Rough Road Ahead

By J.W. Smith

Part 5

Dave Gates, the owner of the bookstore across from the university, had been in New York when Jake had started his book signing tour. Mary, Dave's sister, and Jean, their mother, had both lined up to get their signed copies of "Those Shifting Sands" and neither had thought to get Dave one, both assuming that Dave would automatically get one being the owner of the bookstore.

Carl Aldridge, Dave's financier had taken him out to lunch. As they were walking back to the offices of Aldridge, Handle and Jones they passed a bookstore with a big display of the new best seller. Dave had read the rave reviews the New York Times had published and had wanted to read the book. He asked Carl to wait while he went inside and bought a copy.

The young lady working the cash register told him that if he came back in next week he could get the author to sign his book. Dave turned the book over and looked at the photo of the author on the back. He thanked the young lady and hurried out to show the photo to Carl.

"Look at this. He lives in University City. I've seen him in the bookstore many times. I never realized he is a best selling writer."

Carl looked at the photo. "Handsome masculine man," he commented.

"Yes, I've seen him sitting outside the store reading. He is a hunk."

When they got back to Carl's office and sat down to discuss business, Dave said, "Oh, by the way, Carl, I met your son, Arlen, the other day. Why hadn't you told me he's going to school in University City?"

Carl shrugged. "It never entered my mind to tell you. How did you happen to meet him?"

"He came up to the Eyrie with a friend of his. You remember me telling you about the young fellow that pushed me out of the path of a car?"

"Yes."

"Well, he and Arlen have become good friends."

"I'm glad to hear that he's getting involved outside of the jock groups that he's always run with."

"Well, Pete and Jason won't put up with jock attitudes from him, you can be assured of that."

Carl hesitated and frowned. "You say Pete and Jason as though they are a couple."

Dave lost his smile. "Is that a problem for you, Carl?"

He looked Dave in the eyes. "Of course, it's not."

"Something bothers you about it. What is it?"

Carl looked at Dave. "I suspect that one day my son is going to come to me and tell me he is Gay. Until I met you two fellows the thought of my son being that way tore my heart out. I always feared that when he realizes it he would suddenly become effeminate and prissy. I never knew there were regular guys who are--- gay.

"Arlen has always been a jock. I've never had to encourage him in that direction. And until he was in his late teens I didn't think anything of him never paying any attention to girls. Now he's twenty and has never had a girl friend. Oh, he's dated, but no girl twice. And not often. Only when he needed a date for a dance or a prom."

Dave was nodding, recognizing himself in the description. Joe smiled. "Carl, there is a group made up of parents and friends of gay kids that regularly meet to support each other and the gay ones they love. Right in your own neighborhood there is one. They call their association PFLAG. They can help you a lot."

"Since I've come to know you two, I don't know that I need such a group. Denise, his mother might. I will tell her about it.

"She'll need your support, too, don't you think?"

"Of course she will and I will join PFLAG, too, to give her that support."

"You're a good man, Carl. That why we do business with you. And don't worry about Arlen. For all we know he may be straight. Either way, he knows we're there for him if he needs us."

"Thanks, Dave. You know I think the world of you and Joe."

-=J=-

Pete was ecstatic. His cast was coming off. He'd be able to hug Jason with both arms. He'd be able to button his own pants. He'd be able to wear jeans to school rather than sweats that he could manage with one hand. He'd be able to wrap both arms around Jason. He'd be allowed to take a shower again. Oh man, he couldn't wait to feel the jets of hot water washing over his body again. He could wear a regular shirt again. He'd be able to hold Jason against his chest and squeeze him with both arms. And he'd be able to feel Jase's head resting on his chest as he slept. Pete was ecstatic. He carried a regular shirt with him. He had every intention of throwing the damned sweat shirt in the garbage as soon as it came off in the doctor's office.

He ended up having to go to the doctors office on his own. Jason had a important exam and there was no way he could get out of it. That was no big deal the office was in the medical complex right on campus. Waiting by himself was no big deal, although it would have been nice to have someone with him. As he trudged down the long hall, not paying attention to the people around, a hand gripped his shoulder. He turned to see who it was and knocked Dave in the chest with the elbow of the cast.

"Oopf." Dave grunted. "Jason told me that you were getting your cast off this morning and I wanted to be here to help you celebrate."

"Sorry, after eight weeks I am still not used to this damned thing."

"Well, it will be off within the hour. I'm sure everyone will be as happy as you to see it gone." Dave said, rubbing his chest where Pete's cast had made contact.

They entered the doctor's office and sat waiting. "Just think about how good it's going to be to hold Jason against your naked chest again." Dave whispered to him. Pete grinned and turned dark red. Dave just grinned back. The moment was interrupted by the nurse calling Pete's name.

-=J=-

Fifteen minutes later Pete pushed open the door and entered the waiting room. He looked depressed. His arm was in a sling bound to his body.

"Hey, why the sour face? You've gotten rid of that damned cast."

"I can't even lift my arm. I have to have therapy everyday for the next month. Man, I was dreaming of being able to hold Jason with both arms tonight."

"That's going to happen, Pete, just not today. Hey, he can lay his head on your chest again."

Pete smiled and nodded, but still looked down in the dumps.

"How long has it been since he nibbled your nipples?" Dave asked with an impish grin.

"Dave! You really love to embarrass me don't you?" Pete had turned a deep red again as he looked up.

"Are you still depressed?" Dave grinned.

"No."

"Well, let's find Jason and go celebrate."

They ran into Jason on the front steps of the hospital. First thing Jason did was embrace Pete, laying his head against his chest. Pete held him with his good arm. Jason slid his hand up Pete's torso until it came in contact with his nipple through the thin cotton shirt. He pinched it lightly. Pete grinned and blushed as Dave acted like he didn't see what was going on. Jason looked up at them and caught a knowing look as it passed between them.

"It's been a long time since I could do that. You just go ahead and leer, Dave."

Pete blushed while Jason and Dave grinned.

-=J=-

Before Jim could even think to register with the nursing agency for a new position or even wonder what his next job would be Dave Gates called him. "Jim," he said, "I have recommended you to the Paolini's. They are looking for a companion/nurse for Mr. Paolini's dad. He's in his late eighties and insists on living alone. He's a bit crotchety, but a likable old fellow. If you're interested contact Joe's mother for an interview. It'll be easy work most of the time and the pay will be way above scale."

Jim wasted no time making the appointment. He and Angie took an immediate liking to each other. She explained that Old Joe as everybody called him had chased off every companion, male and female. He would not abide being smothered with attention, but he did enjoy someone intelligent that could carry on a good conversation.

After introductions old Joe had looked Jim in the eye and said, "Did my daughter-in-law explain to you that I will not abide stupidity?"

"Yes sir, and you can rest assured that I am not."

"I don't put up with bullshit either."

Jim grinned. "I'll have to remember that."

"And I don't like liars."

"Nor do I, sir."

"Cut the bullshit and drop the sir. My name is Giuseppe. But if you address me by that name I'll bop you with my cane. Call me Joe, just like my son and grandson. We are all Joe."

"Got it, Joe."

The old man studied Jim for several moments. "I think I'm going to like you, Jim. You've got balls."

Jim grinned. "I sure do. A nice pair of them."

Old Joe laughed. "Yup, I think we're going to get along just fine."

"I'd like that," Jim said.

The old man studied him for a few moments. Jim could almost feel the whir of the wheels turning in the old man's head. And then Old Joe asked, "Are you gay, Jim?"

Jim's eyebrows shot up almost to his hairline in surprise and shock at the blunt question. "I'm as gay as your two grandsons, Joe."

"Hmmph. Funny thing that. They're saying that it runs in the blood." He shook his head. "But I'm not gay nor is my son. Best I can figure is it must come from my daughter-in- law's side of the family.

-=J=-

Since Jake had left on tour, Charley had been thinking seriously about quitting the police force and finding something else to do. He thought about going back to college. University City would be a good place to go. And so what if he was pushing toward thirty. The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. He decided he'd discuss it with Jake when he called.

He fixed himself something to eat when he got home and ate it sitting at the kitchen table while he stared glumly out into the black night. He'd gotten used to being alone again, but he didn't like it. It was such a joy to get home when Jake was waiting for him. Meals were more appetizing and fun when Jake was there to share them. After cleaning the dishes he'd used, he sat down to some soft music and a new novel. He wished there were more by Jake, he'd really enjoyed the way Jake worded things.

Charley had talked to Jake the morning he left Atlanta, but Jake hadn't called last night as he'd expected. He was sure he'd arrived back in UniCity. Charley chalked it up to exhaustion from his trip and waited until the next evening. By nine Jake still hadn't called, so Charley called him. The phone rang four times and abruptly stopped in the middle of the fifth ring. "Jake? Hello, Jake?" he'd yelled into the dead phone. He hung up and called again getting a computerized recording. He wondered why he'd not gotten the recording the first time. He went to bed depressed and worried.

He called again the next morning and got the same mindless recorded message. He dressed and headed to Sal's before work. As he entered the café Sal saw the somber look on his face. "Still no word, Charley?" she asked as she poured him a cup of coffee.

"No, nothing." He slumped on to a stool at the counter.

-=J=-


Excerpt from Jake's journal

The morning I was leaving for the Atlanta airport my cell phone rang. It was Charley. He couldn't take the time off that we'd planned. Two fellow officers had been wounded in a mini market holdup; he had to cover. I was disappointed to the point of becoming despondent. God, I missed him. I missed the joy of just being around him. Now it would be another two days before I would see the man that had become my center.

I dragged my tired ass to the apartment, stripped out of my clothes and stumbled into the shower. The hot stinging spray revived me somewhat. I still had another three hour signing session back at the Gates-Way Bookstore.

When it was over I gave Pete a hug for his cheering presence, thanked Sue Morrow, the store manager and trudged across campus to my empty apartment. I let my clothes fall to the floor as I slipped out of them and flopped face down on the bed intending not to budge until tomorrow, or maybe the day after. I needed to call Charley before I got into bed. I lay there thinking about riding my Chief back to Kirksville at the end of the week. Charlie was going to have three days off. I wanted to be there with him.

There was a knock on my door. I half hoped it would be Charley, that he'd found a way to get the time off and come as we'd originally planned. I slipped into a pair of old Levi's went to the door. I opened it with a big smile on my face. There stood Jim. I felt the smile slide south

"Nice way to be greeted," he said. Ignoring my frown, his eyes hungrily tasted my naked torso.

"Hello, Jim." I stood back and let him enter.

"Where have you been?" he demanded as he strode into my livingroom.

"And what business is it of yours? You said no. I left."

"I haven't seen or heard from you in months." His voice had lost its commanding tone it had almost become a whine.

"I've been busy."

"I know your last two months have been. The paper printed your itinerary. But the months before that, you just disappeared off the face of the earth."

"I wanted to get my book finished." It burned me that he had never acknowledge me as a writer, even now that I was a successful one. What the hell I, shouldn't start expecting that out of him now. "You want something to drink?" I asked.

"Yeah, a beer would be great."

As I bent over to reach into the back of the fridge Jim rubbed himself against my butt. "Damn, you have one fine ass. I sure have missed fucking it."

I grabbed two long necks, straightened up, and shoved one into his chest. "Cut it out, Jim," I said moving away from him. "I'm not into that anymore."

He laughed. "Who're you kidding. You're a cock whore. You can't live without a hard cock up your ass at least once a day."

"I've been doing just fine without it."

"Excuse me," he laughed, "this is Jim you are talking to. You can't tell me that you haven't been out looking for the biggest cock you could find to get stuffed up your pretty little white butt."

"Yours was the only one, Jim. Ever."

I guess my expression must have convinced him. He backed against the counter and stared at me. "You're telling the truth."

"I don't lie, Jim. I used to think that you and I would eventually have a full, loving relationship. That was why I let you have my ass. You refused. I left." I may not lie but I wasn't about to tell him the whole truth either. My whole body was begging me to let him fuck me. My whole being was craving it. Charley's love and the prospect of him possibly doing it soon was all that held me back. I didn't want Jim again. I didn't. He was only a fuck. A good one, but still only a fuck. I wanted Charley. What I had with Charley was so much more, even if we hadn't gotten into fucking yet.

I let him talk me into being his guest for dinner. As we ate the conversation centered on me and my trip mostly. I don't remember mentioning Charley. I did learn that he was now working as a companion/helper for the Paolini patriarch. He talked about what a brilliant mind the old fellow has and what a delight it was being around him most of the time. After dinner we stopped in a little bar around the corner for a beer. I bought the first round and agreed to Jim buying another since I was afoot and wouldn't be driving. I headed to the toilet to relieve my bladder.

I suppose I should have suspected something when I returned, because Jim's mood had changed. He'd lost his ebullience and was pensive and a little nervous as he kept watching me. I ignored it figuring that he was trying to figure out how to get me into bed and I wasn't about to let him. By the time I had drunk half of the second beer I was feeling a little woozy. I put it off to the fact I was exhausted from the tour. Jim told me to "Drink up and let's go." I upended the bottle and just let the beer slide down my throat without swallowing.

"Atta boy," Jim muttered as he watched.

I swung around and headed for the door. Jim was right there to help me when I stumbled on the sidewalk.

"I think I'd better walk you home, Jake," he said.

"Damn, I only had the wine at dinner and two beers."

"You must be tired from your trip," he assured me.

He kept a steadying hand on my arm as I wobbled our way across the university campus to my apartment. Every step was becoming more of an effort. I fumbled the key out of my pocket and Jim took it and unlocked the door. He maneuvered me into the bed room and started undressing me. My legs turned to rubber. I collapsed. "What's going on, Jim?" My tongue was even getting difficult to use.

"Just relax, Jake. Go with the flow. You know you want this." He lifted me onto the bed and finished stripping me. I watched him remove his own clothes.

"Whad da fuck ya doin', Jim?" I could barely make my mouth work. I tried to raise up on one elbow and couldn't get my arms to work. In my muddled mind I began to realize he'd drugged me. I was conscious of what was happening, but couldn't seem to make my muscles do anything. I was paralyzed.

"I'm just giving you what you need. Your ass is so fine, Jake. Oh yeah, I'm going to fuck your brains out," he said, roughly rubbing his hands over my body.

"No, Jim." I protested, "M'ass blongs t'Charley now."

I could here my words all smeared together, but I guess Jim still could understand me. "To hell with Charley," he said, "whoever he is. Your ass is mine tonight."

He was on the bed holding my legs up as he crawled toward my crotch. For the life of me I couldn't move, couldn't do anything except lay there and watch. He propped my ankles on his shoulders while he tore open a rubber and rolled it on to his big rampant hardon. And then, taking his time, he lubed his cock and then my ass. He stuck a finger inside me and rubbed my prostate. 'It should be Charley doing this.' my mind screamed, but I moaned in pleasure, my cock hardened, surged and gushed precum. I needed this. I hated the need. I wanted this. I hated the desire.

"Oh yeah, you are hungry for my cock. You fucking slut, you know you need this. I can see the hunger in your eyes. Oh yeah, I'm going to feed you my cock and you are going to love it."

"No, Yim, ease own' oo is." I wondered if he could even understand me.

He ignored my plea and moved up against me. I hadn't had my hole opened up in months and he hadn't prepared me for his assault. I screamed as he rammed his cock to the hilt. The drug he'd given me didn't do anything for the pain, if anything it intensified it because all I could do was lay there and feel it.

"He chuckled. "That's the nice thing about those little pills, it lets you feel everything." He pulled back and rammed again. "This'll teach you to run away from your needs, Jakey boy." My sphincter hadn't had a chance to relax and adjust to being stretched. I screamed again.

I fought the paralysis to no avail. I could do nothing but lay there as Jim rammed his cock into me. My protests came out as guttural grunts and groans. He bit and sucked on my neck and shoulders as he battered my butt, jabbing his hard cock against my prostate. I loved the feeling, the harder the better.

As he came he bit hard, into the muscle above my left nipple, drawing blood. I cried out in exquisite pain and pleasure as I shot all over the two of us. I had never come so hard in my life. He grinned at me, his lips bloody. "That should make up for all the times you've missed." He licked his lips, smearing the blood.

Abruptly, he ripped his still hard cock out of my abused hole. I felt so empty, My heart and soul had been reamed out, hollow, I was a vacuous hole. My eyes closed of their own volition at the sudden emptiness and I drifted into a post coital sleep.

-=J=-

"You told me you wouldn't let him fuck you again. You broke your word. You lied to me." With each sentence I could feel Charley's fist punch me in the chest. Chagrined, I begged his forgiveness. I tried to touch him. I couldn't. He stayed just out of reach. I awoke with the image of Charley's reproachful glare seared into my brain and his accusations ringing in my ears.

The sky was just beginning to lighten. The drug hadn't released it's grip on my muscles. It took great effort to drag myself off the bed and onto my feet. Jim had gone. I shuffled into the bathroom and collapsed onto the toilet. There wasn't enough strength in my legs to stand and pee. As my bladder drained, I felt cold liquid running through the hair on my belly. I felt my chest. Jim's used condom was glued in my chest hair with my own dried come. It was leaking its cold contents down my belly.

Disgusted, I yanked it away taking hair with it. Memory of last night slammed into me. Rage filled my mind. I stood and shuffled over to the mirror and looked at myself. My mind gorged with self-loathing, a mindless black anger. I had teeth marks and hickeys on my neck and shoulders. Dried cum flaked on my chest and abdomen. My abused nipples were raw and too tender to touch. There was an inflamed bite on my left breast, encrusted with cum and dried black blood. I remembered the intensity of the pleasure and the pain as I had shot my load. I loathed myself for reacting to it.

I slunk into the shower. Soaping and scrubbing myself over and over. I still felt dirty. I dried off and examined the wound again and then dabbed it with peroxide and watched it foam, and then I smeared an ointment on it and got dressed, putting on a collared chambray shirt to hide the marks. I grabbed the county phone book and searched for an address. Finding it, I mounted my motorcycle and sped across the city to a large feed store on the far outskirts where the farms began.

-=J=-

I had let Jim dominate me through our whole relationship. But he had never done anything to humiliate or degrade me before. We both knew I was bigger and stronger and that it was just a role. He'd chosen to not only to subjugate me, but to also savagely rape me, showing his contempt for me. I had told Charley that I would not go back to Jim. My word had been broken. And, God damn Jim, he was going to pay. Having been raised on a farm I knew exactly what I wanted to do to him for payback. I had to buy a package containing ten of the little black jewels that I sought, plus the shiny chrome tool to implant them. Jim was going to pay dearly for destroying my life and it was only going to take one tiny harmless-looking black rubber ring.

I went back to my apartment and changed into my tightest black Levi's and a snug cowboy shirt with pearl snaps down the front. The three top snaps I left undone. My acting ability isn't the greatest, but I figured it wouldn't take much to get Jim all hot and distracted. And once he was, I told myself, it would be his last time. Stuffing the tool and the little package into my hip pocket, I headed over to his place. His is a little house on a big lot with a tall unpenetratable hedge around the perimeter. Privacy was his main concern when he bought the place and it was going to be that privacy that was going let me get away with what I was set on doing.

I knocked on his door and tried my best to hide my rage, to look humble and beaten. He stared at me for a moment when he opened the door and then, throwing his head back, he laughed at me. "I knew it. You couldn't stay away once you got a taste of my cock again. Get your ass in here, you slut." he sneered.

I shuffled in, keeping my head down. I was afraid to look up for fear he'd see the anger in my eyes. He closed the door and looked me up and down. "Didn't get enough last night, huh?" He grabbed my shirt with both hands and ripped open the snaps. If they had been buttons they'd have flown across the room. "God damn, I did a good number on you last night. It's going to take a month for those marks to disappear." With both hands, he pinched my tender raw nipples. I threw my head back, eyes squinched in pain. Drawing a deep breath, I brought my fists up, fast and hard. My right fist got him in his eye. My left connected with his jaw. His head flew back with the impact. He staggered , releasing my tits. He crumpled like a limp wet rag.

I grabbed him by a wrist and dragged him into his bedroom. Picking him up and I tossed him into the middle of his unmade bed. He had permanent leather straps attached to the four corners of his bed. I tied his wrists with the two on the head board. I pulled his boots off, unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off along with his underwear. After tying his ankles with the two straps on the foot board I went to the kitchen and filled a glass with ice water and headed back to the bedroom.

I stared at Jim's inert body for several minutes thinking about what he had robbed me of last night. There was no way I would ever be able to face Charley again; he had made sure of that. I wanted him awake and alert for my revenge. I wanted him to be able to strain and pull helplessly against the restraints, attempting to get away from his fate. I tilted the glass above his head and watched a trickle of icy water splatter on his forehead. He shook his head, gasped and sputtered. I poured a little more on his chest wetting his shirt. It took him a moment to come around.

"What the fuck," he yelled as he tried to move. He opened his confused eyes, yanked against the straps, not believing he was tied up.

He glared at me. "Untie me and I'll forget you did this," he said through gritting teeth,

I smiled at him. "There's no forgetting, Jim. There is no forgiving either. You took my life away from me last night. Now you get to lose..... to lose something that you hold most dear."

He snorted. "You think tying me up and fucking me is going do anything? I love a rough fuck. Rape away, Jake." His cock was hard and throbbing at the idea.

"I'm not going to rape you, Jim," I calmly explained to him. "I'm going to gentle you, remove your aggressiveness, if you will. I'm going to make a docile steer out of a raging bull. Do you understand what I am saying, Jim? I'm going to geld you."

"What does geld mean?" His voice squeaked with panic. He obviously knew what a steer is.

"Just what you're imagining, Jim. It means castrate."

He had blanched. "Please, Jake. I'm sorry. I thought you would enjoy the helpless feeling, that you would like what I did, that it was what you wanted." His hardon had disappeared. His cock was shrinking, pulling into his body.

"What I wanted?" I was incredulous. "I told you what I wanted and you ignored me. You selfishly took what you wanted and left me with nothing. Do you think there is any way I can face Charley after I promised him I would not let you fuck me again?"

"I'll tell him I forced you. I'll tell him I drugged you. It was all my fault. He can't blame you for what I did. Please, Jake, untie me." He was whimpering.

I regained control of myself and reached down and touched the glass of ice water to his scrotum . He yelped and tried to pull away. "Enjoy the sensation, Jim, because in a few minutes you'll never feel anything on them again." I was amazed at how calm I suddenly felt.

"Don't, Jake, don't cut me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, Jake. Please." Snot leaked out of his nose.

"By the way, do you have any more of the little pills you sneaked into my beer last night, Jim?" I touched the glass to his balls again he flinched, but didn't try to pull away.

"Why?" he asked. I could see the panic in his eyes.

"Answer me," I snapped.

He gulped. "There's three in a vial in my pants pocket."

"Thank you," I said, picking up his jeans and rifling in the pockets for the vial. I held it up and admired it. "Amazing, how one of these little pills will paralyze your muscles and leave your mind alert. For how many hours, Jim?"

"About s-s-s-six hours," he stammered.

I smiled at him. "Ah, that should be long enough for this to work. Yeah, your balls should be black by then."

"What are you talking about?"

"I guess a demonstration is in order. But first I think you should swallow one of these little gems. I want you to feel the helplessness as your testicles shrivel and die." I said, opening the vial, shaking a pill out into my palm. I picked it up and held it up for him to see. "Open up, Jim."

He clamped his jaw and belligerently stared at me. I palmed the pill, grasped his jaw and squeezed, forcing his mouth open. I stuck my pinched finger and thumb far back into his throat, far enough back that he couldn't tell that I hadn't deposited the pill there, and then I picked up the glass of ice water and poured a bit into his mouth. "Swallow," I commanded. He tried to shake his head in refusal, but I held his mouth open and poured some more water into it until he had to swallow or drown. He swallowed, choked and coughed. I let go of his jaw.

His eyes enlarged with the horror of what he thought was going to happen to him. "You're fucking crazy, Jake," he whispered.

"Watch you mouth, Jim. I could still use a dull knife on you." I said as I dropped the palmed pill on the floor and crushed it under my heel. I took the tool and the little package from my back pocket, and held them up for him to see. They looked so innocent, so harmless. "I'm not going to cut you Jim. I don't like blood."

He looked at the tool. "What's that?" he asked. Fear filled his voice.

I smiled at him. "Think of it as your pacifier. Now we will demonstrate how this little wonder works," I said, holding up the tool. I opened the little zip-lock package and removed one of the small O-rings. It had a 3/8ths inch hole. I held it up for Jim to see.

"What's that?" he asked. His voice quavered with fear.

"You know how a cock ring holds the blood in your cock to keep it hard? Well, this little ring does just the opposite. It's going to keep the blood out until your cock and balls simply shrivel up and fall off from lack of blood. It's painless I'm told."

"There's no way you could get that over my cock and balls," he scoffed, wanting to not believe me.

"No? Watch." I inserted the end of the bright chromed tool through the hole and squeezed the handle, which opened the jaws and stretched the ring open to a little over two inches. Jim blanched. I moved down to his crotch.

"No, Jake. Don't, Jake. Please, I'm begging you," he blubbered.

"Did you stop last night when I begged?" I looked at him. I could see that any hope had disappeared from his eyes. He just quietly blubbered and shook his head. "So..... tell me why I should stop."

He stared at me with no comprehension as to why I shouldn't stop. I stared back and grinned.

"Are you beginning to feel the effects of the pill yet, Jimbo?" I asked. He continued his vacant stare.

"You know what? I think I'll let you keep your penis. It would be too much if you had to sit to pee. Maybe you'll still be able to get a hard on. I suppose you can get testosterone injections. Maybe Viagra will work on you. But, before I do this, I want to tell you..... you'd better think twice before you ever consider taking advantage of someone again,. I'm keeping this little gadget. This time you lose only your balls, next time it will be that big ol' cock you're so fond of. Do you understand me? And I'm keeping these other two pills, too. Just in case you forget."

"You're crazy, Jake." he whispered.

I grinned at him. "Yeah, I am. Don't ever forget that, Jim."

His shriveled cock had pulled back into his body. Only the head showed. I didn't know that such a big long thing could do that. The power of fear I guess. I gently took his balls in my hand, fondling them. "Such a loss," I said, squeezing them. He groaned and shuddered, his face contorted in fear and horror.

I picked up the tool and squeezed the handle, expanding the ring again and locked it open. I carefully slipped his testicles through the distended ring. Wrapping my fingers around them, I pulled them, stretching his scrotum, and pressed the dilated ring against the base of his cock. I released the lock on the tool. The O-ring popped off the prongs and constricted around his scrotum. He whimpered.

I stepped back and smiled benignly. "I guess you won't be raping anyone else, will you?" I asked. His forehead glistened with sweat. He gaped at me like I was some kind of monster. His bladder released and geysered urine into the air. It spattered his belly and trickled down to wet his sheets. "Can you feel the numbness creeping into your muscles?"His expression horror hadn't changed, but he didn't seem to be there behind his eyes.

"I tell you what, Jim. I'm going to give you a chance to save your precious nuts. I'm going to untie one of your hands. Maybe you can get loose and cut the ring before the paralysis sets in." I reached down and untied one wrist. He immediately reached to untie the other one. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He squawked and gawked at me.

"I'll be watching you. Remember, I have nothing left to live for, so I won't be losing anything by killing you if you try to retaliate. Understood?" He glowered at me. "Understood?" he nodded his head. I let go of his arm. I stuffed the tool and package of O-rings along with the vial into my back pocket, closed the snaps on my shirt and walked out of the room. I could hear his harsh breathing as he scrambled to release himself from the leather straps. I opened the door and left.

I'd had my revenge on Jim. I'd scared the unholy hell out of him, but hadn't physically harmed him. I knew he would have no trouble getting free. He had surgical scalpels in his house. One touch of a sharp blade and the rubber ring would split. Of course, the blood flowing back into his nuts was going to be a feeling he wouldn't soon forget.

End of this excerpt from Jake's Journal

-=J=-

Jim was frantic to untie himself before the paralysis set in from the little pill that Jake had forced down his throat. His balls had gone numb already from the lack of blood circulation. As he scrambled to get the knot undone on his left ankle, Jim heard the front door slam and Jake's chopper roar. He thanked God that Jake at least knew how to tie a square knot. With a jerk on one strap the knot rolled open and he pulled it apart, leaped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. Yanking open the top drawer he searched frantically for a scalpel, one of those little surgical knives they used in surgery.

Finding one, he ripped it out of the sterile paper and plastic package it was sealed in. He sat down on the toilet lid and lifted his cock and peered at his taut testicles. The rubber band while about a quarter inch wide was so small in circumference that he had to pull the scrotum skin tight to see it. His hand was shaking so bad he thought he would probably castrate himself before he cut the rubber. Steeling his nerves he poked the point of the tiny blade at the black band that was cutting the flow of blood into his balls. His nerveless hands were quivering. The point missed and he yelped as it pierced the skin of his scrotum. Blood welled up and ran down the curve of his testicle. Jim grabbed a piece of toilet paper and dabbed off the blood, and then held it against the cut to stem the flow. Lifting the wad of paper he checked to see if it had stopped bleeding. When no blood welled up he guided the point with his left forefinger and thumb. The point pierced the band and it snapped apart.

Jim screamed at the pain caused by the blood rushing into his scrotum and testicles. He slid off of the toilet onto his knees , and curled into a ball on the cold tile floor, coddling his precious jewels with both hands. He whimpered as the pain dissipated. As he lay there for several minutes recuperating from the fright of nearly losing his manhood, he realized that the paralysis wasn't happening. 'Had Jake faked giving me the pill? He must have. Damn him, he was playing with me,' he thought. 'That was some damned serious game'. He scrambled to his feet and looked at himself in the mirror. His ball sac was a little red, but didn't look damaged. With a big sigh of relief he walked over to the bed. Yellow urine stained the middle of the bed where he'd peed on himself. He smirked knowing that the rubber sheet over the mattress had saved it once again. The straps dangling from the ends of the headboard drew his attention and he shuddered swearing to himself that never again would someone tie him up. He took the scalpel and cut them loose.

He thought about the horror that Jake had just put him though and swore he'd get revenge. And then he remembered what he'd done to Jake to make him so angry. His anger began to melt and he felt contrite. Why had he thought that Jake would enjoy what he'd done? Actually, he admitted to himself, he'd done it more as punishment for his disappearance with no explanation. He wondered who Charley was.

His phone rang. He turned to the dresser to retrieve it. It was old man Paolini demanding to know why he was late. 'Oh, hell!' he thought, realizing he should have been there forty- five minutes ago. "I'm sorry, Joe, I was tied up. I'll be there as soon as I can. Give me forty-five minutes. I'll be there."

"Well, hurry up. You know I hate eating alone," the petulant old man groused as Jim noticed a spot of white powder on the floor next to the bed. He pushed it with his toe. 'The pill?' He wondered and knelt and touched a finger to the powder. "I'm on my way." he said and disconnected.

Back in the bathroom he examined himself before getting into the shower. Other than a little abrasion on his wrists and smelling like piss he was okay. Feeling his tender testicles, he wondered how Jake was doing, and if he'd gotten over his anger. He knew he'd have to go apologize. Whether Jake would accept it or not, he didn't know

-=J=-

After quickly showering, Jim mounted his Harley and sped across town to the Paolini house. It wasn't like the old man was incapacitated or had a disability. Jim had been hired really just to be a companion for the elderly patriarch of the Paolini family after he'd finished his stint of taking care of Pete. Old Joe had long ago insisted on living in the guest house at the back of the estate. Hadn't wanted to go on living in the manse after his wife had died, so he'd given it to his only son and his family.

Jim grinned to himself recalling the old fellow telling him how he'd spied on his youngest grand daughter sitting in the gazebo with that young whippersnapper nephew of Dave Gates. "I had my cane ready to use on that boy if he started getting fresh with young Eve. But it was Eve that kissed him first so I let them be. They didn't do more than kiss and talk a lot." Jim had thought the elderly man had sounded a bit disappointed, but marked it up to his own imagination.

Old Joe was sitting on a garden bench looking petulant when Jim rode his Harley up and parked by the side of the garage. Angie stuck her head out the back door and asked if he was all right. He assured her he was and apologized for being so late. "I got tied up and it took a lot longer than I thought to get loose. I guess I lost track of the time," he told her. 'If they only knew that it was the gospel truth,' he thought and shuddered. He smiled at Angie and headed into the garden to attend the old fellow. Old Joe grinned as he grabbed the back of Jim's hand and examined the red abraded skin on his wrist. "You're a kinky bastard, son. But you don't lie," he said and laughed.

-=J=-

Excerpt from Jake's journal

I rode back to my apartment, my anger had depleted, depression and despondency crushed my chest. I stumbled into the bedroom and curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed and stared into oblivion until I finally slept. Sometime later, the idiotic tune Charley had put on my cell phone awakened me. I picked it up and looked at it. Charley's name flashed on the little screen. I remembered how I had responded to Jim last night and it disgusted me. Enraged, at myself, I threw the phone against the wall. It stopped playing that insipid tune. There was no way I could talk to him anymore. I curled back up with a pillow over my head and slipped back into a fitful slumber. I just felt so tired. Sleep, that was the only thing I wanted.

I don't know how long I slept. I awakened enough once to drag myself into the bathroom to relieve myself. I woke up again to someone banging on my door and calling my name. Pulling the pillow back over my head I ignored it, and slept again.

And then my mother was scolding me for wetting the bed. "I'm sorry mommy I didn't mean to," I cried, certain that I was going to get a spanking. Instead she ran her fingers though my hair and kissed me on the forehead. "It doesn't matter," she said, "Soon it won't matter at all. Go back to sleep, little man." I faded back into blissful dreamless sleep.

I was aware of someone in the room. They rolled me onto my back. I heard talking, but couldn't decipher what was being said. It didn't matter. I sighed and sought more soporific sleep.

Jim was coming toward me. He had grown. Now he was twice my size. He held his huge hard dripping cock as if it were a dagger, a monstrous blunt dagger that he was going to impale me with. I tried to crawl away, but hands held me down. I looked to see who. And there was Charley and his father, Chess, looking on, his two brothers Tom and Robert held me fast. And holding my head by my hair so I couldn't turn away was Charley's mother, Gloria. She was screeching at me. "I told you that you were no good. I knew you'd end up hurting, my baby. You are worthless, Jake. You can't even take it like a man. You deserved what you got."

I screamed in protest as Jim rammed his monster cock up my butt. They all laughed at me as the pain turned to exquisite pleasure and I begged for more.

Charley and his family disappeared leaving Jim and his dripping pole. He wiped it across my face. "You're disgusting Jake. You're not even worth a fuck. No wonder Charley doesn't want you." He laughed and walked away. And I could only lie there and cry while his laughter echoed on and on.

Eventually black oblivion and silence settled over me. I sighed with relief. It was finally over.

End of Excerpt

-=J=-

Jim had spent the last few days reconciling his life. The near loss of his testicles and Jake's clemency had set him on his head. He spent the first couple of days being angry. As he got over that he began to see the kind of person Jake really was. For so long he'd thought of him as just a really good fuck buddy. And then when he disappeared, he began to miss him. Not just the fucking, God knows he missed that, but the gentle, caring man himself. Jim shuddered recalling how he'd driven Jake to nearly castrating him.

He decided that he need to apologize to Jake and make amends with him. When he left the Paolini's that afternoon he decided to change clothes and go talk to Jake. As he rode up on his Harley, he noticed Jake's Indian Motorcycle parked in front of his door. 'Ah, good, he's home,' Jim thought. He rang the doorbell and got no answer. He banged on the door and called out. Still there was no answer. He started to turn away when he noticed the mail box next to the door was overflowing and there was a bundle of mail laying on the stoop under it. This was strange. Something was wrong here. Jake was just too meticulous to ignore the mail.

He turned and looked at the bike. It was covered in a layer of dust. It was obvious Jake hadn't been near it in days. Jim began to feel panicky. Something was definitely wrong with Jake. 'Oh God! I hope he hasn't killed himself because of what I did to him.' He ran to the manager's office and demanded that he open Jake's apartment. The man was hesitant. "He might still be alive. For Christ's sake, stop stalling," Jim yelled at the man. The manager grabbed his keys and ran to Jake's door and unlocked it. Jim barged past him, yelling for Jake, only to be met with silence. He burst into the bedroom and saw Jake lying in a fetal curl, fully clothed, in the middle of his bed. The smell of urine was strong. He ran to the bedside and shook Jake's leg. "Hey, Wake up." There was no response.

As a nurse his first action was to feel for a pulse. He sighed with relief when he found one. He told the apartment manager to find a phone and call 911. He then rolled Jake onto his back. Jake looked like a cadaver. His skin was dry as a fallen leaf. His cheeks were sunken in. Jim ran to the kitchen and grabbed an icetray from the freezer and dropped the cubes into the sink. Taking a heavy glass he crushed one, scooped up the small pieces and ran back to Jake's side and forced a piece of ice into his mouth. There was no response. Jim started silently praying he wasn't too late, that Jake wasn't too far gone to recover.

As he stood there waiting for an ambulance, he wondered if the after effects of the little pill he'd given Jake had done this. 'No, I did this.' he thought, as Jake's words echoed through his mind, "I told you what I wanted and you ignored me." "You selfishly took what you wanted and left me with nothing." "Do you think there is any way I can face Charley after last night?" "There's no forgetting, Jim. There is no forgiving either. You took my life away from me last night." "Remember, I have nothing left to live for, so I won't be losing anything...." He shuddered. And then he remembered the vial with the two other pills. Jake had stuck it into his back pocket. Jim pushed his hand into Jake's right hand back pocket and found the tiny vial. He rushed into the bathroom, emptied the two pills into the toilet and dropped the vial in, too. He sighed with relief as he watched them disappear. No one else would go through what he had put Jake through.

When the emergency medic rushed into the room, Jim identified himself as a Nurse and told them Jake was dehydrated. They immediately started an saline I.V. Jim watched them move Jake onto a gurney and put him into the Ambulance. He then had to give a statement to the police officer. He said nothing about what had transpired between him and Jake. Nor did he mention the pills.

-=J=-

By the third night that Jake hadn't called and didn't answer any calls, Charley called the bookstore and inquired if they knew anything. They knew nothing, they hadn't seen him since the last book signing session. Charley wished that he'd paid more attention to names, he couldn't recall Jason's last name. The only person's name he knew in full was Jim Provost's. He wasn't about to call him. He couldn't recall Jake ever mentioning the name of the apartment complex he lived in. The fourth night he sat and nursed a few beers while he contemplated what to do and fell asleep in his club chair.

The next morning, nursing a hangover and a stiff neck, he went in the Station and tendered his resignation, telling everybody he'd decided to go back to school. He turned in his badge and ID, gave his uniforms to a fellow cop, and left. After packing a few clothes and essentials, he threw it all into the cab of his pickup and loaded his Harley. As he was double checking to make certain all the utilities were turned off his phone rang. His heart skipped as he prayed it was Jake. "Charley Hill." he answered.

"Hey, Son, I haven't seen or heard from you in over a week. How are you? And how's Jake? Have you heard from him?"

Charley silently cursed. He hadn't thought of anyone except Jake for days. "I'm okay, Pop. I quit the force this morning. I...."

"You what?"

"Pop, I haven't heard from Jake for nearly a week. I'm going crazy. Something's wrong. I've got to go find him."

"Did you two have an argument?"

"No, Pop, last time we talked we discussed whether he was coming here or if I was going over there for a few days. He insisted that he wanted to come over here, but there were a few things he had to take care of first. Then nothing."

"Did you make inquiries with the Highway Patrol, State Police, Hospitals?"

"No....I didn't."

"Why don't you do that before you go running off?"

"I guess I should.

"It would be the sensible thing to do, Son. Listen, I'm on my way over. You don't need to be alone in this."

"Thanks, Pop."

He flopped into the big club chair and stared at the phone. He'd purposefully not called in fear of what he might find out. Picking up his Rolodex, he found the number for the State Highway Patrol first and after identifying himself as Officer Charles Hill of the Kirksville Police, he inquired if there had been any accidents involving a motorcycle between University City and Kirksville. After receiving a negative, he repeated the process with the UniCity Police.

As he hung up after getting another negative on the third call, he heard two cars pull into his drive way. He ambled to the door to greet his Dad. Gloria, his mother was right behind him. He hugged his dad and received a kiss on the forehead. He sighed as he hugged his mother. "I knew that man would end up hurting you. I told him that didn't I?" she said, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

-=J=-

Being a nurse had it advantages, Jim had no trouble getting to read the doctors prognosis even though he wasn't a member of the nursing staff. He'd done his training in this hospital and knew all the ins and outs of the place. Once he saw that Jake was going to live, he sped over to Pete and Jason's. If anyone knew how to contact Charley it would be Jason. He figured from the way Jake had talked about Charley, he was the only person that could put Jake back on track.

"I have a strong feeling that he is in the hospital because of something you did." Jason replied when Jim had told him about Jake being in the hospital and had asked about how to contact Charley. "Why do you want that number, Jim?".

Jake's reaction and Jim's guilt over what he had done and his contemplation of it for the last few days had humbled him. He was no longer arrogant, not even to the diminutive Jason. "You're right, Jason, it is my fault. I think that Charley is the only one that can set things right again. I've got to talk to him. I have harmed them both and I need to try to rectify what I have done. Please, Jason."

"What in hell did you do to him?"

"I can't tell you right now. Give me the number, please."

Jim looked so contrite that Jason pulled out his cell phone and hit the auto dial, and handed the phone to Jim.

-=J=-

Charley pulled away from his mother with a look of impatience. "Mom, Jake hasn't hurt me. Something has happened to him."

"I think he has abandoned you. He's just a wandering vagabond. He rode into town on that big motorcycle, stole your heart and left."

"Mom, cut the drama. Jake is a published author. His latest book has been number four on the New York Times Best Seller List for the seventh week." Charley gave his dad a pleading look.

"Gloria, lay off. Charley doesn't need you adding to his distress." his dad said.

"Chess, I've said I don't trust that man. He's....."

Chess held up both hands warding of his wife's words. "Gloria, if you cant be supportive, go home."

Gloria turned to Charley. "I sorry, Baby," she wheedled. "I just can't stand to see you hurting."

"Mom, your talking bad about Jake is what hurts. Can't you understand? Your attitude is what's hurting me."

"Oh," she said in a meek little voice. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Gloria, Please. Just sit down and be quiet while we consider what needs to be done," Chess said.

Gloria plopped on the sofa, Charley sat down in the club chair and scrubbed his face while Chess paced in front of the fireplace. No one said a word for several minutes. The jangle of Charley's cell phone jarred the still room. Charley picked it up. "Charley Hill."

"My name is Jim Provost, Charley. You don't know me, but I'm a friend of Jake Shipman's."

"I am aware of who you are, Provost." He had a hard time keeping hostility out of his voice.

"Yeah?" Jim bristled and then put his irritation aside. "Well, I'm calling to tell you that Jake is in the hospital in intensive care."

"What's wrong with him?"

"I would like to tell you that to your face."

"If you have harmed him. I promise, you will pay for it."

"I didn't harm him physically, But I'm afraid I am responsible for what he did."

"Explain," Charley demanded.

"How long will it take you to get here?" Jim asked ignoring the demand.

"At least five or six hours."

"I will be waiting for you in the hospital lobby. That's the University Hospital. And, Charley?"

"What?"

"Jake is going to be okay."

"Thanks. I'll be there ASAP." Charley closed his phone and stuck it in his shirt pocket and looked at his dad. "Jake is in the hospital." The love and concern in his father's face brought Charley's tears to the surface.

"Is he going to be okay, Baby?" Gloria asked from the sofa.

Charley turned to his mother. "You know..."He chewed on his lower lip and shook his head. " I'm twenty-seven years old. I think you can drop that name, Mom. Yes, Jake will be okay."

"I don't know why you have such animosity towards me these days. What have I done?" she whined.

"I'm leaving for UniCity in a little while. Think about it while I'm gone, Mom. Maybe you can figure it out."

Chess placed a loving arm around his shoulders. "Relax, Charley, you've found him. That's what matters."

"I've got to get going."

"I'm going to drive you over there."

"I'd really enjoy the company, Pop."

"Well, it will make me feel better knowing that you get there in one piece." Chess turned to his wife. "Would you lock up, dear? And call Tom and Robert to let them know what's happening. If we're going to get there in five hours we've got to get moving. I need to stop at the house to change and pack a few things."

"Of course I will, Chess. You just take care of my b...son." Gloria hugged and kissed her husband, and then hugged her son. "Charley, I hope Jake is going to be okay. I really do."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you."

-=J=-

Within forty-five minutes the two men were on the road. Charley was sitting with his hands clinched between his knees as he leaned forward as though the position would speed them in getting there. Chase held the speed at an even sixty-eight miles an hour.

"I assume Jake is in a coma since he's in intensive care?"

"I don't know, Pop. I didn't get much information from Jim."

"Who exactly is this Jim?" Chase asked, breaking a twenty minute silence.

"He's...uh...a friend of Jake's"

Chess studied his son for a moment and then turned his eyes back to the road. "He wasn't more than just a friend?"

"Yeah, they were more than just friends. But they were never lovers. Jim wouldn't allow that."

"So they were just fuck buddies."

Charley's head jerked around to stare at his dad. Chess glanced at him with as smirk. "Didn't mean to shock you, Son. I'm not just a stodgy old lawyer, you know. I played around a bit in my younger days before I met your mother."

Charley just continued to stare in disbelief at his dad. Chess grinned, a bit embarrassed. "Why do you think it was so easy for me to accept you and Jake?"

Charley didn't answer. He stared out the window paying little attention to the farms and rolling hills as the miles rolled by, remembering going through puberty. He'd had a crush on his oldest brother Tom and his dad in those times. He recalled how he had masturbated wondering what his dad looked like naked, if he looked like Tom. He'd seen him naked a lot when he was still living at home before he graduated and went off to college. He grinned to himself wondering how his dad would react if he told him about his teen age crush on him. He got a little rise thinking about his dad in bed with another man. The thought made him blush.

Chess noticed Charley's darkened complection and asked, "Are you alright, Son?"

"Yeah, Dad, I was just letting my mind wander into things I shouldn't."

"I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"You didn't. I embarrassed myself."

Chess chuckled. Charley blushed again. Chess reached over and cupped his son's neck and pulled him over and kissed him on the forehead."We have all gone through those thoughts, Charley. It's only natural."

Charley sat up and smiled. "I love you, Dad. You are always one step ahead of me."

"Hey, I'm your father, I'm suppose to be."

"Thanks for coming with me."

Chess studied Charley a moment. Their eyes communicated silently. "You're my son. I'd do anything to assure your happiness," Chess said aloud.

Charley smiled and ducked his head, praying that Jake would be okay.

-=J=-

When Jason and Pete met up for lunch Jason eagerly told Pete about Jim's begging to talk to Charley. "He refuse to tell me what he'd done to Jake to put him in the hospital, and when I connected him with Charley Hill through the number that Jake had given me, he refused to tell him over the phone, too. So what ever he did he's going to tell Charley to his face."

"I wonder what happened. Did Jim look like he'd been in a fight?"

"Not at all. He did say that he'd hurt Charley as well as Jake."

"Hmm. It must have been something sexual." Pete surmised.

"Do you suppose he raped Jake? But Jake is so much bigger and heavier."

"There are ways to subdue a man without force."

"God. Do you really think that Jim would use drugs?

Pete shrugged.

~~~~~

Jim sat on the padded bench beside the elevators, his forearms rested on his thighs as he crimped the rim of a empty plastic coffee cup whose contents he'd swallowed over an hour ago. He knew he should be sitting in jail for what he'd done. He mentally shuddered for the thousandth time. What could he have been thinking when he'd purchased those pills. He was a nurse. He knew better.

He thought back to the time he was in nursing school. He'd been so in love with a big controlling hunk then. They had been seeing each other for nearly six months when the guy had just cut off the relationship informing him he was going back to his wife. Jim hadn't even been aware that the man was married.

It had devastated him. Swearing he'd never get emotionally involved with another man, he put his whole life into finishing school. When he met Jake. He could easily have given him his heart, but afraid of being hurt again, he flatly refused to let Jake in.

When Jake had disappeared, he had realized how much he had lost. He initially blamed the loss on Jake. Jake was the one who had walked out. Jim realized how fucked up his thinking had been to punish Jake for his own failings. He could only pray that Jake wouldn't press charges.

He'd called Charley Hill seven hours ago and he was still waiting for his arrival at the hospital where Jake lay sedated in the intensive care ward. He had no idea how things would go with this Charley fellow. He knew nothing about him except that he was Jake's new lover. Jim had resigned himself to taking a beating if that was what Charley chose to do after hearing his confession. He knew much worse could happen if Jake and Charley decided to pursue legal channels. Not only could he lose his nurse's licence, he could end up doing a long time in jail if he were prosecuted.

He felt rather than heard the lobby doors open and looked up to see a tall blonde muscular god hesitate and look around the lobby. Behind him was an older, slightly shorter, version. Jim sucked in his breath as his eyes connected with the handsome blonde's. He dropped the paper cup on the bench as he nodded to the unasked question in the man's eyes. He stood and walked toward the two men. The blonde god walked toward him, but the older man hung back, observing.

"Jim Provost?" the man asked, not offering his hand. His baritone voice resonated through Jim's being.

"Yes. You are Charley Hill?"

Charley nodded.

"Let's go into the cafeteria and talk," Jim said.

"I'd like to see Jake first."

"He's still in intensive care. I'm sorry, they won't allow you in to see him."

Charley slumped.

"I'm sorry. It's a stupid hospital rule."

Chess caught up with them at that point and put his arm around his son who just stared at the floor.

"Take it easy, Son. Let's go get a cup of coffee and listen to what Mr. Provost has to tell you."

Charley allowed Jim to lead them to the cafeteria. When they entered Chess volunteered to get coffee. Jim lead Charley over to a quiet corner away from the other people and pulled a chair out and motioned for him to sit and then took a chair on the other side of the table.

Jim studied the table top a few moments and then looked up to meet Charley's hostile stare.

"I've been sitting in the lobby since I called you, thinking about how to tell you about what occurred. I guess I should preface with a little history."

Chess arrived with three cups of coffee. Jim looked up at him with an uneasy expression.

"This is my dad, Chester Hill. He knows the whole story. So feel free to say what you have to say," Charley said.

As Chess sat down next to his son, Jim introduced himself and shook hands with him.

Jim cleared his throat and looked from one man to the other before his spoke. "I don't know of any easy way to say this. So I'm going to be blunt and shoot straight from the hip." He cleared his throat again and then started telling how he and Jake had met. "I told Jake from the beginning that I didn't want a lover. He seemed to accept that for a long time. Once he made overtures, telling me that he was in love with me. I shut him down. He seemed to accept that for a long while and them about three... no it was a little over five months ago, the day he disappeared, he came onto me again. I shut him down again. He left in a huff and I didn't see or hear from him again until I took him out for dinner the other night. I heard a month or so ago that he was in town for a couple of days starting a book signing tour." Jim swirled the cold coffee in his cup and took a small swig and grimaced at the taste. "I know it was crazy, but I was feeling like a rejected lover even though I'd been consistent in telling him that we weren't." Jim stirred the coffee lost in thought and then looked up at Charley and said, "Jake is a natural bottom."

"For Christ's sake, this is my father your saying that in front of."

Jim turned to Chess. "I'm sorry, Sir, if this is offensive to you, but it's at your and your son's insistence that you're here."

"I know what a bottom is, tell it like it is."

"Well, Jake has this need. And I was always happy to help him with it. We never got into any S and M, or any thing like that, but I thought he would enjoy a little helpless fucking."

It was obvious to Chess that Jim was having a lot of inner turmoil. He glanced at his son. Charley's expression was simply a hard emotionless stare. It made Chess shudder, he's seen that expression on a man's face when he was practicing criminal law. The man had been confessing to the premeditated murder of his wife.

Jim continued talking, he looked at the ceiling and everywhere except at the two men sitting across from him. "Shit. Who am I fooling. I did it in anger to get a little revenge for him leaving. A buddy had offered me these little pills that render a person physically helpless while all their senses are still alert. I took Jake out to dinner and slipped one into his beer just before leaving. I didn't know how quickly the pill would work and by the time we got to his apartment he was losing muscular control. I almost had to carry him from the door to his bed."

Jim looked down at the table, picked up the cup and took another quick swig of the cold bitter coffee. He looked straight into Charley's eyes. There was no challenge to the look, just straight forward honesty. "I stripped him and fucked him. He was protesting. I ignored it." He paused studying his cup of coffee. "I guess that makes me a rapist, doesn't it."

The question seemed to release a spring under Charley. He abruptly stood, knocking his chair over, and leaned across the table to grab the front of Jim's shirt. "God damned fucking right it does. I'd kill your stupid ass if I thought I could get away with it," he hissed. Chess grabbed his son's wrists and forced him to let go and sit down. The people sitting around the room turned to gape at the outburst.

"It's all right folks. Just a little emotional out burst." Chess announced to the room. Everyone turned back to what they were doing, but continued to keep a wary eye on the three men.

"You're a registered nurse playing around with illegal drugs. If you think your getting away with this you are wrong. I'm going to see your stupid ass in jail." Charley stated.

Chess rubbed his back. "Calm down, Son."

"He drugged and raped Jake, Dad."

"I understand that. There's plenty of time for action later. Let's hear what else he has to say."

Jim had buried his face his hands. When neither man said another word he glanced at them. "I deserve whatever you throw at me." Chess and Charley just looked at him. "I felt like a turd after I left Jake. I'd let my libido over rule my sensibilities and I was feeling rotten for what I'd done."

"It was premeditated Rape," Charley hissed.

Jim looked at him and nodded. There was a few moments of uncomfortable silence before he continued.

"He showed up on my doorstep the next morning looking and acting like he wanted more. All my guilty feelings flew. I grabbed him and started some rough foreplay on his tits. Jake hit me with both fists. Next thing I knew I was tied spread eagle on my bed with my head throbbing from being K.O.'d. Jake grinned evil as hell at me while he poured ice water on me.

"I thought he was going to do a turnabout and rape me, but he had other ideas." Jim closed his eyes and shuddered, hard. He shook his head. "I hadn't listened to what he was saying the previous evening. But every word he said while I was tied to that bed is burned into my memory." He paused and looked both men in the eyes. "I promise God that I will never ignore someone saying "No" to me again. I was filled with remorse just listening to the great sadness in Jake's voice. And then he told me he was going to give me a lesson that I would never forget. He was going to geld me."

The two Hills looked dubious." What's that?" Charley asked. Jim closed his eyes.

"Castrate, that's what they call it when it's done to a horse. Jake was going to castrate him," Chess answered.

"He pulled this pliers-like device out of his rear pocket and a little zip-lock bag of tiny O-rings. I watched in horror as he took one little ring and put it on the device and stretched it. But before he put it on me he demanded the little vial that held three more of the pills that I had given him the previous night. He carefully rolled one into his palm and held it up for me to see. And then he forced my jaw open and stuck his thumb and finger to the back of my mouth and commanded me to swallow. I tried to refuse, but he poured water into my mouth, forcing me to swallow.

"He played with that shiny chrome tool, holding it up to let me see how it would stretch the tiny band. He talked for a while. It was crazy. There was such great saddness in his voice as he talked about how he loved you, how he'd promised to not have sex with me again. And then his voice turned icy as he told me in detail how my balls were going to shrivel and just drop off. He cried telling how I'd killed any chance he had of making a life with you.

"He loves you, Charley. You've got to be there for him when he wakes up. It wasn't his fault I fucked him again. And I apologize to you for doing it, for making him break his word." Jim was weeping at that point.

"I'm here for Jake. I didn't come four hundred and twenty eight miles just to hear you feeling sorry for yourself. So, I take it he didn't put that rubber ring on your balls."

Jim looked up at Charley. "You think that at this point I'm feeling sorry for myself? To hell with that. I am regretting what I did to Jake. Yes, he put that rubber ring on my balls and let me sweat it a few minutes while I was waiting for the paralysis from the pill to take over my body. But in the end he untied one of my hands. After I got loose I discovered the powdered pill on the floor.

"In my own warped way I love that man more than anyone else in the world. I want to see him happy with you, Charley Hill. The man loves you. And I can see that you feel the same way about him. Yeah, I fucked up. And I'll take the consequences. But first, I want to do everything I can to rectify what I have done to him. And I.... I need your help to do that."

"You still haven't told me why he is in intensive care. What happened to him?"

"I am a registered Nurse. I am qualified to work in any section of the hospital, from surgery to OB. I choose to take care of people outside of the hospital. I've read all of the doctor's notes. And knowing what I do, I suspect that the pill had an adverse effect on his depression. I think he wanted to sleep it off and simply didn't wake up. He was so dehydrated when I found him that he had to be hospitalized. Right now they have him in a medically induce sleep until his body regains a lot of its moisture."

"He doesn't have any family. He was an only child and both of his parents are dead. All he's got is me. I've got to be allowed at his side when he wakes up." Charley said to no one in particular.

"And he has me--- if he will let me still be his friend."

"That's entirely up to Jake." Charley's voice was still cold.

There was quiet around the table as each man pondered what to do next.

"Charley, I think I can pull some strings to get you in there." Jim said.

"How?" Charley asked.

"Let me make a phone call." Jim pulled out his cell phone and searched for a number and then dialed it. "Good afternoon, Mr. Gates, this is Jim Provost." Pause. "Thank you, Dave. Are your familiar with the name Jake Shipman?" Pause. "Yes, that is him. He is in the hospital in intensive care." Pause. " He's under sedation. He's suffering from dehydration." Pause. "Well that's a long story I'd rather not get into right now." Pause. "The problem is he has no living relatives and his lover is sitting here in the lobby. He's not allowed on the floor with Jake." Pause. "Thank you, Dave. I knew that if there was anybody that could help, it would be you." Pause. "Yes, Sir, I will tell him." Jim turned to Charley. "That was Dave Gates. He said to tell you that he would take care of the problem. Not to worry."

Charley studied Jim. "I feel like I should be thanking you, and at the same time I want to rearrange your face."

Jim looked him in the eyes. "I don't want your gratitude. I'm just trying to rectify the harm I've done. I won't resist if you need to punch my lights out. But I think we should take it outside if that's what you want to do."

Charley sighed. "No. I'm not going to get physical. What happens from here will be up to Jake."

At that moment they were interrupted by a man approaching their table and introducing himself as Dr. Chestnut.

"May I sit down?" he asked.

Charley pulled the chair out and gestured for him to sit.

"I am the staff psychiatrist. When a patient attempts suicide I am called in to deal with it. Dave Gates called me and informed me that I should be talking to you two fellows."

Dr. Chestnut visited with the three men for a few minutes and then made separate appointments for Jim and Charley to meet with him the next morning and then left.

As he walked away a nurse came into the room, looked around and headed for the table where the three men sat.

"Are one of you Charles Hill?"

End of Part five