria disdainfully scanned the table.
"You could at least have put down some place mats," she said.
"I don't have any," Charley said. I wondered why he lied.
"Sit down, Jake. This is fine. Come on, Mom, you don't need a place
mat."
Gloria sat down clearly unhappy that Charley had interfered. "Is
this going to be enough for you, son?" She asked.
"It's fine, Mom. I'm not very active right now, you know."
Gloria didn't miss the little smirk I couldn't keep off my face.
"I mean you're a grown man." She persisted. "A little bowl
of soup and a meager sandwich isn't very much."
"Really, Mom, it's plenty."
Gloria ate half a sandwich and some of her soup and then excused herself,
leaving us alone. Charley watched me as I ignored him.
"Jake, what's the matter? I've watched the tension building in you
since the day I came home from the hospital. You look like you're going to
burst."
"Things will smooth out." I mumbled. "Don't worry about
it."
"I am so sorry this happened to me. It's not fair to you. I can't
blame you for feeling put upon. If I were you I'd have probably split before
now."
"It's not you, Charley. I love taking care of you."
"So what is the problem? Why are you so uptight?"
"Look, I'll deal with the problem, you just mend. And don't worry
about me. I can take care of myself."
I didn't mean to snap at him. Frustrated, I picked up the dishes, putting
an end to the conversation and left him sitting in his wheel chair at the table
with the book he'd been reading. I put the dishes in the sink and went into the
bedroom and laid down, trying to subdue my anger.
I hadn't been relaxing for five minutes when my reverie was interrupted
by Gloria calling for me. Her strident sharp voice grated on my patience. I put
a pillow over my head and groaned. As I started to get up she appeared in the
doorway of our bedroom.
"What in the world are you doing laying down? The kitchens a mess
and you just abandoned my son in the back yard."
I lost it. Rolling off the bed, I stood up and stuck my nose in her face.
"What is your problem? I am not a servant. The kitchen is not a mess.
There is one griddle, one pan, three bowls, three plates, three glasses and
three spoons sitting in the sink. They have been there approximately ten
minutes. It wont hurt them or anything else if they stay there until dinner
time. Charley is just fine. He has his cell phone. If he wants anything I'm
just seconds away."
"Really, you have no business raising your voice at me like
that."
"And you have no right to be talking to me like you do. Gloria,
you're driving me nuts. When Charley's in the room you praise how well I'm
taking care of him, but if he's not, all you do is complain about everything. I
am not a servant in this house," I yelled at her.
"If you're so unhappy why don't you leave?"she
yelled back.
Neither of us had realized that Charley had managed on his own to roll
his wheelchair into the house. I had no idea how much he had heard. He rolled
into the room as I declared myself not a servant. Neither Gloria nor I noticed
the pain he was in from using the healing shoulder muscles.
"Is this true, Mother? Are you really treating Jake like a
servant?"
Gloria looked startled and then she dissembled, becoming the injured
party.
"Of course not, Son. I suppose Jake is just getting tired of taking
care of you and is taking his frustration out on me."
I couldn't believe the woman's audacity. And I had played right into her
hands. She knew I wouldn't defend myself in front of Charley.
"I can't take anymore of this." I muttered as pushed past the
two of them heading for the door.
Charley grabbed my arm. "Wait, Jake. Please."
I leaned my head on the door frame. "I give up, Charley, I thought I
could endure. She wins. I'm sorry, but I'm out of here."
"Jake, please, just wait a minute. Mother, I was right behind you as
you came down the hall. I heard every word. The way you called for him was
shameful. I heard how you spoke him. You don't even speak to, Rosa, your hired
maid like that.
"Charley, you don't understand, Dear."
"I understand perfectly, Mother. This is my house. Jake is my lover
and I want him here. You had no right in suggesting he leave."
"Baby, I ...."
"Mother, I want you to leave."
"Darling, you don't mean that."
"I do mean it. And I don't want you to come back until you can
apologize to Jake for treating him so shamefully. And you can apologize to me
for trying to come between us."
"I'm just trying to make sure you get the best of care."
"I'm getting the best of care despite your meddling and hassling my
partner. Jake has been so good at taking care of me."
"Charley, I...."
"Just go, Mother. Not another word. Just go"
I had my back to her staring out the window as she left. I've no idea how
she looked, whether she was throwing daggers at me with her eyes or if her head
was hung in shame. I only know she left, and I was relieved. I stared out the
window until I felt Charley take my hand. I closed mine around his as I turned
to look at him. "I'm sorry, Charley,"
"God! I can't believe that I just threw my mother out," he said
hugging me. "Why didn't you tell me what was going on?" He physically
turned me to face him.
"I couldn't." I looked away from him.
"What do you mean couldn't you? Dammit,
don't you realize you're more important to me that anyone? You know you can
tell me anything."
That really made my heart soar, but I was still caught up in the battle
with Gloria. I pulled away from him and turned back to the window. "I
didn't want to look whiny, complaining to you. I did everything I could to
impress her."
He sighed and rubbed my shoulders. "I should have been aware of what
was going on."
My anger flared that he should try to take the blame."How
could you be aware of what she was doing? It was all behind your back."
"Hmm," was all he said. There was a moment of silence, each of
us lost in our own thoughts, standing side be side staring out the window.
"You haven't been doing any writing either, have you?" he asked. I
shook my head even though I knew he wasn't looking at me. He turned to look at
me. "Have you?"
"I can't write under such tense conditions."
"So that was what the conversation with your publisher was
about?"
"You overheard that?"
"Just the last bit of it. Apparently not enough to have figured out
that there was something wrong."
"I was just requesting more time."
"You shouldn't have to do that." He again turned me to face
him, and hugged me. I let go of my anger and relaxed into him. God, it was good
just letting him be the strong one for a bit. "I can use both hands now.
My shoulder is nearly healed. I don't need the coddling anymore. You get back
to writing. I'll ask for help when I need it."
That afternoon for the first time in weeks that I succeeded in filling
page after page, instead of just a couple of paragraphs or staring at the blank
screen of my PC while fuming about Gloria.
End of this particular selection from Jake's journal.
-=J=-
Jake sat at his computer deep in thought, remembering the last month
before he'd left UniCity. Although much of his memory
of that time was not happy one incident stood out. That was the evening he'd
met a young man who instantly made himself at home in Jake's heart and be came
a dear friend. Jake lay back in his desk chair and remembered that time. Jim
had just been hired to play nursemaid to a young fellow that had thrown himself
in harms way when he ran in front of an oncoming car to push his employer out
of its path. The young fellow whose name was Pete Peterson had just been
released from the hospital and his employer, Dave Gates, the owner of the local
bookstore across from the university, had given Pete and his young lover, Jason
Warren his unoccupied house to live in until they finished college.
Jim had immediately run into trouble with Jason. Jason was a spunky
diminutive young man who looked like he was about fourteen but was actually
twenty years old. Jim was in the middle of cooking dinner, when Jason walked in
to see if he could help. Before Jason could open his mouth Jim said, "Well
it's about time you woke up. Peel those potatoes in the sink. And then cut them
into one inch chunks."
Jason bristled at being spoken to like that. "I don't know who the
hell you think you are. Just because you're a nurse doesn't mean you get to
boss me around."
If Jim had realized his mistake and apologized all would have been cool,
but instead he grinned and said, "Feisty little bugger aren't you? Now if
you would do as I ask we'll all have dinner a little sooner."
"You didn't ask, you told me to peel the damned potatoes. You're
worse than a mother."
Jim towered over Jason with his huge hands on his narrow hips. "So
do it and stop hassling."
Jason glared at the big man. "You may be five times bigger than me.
And you may scare the shit out of me. But Fuck You. I am out of here. You can
explain to Pete why I left." He yelled as he stormed out of the kitchen,
picked up his books and backpack off the dining room table and left the house.
Jim stood stunned for a moment realizing that he'd just fucked up
royally. He turned off the stove and went in to explain his mistake to Pete and
asked him where Jason was most likely to go. Pete lost his temper, told Jim where
to get off and then calmed down. told him that their dorm room hadn't been
given up yet and that was the most likely place to find him. Jim called Jake,
who lived in an apartment a couple of blocks from the dorm, and asked him to go
talk Jason into returning.
A couple of hours later as Jason lay on his bed in the dorm, staring at the
ceiling, still fuming over being told to peel potatoes as if he were a servant.
"It was just too much. Damned arrogant asshole. Just because he's so big
and I'm so small was no reason to put up with that kind of treatment," he
muttered aloud. He regretted leaving without telling Pete, but he wasn't going
to put up with that monster male nurse. And that was that!!
There was a quiet knock on his door. Jason's heart jumped to his throat
as he wondered if Pete had come clear across campus, not thinking that Pete had
his own key. He jumped of the bed and flung the door open ready to scold him
for being stupid. His eyes nearly popped out of his head. He stared up at a man
that was six inches taller that Jim and just as muscular.
"Hi, Jason, my name is Jake. May I come in and speak with you?"
Jason looked up into a kind gentle face, and fell in love. Jake wasn't
just handsome , there was something in his eyes that made him just about the
most beautiful man Jason had ever seen. His soulful brown eyes pleaded to be
let in. Jason let go of the door knob and stepped back. He couldn't make his
vocal cords work.
Jake ducked his head through the doorway and stepped over to Pete's bed
and sat down. He knew that his height and size intimidated people so by sitting
he didn't tower over them. Except with Jason's diminutive size he still did.
Jason backed over to his bed, never taking his eyes off of him, and sat down
across from him. He drank in the big man's looks. The square chin, firm lips,
straight nose and closely cropped dark brown hair made him perfect for a marine
recruiting poster. Jason realized that Jake was speaking.
"Jim can get kinda bossy sometimes. It comes with the job. And I
guess he kinda looked on you as a kid 'cause of your size. He didn't want to
leave Pete by himself so he called me and ask if I would come apologize for
him. He said to tell you he will treat you with respect when you come back. And
Pete needs you back there." Jake smiled at Jason and looked hopeful.
"So will you come with me and we'll go back to the house?"
Jason, mesmerized by the smile, nodded his head, but didn't move. Jake
grinned and held out his arms to him.
"Come're, let me give you a hug. You look
like you really could use one right now."
Jason slipped off the bed feeling like he was ten years old, and stepped
between the big man's legs. Jake gently enfolded him in his arms. For the first
time in his life Jason felt what it would be like to have a father's loving
embrace. His dad had never hugged him even as a child. Jason couldn't remember
ever being touched in a loving manner by the man. He relaxed into Jake's chest
and hugged him back. "Yep, I could tell you need this. You and I are going
to be great friends."
Jake smiled at the remembrance. He realized then that Jason was about the only
person he really missed from Unicity. It would be
good to see him again when he back.
----=J=-----
Next excerpt from Jake"s journal
Charley's cell phone rang. I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner
that evening having after Gloria's banishment. Having left Charley ensconced on
the living room sofa , I picked it up from the kitchen table and carried it out
to him and then headed back into the kitchen. When I heard him say "It
wasn't like that, Dad." I stopped in my tracks to listen. "Dad, I
heard the whole thing. You weren't here. You didn't hear the condescending tone
of voice she was using." "For Christ's sake she was on his case about
not cleaning up the kitchen immediately after lunch, a few dirty dishes in the
sink. He's not my goddamned servant, Pop." "I'm sorry, but she is
lying." "I'm well aware that it's my mother we're talking
about." "Look, bring her over here and let's see if she tells the
same story in front of me." "Hell, I don't know why she's doing this.
Maybe she's jealous." "Alright, Dad." "Okay. Bye." I
heard him snap the phone closed and I started toward the sink, wondering how Gloria
had twisted the afternoon's events. "Jake?"
I turned back to the door. "Yes, Charley, I heard. Now your dad is
upset. I'm sorry. I should pack and get out of here before I break up your
whole family."
I thought he would at least put up a small objection, but he ignored what
I said and tried to get up. "Would you give me a hand? This sofa is
impossible for me to get off of alone."
I positioned the wheel chair so he could move into it once I lifted him
off the sofa. He had other ideas. As soon as I had him standing on his good
leg, he wrapped his arms around my neck and attacked my mouth with his.
After a couple of minutes of kissing him I picked him up and carried him
into the bedroom and dropped him in the middle of the bed. I had his clothes
off in seconds and mine quickly followed. I went down on him. I no sooner had
my mouth on his cock than he was trying to maneuver me around where he could
reciprocate. I go into overload when I'm being sucked by him and sucking him at
the same time. I took him with me as I climaxed. After I got my breath back I
turned around collapsed beside him. "Isn't this worth the hassle of
putting up with my family?" he asked as we lay side by side recovering.
I had to laugh. My feelings had been bent a little out of shape when he
hadn't made any verbal objections to my suggestion about leaving. He had shown
me first that he still needed help, and then sexually reminded me of what I'd
be giving up. "Even without this, Charley, it would be worth putting up
this the hassle just to be with you." I kissed him. "I love you,
Charley."
"God, I love you, Jake." He rolled onto me. It took some effort
with the cast on his leg. And kissed me back..
Two hours later, after recovering from a third climax, I sighed
contentedly and stretched. "I guess I should go finish cleaning the
kitchen." I groaned.
"Fuck the kitchen. Let's do it tomorrow." He turned off the
bedside lamp and wrapped himself around me. I put up no protest.
-=J=-
With no Gloria showing up everyday life became a little more blissful.
Charley was getting around on crutches and could even drive his pickup. He'd
drive to physical therapy by himself and took to hanging around the police
station two or three hours a day. I completed the first draft of my book and
started the real work of rewriting, editing and proofreading it.
-=J=-
After Gloria's banishment Charley's brothers took it upon themselves to
make my life miserable. How they found out his schedule I don't know, but the
first day, soon after he left the house I got a call from Tom, Charley's oldest
brother. I didn't know Tom very well, but that didn't stop him from lecturing
me about turning his little brother against his mother. I didn't contradict him
of argue. I did apologize for the incident causing a rift, but I didn't
apologize for anything I might have done. He seemed to be appeased by that At
least he didn't say a thing homophobic.
And then the next day as soon as Charley left, Robert called. He was
nasty, telling me he had me pegged the first time he saw me. Faggot was one of
the nicer names he called me. I did make objections with him had was told to
shut my cum hole. I hung up on him. On the third day I let the answering
machine pick up. About four days later Charley commented about there being an
extraordinary amount of recorded hang ups on the his machine.
The following Monday I started getting daily hate mail. I didn't say a
word to Charley about it. I each day put each note in a folder next to my PC on
the back side of the kitchen table where I worked.
On Saturday two weeks later, I went grocery shopping leaving Charley to
his own devices while I used his pickup. One look at Charley when I walked in
the door with my hands full of grocery bags, and I knew he was really pissed
about something. He crutched up to me and shoved his fist, filled with the
notes, into my chest with enough force to nearly knock the air out of me. I
grunted.
"What the fuck are these? Why didn't you tell me about them?" I
had seen Charley angered at him mother, but I had yet until now felt this anger
directed at me. But what I had done was for his benefit. At least that was what
I thought.
I stepped around him and put the bags on the counter. "It is
obviously hate mail." I said and shrugged in answer to his second
question.
"Why haven't you reported it to the police?"
I shrugged again. I had a feeling that if I opened my mouth I'd end up
telling him what I thought about some of his family. I didn't want to inflict
that hurt on him.
"Do you have any idea who sent them?"
"Yeah, I know who's doing it. I can't prove it though." I muttered
"Who?" Charley demanded.
"It doesn't matter. He's just doing it to harass me. He'll
eventually get bored and stop."
"Jake, this person is breaking the law... the federal law." I
shrugged again. He glared in to my blanked face. "You're not going to tell
me are you?" I could see the wheels turning in his mind. "It's
obviously someone in my family, isn't it?" he asked as he continued to
think.
I continued to stare at him, trying to show no response or emotion. He
examined each of the envelopes. "They were all mailed here in
I sighed, sat the cans I had in my hands on the counter, rested my butt
against it and folded my arms against my chest. "Since soon after your
mother got the boot."
"Fuck!" He dug his cell phone out of his pocket and quick
dialed. "Pop. Charley. I have an emergency. It's something you need to
handle." He listened a moment and shook his head. "No, it isn't Mom,
but she is involved." He nodded while he listened and then said,
"Great. Thanks, Pop. I'll see you in a few minutes."
Charley studied the notes again. "Do you have any more of
these?" He asked me without looking up."
"No. You have them all right there."
"I'm going to fry Robert's ass."
"Calm down, you can't go frying his ass, he's your brother."
"He had the audacity to call you a faggot and a cocksucker in front
of other people," Charley yelled at me.
"Sal told you?"I calmly asked.
"Of course, she told me." He was still yelling
"Well, anyway, Robert apologized."
He shook one of the notes at me. "Some apology when he turns around
and does this."
"He apparently feels that I have insulted your mother."
"How could you have insulted my mother. Christ!" he was yelling
again. "You've always been polite to her even when she was ragging on
you."
"Charley, calm down." I said, wrapping my arms around him.
"You're dad will take care of it. That's why you called him." He was
so angry he was shaking. I just held him and rubbed his back. Eventually, he
calmed down and relaxed against me. I heard a car door close. "That's
probably your dad now." I let go of Charley and went to the front door and
opened it before Chess could knock. He stepped in and gave me a hug. It gave me
a warm loved feeling.
"How're you doing, Son?" he asked me.
"Great, Chess. You?"
"I'm fine. What's Charley's problem?"
" Me. I'll let him tell you. He's in the kitchen."
He gave me a questioning frown and went into the kitchen. I hung back and
leaned against the door frame and watched Chess hug his son. I envied the
warmth between them. But then Chess had just shown me the same warmth and love.
The difference, I guess, was that Charley was his son.
"So what's wrong, Son?" he asked.
"Pop, look at these. Charley has been hiding them for the last two
weeks."
He read one, pulled a chair out, sat down and read the rest of them.
"Damn!" he exclaimed and turned to me. "Do you know who is doing
this?"
I shrugged.
"He gave me the same answer," Charley said. The disgust was
evident in his voice. He pick up one of the notes and handed it to his dad.
"Look at this particular one. Note this particular R."
Chess studied it. I watched him blanch as he came to the same conclusion
that Charley had. "But why? Why would he do this kind of thing?"
"Jake thinks he's doing it to revenge Mom's honor."
Chess turned and looked at me and then back at his son. "I wonder
what on earth she could have told Robert that would push him to do this sort of
thing?"
Chess went out on the back porch and made some phone calls. He came back
in and asked me, "Jake, is there any coffee in this house? I could sure
use a cup." He sat down at the table with Charley
"There can be in about five minutes," I said, heading to the
coffee maker.
-=J=-
Half an hour later Charley's family had assembled. Since Chess was a senior partner
in his law firm and Tom and Robert worked with him, they had no trouble leaving
work. Chess seated us around the kitchen table. I was on one end and Robert on
the opposite end, facing me. His mother and Tom sat on each side of him and
Charley and his dad sat on each side of me. Chess laid the folder containing
the hate mail in the center of the table in front of Robert. "I want the
three of you to examine the contents of that folder," he said.
Robert stared at it like it might explode in his face. He obviously knew
what was in it. Gloria sat with her hands in her lap, her purse on the table in
front of her and stared at her husband. Tom glanced up at his dad and then
opened the folder picked up one of the notes and gasped as he read it.
"Jesus, this is serious stuff." He passed it across the table to his
mother. Her eyes got a big incredulous look in them as read, but she didn't say
anything as she passed it to Robert. His pallor made his tan look pasty as he
glanced at it and laid it down. Tom picked up and read each one, cursing under
his breath and passed them on. They all ended up in a pile in front of Robert.
Chess voice was so low, when he started speaking, that we had to strain
to hear him. "I don't understand how such vile hatred could come from a
member of this family. I just don't understand it."
"Are you suggesting that one of us wrote these things, Pop?"
Tom asked, his voice incredulous. He obviously was unaware of Roberts
activities.
"Yes, I am suggesting such a thing," he said softly. The volume
of Chess's voice then rose about a thousand decibels. Robert," he said,
his voice like a crack of lightening, "would you like to explain
yourself?"
Robert jumped and turned even paler. "What makes you think I wrote
those notes?" He whined.
"Robert, there is plain evidence in those notes that clearly point
to you. Do not dissemble to me, Son." I could see the love Chess felt
toward his son even when he had done something like this.
Robert was like a little boy in a grown man's body. He slowly turned a
dark red as he built up his indignation; his expression went from guilty to
belligerent. "He insulted Mom, Pop. He told lies to Charley about her to
make him kick Mom out of his house. I just wrote those notes to scare him into
leaving. I wouldn't really follow through on any of those threats. You know
that, Pop."
"Robert, did you stop to think that if Jake chooses to pursue a
legal recourse, you could end up in prison? You'd be a convicted felon,"
Chess asked.
"Oh God, Jake, I didn't mean any of this." He gave me an
imploring look.
Before he could give anymore explanation Gloria interrupted him.
"Jake, why didn't you turn them over to the police?" she asked.
I looked at her incredulously. "Is that what you wanted me to do?
You set your own son up to get me? You'd let Robert go to jail just to put a
rift between Charley and me?"
Silence hung in the air like a pall of heavy smoke. Chess and his three
sons stared at Gloria in shock. I felt guilty for focusing there awareness on
her. "Robert, did you stop to think what this would do to Charley?" I
asked. "These notes only angered me, but they've really injured him.
Before Robert could reply Gloria asked, "If you didn't want Charley
to find them why didn't you destroy them?"
I couldn't believe that she was still attacking me. Chess and his three
sons looked like they were watching a tennis match as they looked from Gloria
to me and back to her. They were obviously shocked speechless by her behavior.
"I had no idea that he wouldn't follow through with these threats.
If he did, I wanted the evidence to back me up when I went to the police. I
hoped he would come to his senses first."
"So you gave them to Charley," she said.
"No. I thought I had them safely hidden. I didn't want him to see
what Robert was doing in hope, like I said, that he would come to his senses
soon and stop. I guess I didn't hide them well enough."
"I'm sorry, Jake, I spilled some coffee and in wiping it up, I
knocked the folder off the table. I wasn't snooping." Charley said.
"I kind of guessed something like that. It's my fault. I figured the
safest place to hide then was in plain sight."
"So what made you think it was Robert sending these notes?"
Gloria asked, attacking me again. I glanced at Chess. His expression was
inscrutable. I couldn't begin to imagine what he was thinking. The revelations
of his wife's and Robert's behavior must have had him in shock. I looked at
Robert. "Do you want to tell her why?" He dropped his head into his
hands, shook his head.
"A couple of days before I received the first note, Robert called me
and verbally threaten me." I said, speaking directly to Chess. "From
the things he said to me, there was no doubt that the notes were written by
him."
Robert looked up at me with a strangled cry. He looked miserable as relief,
confusion, fear, anger fleeted over his countenance. "So why aren't you
telling them what I said?" He cried out and buried his face back in his
hands.
"I don't know why you feel such antagonism toward me. Robert. I
don't really know you. Repeating what you said would do no good. Enough hurt
has been inflicted already. I won't salt the wound."
Silence settled over the table. Robert had his face covered. Gloria had
her head down staring at her folded hands. I had my chin propped on my fists,
wondering what was going on in Gloria's mind as I watched Chess, Tom and
Charley exchanging glances. It was like watching a silent conversation. Tom was
the first to speak up.
"Jake, I totally judged you by hearsay. I was wrong to have said the
things I did. You must really love my little brother to put up with the rest of
us. Pop seems to be the only one who has acted decently toward you. Please
accept my apology." Before I could respond, he turned to his mother.
"Mom, for the first time in my life I'm ashamed of you. The way you have
manipulated Robert and me is disgraceful. I don't understand why you did it.
It's obvious that Jake is a kind, honorable man." Gloria glanced up at me
and then at Tom before she went back to staring at her hands. Tom turned his
head to look at me again. "Jake, I'm proud to have you as my
brother."
Charley gripped my arm. Chess was patting and rubbing my back. The love
and respect in their eyes said what they felt. I leaned over and whispered to
Charley to pass the pile of notes to me. I stood and took them over to the
stove and turned on a burner and the exhaust fan. Laying each note and envelope
on the grid over the flame, I let the fire consume each one.
Charley struggled to stand and get his crutches. He came over to the
stove and wrapped his arms around me. Chess and Tom came over and embraced the
two of us in a group hug. I glanced up and saw Robert standing a couple of feet
behind Tom. I nudged Charley. "Robert, is needing some forgiveness."
The three men stood back and let Robert and me face each other.
His expression said what he couldn't verbalize. I stepped up to him and
wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He melted against me, sobbing into my
shoulder. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry."
"It's okay. Do you think we can be friends now?" I asked, as I
rubbed his back.
He pushed back and looked at me, incredulous. "You would want to be
my friend after what I've done?"
"Yes."
"Are you some kind of saint or what?" He crushed me in another
hug.
As he hugged me I whispered to him. "You need to make amends with
your family. It's them you really hurt." He nodded against my shoulder and
then stood back.
He and Charley studied each other for a few moments. "Charley, I
really made a big mistake. Can you forgive me?"
"I'm really pissed off about what you've done, Robby. It'll take me
a while to get over it. But, yeah, I forgive you." They embraced.
Robert turned to his Dad. "I really messed up, Pop. I'm sorry."
His dad clasped him to his chest and rubbed his back. "I love you,
Son, even when you do things like this."
And then Robert turned to Tom. Neither said a word as they held each
other for a moment.
As if orchestrated all eyes turned to Gloria, who was still sitting at
the table. She looked right at me, ignoring her sons and husband. "If
you're expecting an apology from me, forget it. Despite your magnanimity I
still believe you're going to end up hurting Charley." She stood and
picked up her handbag, turned and walked out the door, leaving us all with opened
mouths.
Charley's brothers apologized and hugged us both again before leaving.
Chess stayed for a bit to make sure we were okay. He apologized for Gloria's
behavior, assuring us that she would eventually come around, telling us that it
was just probably the trauma of finally losing her baby to someone else.
-=J=-
Charley's leg healed. Other than the two surgical scars on his shin, it
was as good as new after the physical therapy to rebuild the muscles. As for
his shoulder, he was lucky that the bullet hadn't been shot from a lower
trajectory point. It would have shattered the clavicle, and done much more
damage to his neck and shoulder muscles, and left a much larger angry red
hollow.
Chess came around every couple of days to check on his boys, as he called
us. Tom and his wife had us over to dinner and I ,too, fell in love with his
two kids. The little boy looked like a miniature Tom and the little girl looked
like her mom. They were all over their Uncle Charley. We heard nothing from
Robert nor Gloria.
I had finished my manuscript soon after Gloria had been banned from the
house, and I had mailed it off to my editor who made his corrections and
suggestions and had sent it back. I'd made the changes he suggested right away
and sent it on to the publisher. Nearly a month had passed and I had not
received notice that it was yet being published. I was antsy.
Charley seemed eager to go back to work just to get away from my anxiety.
He'd been assigned desk duty while he was going through the physical therapy.
The first morning he went back on patrol I had a most difficult time to keep
from begging him to not do it. I had asked him once, when he'd mentioned going
back on patrol, if he thought he should.
"You don't understand, Jake, if I don't get back on the bike, if I
don't go back to work patrolling the streets then the ass holes win. Don't you
see that?" he'd answered.
With that response I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt about
him going back. I hugged him, told him I loved and wished him good luck.
After he left, I sat down at the kitchen table in front of my laptop. An image
kept floating through my head of him laying in the hospital bed with all those
tubes connected to him, his upper body swathed in bandages, his elevated leg in
a cast. It left me incapable of writing a word. I sipped a cup of cold coffee
and gazed out the window until I was stiff from sitting.
I shuffled out to the back yard and stood on the porch, stretching. Brain
haze shrouded any logical thoughts, while 'what ifs' pummeled my mind. The plot
of ground at the back of the yard, beyond the lawn, drew my attention. Charley
had once told me that he intended to eventually plant a vegetable garden.
Physical labor, that's what I needed. I rummaged in the garage and came up with
a shovel, a rake and a hoe.
After laying out the perimeter of the area to be tilled, fourteen spades
wide and thirty-two long, I started digging. It's hard work pushing the shovel
into the packed dry earth, lifting the spade full of dirt, turning it over and
dropping it back into place. After completing ten rows I looked at my red
burning my palms. I had three blisters on my right hand and two on my left. The
blister at the base of my right forefinger had broken and the skin had torn. I
cursed my stupidity. I'd been raised on a farm. I grew up doing this kind of
labor. You'd think I'd have had enough sense to find and use gloves. I stopped
and washed my hands. My palms stung from the hot water. After drying my hands,
and rubbing some lotion on them, I put a band-aid on the broken blister.
-=J=-
There's nothing that will block my mind faster than staring at a blank
screen, so I closed my eyes when I sat down at the kitchen table in front of my
PC and started typing stream of consciousness thoughts.
After fifteen minutes I stopped and read what I had written. Yes, there
was a kernel of an idea for a new story in all the meanderings my mind had
made. I transferred those three sentences to a new page and deleted the rest. I
wondered how Charley was doing back on patrol. And then I stared at the
sentences at the top of the screen for a while, pondering what meaning they
might have held. Deleting them, I pushed away from the table, made a glass of
iced tea, took the chilled glass and sat on the top step of the back porch admiring
the work I had done. I checked the time on my watch. Two-thirty. Charley had
been on duty three and a half hours. Five and a half more to go. This was
driving me fucking nuts. I decided that a good run was what I needed.
An hour and a half later I was exhausted but still feeling anxious. I
decided to go over to the café and visit with Sal. I went into the bedroom,
bathed and put on my Levi's, boots and leather jacket. I rolled my Chief out of
the garage, and locked up the house. I hadn't ridden in nearly two months. My
butt felt at home on the leather seat. I pulled my helmet onto my head and
started the engine. God, I loved that vibration in my balls. I rolled into the
street and gunned it. The Indian reared up on the back wheel and I flew down
the street smiling evilly at a little old lady who glared and shook her fist at
me from the sidewalk. I'd really missed riding my old Chief.
At a red light, I sat gunning the engine, thrilling to the vibrations
deep in my rectum and testicles. It brought back urges and feelings that Jim
used to sooth so well. I thought I had gotten over the need. My stomach roiled.
I pulled over to the curb and turned off the engine. Hugging my arms to my
chest, I rocked my body until the emotional and physical upheaval passed.
When I felt in control of my body and mind once more I headed on to the
café. Sal immediately wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. She
stood back and looked at me. "You look like hell, Jake." I passed off
the comment with a toss of my head. "Charley stopped by this
morning," she said. "He looked so good in his motorcycle
uniform."
I don't know what emotion she saw fleet across my face, but she put her
hand to her mouth and gasped. "I'm sorry, Jake, I didn't realize."
"What?" I asked. She shook her head and turned to get me a cup
of coffee as I sat at the counter. When she set the cup down she looked at me
intently. "Does Charley know how you feel?"
"Feel about what?" I knew what she was talking about, but I
didn't want to deal with it, so I was intentionally obtuse.
"Jake, this is Sal you're talking to. I've talked to enough
policemen's wives to know what I'm seeing. Don't play games with me."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Sal." I said feeling
obstinate and put upon.
She gave me a disappointed one sided grimace. "Okay, if that's the
way you want it," she said walking away from me.
I propped my forehead on my cupped hands and watched the steam rise from
the coffee, feeling like a shitty heel for treating a good friend like that.
The slight pressure on my palms made me aware of how tender they were. I
pictured Charley in his motorcycle uniform. God he's so hot and handsome. I
imagined him fucking me while wearing that uniform. Why had he never attempted
to fuck me? Why had we both been so satisfied just rubbing our cocks against
each other and sucking each other?
I'd enjoyed fucking with Jim. Begged him to do it. Even when he'd had
enough, I'd begged for more. Maybe, there in lay the crux of why I never asked
Charley to do it to me. I associated fucking with Jim since he was the only one
I'd ever done it with.
I didn't want to think about it, besides, Sal's baleful stare was getting
to me. I glanced at her sitting on her stool behind the cash register. I stood
and pulled a dollar bill from my pocket, dropped it next to the untouched cup
of coffee, grabbed my jacket and helmet and with a shake of my head, I aimed
for the door.
"Jake?" Sal called out softly, stopping me as effectively as if
she had yelled. I looked at her. "I'm here, if you need to talk," she
said with a gentle smile.
"Thanks, Sal." I tried to smile, ducked my head and slouched
out the door.I tied my helmet and jacket on the back
of the seat, and then, for several minutes, just sat astraddle my bike. My head
spun with the thoughts that whirled in my brain. I felt like I was being
watched and turned to look at the window behind me. Through the glare on the
glass, I could just make out Sal looking back at me. I kick started the engine,
waved and roared off down the street.
With the wind whipping through my hair, momentarily blowing away all my
problems, I rode without thought. Mile after mile shot by A passing sign that
read "University City 157 miles" caught my eye and brought me to back
to reality. Panicking, I hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the
freeway. It was already late afternoon. How had I ridden so far and not been
aware of it. Forcing myself to breath more slowly and feeling an urgent need to
hear Charley's voice, I dug my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and speed
dialed. It rang several times before I heard his voice. "Jake?" I
heard him say. His voice was a lifeline thrown to a drowning man. I was saved.
"Jake? Are you alright?"
"Charley, I just had to hear you. Yes, yes, I'm okay."
Just then a big semi truck rumbled by. "What was that noise? Where
are you? Jake? Talk to me, damn it."
"God, Charley it's so good to hear your voice. I'll be home as soon
as I can get there."
"Where in hell are you, Jake?"
"I'm not sure. About a mile from hell's fury. I don't know."
"You're not making any sense."
"Charley, I'm headed back. I love you."
"I love you, too, Jake. You know that."
"I needed to hear you say it. Don't worry. I'll be home
about..." I looked at my watch and calculated. "nine o'clock."
"Jake, what's going on?"
"I'll tell you when I get there." I broke the connection and
stuck the phone back in my pocket, but before I could put my bike in gear the
phone vibrated and rang. I thought it would be Charley, but it was my little
buddy, Jason back in University City.
I listened to the sadness in his voice as he told me that Pete had found
himself a football jock and he was wandering the street with no where to go. I
was torn, I really wanted to be there for the little guy, but the man in my
life was waiting for me. I told Jason to go see the manager of my apartment and
get a key. He could stay there until he found a place to live. I told him if he
needed someone to talk to call me at any time. He sounded a little better when
he disconnected. I called the apartment manager and told him to let Jason have
a key and then I turned around and headed back to Kirksville.
End of this excerpt form Jake's Journal
-=J=-
Since Jason had gotten out of his last class a few minutes early, he went to
meet up with Pete. He leaned against the wall waiting. After all the other
students had emerged from the classroom and Pete hadn't, Jason went to the door
to see what was holding him up. The moment he saw his lover enfolded in the big
handsome football jock's arm's he turned and fled. He ran to the car, jumped in
and peeled out of the student parking lot. When he came to a stop in the
driveway, he turned off the engine and sat staring out the windshield ,the
sight of Pete wrapped in Arlen's arms still branded on his brain..
He thought about how much he loved Pete, and if Pete wanted someone
else........ 'Well, there was no way a puny little shit like me can compete
with a big jock like Arlen.'
All of his life, as far back as he could remember, his father, a large
man, had called him a puny little shit. Jason had come to eventually think of
himself that way. The only thing big he'd been in his whole life was a
disappointment to his father. Jason had been born premature at seven months.
His mother's ill health hadn't let her carry him to term. She had been ill all
his life and when he was thirteen she'd finally succumbed to the illness. His
father always a drank too much, and though he wasn't physically abusive, he was
very verbally so. Jason would never forget overhearing him tell his mother that
the only thing that she had ever accomplished in her life was bearing a useless
little runt.
Between the verbal abuse and his diminutive size Jason had little
competitiveness when it came to big people like Arlen. And if Pete wanted Arlen
over him then the only option Jason had was to move on.
He moved his stuff out of the upstairs nest into the old master bedroom.
He'd start looking for a new place to live tomorrow. That was the only way he
could see for keeping what little dignity he had.
~~~
When Pete realized he was kissing Arlen back, he pushed away from him.
"Don't. This is wrong."
Arlen was breathing heavy. "Why? We both wanted it."
"Arlen, I really like you, but I'm committed. I'm in love with
Jason."
Arlen's face blanked of all emotion. "That little twit?"
"He's my lover, my mate and he's not a twit."
Pete watched Arlen's expression darken.
"You're a damned prickteaser, just like
any other girl." Arlen snarled, and stomped off, leaving Pete standing in
a state of shock.
Pete watched him disappear around the corner, sighed, picked up his book
bag and headed to the parking lot to meet Jason. He was feeling guilty for
giving in to the kiss with Arlen. He knew he'd have to confess to Jason before
he could feel easy about it. When he got to the parking lot and saw the car
missing a sense of dread poured over his body.
He pulled our his cell phone and called Jason.
"What?" Jason answered.
"Where are you, Babe?"
" What do you care?"
"Jason? What's wrong?"
"Like you don't know."
"Jason?"
"Look, if you need a ride ask that big football player you were
kissing." Jason cut the connection.
Pete redialed, and listened to it ring until the automated voice
announced that the party wasn't available. He sighed and sat down on the edge
of the sidewalk. He knew that Jason sometimes was released from his last class
a few minutes early' and that on those days he always met him outside his
classroom. Today must have been one of those days, and Jason had seen Arlen and
him kissing.
He got up and started the cold trudge home. It was only three and a half
blocks, but he didn't have a jacket on and the weather was turning grey and
blustery. By the time he got to the house, he was thoroughly chilled. The car
was in the drive way so he knew Jason was home.
He entered the front door expecting to be met by a blast of heat, but was
disappointed. It was only around sixty degrees inside. He turned up the
thermostat and went looking for Jason. The kitchen was dark and there was no
food heating. He sighed and trudged up the stairs figuring that was where Jason
would be.
The first thing he noticed when he got to the top of the stairs was the
closet door was open and Jason's side was empty. He turned and scanned the
room, Jason's drawers in the big mahogany chest were hanging open and empty.
His heart dropped. The enlarged photo of the two of them lay on the floor. It
was obvious that Jason had ground it under his heel. Pete dragged himself over
to the bed and collapsed on it. Pulling the covers over himself, he stared at
the ceiling trying to hold back the tears but, he lost the battle and let the
sobs wrack his body.
~~~
Jason sat in the big winged back arm chair with his knees pulled up to
his chest. He'd not cried. But he had pretty much worn himself out with his
anger by the time he heard Pete open the front door. He listened to him trudge
through the house into the kitchen, and then up the stairs to the big room that
had been their nest.
After several minutes of not hearing any noise, he silently slid out of
the big chair and in his stocking feet he tiptoed in to the hall and listened.
He could near no sounds so he entered the stairwell and crept up th stairs. He stopped when he got up far enough to see Pete
rolled in the bedding. The sobbing tore at his heart, but the image of him
kissing Arlen hardened it. He went back to the bedroom downstairs put on his
shoes and a warm jacket and slipped out of the house.
He stood on the stoop and stared at the little white Honda. It had been
his until this afternoon. Now he'd been displaced by that kiss. The car had
been purchased with the money Dave had awarded Pete for saving his life.
Everything was really Pete's. The house, the car, both of the computers.
Everything that he'd thought of as theirs had been purchased with Pete's award
money. What a fool he'd been. As he thought about it he felt like a prostitute.
Pete had paid for everything. Pete had bought even him.
Jason stepped down to the sidewalk and plodded down the street with no
destination in mind, he just had to get away. Some how he ended up in front of
Gates-Way Bookstore where Pete worked before the accident. He stared vacantly
through the window not registering what he was seeing until his eyes touched on
a book.
The author's name jumped off the cover at him. Jake Shipman. Jake had
become like a big brother ,the only big person that Jason felt would not look
down on him, before he and Jim had broken up and Jake dropped out of sight.
Jason had his cell number in the phone's address book. He pulled the little
jewel out of his pants pocket and found the number. He dialed it and waited.
Jake answered just as he thought the automated voice would inform him the
party he was calling wasn't available.
"Shipman."
"Jake?"
"Yeah, who is this?"
"I'm Jason."
"Hey buddy, what's wrong?"
"I need somebody to talk to. Can I come see you."
"You sound really down. I'm not in town, little buddy. But I'll talk
to you all you want on this phone."
Jason sighed. "Pete and I broke up. I don't have any place to
stay."
"He kicked you out of that big old house?"
"No. I could stay there, but it would be awful with him having his
new boyfriend there."
"I can't imagine Pete with anyone but you."
"Yeah, well his new one is a big football jock."
"I can see how that would be most uncomfortable."
"I gave up my room in the dorm when Dave gave Pete that big house to
live in."
"I tell you what, Jase. My apartment is
just standing empty right now. Why don't you move in there until you get things
straighten out?"
"You mean it, Jake?"
"Anything for my little buddy."
Jake gave Jason instructions on how to get a key. And without going back
for any clothes, his books or anything he went directly to Jake's. He stripped
off his clothes crawled into Jake's big bed and dozed off and on, waking and
wondering where and how Pete was. Some time during the night his cell phone
rang, waking Jason only enough to mutter a curse before slipping back into his
uneasy sleep.
-=J=-
End of part three