I was running late for the coffee house and I didn't have
time to take
and he agreed to come in as long as
it was somewhere he didn't have to see
anyone. He said he wasn't ready for that yet and
besides, he had a
headache.
I knocked on the back door when we got there till Jorge
opened the door
with a confused look. He was excited to see me, as he said they all
figured I wasn't showing, and a
little confused to see Austin whom he'd
never met. I asked if
he was fine with it.
the crowd. Actually, it wasn't the crowd so much that I
was scared of. It
was the temper of the Diva singing
that made me queasy.
Marika was singing an old Diana Krall song and had the crowd mesmerized;
she did however notice me sneaking
in and shot me an icy stare. When the
song was over she called for a few
minutes' break and walked over silently.
"This
better be damned good gayboy!" she said evenly.
I met her eyes and said softly, "
and I found
up. Then I had to get him today, cause he tried running away so I was
late. Sorry."
Marika just stared a moment then
blinked and said, "Say what?"
I repeated it and assured her I'd tell her everything
later. She just
shook her head and said,
"Lord
AL-Mighty! You boys and your Drama!" Then told me
what songs
she'd done and we agreed to do our
original first set as a finale.
When the break was over I got up and apologized to the
audience for being
so late.
"This
is a song by the Eurythmics, I'd like to dedicate it
to a
lost soul named
Love is a stranger In an open car
to tempt you in And drive you far away
And I want you And I want you And I
want you so It's an obsession
Love is a danger Of a different
kind To take you away And leave you far
behind And love, love, love, Is a
dangerous drug You have to receive it And
you still can't Get enough of the
stuff
It's savage and it's cruel And it
shines like destruction Comes in like the
flood And it seems like religion
It's noble and it's brutal It distorts and
deranges And it wrenches you up And
you're left like a zombie
And I want you And I want you And I
want you so It's an obsession
It's guilt edged Glamorous and
sleek by design You know it's jealous by
nature False and unkind It's hard
and restrained And it's totally cool It
touches and it teases As you
stumble in the debris
And I want you And I want you And I
want you so It's an obsession
Ryan was beaming with a cute toothy grin from the front of
the audience, I
winked at him to affirm his
suspicions that Austin and I had... well,
whatever we'd done.
Marika and I did a few more songs,
Beatles, Gladys Night, Diana Washington,
and a great adaptation of Great Gig
In The Sky, by Pink Floyd. Her gospel
overtones really added a great
depth and soul to the song, which was
already a powerful song with Marika doing the vocals.
If I'd ever heard an
orgasm without sex, that was it.
When it was over, I signed a few autographs, then grabbed a
few drinks and
slipped back to find
I handed
"I'm
ok Alex," he blushed. "Just tired," he added, then said with a
smile, "Thank you for that
song, I haven't heard it in years... I feel all
that stuff about you too," he
added clumsily. But I smiled, cause I knew
he meant it.
Ryan and Michael came bursting into the room with big grins.
"
laughed at his boyfriend and waved
to me.
jumped when Ryan hugged him cause
Ryan stepped back and asked seriously,
"What's wrong?" He wasn't going to back down and
down to the ground and shook his
head saying,
"Nothing, just
not feeling great."
Ryan didn't believe him apparently,
"Dude, I haven't seen you or heard from
you in weeks. What's
wrong?" Ryan looked at me.
"Will somebody please tell me what's going on?"
"He
was hurt when I found him Ryan, but it's taken care of." I
said. I thought of my last sight of Dennis and Gene
as I left the
apartment and got goose bumps.
"He'll
be ok," I added, looking at
some strength.
them to sound like an accusation,
in
perceived it.
"Ryan,
you've been a fuck'n awesome friend, I'm just not
ready to
talk right now... I will and I
promise, I'll tell you everything. Please
don't be mad."
Ryan softened a bit at
obviously beat down and not
himself?
"So, you staying at home?" Ryan asked, deciding to drop the
subject
as he realized we weren't going to
talk yet.
"Um,
No; staying with Alex,"
back pocket and pulling me closer.
Since I hadn't talked to Jorge yet, I
was a little wary of getting too
comfy with
"I
told mom and pop about Alex, and my dad freaked out and told me
never to come over again."
everyone saw through.
"What
about school Austin? And Baseball?" Michael asked
in his
mellow baritone, his concern
evident.
"Don't
know right now; I'm not in school at the moment. I'll
figure all that shit out, I guess.
Right now I just... I need to be here,"
Marika popped in and said the
audience wanted another set and that we could
do last weeks'. So I left Ryan, Michael and Jorge after a
quick hug and
kissed
crowd.
When I was done Henna came up to me with a sad face. I knew as a friend of
Jason's that I was going to have to explain what was going
on to her. So
we went outside for a while.
"Jason
called me last night and told me what happened and that he
was going to
I hung my head; this wasn't going to be easy. I hated even
saying it.
"Henna, Jas saw me with
allow me to respond or
explain. I would have stepped in front
of a train
before hurting him, Henna, or
found him..." I paused and swallowed.
"I
found him drugged and tied to a bed... being..." I trailed
weakly, not wanting or needing to
finish the sentence. Her mouth hung open
and her head dropped in disbelief.
"He
dropped out of school and... And his dad threw him out and told
him not to come home." I
paused for a few moments before adding, "but I
love them both. I would give my life for either of them
Henna, I don't
want to hurt either one of them...
I can't stand the idea that I hurt
Jason. He's never done anything but be good to me and love
me," I said in
misery.
"Baby,
I don't know if there is any good advice here; it's a
horrible place you're in. I'm Jason's friend and have to pull for him,
but
I'm your friend too, and I want you to make the right
choice. You owe it
to both of them as well as
yourself. But as the owner of this place I can
say I want you to keep coming back.
Business is booming and the crowd loves
you," she said firmly holding
my hand. She put out her cigarette and
stepped to the door then turned and
offered, "I'll try and explain what you
told me to Jason... But I'm going to
gently recommend that he forget about
you Alex and move on with his
life... for his sake." I nodded
slowly,
wishing I would be swallowed by the
earth and permitted to sleep till the
world sorted itself out.
Suddenly a group of people came out and, oblivious to my
pain or Henna's
worry, they all smiled and grinned
and wanted to have pictures taken with
me.
Henna went inside as I made the fans happy. When all that was left
was a skinny effeminate 18 year old
with spiked blue hair, and myself, he
offered to go home with me and do
anything I liked. I gave him a wry smile
and shook my head.
"Thanks
hon, but I have more men now than I know what to do
with... but thanks."
He seemed a little disappointed but smiled and said the
offer was always
good.
I went around to sneak in the
backdoor when I ran into Jorge with a sad
look on his face.
"Hey
Alex, can we talk a minute dude?" He asked, leaning against
the building.
"Sure,
What's up, Jorge?"
"Well,
might be none of my goddamned business, but... that boy
he needs you. Don't worry about Jase
right now... That boy in there needs
some help"
Jorge let me in the back door to find Michael looking over
back while Ryan held him with an
angry calm.
"Alex,
will you please tell me who the fuck did this?" Ryan
growled. "
gunna
fucking wish they were never fucking born!" Ryan growled angrily.
"I can't tell you everything Ryan, not yet... but the
guy who did that
won't ever do anything like it
ever, ever again." I caught Ryan's
eyes and
dropped my voice to a growl,
"I promise you that." I offered solemnly.
Michael walked up and gently pulled
cover him back up.
were glazed and he seemed to shrink
against the wall.
Michael gave me a worried look, which I met. He took my hand
and squeezed
it in his in silence. I knew he was offering his strength and
sympathy.
"If
you need a place to stay,
I." Ryan offered.
stay with me; I closed my eyes
grateful that he wanted to stay with me as
much as I wanted him to.
"Thank
you Ryan, but... we need to be together right now, we still
have a lot to talk about and... I
really need him now,"
Ryan nodded and Michael silently slipped his arm around
Ryan's shoulder.
"Can
we come up and take you both out this week?" He asked after a
moment of silence.
"Of
course... I think we just can't stand the idea of not being
together... I kinda
hate the idea of not being there to protect him even
though I know he'd be totally safe
with you." I said with a smile.
"Ummm,"
really tired and my head really
hurts. No offense, guys," he
offered to
Ryan and Michael.
So after a few goodbyes, and a few words to Marika and Phil, I gathered my
massive treasure and loaded him
into my jeep and drove him home in silence.
over the wind and engine. The love I had for
what I shared with Jason. With Jason it was a calm, grown up, warm and
filling feeling. With
100 miles an hour, it had elements of danger and out-of-control
feelings. My love for him was like
an addiction, every second I was near
him I wanted him more.
Once we got home, I took him upstairs and helped him get
undressed and
after I got ready, I cradled his
head on my chest as he slept and I ran my
fingers through his soft dark hair
till I too drifted off to sleep.
The next morning I got up first and made some eggs and bacon
along with
some brioche from Mrs. Tremere. As I was
getting the coffee made I heard
table, he wore an oversized Jaguars
t-shirt over some boxers.
"I had
to wear a shirt. Don't want you to see my scars." He said
with a weak smile. I held his gaze a moment then sat the plates
down and
walked over to him. I held his gaze
till I was past him then took his shirt
gently, lifted it slowly, and
kissed him on the shoulder blades between two
of his scabs.
"You
don't have to,
let it go this time." And I
kissed between his shoulder blades once more
before gently covering his back
again. He reached around and held my
hand
before turning to kiss me.
"I
don't know how to thank you, Alex... for everything you've
done."
seemed so small in his, up to his
eyes. There was a storm raging behind
those sapphires and I wanted so
badly to just hold him till it quieted.
"Don't
worry about that now baby; just sit down and eat and get
better... ok?"
"Got
any aspirin, Alex? My headache is still bothering me." I got
him the pills and some juice and
ate with him. After breakfast he laid back
down while I made a few phone
calls.
I called Mr. Riley later and apologized and explained a
little of what had
happened. After a drama queen remark, he paused and
said he'd assumed
something traumatic had occurred,
then asked if Austin and I would join
Mrs. Tremere and
him for dinner before my show later.
I agreed and
suggested Little Saigon, in
and I winked at him.
So we washed
closet, and then ran out to pick up
a few more things he needed. By
we began getting ready to head to
next-door neighbor.
Once we got to Little Saigon, we found them eating
appetizers and waiting
for us. Mrs. Tremere almost
fell over rushing to
with kisses and hugs as Mr. Riley
and I stood shaking hands and laughing.
"Ohhh, my boys, once more a couple,
yes?" She asked with sparkling
eyes. I looked at Austin, who just smiled and
nodded at me.
"Yeah,
we have a lot to work out, but, we'll do it as a couple I
think." I said holding
Julie was elated to find Austin and me together and
impressed Mrs. Tremere
by speaking French to her. I helped all of them order and sat back as we
listened to Mrs. Tremere tell us stories about
when she arrived here. I could tell both Mr. Riley and she had
questions
about
it too and squeezed my hand
tightly. Later, my boss and my boyfriend
began
to discuss sports and Mrs. Tremere and I discussed food and how nice it was
for her to be going out again. It's amazing how easily two conversations
can take place at one table with no
overlap.
"Well
Alex, Austin, this lovely lady and I have a gallery opening
to attend, so I think we'll take
our leave. Alex, I'll see you Monday
morning," Mr. Riley said. We said our goodbyes and sat down to have a
Vietnamese coffee and then head over to the coffee
house.
that I might be developing a
caffeine addiction with a grin.
Julie kept us a while and sent a Tupperware container of
summer rolls home
with us.
We got to the Seattle Scene early and visited with Henna,
Jorge, Phil, and
Korma while the crowed started to file in and we waited for
the others.
Phil and Korma were acting odd-but then, so were Austin and
I. Finally
Korma jumped up, grabbed my hand and said,
"Come on Alex, I
need to go to the bathroom." I was dragged off as the
table began laughing at my rapid
departure.
"Ok,
what's up Korma?" I asked outside the woman's restroom.
She beamed and kept looking through the crowd to our table.
"Can you keep a
secret Alex? A BIG secret?"
She asked all bubbly. I just snapped my
head
up and squealed, "OH MY GOD!
YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!" Rather
then being
shocked that I got it, Korma screamed,
"YES!" and hugged me excitedly.
round of drinks to the table when
we got back. Korma showed us her ring
and Phil beamed at us and she
glowed and for a while Austin and I for a
change, were witnesses and not the
main attraction. Thank god!
Marika and I dedicated a whole
bunch of love songs that night to Korma and
Phil and brought her up to congratulate them that
night. Rather than go
right home that night after the
show, Austin, Korma, Phil and I walked
around
around us as we walked hand in
hand. Phil and Korma knew something was
up
with
normal demeanor. But my cavalier attitude told them to leave
it be.
why, but to the world he was just
unusually quiet and taciturn.
They set the date for the wedding in January and wanted to
know if we'd
help arrange things. Well, they wanted to know if "I'd"
help arrange
things and
Sunday we spent shopping and just lying around the
house. We ordered a
pizza for dinner and I sat watching
my man, seeing him as both the source
of strength, and a weak little boy
broken by an inexpressible evil. And I
decided I had to do something I
hadn't done in years. I had a secret I
hadn't told anyone in many years,
since my junior year of college. I knew
some of what he was going through,
and I knew both how alienating it could
be, and how emasculating it was.
After dinner while we watched TV, I finally got up the nerve
and muted the
TV and sat between
Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around me.
"Honey?" I asked softly.
"Yeah
Alex, what's up?"
"I... Ummm... I
need you to listen to me, ok?"
"Sure
baby." He held me a little tighter; confusion was making his
voice higher. I swallowed and sank into the contact and
just breathed a
few moments.
"You
ever wonder why I got into martial arts?" I
asked, not looking
at him.
"You
said it was cause all those bastards in high school
teased you
so bad,"
"Yeah,
that was part of it, but... ummm... not so much the
main
reason. I've only ever told two people about
this." I said in a voice that
sounded hollow even to me. I felt as though I were watching myself on
TV... Like I wasn't in control anymore.
"Alex,
what's up?"
"Ummmm, see, there was a short time in high school I was
out... my
senior year. I was with this twenty two year old guy I
wanted to
date. And, well, he didn't want
to... So we stopped going out and I went
back to this gay bar in Daytona
that he'd taken me to. The doorman
remembered me and let me in. I was 17.
And... well, looked
12, I guess,
so I have no idea how I got in, but
my first was very well known and very
influential in that bar. So this
bar is full of all these old men, and
leather types, and drag queens...
and I'm almost ready to run when this
big, younger, red haired guy comes
over and buys me a drink. He was real
muscular and butch... you
know?" I asked rhetorically.
"So...
Rusty, that's what he called himself. Rusty starts asking me
questions and flirting and this is
all so new to me. There was no flirting
with the other guy, just sex. And he keeps buying me drinks. And he says
he's in construction and we laugh
at some Village people joke I made. He
was big Austin, taller and stronger
than you... and maybe 30 or so. So he
asks if I want to get stoned and
like the stupid seventeen year old I was,
I went, not thinking or telling anyone or anything, like
it's this big
adventure."
"Oh
baby..."
my story.
"So we
get in his truck and he produces this joint of the most
kick-ass pot I'd ever had. I was
seeing things and tracers and stuff, it
had to be laced with something. And
I remember him asking if I wanted to go
to his place. So we did.
And the next thing I know I'm naked and he's
fondling me, and I don't really
mind; I'm attracted to this guy... but..."
I swallowed and turned my face to look away from
"He
undressed and... god, he was tremendous, not so long, but
thick, like a beer can or an arm...
I told him I'd try to give him head but
I couldn't take that... He never got aggressive or hit me,
but no matter
how much I begged him to stop, he
climbed on me and bent my legs so they
were over my head..." I
shuddered as I spoke, feeling smaller and tinyer
than I had in years.
"He
was so big, he just... pounded me, like a jack
hammer... I
remember hearing the slamming of
the headboard against the wall, he totally
ignored my pleas and my
crying. There was this awful oldies
station on. I
still hate Chuck Mangioni. I remember thinking he was going to break the
bed he was hammering me so hard,
and the headboard was slamming the
wall... and it hurt, it burned...
it felt like some yard tool being shoved
in and out of me."
and over in my ear.
"I
don't recall going to sleep; I must have passed out. The next
morning he woke me up like nothing
had happened... the place where I'd
slept was bloody and... I left... 'Stuff' in a pile." I was still
embarrassed to admit this. Poor
shoulder. "He drove me to the bar and I drove
home... it was over a week
till I could go to the bathroom
again, and I bled for several days... I
told one girl so she'd get me some
ex-lax.... But... it's not something a
guy talks about, you know? Not even
a little fag like me." His arms
almost
cut off my breathing he hugged me
so hard against his chest.
"I
wanted to tell you
you weren't alone. It was a long time ago. I still feel like a
third
person when I talk about it. But, I'm here
need. You can talk if you need to
or whatever."
Suddenly
held like a bride on a honeymoon by
two big arms. I looked up to his face
and saw two sad loving eyes looking
back at me.
"We're
one fucked up couple, you know that?"
He carried me to bed and lay next to me and we kissed and
nuzzled and
protected each other from the
monsters that haunted the night..
Sunday and Monday were low key. We
stayed home, talked and did silly
chores.
give him all the stuff he'd left at
home. Tuesday night, I asked if
wanted to go to Robert's house to
listen to us practice, but he opted to
stay home as he still had that
headache. Besides, I knew he wasn't
ready
for big crowds yet.
So I went over and Marika and I
did a great rendition of Sonny and
version of "I got you
Babe". It was made all the more
funny due to my size
and Marika's
Diva attitude.
Then we started practicing a great bit Phil had dreamed up,
it was half
drama and half musical. We practiced until eleven-thirty and then
went
home.
At home I found the place dark and went around looking for
panicked when I couldn't find
him. I knew there were
no busses this late
and had no clue where he'd go. But I grabbed my keys and started running
down the stairs, when I heard loud
laughing coming from Mrs. Tremere's
apartment. This was pretty late for
her to be up.
I stopped on a hunch and went to knock on her door.
"Come
in Alex!" she shouted without even looking to see who it was.
When I walked in I felt like I'd entered a very posh bakery.
The smell was
amazing and there were several
loaves of bread and muffins, two pies and
"Mon cheri, since getting you to commit to learning to cook is
like
asking you to date a cheerleader, I
think I will steal your boyfriend while
you sing."
was... interestingly shaped,
looking more like a bear poop than a food
item. But he had a big smile on his face and... how could anyone take away
that addictive smile?
"Well
thank you, Austin. What are you having for breakfast?" I
teased. So he showed me his pie and
rolls, which were also somewhat... less
artistically put together than Mrs.
Tremere's. I
could think of no other
person that would be better for
grandmother and friend.
"He
shows much promise, Alex, and we had a wonderful time tonight.
I'm so glad you left him for me." Mrs. Tremere said as I grinned while she
put her kettle on.
As she made tea, I took
coated face in the mirror which
made him laugh. So I kissed him and left
him to wash off.
"You
left him like that on purpose Mon cher."
I laughed as I
entered the dining room.
"Oui, it made me laugh all night, and I thought that you
would
appreciate it too," she said
as she brought the teapot to the table.
We sat and cut into a lemon custard pie as we sat and drank
tea.
came in with a wet face and sat
down and joined joining us for tea but said
he'd skip the pie as his stomach
was bothering him. Mrs. Tremere invited
us over for a thanksgiving dinner
even though it was still early October.
She wanted to be first, as the previous year I'd had almost
six dinners to
attend and missed hers.
I finally dragged
kitchen.
pie. I felt so close at that moment to that boy.
We cleaned up and went to bed.
Much later that night I heard my name and felt my self
shaken awake, I
turned over sleepily and asked,
"What's
up?"
"My stomach, is... " He groaned in
such a way that I was wide awake
and had the lights on in
seconds.
stomach. I couldn't lift him and there was no way he
could walk down the
stairs, so I called 911 and got
dressed, and tried to figure out how to
dress him. I kept asking what was
wrong, but all he did was groan.
The paramedics got there and asked a lot of questions about
fights and food
and drugs, all of which I said
weren't likely, then they began asking about
our sexual practice, as it was
obvious to them that we were a couple. I
told them we hadn't done anything
since he'd come home... then it hit me.
I know I paled and said in a soft voice,
"I-I
went to
him..." I couldn't look the
guy in the face.
"He
was tied up and drugged with ruffies or something
like
that... and, he'd been beat... and
I saw these giant dildos. But he's not
into that; he's never done
that..."
"You're
saying he was raped?" The young black guy asked sounding
impatient and medical. I nodded my head ashamed for
"It's peritonitis, or perhaps an impaction. Meet us at
the hospital, the
doctor will have questions. Is
there a police report?" I shook my
head no.
It turns out that when fuckwad
Gene was... molesting him, he'd gotten too
rough and torn the lining of
they put him on an antibiotic IV
and used a probe to determine how bad the
tearing was. Thankfully it wasn't
too bad, according to them. But he was
infected seriously.
I wanted Gene's head on a pole for all rapists to see--
after I'd beaten
him till his body was pulp. I'm embarrassed to say I preyed that Dennis
had killed Gene, and my wrath drove
me to some very dark thoughts.
couldn't stand to be away from
Work was awful and I spent a lot of the day calling the
hospital to check
up on him. About
Mom. She was panicked and asked a
lot of questions I could barely answer.
Marika gave me a lot of support,
as did James and Mr. Riley.
When I got there at
the nurse wouldn't let me into his
room.
"Sorry,
you aren't family and you aren't on the list," was all I
was told. She wouldn't even tell me how he was
doing. Finally I went to
the main floor and called up to the
room. I got his Mother.
"It's
your fault my boy's like this; woulda neva happened if he'da
dated that girl he seen up ta
hung up. I panicked.
She was right, how could I deny that fact? But I
also knew she wouldn't let me see
him and this terrified me.
Fortunately, the one thing a small town offers is a
you. So I called two of my friends who worked
there and got updates on how
he was doing.
The next day I went over after work and sat in the waiting
room and got a
few calls to the nurses station to
get updates from my friends. About
came down the hall from
gray housedress with a faded yellow
floral design and tight little
slipper-like shoes on her feet. Her
skin was ancient looking and no sign of
my
hard to accept that my all American
poster boy had come from this walking
southern clich鮊 "Mrs. Camble?" I asked calmly. She had ratty grey hair pulled back
in a bun and her skin was
leather-like and wrinkled. I didn't look
like a
supermodel just then either, I
guess.
"How
long you been out here?" she asked with a sharp gaze on me.
"Since
"He's awake
now," she offered reluctantly. My
heart leapt at this.
"All
he asks about is where you are..." She accused me like it was
a curse. "Doesn't say nothing
bout his daddy or nobody else."
"Mrs. Camble, I-I-I didn't do this to him. I'm the one who saved
him... I'm the one who stopped the
bastard." I pleaded as though this would
change her mind.
"He's awake, ya can take yourself on home now." She dismissed
me as
she clutched her Marlboros.
I hung my head in defeat, I didn't want to fight this woman
or cause her
any pain... I wanted my
and Jennifer came by later but they
weren't allowed in either.
The next morning as I spilled my woes to Marika
she asked what floor
was on. I told her and she grinned.
"Can
you cover me for a few minutes since it's not too busy?" She
asked suddenly. I nodded and she
disappeared. I thought it odd to do this
in the middle of my whining spree
but she'd been comparing me to Tolstoy by
that point anyways.
A few minutes later she came back in walking with a swish
that told
everyone she was a Diva to be
reckoned with. Her metallic blue skirt
shimmering and her smile beaming.
"Can
you be at the hospital at
"Yeah,
but that's after hours." I said.
"Which
means my sister can get you in and
there," she said with a
certain amount of triumph. "My
sister Tamara is
the RN on duty tonight on that
Floor." She grinned at me, my heart
leapt
and I gave her a world-class hug.
"I
love you, Marika"
She patted my back and grinned,
"Of
course you do, sugar"
So that night, after visiting hours were over, I went up in
the back
elevators and went to the nurses
station. This pretty young red haired
nurse smiled up at me,
"You
must be Alex.
I didn't need to answer as my blush and smile said it
all. "Ms. Jones said
to let you go right in,
honey." She smiled at me.
I was so grateful at that moment for small town mentality,
small town
nepotism, and southern
gentility. At least this time they were
working in
my favor instead of against me.
So I walked down the hall quickly and pushed the large door
open and heard
a rerun of "Friends"
playing on the TV.
assuming I was a nurse. His skin was pale and his eyes were sunken.
"Hey,
I paid for a queen sized bed! What the hell is this twin
thing doing in here?" I said
with a grin.
narcotic.
"Alex!!!!"
He barked, trying to stand. I stepped
over to him and
held him down with a hand to his
chest. Then I leaned down and kissed him
with a small passionate kiss.
"Hi, how you feeling drama boy?" I asked sitting
down next to him
and holding his hand.
"A lot better than the other night. Fuck'n,
felt like lava snakes
crawling around in my fucking
belly." He grinned then got a sad
face.
"Sorry
about my mama. She told me you were here the whole
time... she..." He trailed off
with an unnecessary explanation.
"Baby,
she was scared and being protective...
Can't say I'd have
shared you either if I were in her
shoes."
"She
shops Payless shoes, I can't see you in them baby." He
smirked,
"Anyways,
this nurse today named Dorra told me I could put you
on
my visitors list tomorrow. "
"What
about your mom?" I asked concerned.
"She'll
have to get fucking used to it I guess." He said squeezing
my hand. "'Sides she said three or four times what
a nice young man you
were, with good manners." He grinned up at me. "How come I never seen
none of them good manners?"
"Cause
I'm too fucking busy fighting off bad guys and saving your
life you freaking drama
queen!" I said with a grin.
His eyes met with mine and I swear he melted me in ways and
places I never
knew existed.
"Manners
go a long way with my mama, that and you being local."
"Can
we try something new, Alex?" He asked softly.
"Sure hon, what?"
"Lets not have any fucking drama in our lives for like twenty
fucking years, ok?"
"Yeah
baby, I think we way surpassed our quota." I said kissing his
hand. So we sat and talked and he told me what the
Doctors said, about how
he got a lesion in his small
intestine from the forced action. The
wanted
him to press charges but he
refused, both out of fear of it getting out,
and also fear of what would happen
to Dennis and I if Gene were found.
This reminded me I had to see Dennis to find out what
happened after we
left.
About 1am, an older heavy-set black woman with a big smile
and graying
temples poked her head in the room.
"Ok
now love birds, its
said indicating
said smiling. I kissed
goodnight, tucked him in and
thanked Tamara on the way out.
The next day, I ran into
not knowing what to say. Finally I said, "Hi, Mrs. Camble, how're you
feeling today?"
She stared with barely disguised contempt.
"Why
don't you leave my boy alone? He don't need none of your
sinful ways."
"Ma'am,
I don't want to come between you and Austin, I love him, he
loves me. I hope you'll get used to
it in time, but I'm not backing away,"
I said softly.
Her need for nicotine overcame her frustration at my not
being scared away
so she just glared a moment then
brushed past me with a grumble, her house
coat showing the many years she'd
owned it.
"Hey
baby!" I said going into
"Will
you stop hitting on me in front of your boyfriend!"
Glen said
with mock annoyance as
hadn't seen Glen in a few weeks so
I gave him a big hug before hugging
Jennifer then Kissing
After some meaningless prattle I sat back and listened to
Austin and Glen
talk about all the trouble they
used to get in. Although it was very
easy
to see
reconciling that with Glen--
Jennifer assured me it was true though.
Before I left, I went and found his mother and assured it
was ok to go back
since I was leaving. She was staring out a window and slowly
turned to
face me as I was leaving.
"You
saved my boy," she said, neither a comment nor a question.
"Yes, ma'am." I said turning to face her.
"He
says I oughta thank you n give you a chance."
She said flatly.
"No
ma'am, it was my fault that he was there." I said meeting her
eyes.
"You're
making him a pervert; that's what happens to perverts." She
spat out.
"No,
ma'am, My mistake, My part in this was not believing
in him,
not giving him a chance to speak
when he came back to me. If I had, none of
this woulda
happened. But I didn't make him gay, he
pursued me, he kissed
me, I think he had it planned
out..." I said it without emotion or malice;
I just wanted her to know.
She turned away, not wanting to face any of
what I just said.
As I was leaving I stopped and looked back at her, "And
Ma'am, I don't know
how much
when I found him, but trust me, I
made that bastard pay, I beat him
senseless and..." I hesitated
before implicating Dennis, "And I made sure
he'll never do it again. You may think I'm a pervert, but I promise
you,
nothing like that will happen to
Austin or me ever again. Ever!" With that
statement I was gone.
That evening after work I drove to Dennis's house.
"Hey
Alex, I've been meaning to catch up with you guys, How's
infection. Dennis just shook his head.
"I let
him off way too easy." He said grimly.
Turns out he
hadn't... 'disposed'
of Glen, as I'd feared, instead he'd worked him over a
bit and took him around collecting
car back, but Dennis had several
boxes of books, clothing, and 'stuff."
Dennis then handed me a large envelope. I looked at it funny till he
explained,
"I
took photos of his room, all his stuff, the blood on his bed,
and then set up a video recorder
and recorded his confession. I also took
all his tapes of
of a kid getting home late from
school the police were getting all of it. I
made you a copy just in case. But Alex, I wouldn't ever watch those tapes
if I were you. Or
Dennis wasn't telling me everything, and I knew better than
to push him.
"Oh,
and here, this is for
smaller envelope. It had several
thousand dollars in it. I looked up
bewildered at Dennis.
"We
sold his stuff to help pay for what he stole and did to
send his wallet back." Dennis and I both went to visit
When we got there Phil, Korma, Dan, Glen, and Jennifer were
leaving and
Ryan and Michael were inside.
"You
guys coulda just cancelled if you didn't want to do
dinner"
Michael teased after I hugged him.
While Dennis was talking with Michael, Ryan, and Austin, a
hospital
official came by to speak with me.
She was a bleached blond with pulled
back hair, a white lab coat, and
thick black glasses.
"Mr.
Johnson?"
"Just Alex." I said to her
"Thank
you, I'm Mrs. Tonges, you can call me Stacy. I need to talk
to you about care for
that you're involved." I
nodded my head.
"Alex,
because of the nature of his assault, and the... trauma, and
the fact that
we've conducted a few tests on his
blood, and..."
She didn't need to say more, it hadn't even occurred to me
to worry about
STDs or HIV or Hepatitis.
"And
nothing showed up at this time, but we'll be doing a series of
tests over the next few months and
highly recommend that you only engage in
safe sex practices."
"We
always do... did..." I was suddenly hit with what
she meant.
My palpable fear must have filled the room.
"Alex,
nothing conclusive has shown up, it's possible this
gentleman didn't even have actual
penetrative sex. Often rapists use
objects, as it gives them a greater
sense of humiliation and control over
their victims. But since he can't recall, we need to be
prepared for any
eventuality." I hung my head and put my hand over my mouth.
Stacy handed me some pamphlets on rape and being the care
provider for
someone who's been raped. I looked at them then up at her,
"Is he
ever going to be ok again, Stacy? How do
you get past
something like this?"
"I've
told him about counseling courses and set up a few weeks of
counseling for him; you can go
too." She looked at me for a second before
adding; "
you might want to sit in on these
sessions as well." I nodded,
wondering
if there was any need for me to go,
as my... 'rape' had been far less
violent and so long ago. I kinda felt like I had adjusted since it had been
a while since I realized it even
was a rape... a lot of date rape victims
feel that way.
"But
to answer your question Alex, yes, he'll get better. People
get past this the same way they do
the loss of a loved one or a serious
break up... time and support."
I nodded while my eyes got glassy. She softened a bit and hugged me.
"You
two seem to care a great deal for other, Alex. That will help
both of you with this awful
thing... And if there's anything I can do, my
card is in that pamphlet."
Dennis was leaving when I got back to the room, so we hugged
and I thanked
him for all his help, then invited
him down to my show that
weekend. Michael and Ryan stayed a
little longer before leaving and
promised we'd go to dinner next
week.
Finally I had him alone. After kissing
and watching a little TV, I got a
smirk and said,
"Hey,
you allowed to go to the bathroom or are you
bedridden?"
"Naaa, I can get outta bed,
why?"
"I-uhhh- wondered if you needed to go to the
bathroom."
no idea what I was really up to,
but he damned well knew that I wouldn't
ask such a thing normally.
"Ok
Alex, spill it. What are you up to?"
I got a big grin and chuckled,
"I
just wanted to see you walking away..." I said lifting the side
of his gown to reveal his naked
ass." He laughed too while slapping
my
hand.
"You're
such a horndog dork!" he accused with a chuckle
as he lay
back down. I could see how
exhausted he still was.
"Ok
love, I'm gunna go and let you get some sleep" I
said standing
up.
Suddenly his hand gripped my arm and he said, "Don't go Alex,
please?"
How could I refuse my wounded hero anything? I stayed with
him, holding his
hand till he fell asleep. I left about
rhythmic snores.
over a huge tray of breads and
pastries with a firm comment to me that
these were for
We slept that night entwined and resting against each
other. From that
night on, it was both our jobs to
protect the other against the monsters in
the dark.
That week,
the band, but he came with me when
I drove to
I started the show doing a variation of George Harrison's
"Something".
Something
in the way (he) moves Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way (he) woos me I don't want to leave
(him) now You know
I believe and how
Somewhere in (his) smile (he) knows That
I don't need no other lover
Something in (his) style that shows me I don't want to leave
(him) now You
know I believe and how
You're asking me will my love grow I don't know, I don't
know You stick
around and it may show I don't
know, I don't know
Something in the way (he) knows And
all I have to do is think of (him)
Something in the things (he) shows me I don't want to leave
her (him) now
You know I believe and how
I held
stool, I was so caught up in his
eyes. Then we did a number of the songs
we'd done in previous shows, before
I took a short break
When we got back up, I started the guitar into to Stairway
to Heaven by Led
Zeppelin.
"Wait wait wait WAIT
one blessed minute!" Marika preached as she
was coming to stand next to me.
"Please
don't tell me we are so desperate we're doing that ode to
white Garage band legends."
She said with a dismissive hand gesture.
"I was
act..." I began to plead before she said,
"Look,
let me show you how that song should've gone."
So I shrugged and began the guitar into it and then Robert
added some drums
and some nice piano work before her
dark bluesy voice began :
There's a lady who's sure All that glitters is gold And she's buying a
stairway to heaven.
If the stores are all closed With a
word she can get what she came for.
When she gets there she knows Ooh ooh
and she's buying a stairway to
heaven.
There's a sign on the wall But she
wants to be sure 'Cause you know
sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook There's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our
thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder, Ooh, it
makes me wonder.
There's a feeling I get When I look
to the west, And my spirit is crying
for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices
of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder, Ooh, it
really makes me wonder.
And it's whispered that soon, If we
all call the tune Then the piper will
lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn For those
who stand long And the forests will echo
with laughter.
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, Don't
be alarmed now, It's just a
spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by But
in the long run There's still
time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won't go In case you don't know,
The piper's
calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, And
did you know Your stairway lies
on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road Our
shadows taller than our soul. There
walks a lady we all know Who shines
white light and wants to show How
ev'rything
still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard The
tune will come to you at last. When all
are one and one is all To be a rock
and not to roll.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
Marika did this in a bluesy gospel
version that just sounded incredible.
Of course, this had all been planned but people were loving the bit.
So
the audience gave her a standing
ovation and after it quieted down a little
I said,
"Well
that's all nice and all, but it ain't what I was gunna sing.
So I started the Guitar again and Phil got his electric out
to join in
later.
Stairway to Doug:
There's a bagboy who's knows That
the exec that he blows, Wants to hear him
singing stairway to heaven.
When he gets on his knees If the
zippers are closed With a grin he can get
what he came for.
Ooh ooh and he air guitars
stairway to heaven.
There's a future he sees But he
wants to be sure 'Cause execs like using
words with two meanings.
In an office he sings
for the pleasure it brings Cause he's doug and he's
usually stoned.
Ooh, it makes him
wonder, Ooh, it makes him wonder. There's a feeling he
gets When he takes off his pants,
And his spirit is crying for leaving.
And he dreams of a stage, and a crowd to be razed And his voice conquers
those who standing looking.
Ooh, he makes me wonder, Ooh, he
really makes me wonder.
And he's hoping that soon, If he
carries the tune Then the exec will lead
him to fortune.
And a new day will dawn and he'll only suck dong with the
groupies, the
roadies, or fans,
If there's a hustle in his plans now, Don't
be afraid now, It's just a blow
job for an old queen. Yes, there are movies and photos of him in
action
But he still thinks he can change the road he's on. Cause he's Doug.
He likes giving head, but he won't swallow In case you don't
know, The
Exec's calling doug
to join him,
Dear boy, do you really like to blow now, And
will you swallow? Your
stairway lies on your whispering tounge.
And as you wind on down his shaft His body stands taller
than normal. He