Reclaiming Austin- Chapter 11

Michael threw Jason and I out of his apartment after lunch Sunday so he

could get ready for a dinner date. Jason followed me back to my apartment.

"Are we in Georgia yet?" Jason yelled across to me as we drove

along the congested Interstate 4 corridor.

"Just passing Sanford!" I yelled back.

I was still feeling guilty about what we'd done the night before. I was

also trying to figure out what I was feeling about Jason, Ryan, and

Austin. Despite the funny and adorable hunk driving a few feet from me, I

was one confused camper.

"You travel this way every time you go out?"

Jason asked incredulously.

"Damn, you should see if National Geographic will sponsor your

trips."

I grinned at him, gave him thumbs up then jumped ahead and let him try to

catch up.

I tried to get my feelings sorted on each of these guys. Austin was

wonderful, but he'd eliminated himself. I had pounced on him like rabid

piranha. He still had my heart tied and chained up like a treasure all his

alone. He'd been the one who made the choice to withdraw from me. So I

guess it wasn't even worth considering him, not any more.

Ryan was awesome. How could anyone not want him? But, there was "his"

Michael to consider. He'd made it clear that he felt that he and Michael

were destined to be together, and that Michael could make the move to

Orlando at any moment. I wasn't sure I wanted to be a part of that dynamic

even if I were invited.

And Jason? Was I reading him right? Obviously he was interested, but was it

in dating or just messing around? Was I even ready to move on?

I still thought about Austin all the time. Songs reminded me of him, I

dreamed of him. But most of my thoughts about him lately made me angry.

Did that mean I was over him? I needed someone wise to whine too, that or

my Michael. He wasn't much for compassion, but he was pretty good at

seeing through bullshit and calling an asshole an asshole.

Shit, I didn't even know if Jason was still "in business." Ryan sure didn't

like him. Was it jealousy over me? Was it just a personal choice? Was he

still fighting for the "Alex and Austin" that even I had given up on? I had

a bad headache, and I didn't think it was a hangover.

At my apartment parking lot, I was already unpacking when Jason drove up

full of smiles like a Disney cast member.

"Damn, you still have your clothes on?" He asked me with a leer.

" 'Fraid zo, Yason," I said, imitating his friend Oscar.

Jason walked over and took almost everything I had gotten out of the car

and hauled it over his shoulders, which suddenly appeared quite broad, and

carried everything like it was nothing. This was one strong guy. I caught

myself arching an eyebrow approvingly. He caught it too, and he grinned

like the devil caught on candid camera. Then made his pectorals dance for

me.

As I climbed the walkway to my door, I could hear Mrs. Tremere singing in

French.

"Hello, mon ami," She called out her window to me.

"Would you like some croissants and pate? Maybe some sliced pear?"

"I'd love to," I called back.

"Would it be inappropriate for me to invite my friend Jason?"

I couldn't see her face in the screen over the sink where she was working.

She was quiet for a moment before she sang out.

"Nooooo, of course not Alex. If you like him, I know I will as

well. Come, come, I have made much too much for me to eat alone."

I knew that she really had cooked too much, and one way or another she

would find someone to eat with. Quite often, it landed up being me. I

suppose she thought that she had to trade her food for company, which was

quite sad. I felt sorry quite often, leaving her alone in that apartment. I

tried to get her to come to my apartment, but hers really was so much

nicer. I decided that I had to take her out to a nice dinner this week.

"OK mon ami, let me drop off all this stuff first, then we'll be

right over," I called back.

I told Jason about Mrs. Tremere and how she was the perfect neighbor.

About how her father had been a black soldier in World War II and had

married a French girl, and how Mrs. Tremere was their only daughter.

"Ohhhhh, Alex," She said upon meeting Jason.

"This boy is more beautiful then ... Well, in any case, if I decide

to start dating, I will make you choose my guy, yes?"

She avoided bringing Austin into the conversation, though we all knew what

she meant.

"Wait a second!" Jason said seriously as he began to rise.

"You mean to tell me you're gay?" He accused me to my confusion.

"Jason, I knew you were gay the moment I saw you look at Alex, so

stop playing such silly games!" Mrs. Tremere admonished him. Jason got a

big silly grin and put an arm around me.

"Sorry, I was just playing," He said with down cast eyes.

"Ohhhhhh, Alex. Beautiful yes, but sooooo much effort to tame this

one," Mrs. Tremere added as she retrieved her silver tray and brought us a

platter of croissants, pate and butter. She then retrieved a tea set with

cream and homemade pralines.

We watched Jason try to be delicate as he ate, and Mrs. Tremere motioned

for him to continue.

"My dear Alex, you must start coming over to learn how to

cook. Yes? See how easily I capture another of your boys with a plate of

decent food."

By decent food, Mrs. Tremere meant it wasn't from a grocery store or a

chain bakery. She was adamant that good food had to be homemade or by

trained cooks. She was proof that one could be refined at any economic

level. She put a delicate hand up draped in what I assumed was a silk scarf

to stop me as I took a breath to talk.

"You feed them first, hook them, then they are yours with energy to

do whatever your mind thinks of. This only makes sense yes?" She asked us

both. Jason could only nod in agreement as I agreed and laughed.

"Jason, if two handsome young gentlemen wanted to date you, one was

an excellent cook and the other burned coffee. And aside from that both

were equal in all things. Whom would you chose, dear?"

Before the very embarrassed Jason could answer I started laughing and said,

"OK, OK, you win. Leave poor Jason alone please. I admit when I'm

bested."

Mrs. Tremere stood up and patted me on the shoulder as she went and got a

book from the kitchen.

"You stood no chance mon cher. I am much older and much more

experienced then you. But this is sophistication, you will learn this

too," She handed me an old cookbook in English.

"This was my father's mother's cookbook. It is very old and many

family recipes are in this book. Read it, and next week we will begin by

making something of your choice. Yes?"

"How about iced tea?" I asked with a smirk. Mrs. Tremere hated

even the idea of iced tea.

"I think we will start with honey rolls, or as you call them,

'steeeeky buns.' my little smart ass"

So we ate, and she was an island of class in an otherwise pedestrian world.

I thanked her with a traditional kiss and hug as I prepared to go. Jason

hesitated but was soon encompassed by surprisingly strong arms.

"You treat my Alex good, yes?" She warned like a protective

grandmother.

"I sure plan to, ma'am. Thank you for the wonderful food," Jason

beamed.

"You thank me by making Alex learn to cook, yes?" She offered.

I shook my head like a condemned man and sang over my shoulder,

"You already won, this is no fair."

A few minutes later we were in my less aromatic apartment putting away the

leftovers she insisted we take.

Jason was looking around when he spotted my guitar.

"You play?" He asked when I walked in the room.

"Yup," I answered with a smile.

"Play something for me please?" Jason asked, handing me the guitar

and sitting on my couch.

I tuned it a minute before deciding what I was gonna sing. Finally, I chose

an old disco song by Thelma Houston that I had turned into a rather good

acoustic version.

Don't leave me this way I can't survive, I can't stay alive Without your

love, oh baby

Don't leave me this way I can't exist, I will surely miss Your tender kiss

So don't leave me this way

(Ohhh) baby, my heart is full of your heart and desire for you So come on

down and do what you've got to do Your started this fire down in my soul

Now can you see it's burning out of control So come on down and satisfy the

need in me Cause only your good lovin' can set me free

Don't leave me this way I don't understand how I'm at your command So baby

please don't leave me this way

Don't leave me this way I can't exist, I will surely miss Your tender kiss

So don't leave me this way

Oh baby, my heart is full of heart and desire for you So come on down and

do what you've got to do Your started this fire down in my soul Now can you

see it's burning out of control So come on down and satisfy the need in me

Cause only your good lovin' can set me free

Don't leave me this way I can't survive, I can't stay alive Without your

love, oh baby

Don't leave me this way I can't exist, I will surely miss Your tender kiss

So don't leave me this way

Oh baby, my heart is full of heart and desire for you So come on down and

satisfy the need in me Cause only your good loving can set me free

Jason was grinning warmly and gave me a big round of applause.

"Dude, that was awesome! Oh my god, Alex, that was fucking great! I

couldn't place what song it was till you sang the chorus. Shit Alex, that

was awesome."

I got up and went over and sat in his lap and wiggled till I was comfy and

played another song as I leaned into him.

After a few seconds of thought, my fingers started the melodic strumming of

REM's "Everybody Hurts."

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, when you're

sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go,

everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day

is night alone, (hold on, hold on) if you feel like letting go, (hold on)

when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't

throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're

alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, when you

think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts

sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on. Hold on,

hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (Everybody hurts. You are not

alone.)

By the end of the song, Jason had wrapped his big arms around me and was

nuzzling my neck. He was "holding on" to me.

"Oh my god! Alex! That's amazing. Why aren't you doing this for a

living?" Jason asked, all choked up.

"Thanks Jason, but I'm not really that good. You're just partial."

I said playfully hitting his shoulder with my head.

"No Alex, you really are that good sweetie. Really!" Jason said as

he took the guitar out of my hands and leaned it on the end table. A moment

later his arms encircled me and pulled me tightly against him.

"Now I want to show you one of my talents as a thank you for that."

Jason said in my ear softly.

I must have stiffened up and sent an unconscious message to Jason.

"Jason, I really want to find out where this is going, I really do.

God, I can't believe that you are even interested in me. But ..." I

searched for the words,

"I'm... confused and I'm not sure..."

Jason put a finger to my lips and whispered in my ear.

"Alex, I want to make love to you so bad it hurts. Seriously, it

actually hurts. But I could tell last night it's too soon for you. All I

want to do is hold you tonight. Maybe a little kissing. Where we go is up

to you Alex. OK? We both know what I really want to do, but I don't want to

fuck this up," Jason said sweetly before adding,

"And I don't think I'm any better then you in any way. In fact,

after that performance, I feel honored to be in your presence."

And so that's what we did, we got undressed and went to my bed, and Jason

held me tightly spooned in his warm, slightly hairy arms. We nuzzled and

kissed a little, and I was taken by the first good sleep I'd had since

Austin left me. Not even a nightmare that night.

After a nice basic breakfast (despite what Mrs. Tremere said, I could cook

some things) Jason went home, and I got ready for work. It was nice waking

up with a warm body for a change.

The week went by quickly as I was either working or preparing for Michael's

birthday party. I arranged for the stripper and the food, Mrs. Tremere was

making the cake, and so far everyone except Melissa was planning to show

up. I hadn't learned why Melissa was standing up Dan, but when I called

Ryan, he promised to explain it all to me later.

Friday, I received an excited phone call from Jason on my machine. I called

the number he gave, and could tell almost instantly that he was hyped up

like he'd been doing meth.

"Dude, can you get to Orlando tonight?" He asked like he was

trying to keep some giant secret.

"Yeah, I suppose so. It'll take me a while," I said confused.

"Cool! Dress casual and bring your guitar to the Seattle Scene

Coffee house," He said, his voice so excited that it was cracking.

"What?!" I asked flatly, not believing the implication.

"Alex, I talked my friends Jeorge and Henna into featuring you

tonight. Or at least auditioning you," Jason said proudly.

"What?" I asked again, perhaps a little deeper and less confused.

"Go put on your black silk shirt, those black jeans and sneakers,

grab your guitar, and come visit me at Seattle Scene," Jason said to me in

forced calmness.

I'll spare you the rest of the phone call, because it went on for another

10 minutes until he'd talked me into visiting with my guitar. He assured me

I wouldn't have to go on if I didn't want to.

Seattle Scene was a good-sized coffee house that served sandwiches, bagels,

and pastries. It had a small stage that I'd seen some average singers and

a few bad poets perform on.

The club was sparsely populated at 7:30 when I got there.

"Alex!" Jason sang out excitedly as he walked across the floor

when he saw me.

I was hugged tightly before I was escorted over to meet Jeorge and

Henna. They seemed like yuppies who wanted to be hippies but were born too

late and with too much money. Nice enough I guess.

"Sooooo, dude, I hear you can really make the strings dance,"

Jeorge said in a voice that might have come right out of Woodstock.

"Ummmm, yeah, I play a little I guess. Never for a crowd I didn't

know though," I stammered, looking at the crowd.

"Awwwww, they're all good people, Alex. Jason says you really have

a gift. Care to show us?" Henna asked warmly but more business-like.

After a little coaxing, I took the trio in the back room and did a cover of

Harry Chapin's "Cats in the Cradle."

All three of them had looks that crossed the board from awe, to pleasure,

to excitement. Jason came over and kissed me.

"Baby, it's a small crowd out there now. Go find out if they love your

voice as much as we do," He said.

"I'll give you free coffee and whatever you want to eat

tonight. And if the crowd responds like I think they will, I'll discuss

paying you next time," Henna said as she rubbed my back.

"What the hell. Jason's gonna go out and get the crowd to start

chanting my name if I don't anyways," I said with a grin.

A few minutes later, with no microphone, I took a stool on stage and

announced my name. Then I sat down, closed my eyes, and let my fingers go.

Indigo Girls, Extreme, Cat Stevens, REM, even an acoustic version of "I

Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. Apparently we had a pretty gay crowd. As

they were so quiet I had to open my eye to see if they were still there

when I was part way through Gaynor's anthem. They were, and they were

enraptured.

Half an hour later, Jason got on stage with a mike and said it was

intermission. I opened my eyes and saw that a few more people had come in,

quite a few. I got a pretty good response when I ended.

"Good thing they aren't drunk!" I said to Jason after waving to

the crowd.

I got an iced latt頡nd had a turkey sandwich while I was watching the

crowd, people kept coming over to talk with me about their favorite songs

or what they hoped I'd play. Jason stood over me protectively with his body

pressed against mine the whole time.

In my next set, I did Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel, a Green Day

cover, some Smashing Pumpkins, and Carly Simon's "Anticipation." I

dedicated that to Jason, who bowed and waved at the audience and hammed it

up.

By my third set, the place had filled and a crowd was standing around. I

can't tell you the fear, thrill, and high that performing in a room that

size next to an audience that loves you. Jason had to help me walk I was so

excited.

For my last set, I repeated a few songs mostly cause I was having trouble

thinking and also because I was getting requests to do songs because people

had missed them earlier. I also did a few Neil Young songs, some Elton

John, and ended with my one of my all time favorites, "Wicked Games" by

Chris Isaak.

The whole world on fire and no one could save me but you. It's strange

what desire will make foolish people do. I never dreamed that I'd love

somebody like you. I never dreamed that I'd loose somebody like you no,

I don't want to fall in love, No I don't want to fall in love With you.

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing

to do, to let me dream of you. What a wicked thing to say, you never felt

this way. What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and

No I don't want to fall in love. No I don't want to fall in love. With

you. With you. Nobody loves no one.

I usually had Phil or Dan or Cynthia sing backup for me. One time Ryan had

even told me that he had met Chris Isaak and that this was also one of his

favorite songs.

Regardless, the audience was on its feet applauding and cheering and the

sound was disorienting. When I opened my eyes and saw wall-to-wall people

all looking at me, I suddenly panicked and fell off my stool. As I landed I

heard wood cracking and realized it had to be my guitar.

Jason and a dozen other guys came over asking if I was all right. I was so

embarrassed and tried to get up and brushed all the hands away. I grabbed

my guitar and made a hasty exit towards the back room. I put my back

against the door and heard the audience, most of whom had missed my stage

dive. I was mortified.

"What happened, dude? They sure seemed to like you." Jeorge's

voice wafted over with his pot smoke in the dark.

"I fell." I said simply, suddenly wondering if I could ask Jeorge

for a few tokes.

Someone began to knock softly on the door.

"Alex, you OK?" I moved aside and opened the door quickly to allow

Jason in.

He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead.

"You were amazing, baby boy!"

"Before or after I embarrassed myself so badly?" I asked

sarcastically.

"Alex, you fell off a stool because you had six dozen people in

your face. Big whoopdee doo! How's your guitar?" We looked down and saw

that the neck was barely hanging on to the body. I was really mad at

myself.

"Awwwwww dude, we'll pay to fix that. Don't get all bummed."

Jeorge volunteered warmly.

"Can't fix this Jorge, I'm gunna hafta get a new one. It sucks

because this was a present from my mother."

Jeorge came over and put a hand on me and passed me his bowl. It had been a

long time, but I felt I needed it just then. Jason took a hit and passed it

back to me. They sort of forced me to bogart for a while.

Finally, I calmed down and Jason had an arm firmly wrapped around me.

"Let's go face the hordes kiddo," He said, walking to the door. I

was essentially dragged. Jason just lifted me from behind and carried me

out.

"Here's the star!" Jason announced.

A crowd got all animated and came over grinning at Jason's arm around me.

"No more music tonight, guys. Alex's guitar broke when he fell,"

Jason said.

Quite a few sad moans and disappointed sounds littered the room. Several

minutes later, this girl with tribal tattoos came over and handed me a

coffee cup.

"Here, Alex. It's not much, but we collected this from the

crowd. All of us really liked you, dude. You put a lot of soul and heart in

your songs. We all hope you come back."

"You were a hit, Alex," Henna said, handing me another cup full of

dollar bills.

"I know this isn't nearly enough to replace a good guitar, but

we'll pick that up for you baby. I have a friend who builds guitars if you

wanna check him out."

We made plans to meet next week and discuss it. Henna said we could discuss

my appearing again then too.

"Alex, I have already been asked if you'd play at three weddings."

Henna said proudly, as though she were now my agent.

"I have a job!" I protested weakly. I hadn't been stoned in a long

time, and it was kicking my butt. At least I was calm now.

"So you can do this on the side, most weddings are on weekends,"

Henna added as she handed us our drinks.

I was beginning to get freaked out by all the fans wanting to talk with me,

so I grabbed Jason, and we went in the storeroom to hide. We ended up

making out. After each of us had prominent wet spots on our pants, I

decided it was time to go home.

"It's Friday, baby. Why don't you come to my house?" Jason offered

me.

I put my head on his shoulder and said,

"OK, I don't wanna drive right now."

When we walked out the little crowd that was still around the stage all

laughed as they caught site of the spots on the front of clothing.

Jeorge handed something to Jason that I assumed was more pot.

Everyone was very gracious as we prepared to leave. And I got hugs and

kisses, and I managed a few polite thank yous, a few dumb stares and a long

giggle when I realized how tightly Jason and I were wrapped up in each

other. People were saying a lot of nice things, and I wanted to be more

congenial but my head was soaring

"Jeorge, Henna, I'm taking this giggling, squinty eyed boy home for

the night. I'll give you a call Sunday," Jason said with a chuckle.

I wanted to say something, but by the time I formed a word in my head five

minutes had passed and they were laughing about something else. I remember

both Jeorge and Henna hugging me good night and saying something about a

new guitar. I think I said thank you. And then we were in Jason's car.

I barely remember a thing about Jason's house. He had a big soft bed with

brick coloured sheets and big beige down comforter. it was almost decadent

cuddling with him under his comforter.

I woke up early the next morning, kissed Jason a little, reminded him about

the party later then slipped into the shower. Jason joined me before I got

out. Later Jason drove me to my car at the coffee shop and we had a long

kiss goodbye. I made him promise to come to Michel's house for the party

later.

By the time Saturday afternoon rolled around, I was actually excited. Jason

was meeting me beforehand and was going to help me set up with Ron.

Of course, Cynthia, Korma and Jennifer were also going to be there to

decorate. No one twisted crepe paper quite like Cynthia or gathered

balloons like Jennifer. My job was arranging the whole event. I put Glen on

music, so I knew there would be a lot of Journey despite many pleas to skip

it in lieu of 70s, 80s or early 90s dance, disco, or even rap music. I

pleaded with him to hold off on the journey till after everyone was drunk

and the party began to dwindle.

Jason arrived at 6:30 with a gorgeous cake dressed in almond-colored rum

butter cream frosting and marzipan fruits that Mrs. Tremere had baked.

"You are so going to learn to cook like this," Jason said as he

slid the cake onto the table and leaned over to kiss me.

"And never stop working out. In fact, I think we should both double

our workout routine right now just to prepare for the food you'll be making

soon."

I kissed him once again and said,

"Easy there, big guy. I'll be starting with toast and jam. Don't

get caviar dreams in your head just yet."

He laughed and kissed me again before strutting over to introduce himself

to Glen and offer his expertise with the music.

"Thank god!" I thought, and then worried that between the two of them Garth

Brooks or Toby Keith might appear.

The main crowd began pouring in at about 8, and the party was starting to

jig by 9:30 when Michael showed up.

"OK, all you bitches can go home now, except Jason, Dan and

Alex. Alex, get me a beer, cut the cake and serve us, bitch!" Michael

bellowed as he entered the room.

It was then that I finally saw Ryan and managed to squeeze over next to

him.

"I saw your one-pack last week, Michael. Trust me, you need push

ups, not cake," I said to Michael as I gave him a one-armed hug.

"Hey Ryan," I said. Then I noticed his roommate squeezing in behind

him.

"Ohhhh, hey there, Brandon."

"Hey, Alex. Nice shirt," Brandon said as he kissed my cheek and

walked in.

"Thanks Brandon, like your outfit, too." Then I turned on Michael

and said,

"Michael, what the hell are you doing here? I told you we were

having a party tonight."

I handed Brandon and Ryan some ice-cold beers from the coolers.

"Who invited the talking chimp?" Michael asked dismissively as he

walked away.

"I thought you two were best friends?" Brandon asked confused and

unsure if he should say anything.

"They are buddy. It's a long strange story, but that's how they

talk to each other. Don't take any of it seriously," Ryan said as he

escorted Brandon in and began introducing him to people.

"I want to be a gay man, Alex!" Cynthia announced as she slipped

up and put an arm around my waist.

"It is not fair that you keep getting such fine boyfriends. I mean,

really, it's just not fair," Cynthia declared as she watched Jason talking

with Phil.

"And if he doesn't work out, then you've got two or three more hunks

hanging around here." She pouted dramatically.

"Sugar, I think you are missing one or two vital ... apparati to be

a gay man. Now, if you want to be a lesbian, I know one or two who would

love to help you out as favors to me."

"Dahrlin," Cynthia announced in her perfect Carolina accent,

"If ah want seafood ah'll have daddy take me to Red Lobsta! Ah

guess ah'll just have ta buy some aparati at a gay bookstore."

"I'll keep my eyes open for sales then," I called after her.

The party was raging by 10:30. Boys chasing girls, boys chasing boys and

nearly everybody drunker then they should be this early in the party.

Michael had assembled a small circle of boys and was playing drinking games

with them. It really wasn't fair as neither Dan, Glen nor Stephan were near

the alcoholic tolerance that Michael, Brandon, Ron, or Ron's current

boyfriend, Les, were. Oh well, they were over 18.

While I was mixing up a fresh batch of watermelon martinis, one of

Michael's favorites, Ryan slipped up behind me stuck his bristly chin on my

neck and said,

"When you're done, we need to talk handsome."

Ryan said as he grabbed a beer and danced past me. I finished mixing the

giant mix of cocktails and passed the pitcher of 100 proof martinis to

Jennifer to take to the boys, I then searched the crowded house till I

found Ryan talking on a cell phone on Michael's deck.

"OK, Mr. Mysterious. What's so important?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess it's time. Talk to you later bro, Good luck." Ryan

said into his phone as he hung it up and looked at me. My intuition told

me he was up to something.

"Melissa and Dan broke up," Ryan stated, looking down at me

cryptically.

"Yeeeeeeeah," I said slowly.

"Everyone knows already, we just don't know why yet."

"Because she was cheating with an old boyfriend who lives in

Gainesville. I walked in on them," Ryan said shaking his head from side to

side.

"Fucking Gainesville, does anything at all good come from that shit

hole?" I fumed, feeling sorry for Dan.

"Well, a lot of cute boys ... some talented athletes ... Gatorade,"

Ryan offered nonchalantly.

I shook my head angrily. I had a lot of questions - not only about

Melissa and Dan, but also, what was Ryan doing in Gainesville -- but wanted

to get a drink first. I saw that Ryan needed one, too.

"I'll be right back. You want a beer or something?" I asked taking

his empty glass.

"Surprise me. Just no tequila, I'm driving," Ryan said as he

followed me into Michael's hallway and leaned against a closet door.

I decided I didn't want to walk all the way around, so I walked over to

Michael's bedroom door and opened it and turned on the light. On the other

side of the room, I got a perfect view of Dan standing by the bed naked,

his cock sticking out of Michael's mouth. Neither had noticed -- or cared

-- that the lights had gone on. I quickly turned around and turned the

lights off and left, locking the door behind me.

"I think Dan's over Melisa ... or, at least ... ummmm, found a way

to cope," I said to Ryan with wide eyes as I walked past to get the drinks.

"Whadda ya mean?" He asked, me stopping me with a big hand.

I pointed at the bedroom door and tried talking. Finally, I managed to say,

"Dan ...and Michael ... Gotta lock other door."

I walked around and reached my hand in Michael's front door and locked his

door then closed it. I just shook my head as I went over to get drinks.

Jason walked up and said,

"You have some really great friends Alex, much nicer than that

'party' I met you at."

"Thanks Jason, apparently they all like you too. So far one guy

and several girls have asked if you were available or not." I smiled at

him as I grabbed some beers.

"And what did you tell them?" Jason asked with an over confident

grin.

"That you were my pimp, and you were mean and jealous and liked to

beat me." I said with a grin as I brushed myself against him. He laughed

and asked me,

"So, any of them still interested?"

"I'm not telling unless you spank me big guy!" Jason laughed and

slid an arm around me as he followed me back to Ryan. I might have been

mistaken, but Ryan's eyes got narrow and he folded his arms when he saw

Jason. I could feel the heat and hoped Jason wouldn't.

"So what was that comment about Dan not needing Melisa anymore

about?" Ryan asked. I frowned, not sure if I should say anything in front

of Jason.

"Ummm, It's just that I just saw Michael on his knees getting his

birthday gift shoved down his throat from Dan," I blushed as I said out

loud.

"Neither of you should say a word to anybody about this. Michael

would love it, but Dan ... probably wouldn't," I said, picking my words

carefully.

"Man, the straight guys at these parties sure aren't like the ones

I grew up with," Jason said shaking his head then leaning over to kiss my

ear.

"They probably are, it's the gays around here that are different.

Out and unapologetic, not secretive." I said.

"Or maybe it's something in the water." I offered.

"Probably safer to say it's something in the beer, or watermelon

martinis." Ryan observed shaking his head.

"Ryan, Dan's a big boy, He looked real happy when I saw him

earlier. Michael has been hitting on him for years. I guess he just

decided to give it a go out of anger or revenge; maybe it's sexual

frustration. Trust me, Michael wouldn't do something like that if Dan

hadn't indicated he wanted to."

Ryan looked me in the eyes and said,

"A lot of people seem to be making a lot of really bad snap

decisions. No one even seems interested in trying to work things out." He

locked eyes with me. I knew he meant Austin and me.

"If certain parties had made any indication they wanted to work

things out, they should have made that known six weeks ago. They didn't,

and life goes on. You can't expect a person to wait around for years for

something that probably won't ever happen." I stated pointedly to Ryan.

Maybe a little angrier then I should have.

"Ya know what Ryan? Everybody here tonight is over 18 and can make

their own choices. Right or wrong. It's up to them, nobody else gets a

vote." Jason said as he stiffened and tightened his arm around me.

Christ, could these to hate each other any more politely?

"Friends try to help their friends not make choices that will end

up hurting them," Ryan said breaking his gaze from me and firing it at

Jason with double barrels.

"maybe that's true if they're endangering someone's lives, like

driving drunk, But if it's a personal choice, it's their mistake to make. A

friend is there to give them support if they need it and give advice if

they ask for it." Jason countered smoothly, though his anger could be felt

even through his calm facade.

Just then, several excited voices called me from the living room. I slipped

out from Jason and prayed these two wouldn't get physical. Then told them

I'd be right back.

"Actually, I need to talk with Brandon," Ryan said. I was sure he

didn't want to get left with Jason and was relieved they were splitting up.

I heard more people calling me and wondered if the stripper had gotten here

early. Instead, standing in the dining room, dressed in a red A&F shirt, a

black cap and jeans, smiling a weak smile, eyes searching for mine, was

... Austin.

I froze, my emotions crashing into a shut floodgate. I became weak and

started to shake. All those weeks of pent-up frustrations began leaking to

the surface.

"It is so good to see you again, baby," Austin said as he walked up

to me and put an arm on my shoulder. He seemed oblivious to the croud that

formed a circle around us. Like a school yard full of kids before a fight.

"WHY are you here?" I managed to growl out under my breath to him.

Every eye in the place was on the two of us. The only other sound of note

was Journey's "Wheel in the Sky" playing in the background. At that moment,

I was facing the object of all my pain and suffering, the guy who had

shredded my heart and left me for dead without an explanation.

Austin removed his hand and bent his head forward.

"Baby, it's me. I-I got away for the weekend," He said, trying to

muster his boyish charm in the face of my growing fury.

"Then go back!" I choked out, running past him to the front

door. I vaguely recall the confused faces and hands reaching out to me from

the crowd.

"Alex, Please stop! We gotta talk, baby," Austin called to me with

a sad urgency.

I had developed tunnel vision, my world was pressing in like a cracked sub

at three miles down. I had to escape the crowd and get away. I felt

panicked like I never had in my life, not even on the stage the night

before.

"Alex? Please, baby. Let me talk to you, please?" Austin

pleaded. His voice cracking.

"You lost that option when you crushed my heart. What can you say

to that will give me back everything you destroyed?" I hissed as I forced

my way towards the door. I needed to escape, fresh air. Ryan fought his

way through the crowd and looked at Austin then directly at me.

I suddenly panicked and ran as fast as I could to the door. I didn't care

who was in my way. When I got outside, I ran to my car as fast as I could

go. I barely heard my name being called.

Suddenly, I looked up and Jason was there at my Jeep doors holding his hand

out for the keys. I wanted to punch him at first. But I knew somehow he was

there to help me. Of all the people there, he was the one who didn't want

me to be with the cause of all my pain and suffering.

We'd barely gotten a block from the house when the dam broke and I began

sobbing uncontrollably. Jason tried talking to me soothingly but all I

could do was cry and try and to force thoughts of Austin from my mind.

At my place, Jason helped me from the car and walked me upstairs as though

I was a cripple. He held his arms around me both protectively and

supportively. I heard his words cooing to me about things being all right

and how he was there for me.

I recall getting a drink from Jason and having him remove my clothing and

getting me into bed.

As he slid in next to me, holding me tightly and protectively, I suddenly

realized what I wanted, what I needed, what would drive Austin from my

mind.

"Jason?" I said darkly.

"Yeah, baby? Whadda ya need, honey?" Jason asked as he rubbed me

gently from behind.

I rolled over to face him; I wanted to look into Jason's eyes, which seemed

black in my dark room.

"Fuck me?" I begged desperately.

Jason readjusted himself suddenly,

"You sure?" He asked warily.

"Yes, pound that SOB out of my mind. Make me forget about him once

and for all Jason."

"That's an interesting seduction," Jason said as he reached out to

caress me.

"I mean it Jason. I want you in me. Take me and make me

yours. Pummel every thought of that bastard out of me," I pleaded as I

tried sliding under Jason.

Jason stopped me and looked down at me from a raised elbow.

"On one condition," he said.

"Anything," I promised as I reached up and began playing with his

nipples.

"You let me take control and you don't and you don't mention Austin

again. I want you Alex, I have since we first met. I've given up my old

career and smoking for you. I want you to want me, to think of ME." Jason

said as he lowered himself onto me.

I put my arms over my head in a submissive position.

"Promise. Tonight you drive and you take control, I'm all yours."

I said softly.

Jason rolled on top of me and began kissing me. He was a great kisser, and

as his hands roamed over my naked body, his erection was already poking at

my groin. Without thinking, I brought my legs up till my knees were in my

armpit. Jason raised his face from mine, looked side to side at my legs,

got a smile and said,

"Damn, you sure are a twisty dude, aren't ya?"

"You have no idea," I responded as I began to work my legs behind

his shoulders. His cock was now grinding into my ass, and I imagined that I

could see his smile even in the dark room.

Jason whistled.

"Damn, Oscar would be impressed. Maybe you do have a few talents to

show him."

Jason reached over and opened my nightstand drawer and took out a condom

and a bottle of lube. I couldn't see this, but I knew the sounds well.

Jason bent down and kissed me as he was putting the condom on.

"You ready?" Jason asked.

"Lube?" I responded.

Jason reached over and retrieved the WET. He lubed his condom-covered

erection and began fingering my hole, which made me moan loudly.

"Mmmmmmmmm. Tight little fucker," Jason cooed in my ear as he

licked and nibbled my lobe and began sticking his tongue in my ear.

Jason was lubing my hole with a second finger. It felt great, but I wanted

more.

"Fuck me, Jason." I pleaded as though this would drive the pain of

seeing Austin from my mind.

The fingers were withdrawn and a cock head was suddenly pressing at my

hole.

"Yeaaaaahhhhhh, big guy." I moaned as he reared up and grabbed my

ankles and pressed them down as he began pushing into me.

"Gotta tell Michael you belong to me now, bitch." Jason said as he

suddenly forced half of his 8 1/2 inches into me.

I threw my head back and loudly moaned and almost yelled.

"Like that my bitch?" Jason asked.

"Yeeeaaaaahhhhhhh," I moaned happily.

Jason buried himself in me and ground his brown pubes against my ass.

"Ohhhhhhh God yeah!" I growled loudly.

Jason let go of my ankles and grabbed my wrists and used all of his

6-foot-4 frame to pin me down and ground his cock in my ass.

"Jeeeesuz Christ! That's sooooo fucking tight...feels awesome!"

Jason groaned.

"Fuck me!" I pleaded, excited by the casual roughness and needing

so badly at that moment to feel something, anything, that didn't involve my

being betrayed.

And so Jason's hips started to pump his long shaft into my tight and hungry

ass over and over.

Jason held my hands over my head with one hand, his weight pushing down on

my wrists. His other hand caressed my face before he leaned over and kissed

me, opening his mouth to mine and exploring me with his tongue.

The more I pleased with him to pound me, the harder and faster he slammed

his cock into my ass. After a few minutes neither of us were making words,

just grunts, moans and loud breathing.

Before I even knew what was happening, my balls tightened and blew cum all

over our chests and bellies. My contractions set him off, and with a final

thrust of his talented hips, I could feel the condom pulsing in my ass. We

clung weakly to each other, breathing heavy and fading in and out of

consciousness.

"Thanks," I moaned softly as I put my legs down and forced him out

of me.

"Anytime baby." Jason said with a barely perceptible grin.

Jason got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I heard water, and a few

minutes later I could feel a washcloth washing my chest and belly. Then

there was a long sleep as Jason wrapped himself around me.

I awoke feeling amazingly happy the next day. Jason was still holding me,

and the noon sun was streaming in my window.

"Morning sleepyhead!" Jason said as he looked down at my face.

"Mmmmmmrning," I mumbled back with a brief smile.

"Since you wouldn't come shower with me last night, why don't you

go do that while I see if I can scrounge up some breakfast. If I can't,

I'll join you and then we'll go out for breakfast," Jason said in an

alarmingly coherent way.

"You join me in the shower, you best hang up any idea you had about

eating." I grinned at him over my shoulder as I sashayed naked to the

shower.

As I was showering and enjoying the warm feeling in my ass and the warm

water cleaning me, I heard my door bell ring.

"I'll get it." Jason called.

Hmmmmph, probably a bunch of door to door Christians, I thought.

When I got out and dried off and threw some black Calvin briefs on, I

walked to the living room and snuggled up against Jason.

"You get rid of that annoying Jehovah's Witness?" I asked as I

stuck my hand in my robe, which Jason happened to be wearing.

"It was Austin," Jason said solemnly as he looked at me with sad

eyes.

"He wished us happiness, and told me to take care of you," Jason

said as I shrunk into him.

"I thought he was going to hit me at first, but Ryan was with him,

probably to make sure nothing happened. Then he started to cry and told me

to take care of you. Alex, I wasn't trying to win you. I didn't know I had

to. Why do I feel like I've done something wrong?"

I leaned my head into his shoulder and began to cry.