"Well, I had kind of figured that we would find a motel nearby."
"Being that Jason and Jake are such good pals, I would think that Jason
and Pete would love to have you stay with them. They're living in Dave's big
four bedroom house. Would you mind if I called them?"
Chess was a little hesitant to be accepting the hospitality of strangers.
"I think that Charley should be consulted on this," he said.
"Hey, they're both wonderful boys. Jason and Jake are good friends. I
think that if he knew you and Charley were here, he'll want you to be staying
with them. Besides Charley doesn't need that kind of hassle
right now. And they live just a couple of blocks away."
Before Chess could respond Jim pulled out his cell and dialed Jason.
"Of course they are welcome." Jason responded on hearing the
situation. "Any friend of Jake's is a friend of mine and that goes for his
lover and his lover's father, too." Jason replied. Jim shook his head. He
wasn't sure that Jason had meant that as a barb, but it sure stung. He had
liked the little guy from the moment they had met but had a hard time dealing
with him as an equal because of his small size.
Jim called the intensive care ward and asked the nurse to inform Charley
that he was taking his father to get settled in and that his dad would be back
in a couple of hours to take him to dinner.
Chess sat back and studied Jim as he made his calls. When Jim noticed, he
raised his eyebrows in question as he closed his cell phone,
"You're not employed by this hospital how did you get in to read Jake's
records?" Chess asked.
"It was easy. As a student I worked up there a good while. I knew just
where I was going. So I dressed in whites and simply walked into his room,
check on him, read the records and left. No one the
wiser."
Chess shook his head and continued to stare at him. "I can't quite
figure you out. You seem like a very honorable, likable man even, if you are a
take charge bulldozer." He grinned to take the sting out of the barb.
"I am having difficulty imagining you drugging and raping another human
being."
Jim played with his empty coffee cup. When he looked up at Chess he had
tears in his eyes. "I never meant to hurt Jake. Our relationship
was rough and tumble. Sometimes the sex was gentle and loving, but
mostly it was just good hard sex no emotions involved."
"On your part. It sounds to me like Jake was
trying for more."
"No, I think most of the time it was just sex for him, too. Once in a
while he'd start getting romantic notions, but I always set him straight."
"But why the pills? You of all people should
know better than to play around with drugs."
"I was stupid. I let a buddy convince me that they were harmless with
no after effects. I never stopped to consider that they'd work differently on
different people. It obviously affected Jake adversely. After the adrenalin
rush from his anger had past, he obviously sank into a deep depression. Jake
would never just give up like that. It had to have been the drug."
"You realize that you will lose your nurse's license and probably spend
some time in jail."
"I know. And I am willing to take the punishment. Jake nearly
died." Jim studied his hands and then looked up at Chess. "I do love
him, you know."
-=J=-
When Charley entered Jake's room and saw him lying there like a corpse, his
heart lurched. If it hadn't been for the slow rise and fall of his chest
Charley would have thought he was dead. He walked up to the bedside and took
Jake's hand. It was dry and papery feeling. His face was gaunt and aged. Tears
rolled down Charley's cheek. "Oh, Jake, how
could you do this?" he whispered. The nurse moved a chair next to the bed
and offered it to Charley. When he sat, she patted his shoulder, adjusted the
sheet over Jake's chest and left them alone.
-=J=-
Chess followed Jim over to Pete and Jason's where the two young men soon made
him feel welcome. Before leaving Chess with Jason and Pete, Jim gave him his
cell number asking that he please be kept informed of Jake's progress.
-=J=-
When Joe entered the Eyrie, Dave was on the phone.
Joe walked over to him leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. Dave looked
up at him. Joe could see the love and desire in his eyes. He mouthed,
"I'll be off in a moment." and turned back to the conversation on the
phone.
"I don''t understand,
there is no evidence of drugs in his system, Allen, why do you think it is
attempted suicide." Dave listened for a moment. "What could be so
traumatic that he just give up the will to live?" he asked.
Joe had started for the bed room to change his clothes but froze when he
heard the word suicide.
"Well, please keep me informed of his progress. Thanks." He turned
to Joe. "That was Allen Chestnut."
"Who tried to suicide?" Joe asked as Dave lay
the phone in its cradle.
"Jake Shipman."
"I've heard that name before. Who is he?"
"The author of this book." Dave picked up
the book and showed Joe the photo of Jake on the dust cover.
"Handsome man. What would make him do
that?"
"That's what they are trying to find out." Dave had turned Joe
toward the bedroom and was pushing him in that direction.
"And how did you get involved?" Joe asked and he unbuttoned his
shirt and pulled it out of his pants.
"Jim Provost, the nurse that we hired to be your grand dad's companion
called me. He asked if I could pull some strings to get the hospital to let
Jake's lover into the room with him."
"The man's gay?" Joe asked as Dave lifted the shirt off his
shoulders and dropped it down his arms.
"Gay and no living relatives." Dave was
helping undo his pants. He pushed him backwards onto the bed and pulled his
shoes and socks off.
"So did the hospital acquiesce to your request?" Joe asked raising
his butt to let Dave pull his pants and Jockeys off.
Dave chuckled as he stripped out of his own clothes. "What do you
think?"
Joe scooted into the middle of the bed and was ready for Dave's pounce."I think you are one horny dude." he said
with a lascivious grin.
"Damn, I love your scent." Dave murmured as he kissed his way up
Joe's torso. "Especially when you've been doing physical
labor."
"I make it just for you, Babe." Joe groaned as Dave attacked the
side of his neck with his tongue.
-=J=-
Jason and Pete had gotten Chess settled into one of the bedrooms and were
sitting at the kitchen table studying when Chess wandered into the room.
Jason looked up. "Would you like a cup of coffee, sir?"
"No thank you. I know I'm old enough to be your grandfather, Jason but
call me Chess. Both of you. And if you'll tell me
where to find a glass I'll get myself a glass of water."
"They're in the cabinet left of the stove."
The boys watched Chess get his water. After he had taken a drink Jason
asked, "Do you know what happened to Jake? Why he's in intensive
care?"
"Yes, but it's of a private nature and not my place to tell you."
"Jim said that he was responsible for it, but wouldn't tell me what he
had done. I've got a feeling that he did something out of revenge for Jake
leaving."
"You are right, but I still can't tell you. It will have to be Jake or
Jim."
"Jake really loves Charley. I could see it in his eyes when he told me
about him. He is going to be okay isn't he?"
"I certainly hope so. You know as much as I do at the moment."
"Oh."
Pete had sat there listening. "It's my turn to make dinner. Is there
anything you'd like to request, Chess?"
"Why don't you fellows let me take you out, as a thank you for your hospitality."
"Sure, if you really want to." Pete said looking at Jason and
grinning for getting out of his night to cooking.
"I do. So when you are ready let me know. I'm going to lie down until
then."
They nodded and went back to their studies, and Chess went into his bedroom,
lay down and called his wife.
"The hospital is calling it an attempted suicide." Chess told her.
"I knew it. That man just-----"
"Gloria, I swear before God that if you don't lay
off of Jake and keep you mouth closed around Charley, I am going to do
something dire. What is your problem anyway? Is it that you're jealous? That
he's taking your "Baby" away from you? Get a grip, Charley is nearly
thirty."
"No he's not. He's only twenty-eight."
"Nearly thirty, Gloria."
A sniffle is all he got in reply. He changed the subject.
-=J=-
Charley wanted to stay by Jake's side until he woke up, but when it was
explained to him that Jake was intentionally being kept under sedation until
his body had properly hydrated he allowed his dad to drag him off to dinner and
to get a good night's sleep.
Since Jason, Pete and Chess had walked to the hospital they opted to hit a
local restaurant. When told the options Chess decided Gio
Gio's sounded the best.
The rotund Chef hugged Jason and bent down to kiss him on each cheek when he
walked through the door. "Where have you been, my little friend. Surely,
you are not too busy to come by once in a while."
Jason cocked a eye at him. "What, once a week
is not often enough?" he said and giggled.
"Once a day I could live with." Gio
replied, grinning. He turned to Pete. "Ah, Pete, my man, you got the
horrible cast off. I am so happy for you. I bet you love being able to hold you
little one to your chest again." He kissed Pete the same as he had Jason.
Pete just grinned. And to cover his embarrassment he turned to introduce
Chess and Charley, telling Gio that Charley and Jake
were lovers. Gio shook hands with them and welcomed
them to his restaurant.
"Ah, and how is Jake? I heard he is in the hospital."
Gio said.
Charley grimaced. "They are still keeping him asleep. Tomorrow they
should bring him around."
"I do hope he will be okay. I will say a little novina
for him." Gio said.
He escorted them to the big round owners table and as they were sitting Dave
and Joe walked in. Gio threw his hands into the air
when he saw them. "Maybe the whole family will show up tonight. And I'll
lose lots of money feeding you all."
Joe laughed knowing that the cost of the meals was always deducted from
Joe's part of the profit sharing with his Italian cousin although no one else
but the two of them and Dave knew that." Funny you say that, Cousin,"
he said, "Johnny and Tim are meeting us here for dinner."
Dave had glanced around and saw Pete and Jason. "Who is are those two
men with our boys?" he asked.
"Oh, do you know Jake Shipman, our local famous author?" Both men
nodded. "The younger one is his amore and the other his father. Come, I'll
introduce you."
"No need, Gio, you've got a good crowd here
tonight to take care of. We'll introduce ourselves and sit with them."
When Pete saw his boss and benefactor approaching, he stood and asked them
to join them. As he'd made introductions, Charley held Dave's hand in both of
his as they shook. "I know you are the one responsible for the hospital
allowing me to be with Jake. Thank you so much."
Dave gave him one of his warm loving smiles. "Jake is an important
person in all our lives, even though we have yet to meet him. It's a pleasure
to be allowed to do something for you."
Joe informed them there would be two more joining them so they all moved to
leave two seats together for Johnny and Tim. They walked in almost before
they'd all settle down, and they were all up and shaking hands again.
Charley had a bit of an advantage knowing a little about the men he was
meeting, and as circumstance would have it, he was sitting next to Johnny when
everyone settled again. When there was a lull in the conversation, much of
which had been aimed at him, he turn to Johnny.
"I understand you are a police detective."
"Was. I just went to work for my brother and
Dave, along with my old partner who is now their head of security. I opted to
be Joe's personal body guard."
"Why would he need a body guard?" he asked looking over at Joe who
looked and dressed like a construction worker.
"Well, he's a world famous architect and hitched to one of the
wealthiest men in the world. I'd say he needs a guard, wouldn't you?"
"Of course. So who is he hitched to, as you
put it?"
"Dave. He and Joe are lovers."
"You said one of the wealthiest men in the world. Dave looks like the
guy next door."
Johnny chuckled. " He is. But he inherited the
entire Way Fortune."
"I heard about that. And that was Dave, huh?"
"Yup."
"Are they looking to hire more guards? I just quit the Kirksville
Police Force to move here. Jake doesn't like me being a policeman after I got
shot a few months ago."
"Your kidding." He raised his voice
calling across the table. "Joe, Dave, you're not going to believe this.
Charley here is a policeman. He just quit the
-=J=-
The first thing the next morning Charley called to check on Jake's status and
was informed that he would be coming out from under the sedation probably mid
afternoon. He then unloaded his Harley and went to the Tower to see Paul
Hanson. After filling out a stack of forms, Paul told him that as of that
moment he was on the payroll and that as soon as Jake was back on his feet he
would send him and Johnny to
Charley relented and walked away muttering to himself about feeling like a
freeloader, while Paul grinned knowing his employer's eccentricities.
-=J=-
Chess was delighted that Charley had been employed by Dave Gates. He really
liked that man. He was so down to earth that one would never suspect he had
more than ten dollars in his pocket. Since there was nothing more that he could
do for Charley, and knowing that he'd just been befriended by a group of men
that would be a strong support group for him, Chess decided that he should get
back to his office in
They sipped their coffee in silence for a few moments. Jason found himself
feeling as comfortable with the big blonde man as he was with Jake. "I
just can't imagine Jake doing this," he said.
"Doing what?"
"You know, trying to off himself."
Charley smiled. "You know that he's not very fond of euphemisms, don't
you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Off himself. That's a
euphemism for suicide or kill himself.
"That is so stark and harsh."
"Like Jake says, tell it like it is."
"Do you really think that he did?"
Charley looked at Jason and shrugged. "I've only known him for a few
months, but no, I can't see him trying to kill himself."
"On the premise that he did, what are your speculations as to the
reason."
"You use big words."
"I'm an English major." Jason said in
exasperation.
Charley grinned at raising Jason's ire and then turned serious. He stared
into the depths of his cup for a moment and then decided that Jason was someone
he could confide in. He looked up at him. "Jake promised me before he left
that he wouldn't have sex with Jim again. Jim forced him. Jake was not responsible
for it happening.
"What do you mean, Jim forced him? Jake could probably squash him like
a bug."
Charley leaned forward. "What I'm going to tell you is confidential.
And I'm telling you only because you and Jake are such close friends."
Jason nodded. "Jim drugged him. He admitted that to me last night."
"The son of a bitch. That's evil. How could he
do that to a friend? He's a nurse."
"Well, even though it makes me furious, I am beginning to understand
the relationship Jake and Jim had. First off, Jake never told Jim he was in a
relationship with me, until Jim was..... until he was
already fucking him. Maybe Jim wouldn't have done if he had. I believe that Jim
didn't really mean to harm him. And I think that the drug had an unexpected
after effect on Jake. Whether it was physical or psychological I don't know.
But knowing Jake, his word is very important to him and he was probably very
depressed at having his word broken. Maybe the drug enhanced the
depression." Charley sighed. "I guess we won't really know until he
is awake and tells us."
"Damn Jim!" Jason pounded his fist on the table top, making the
cups jump. "He should know better than to play around with drugs."
"Jason, out of respect for Jake, don't mention
anything I've said to even Pete. It's Jake's decision as to what happens with
Jim. You know I was a law officer and if I was still, it would be my duty to
have Jim arrested without Jake having anything to say about it. But I'm not a cop any longer and I believe that it is Jake's right
to decide whether Jim should be prosecuted or not."
"I'm not sure I agree with you," Jason said, getting up from the
table and taking the empty cups to the sink, "but I will keep it to
myself."
"Thanks." Charley stood and pushed the chairs under the table. He
then rested his butt against the counter and stuck his hands in his pockets.
"Did you know my dad is a defense lawyer?"
"What does he think about all this?"
"Well, to make a bad pun, he kept his own counsel. I didn't ask him and
he didn't tell me."
"What time will Jake be waking up?" Jason dried his hands.
"The nurse said it would around two,. I've got
an appointment with Dr. Chestnut, the Psychiatrist, at eleven-thirty."
Jason looked at the clock over the stove. "It's ten-forty seven
now."
Charley pushed away from the counter and stretched. "I guess I'd best
get ready and head over there."
"Me too," Jason said, admiring the big man's body as he stretched.
"I've got a class at the same time."
-=J=-
Jim was apprehensive about telling another medical professional about the
pills. In the end he lied and told Dr. Chestnut that he had simply got Jake,
who didn't drink much, intoxicated and seduced him. He talked at length about
his past relationship with Jake and about Jake's need in bottoming. Being that
Allen was gay and liked both topping and bottoming, he understood what Jim was
telling him.
Allen was tickled and horrified at the same time by Jake's revenge for what
Jim had done. He did his best to keep a straight face while he listened. One thing
he couldn't understand was why Jake would have such a strong reaction to
getting drunk and letting Jim take advantage of him again. He didn't question
Jim on that, thinking he might find the answer when he talked to Charley.
-=J=-
Jim ran into Charley outside of the Doctor's office. When
Charley asked him if he had admitted to using the drug on Jake. Jim hung
his head in shame and admitted that he had been afraid to,
the doctor would have been obligated to report him.
"Well, I can't blame you. Personally, I think it's up to Jake as to
what legal action should be taken."
"Does that mean that you won't say anything to the doctor?" Jim
asked.
"I don't see how that would help Jake at this point. If Jake wants to
tell him, that's up to him, as I just said."
"Thanks, Charley. I appreciate it."
Charley grimaced at him and entered the doctor's office without replying.
-=J=-
Charley found he really liked Allen Chestnut. He was easy and pleasant to
talk to. Soon he was telling him the whole story about himself and Jake. When
he got to the bit about his conversation with Jim and Jim's admission about the
rape he left out the fact that Jim had drugged Jake. He notice
the skeptical look that Allen gave him and started feeling guilty for not
exposing Jim. He wondered to himself why he was protecting him after what he'd
done to Jake.
Charley was at sixes and sevens with his feelings. He liked Jim for his
honesty and straight forwardness, yet he had a deep simmering anger that was
ready to boil over given the right circumstances. He was also feeling hurt that
his relationship with Jake hadn't been strong enough to keep him from
attempting to die.
Allen could see all of this as Charley talked, and felt it was best to let
the story be for the moment. He wondered if either Jim or Charley thought him
dumb enough to accept the drunken rape thing. Charley hadn't realized that he
had told him that Jake would never knowingly get drunk, two glasses of wine or
four beers was his limit, and he was expecting him to accept the story of Jim
getting Jake drunk? Well, he'd let it be for the moment believing the truth
would come out eventually.
Allen set about helping Charley understand what Jake would be going through
when he woke up.
-=J=-
An Excerpt from Jake's journal
A sweet light fluting entices me to search for its source. I rise and look
around me. There's a naked Man lit by a bright light on the horizon. He's as
beautiful as Charley. He's beckoning me with open arms. I can feel myself
gliding toward Him. And then from behind me I hear Charley calling me. I look
back toward his voice, I can't see him. I know I don't deserve to see him. I
turn back toward the welcoming
"Jake, are you awake?" I froze inside. I realized that I had been
dreaming and now I was back in real life. My hand was still being tightly held.
I turned my face away from his voice. "Jake, I know you're awake. I
promise I won't let go. Open your eyes and look at me."
I wanted to scream in protest, I was caught between
being awake and dreaming. I knew that if I woke up completely I'd be safe, but
at the same time I never wanted to wake up. "I can't. I can't ever look at
you again." I whimpered.
I felt his hands on each side of my face. He turned my head toward him.
"I love you, Jake. I need you to wake up and look at me."
I opened my eyes and looked into Charley's and
fell apart. Tears flooded my eyes. All the guilt of my reactions to Jim's fuck
came rushing at me in full force. "Oh God, No. Go
away Charley. Don't look at me. I am disgusting. I don't deserve your
love."
I wondered if he could understand my words, but surely he understood my
anguish. I wanted to roll into a fetal ball, but I couldn't move. Oh God, I'm
paralyzed again. They've used Jim's pills on me. I'm paralyzed again. But why
would Charley let them do that? I closed my eyes willing myself back into that
wonderful dreamless sleep. It didn't work. I could feel Charley caressing my
face, kissing my forehead and cheeks. Tears flowed out of my eyes.
Charley was speaking to me. I stopped the panicky thoughts and listened.
"It's okay, Jake. I'm here. I won't let anyone
hurt you again. I love you, Jake. Please don't go away again. Stay with me. I need you, Jake." I turned my head away
from him. With a hand on each side of my face, he turned it back where I had to
look at him. "Jake, listen to me. It doesn't matter what Jim did. I love
you. Do you hear me, Jake? I love you."
My breathing slowed. I opened my eyes and gazed at him through blurring
tears. He is so beautiful. He loves me? I am so ashamed. How can he love me?
No, he can't love me. Jim was right. I'm a cock whore. Once he started fucking
me, I begged for more and I wanted it harder. How could anyone forgive me for that. I had wanted it. I had needed it. I had gotten it. And
I know I'll continue wanting and needing it. How can he forgive me for that? I
closed my eyes. "Please, go away." I tried to whispered.
I don't know if he could understand me. My throat was dry,
my tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth. "I'm so ashamed. Just
go." I mumbled and turned my head away.
He turned my head back and slipped an ice sliver between my lips and leaned
forward to kiss me. I turned my head away. He kissed my cheek.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay. You need help, Jake. I'm
here to help you." He rubbed another sliver of ice over my parched lips.
They felt dry and cracked. It felt so good. I opened my mouth and he slipped
the ice in. I sucked on it greedy for the moisture.
"No." I croaked.
"Jake, listen to me. I know what happened. You did nothing wrong. I
love you."
"You can't love me. I'm not worth loving." I whimpered. And then
rage at being unable to move filled me. "Why can't I move?" I yelled.
"I know I'm not drugged, I can move my head and fingers. I'm not slurring.
Why can't I move? God I've got to pee so bad."
"You're being restrained, Jake. You've been having some violent
nightmares. I'll get the doctor," he said and left the room.
I sighed with relief. Maybe he wouldn't come back. God, I was so exhausted.
I closed my eyes and tried to find the relief of blissful sleep again.
The doctor came in. He was an older man. At least he didn't act cheerful. He brushed
the hair away from my forehead. "How are you feeling, Jake?" He
looked concerned. Without asking he slipped more ice into my mouth.
"Water, Doc. I'm so thirsty."
He held a straw to my lips and I sucked greedily.
"Not too much at first." he said, pulling the straw away. I felt
like I could drink a gallon and still be thirsty.
"I'm so tired. I just want to go back to sleep. Please just give me
something to put me to sleep, Doc."
"You've had enough sleep for a while, young man. It's time to wake up
and start living again."
I just groaned in answer. Didn't anyone understand? "I need to pee so
badly it burns, Doc."
"That feeling is from the catheter that was inserted into your bladder,
He said while he checked a bag hanging below my bed side.
"Now that you're awake, and as soon as you
can start moving a bit on your own I'll have it removed." He continued
checking the monitors while I noticed I had an IV stuck in my arm and wires
stuck to my chest. I glanced at the monitor it didn't beep like on TV, it just
gave off a glaring greenish light.
"Charley tells me you don't want him in here with you."
"He makes me feel so guilty, Doc."
"I'll ask him to stay out until you're ready to see him again."
"Never, Doc. I threw away my chance with
him."
"No such thing as never, Jake. There's always
another chance. But I'll keep him out until you ask for him." He removed
the straps that held me immobile. "How's that?" he
asked.
"Thanks, Doc." As soon as my arms were free I tried to lift the
one that didn't have the IV stuck in it. It took some effort to lift it off the
bed. "God, I'm so tired, I can't even lift my arm."
"Jake, you haven't eaten or imbibed anything in eight days. You're
malnourished and still dehydrated. You probably haven't consciously moved a
muscle in at least five days. It's going to take some work on your part to get
back into shape." He held a straw to my lips. "Here, drink some of this, it's full of electrolytes and other little nourishing
things."
I drank until he pulled the straw away again. "That's ridiculous, Doc.
I just laid down yesterday afternoon to take a nap. I'm in great shape. I'm
just tired."
"Apparently your friend, Jim Provost, was the last person to see you,
and that was eight days ago. You've been here for almost three days. You're
holding the water and Gatoraide are
you ready for something in your stomach?"
"I'm not hungry."
"Well, if you'll just drink some broth and force down some Jell-O it'll
make me happy. Another doctor will be coming in to talk with you. I think he
can bring you around to looking at the brighter side of life."
"A head shrinker."
"I don't think he'd appreciate being called that, but yes, Jake, he's a
psychiatrist."
"Why is he coming to see me?"
"It's SOP when someone attempts to do away with himself."
"You're thinking I tried to kill myself, Doc?"
He raised his eyebrows and looked at me. "Didn't you?"
I shook my head and closed my eyes.
"I'll leave you alone now. The food will be here in a bit."
I didn't respond. I didn't go back to sleep.
End of excerpt
-=J=-
Allen had warned Charley that Jake might reject him on first awakening, but
emphasized that it was important that he be at Jake's side when he awoke.
"He might not accept you right then, but it will make a subconscious
impact on him that you do love him," Allen had said. But still Charley was
emotionally unprepared for Jake wanting him out of the room.
After Charley had told the doctor how Jake had reacted on awaking, the
doctor had explained to Charley that it would be best if he stayed away until
Jake asked for him. He had collapsed into a chair outside Jake's room and
thought about Jake's reaction. He realized that Jake had never said he didn't
want him. Jake had said that he couldn't be with him. Charley saw that until
Jake started getting his head on straight, he should probably stay away.
He went back to the house and called his dad and talked to him awhile and
came away feeling better. As he later lay on the bed staring at the ceiling his
cell rang.
"Hi, Mom." He answered.
"Charley dear, I just want to reassure you that Jake is going to come
around. It's obvious that he loves you very much. You're just going to have to
be strong for both of you until Jake gets his head and emotions straightened
out. I know you two are going to be happy together for a long, long time. I
want you to tell him, when your do get to see him, that I am sorry for being
such a bitch to him. And I apologize to you, Son, for trying to hang on to you
when you've already flown the nest. And even if you do object you'll always be
my baby. I love you, Charley.
"Thanks Mom, I love you too."
Charley talked to his mother for a half hour. He hadn't really talked to her
since he'd met Jake. But with her changed attitude they both discovered that
they had a lot to share. When he terminated the call he felt better than he'd
felt in weeks. He hadn't realized how much his mother's attitude had been
affecting him. Now if everything with Jake got straighten out his life would be
on the high road.
-=J=-
Excerpt from Jake's journal
When the tray of Jell-O and broth came I had to be fed. I downed it without
protest. I was too weak to lift my arm to my face much less lift a spoon. The
nurse made small talk while she fed me. I didn't respond, but I didn't offer
any resistance either. When she left I stared at the ceiling
for a few hours, I didn't have enough energy to get emotional. I was too
weak to turn on my side to stare out the window. I thought about sleeping, but
I couldn't slow my mind down enough to doze off. The future looked bleak. I
thought about what I'd do as soon as I got out of the hospital. Maybe I'd head
for the West Coast. I'd liked what little I'd seen of
When the psychiatrist arrived I felt self conscious. I hadn't shaved since
the morning before Jim did his deed. I wear my hair really short, parted on the
left side. I figured it must be looking matted and in need of cutting. My teeth
felt scummy.
"Hello, Jake, I'm Allen Chestnut. I am your Shrink." I guess he'd
talked to my doctor. "I feel like I know you. You have some very staunch
friends."
"Who are you talking about?" I asked.
He raised his eyebrows as if to say, "You don't know who your friends
are?" and then he started naming them off. "Charley Hill, Jason
Warren, Pete Peterson and Jim Provost...."
I interrupted him with a derisive ,"Jim
Provost, yeah, right."
He ignored my comment. "and Dave Gates."
"Dave Gates?"
"Sure, he admires your work. He's the one that pulled the strings to
get them to let Charley in to be with you. Oh, by the way, Charley asked me to
give you this." He pulled a new cell phone out of his jacket pocket and
handed it to me. "His cell is the only number in the quick dial."
He laid the phone in my hand. When he saw that I couldn't lift it, he took
my hand with the phone and laid it on my chest. I clutched like it was a life
line.
"The next thing you need to know, Jake, is that I have had extensive
conversations with Charley, and with Jim. They are both worried about you. They
have held nothing back. So, I suppose that all that is left to do is sort out
how you feel about everything that has transpired."
"Jim told you what he did to me, huh?"
"Yes, he told me he got you drunk and raped you."
It didn't register with me that he had said drunk, not drugged.
"And if I hear you right, you're saying he is my friend?"
"It was Jim Provost who found you and called for help. It was also Jim
that contacted your buddy Charley. Jim confessed to him that he had his way
with you. He's very contrite about it."
I laughed. It sounded slightly hysterical in my ears. What I found funny was
the stupid euphemism, "He had his way with me." The fucker had raped
me. And my good doctor couldn't say it. "The son of a bitch should be
contrite. He raped me," I said. The shock value of the words had their
effect. I could see in Allen's eyes that he was thinking differently about the
situation. " Did he tell you what I did to him?
He nearly lost his testicles." I asked.
"Yes." He grinned. "Yes, he told me. I privately think that was quite brilliant. It sure taught him a lesson.”
I paused thinking about how close I'd come to mutilating him. "I was
planning on leaving him tied up. I really wanted to cut his balls off. But I
couldn't. So I let him get loose."
Allen sat with his hands in his lap and looked at me, not saying anything
for several moments. "Tell me about meeting Charley," he finally
said.
I stared at him, blankly. "Just like that?"
"Sure, I already know Charley's side. It's
quite the Cinderella story with a lot of real life drama thrown in, don't you
think so?"
"I never thought of myself as Cinderella, but yeah, Charley is
definitely Prince Charming. He swept me off my feet."
He laughed, "Charley said the same thing in reverse, he
thinks you are his Prince Charming. So tell me about it and how you felt."
I closed my eyes and clutched the cell phone that he'd given me previously
to my chest. I felt the need to talk. It came out hesitantly, at first, but
after a bit it just flowed out. It felt good to tell someone about my whole
experience with Charley. I must have talked for over an hour. He kept giving me
sips of water. When I got to our last night together I faltered.
"Jake, remember, everything you tell me is
held in complete confidentiality. And remember too, I am a sexual being. I also
have the same needs and desires as every other Gay man. There is nothing you
can tell that will be embarrassing. Okay?"
I lay the staring at him unable to tell him. I shook my head and tears
filled my eyes. I wanted to tell him. God knows I needed to talk about it. But
I just couldn't do it. Finally, the doctor stood and patted me on the chest.
"Get some rest, Jake. You need to continue to recuperate. Maybe tomorrow
you'll feel more like talking."
He left. I was left feeling like I had failed.
End of Excerpt
END OF PART 6