Second Wind

Chapter Four

Joey

Monday night I was running late for bowling. Connor had an ear infection and I'd taken off from work to take him to the doctor in the morning. The antibiotics had started to kick in by evening but he was still uncomfortable and cranky. I considered staying home but Mom insisted that she was fully capable of taking care of him and that I should go. Even so I dragged my feet, hating to leave him when he wasn't felling well. By the time I got to the lanes they were just about done with practice. I had no more than changed my shoes and it was my turn to bowl. Having the lowest average on the team, I went first. I'd been hoping to get a chance to talk to Ben but his league was at the far end of the building. In between turns I looked down that way, trying to see if he was there.

Finally, in the short break between the first and second games, I had time to go to the bar for a beer. I called Mom on my cell phone to check up on Connor. She assured me that his fever was down and he was sleeping comfortably. I wandered down toward the other league.

When I saw Ben he was just getting up to bowl. I watched his form as he released the ball, not that I was an expert. He threw a straight ball, no hook, no spin. He put it right in the pocket, but because of the lack of spin he didn't get much pin action. He left the five and eight pins. On his second ball he hit them dead on picking up the spare. As he turned away from the pins he saw me watching him and walked back to me.

"Hey Joey, how are ya doing?"

"Okay, I guess. How about you?"

"Pretty good."

"That was a nice shot."

"Yeah, I'm not getting many strikes tonight but at least I'm picking up the spares."

"That's all you need, sometimes." I looked back down the lanes and saw John and Vinnie craning their necks, looking around. "It looks like I'm up. I gotta go. Maybe I'll see you later."

"I still want to thank you for your help last week. Can I buy you a drink when we're done bowling?"

"Sure, that would be nice. Catch you later."

I went back to my team and started bowling again. John was looking at me funny. After I'd bowled and Vinnie got up he turned to me.

"You know that fag, Joey?"

"Fag? What are you talking about?"

"That queer you were talking to down there." He pointed in the direction of Ben's team.

"What makes you think he's gay, John?"

"Duh, they're a gay league, Joey. Don't tell me you didn't notice."

"No way." I looked back at the other league, trying to see something I hadn't seen before. "There're lots of women in the league."

"You never heard of dykes, baby bro?"

"You're just jerkin' my chain, right John?"

"I'm serious. My friend Bill is the assistant manager here. He told me all about them last week. They're very open about being queer."

"Well, they may be a gay league but not all of them are gay, John. Ben's a customer. Sal and I put in a fence at his house last week. I've met his girlfriend."

"Yeah, sure. Better keep your eyes open, Joey. You're a naïve kid, only seeing the best in everyone. He could be after you and you wouldn't even know it."

"I'm not that naïve, John. I think I'd know if he was coming on to me."

All through the rest of the game I thought about Ben, trying to think of any indication that he might be gay or interested in me. He'd just acted pretty normal, like any other guy. Yeah, he wasn't very masculine but he wasn't feminine either. Not being able to change a tire wasn't exactly proof that he was gay. And that woman at his house that morning had obviously spent the night there. I decided I couldn't just come out and ask him but I'd do as John suggested and keep my eyes open, look for some sign. I'd liked him so far and I didn't really care if he was gay but I'd never had any gay friends and I didn't want things to get awkward.

Ben

After Joey went back over to his league the guys on my team starting asking questions about him.

"I thought you were more into the daddy type, not hot little twinks, Ben."

"I am, Scott. Joey's just a friend. Well, more like an acquaintance, really."

"Then you don't mind if I make a play for him? Little hotties are just my type."

"Forget it, Mike. He's straight. I think he's married."

"Hey, we've all done a married guy or two haven't we? Married doesn't always mean straight."

"No, but it's a pretty good indication most of the time. Leave him alone, guys. He's just a nice kid."

Joey's team finished up their games before we did so he was hovering in the back, watching me and talking on the phone as I bowled the last few frames. He finished up his phone call and came over as I was putting my ball in the bag.

"Want to go to the bar here for a drink, Joey?"

"No, I don’t think so. My brothers are in there. I've spent enough time with them tonight. There's a place a little ways up Main St. we can go if that's okay with you."

"Sure, no problem. I'll follow you."

I followed him out to the parking lot and couldn't take my eyes off his butt. I'm not generally into asses but he had such a cute round one encased in his tight jeans. I knew I had to stop looking at him that way. He was a nice straight guy who I sensed could be a good friend and I could use all the friends I could get. Aside from Becky and, to a lesser extent, Scott and Mike, there really wasn't anyone much in my life. Most of the friends Paul and I had had were really his friends. Of course, I wasn't sure that Joey would want to be friends with a gay guy. I hadn't mentioned that I was gay but he must have noticed the league I was with. I decided to try to casually work it into the conversation just to be sure that he knew.

He pulled into a small parking lot next to a tavern and led me in through the side door. There was a long bar along the wall opposite us and booths along the wall the door was in. There were three guys sitting at the bar and a middle-aged couple in the front booth. Joey led me to a booth near the back. We hadn't even sat down when the bartender came out from behind the bar and headed over toward us. He was a short bald man in his late fifties.

"Joey! It's so good to see you." He threw his arms around Joey and hugged him tight, kissing him on the cheek. "You're looking good. How are you doing?"

"Good, Angelo. This is my friend Ben. We just came from bowling. Ben, this is Angelo."

"Nice to meet you, Ben. It's so good to see you out, Joey. What can I get you boys? It's on the house."

"You don't have to do that, Angelo."

"I insist. Now what'll it be?" Angelo didn't look like he served many cosmos in his tavern so I ordered an Amstel Light. Joey asked for the same and we sat down.

"He sure seems to like you, Joey."

"Yeah, but he has to. He's my uncle and my godfather. Pop has been a regular in here since before I was born."

Angelo brought over our beers and we talked about bowling for a while. In spite of our having different completely styles, our averages were within a few pins of each other.

"I hope you don’t mind my asking, Ben, but my brother John was talking about your league tonight. He said that it's a gay league." Joey seemed really uncomfortable.

"Didn't you know that? I thought we were pretty obvious, though actually gay-friendly is probably a better description. Some of us are straight."

"I was right then! I told John that you all weren't gay, that I'd met your girlfriend at your house."

"Sorry to disappoint you, Joe, but Becky's not my girlfriend. She just a friend, my best friend. I'm one of the gay majority in the league."

He just sat and looked at his beer bottle for a minute.

"Does that bother you, Joey? I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but it just didn't come up. It didn't seem important."

"No, it doesn’t really matter. It just didn't occur to me. I don’t think I've ever known anyone who was gay."

"Oh, I'm sure you have but maybe you just didn't realize it. There are quite a few of us out there."

"You're probably right. So are you open about being gay? I mean, you must be, bowling in a gay league like that."

"Well, I've pretty much been out since I was in college. It's not like I walk up to people and say, 'Hi, I'm Ben and I'm gay,' but I don't try to hide anything. It's not all there is to me but it is an important part of who I am. I just act like myself and people figure it out if they want to. Lots of people just can't imagine that their nice accountant could be gay or they just don’t want to know so they pretend not to notice."

"And then there are others who are just dumb like me. So, we've established that Becky's not your girlfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?"

I had intended to answer that with a brief 'not at the moment' but I must have had lots of emotion still bottled up inside me and Joey was easy to talk to so before I knew it we had gone through a second round of beers and I'd told him the whole story of Paul and how I'd come to buy the house in Florham Park.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Joey. I've been rambling on and on about my life and dumping all my troubles on you. What about you?" I nodded toward his left hand, which was lying on the table. "You're married, right?"

He looked down at his hand and the smile that had been on his face since we got to the tavern faded and was replaced by a look I couldn't read. He didn't say anything for a while, just stared at his ring. I was just about to say something when he shook his head, straightened up and looked at his watch.

"Gosh, where did the time go? I've gotta get going."

"I'm sorry, Joey. Did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to be nosy."

"No, Ben, it's okay. My life's, well, it hasn't been very good for a while. I'll explain another time. Right now I really do have to go, though. I was expected home an hour ago."

We got up, Joey left a big tip on the table for Angelo and we walked out to the cars in awkward silence.

"Have a safe trip home, Ben. See you next week." He got in the car and drove off.

I cursed myself all the way home. He'd been so upbeat and polite every time I'd talked to him so I had assumed that he was one of those perpetually cheery people who often annoyed the hell out of me. But he obviously had serious stuff going on deep inside. I was so wrapped up in my own misery and self-pity and he was such a good listener that I hadn't really been aware that he might need to talk, too. I made up my mind to be less self-centered and more attentive to him next time. If there was a next time.

Joey

I drove the few blocks home from Angelo's and let myself in the back door. I heard Jay Leno talking in the living room so I went in there to find Pop sound asleep in his recliner. I turned off the TV and gently shook his shoulder. He opened his eyes, stretched and yawned.

"Were you waiting up for me, Pop? Is Connor okay?"

"He's fine, Joe. I wasn't really waiting up but I thought you'd be home by now. When you called earlier and told your mother you were having a drink after bowling I was glad you were finally having some fun, but then John said you didn't go to the bar with them so I was a little worried."

"You called him to check up on me? I'm not a kid, you know."

"No, I wasn't checking up. John called about a job tomorrow."

"I went to Angelo's with a friend and had a couple of beers." I didn't have to tell him but he'd hear from Angelo the next time he saw him.

"Good for you. Didn't I tell you that you should get out with someone other than family now and then? What friend, any one I know?"

"No, he's a new friend, a really nice guy."

Pop got up and we went upstairs. Outside my bedroom he reached over and squeezed my shoulder.

"You're gonna be okay, son."

My room was dimly lit by a nightlight. I went straight to the crib and put the back of my hand on Connor's forehead which felt pretty normal. I just stood and watched my beautiful boy sleep for a few minutes, then stripped down to my boxers and lay down, staring at the ceiling.

I'd had a really good time with Ben, right up until the end, anyway. It was interesting, listening to him talk about his life. I'd never given much thought to what a gay lifestyle might be like. It must be different from what I imagined though. I'd always assumed that being gay must be all about sexual attraction, sort of like those mild feelings I'd felt in the locker room years ago, only much stronger. But I could tell from the way Ben talked that he had really been in love with that guy Paul and he was devastated when Paul broke up with him. All these months later I could still see the pain in his eyes and hear it in his voice. Being gay was obviously about more than just lust, at least for Ben.

And then I'd messed up the whole night. He'd opened his heart to me, showed me the pain inside and when he asked me a simple question about my life I'd clammed up, not able to say a word. He probably thought I was just another insensitive straight jerk. Even though I'd been surprised to discover he was gay tonight, the more I learned about him the more I liked him. Though I hadn't known him long I'd enjoyed every minute with him. But I'd probably ruined what had seemed to be the start of a good friendship by shutting him out.

Mom and Pop were right. Not about dating, but about my life. For the past year I'd just closed myself off from the world. Other than customers at work, I hadn't had any contact with anyone except my family. And, looking back, they'd all spent the year tiptoeing around me, leaving me alone, being careful not to intrude. No mean feat for a family like mine that most of the time didn't seem to know the meaning of the word privacy. I'd retreated from life, wallowing in my grief and self-pity. I had to snap out of it. Maybe I'd never love again but I had to start living again.

I made up my mind that the next time I was with Ben I would talk to him. Bare my soul to him the way he'd bared his to me. How could I even think about a future if I couldn't talk about the past? I'd start with Ben, if I hadn't already completely turned him off, that is.

Ben

All day at work on Tuesday my mind kept going over the time I'd spent with Joey at Angelo's. It had been such a pleasant evening. He was so nice to be with. Nice to look at too, but that was besides the point. He was straight and, though beautiful, he wasn't my type. But after I'd talked to him at the bowling alley and he'd agreed to have a drink with me I'd been feeling better than I had all summer. Sitting having a beer with him at Angelo's had been great. It was the first time all summer I'd hung out with anyone but Becky. I loved her dearly but she understood me so well that sometimes when I was with her it was like I was talking to myself. And then I blew it by going on and on about Paul, sounding like a real loser. He'd probably been having enough trouble just digesting that I was gay without my coming across as a pathetic queen. I'd clearly said something wrong toward the end of the evening.

Tuesday night Becky came over to watch American Idol with me and brought Chinese takeout for dinner. I didn't tell her about Joey and tried to put him out of my mind but I was pretty quiet while we ate and I was sure she knew something was bothering me. I could never hide much from her. Fortunately the drinks we had with dinner helped quite a bit and by the time the program came on I was feeling more like my old self. We watched the show and ripped the contestants apart mercilessly. Our comments were so vicious we made Simon sound positively gracious. I was in a much better mood by the time I went to bed.

I was lying naked in bed on my belly. Someone was kneeling over me, straddling me, their knees touching either side of my waist. Their hands began kneading the back of my neck, then running lightly up and down the sides of my neck. Both hands moved from my neck along my left shoulder, then slowly continued down along my arm, squeezing and massaging the muscles. When they got to my wrist they moved back and started again at my neck, this time working their way down my right arm. After both arms had been lovingly massaged, the hands started in on my back. Their owner sat on my butt. I could now tell it was a man because I felt a large, swollen but not erect, penis lying in the cleft between my cheeks and two large balls pressing into me below it. The hands continued their work on my back, firmly pressing together in the small of my back, pushing up my spine to my shoulders, then separating and sweeping across my shoulder blades and down my sides, ending up at my lower back again. They continued this circular motion over and over. Each time my muscles felt more relaxed. The touch got lighter and more sensuous. I was in heaven, totally relaxed, with those magic hands working their way all over my upper body. I realized my cock was harder than it had been in ages. With every movement the masseur's weight on my ass pushed my dick down into the bed as if I were fucking the mattress. I felt as if I were going to explode all over the sheets when all of a sudden he stopped and got off me.

"All done now. You can turn over." His voice sounded so warm and familiar.

I rolled over and Joey was standing naked next to the bed, looking down into my eyes, giving me that beautiful smile of his.

"Feeling better now, Ben?"

"Oh yeah, Joey. That was the best."

His eyes wandered down my body until they came to my throbbing hardon. He quickly looked back into my eyes with a look of disgust on his face.

"Fucking faggot!!"

He turned and took a step away from me and instantly disappeared.

I sat bolt upright in the bed, looking around my dark room, gasping for breath, trying to figure out where I was. Lula groaned and shifted her position against my legs. Home, alone. It was a dream. But what the fuck was that all about?

Joey

I was about to leave the office Thursday afternoon when Sal stopped in.

"We finished up at the Donnelly place this afternoon, Joe. Why don't you swing by on your way home and make sure it's what you wanted?"

I hesitated. I really wanted to see Ben but I didn't want to face him, if that made any sense.

"I could take a look tomorrow at lunch. Is that okay?"

"Sure, if you say so." He looked a little puzzled. He knew I wasn't the type to put things off. "But then if you want any changes they'll have to wait until next week."

"You're right, Sal. I'll go now. I'll call you if I want any changes made."

I wasn't sure what time Ben got home from work but it was only four so there was a good chance he wouldn't be there. The driveway was empty when I pulled up and parked on the street. I walked around the side of the house and let myself into the backyard through the gate. We'd ripped out the old vegetable garden and seeded the area to match the rest of the lawn. I'd had a hedge put in along the north side of the patio, the only direction from which the patio could be seen by any neighbors. Along the back fence we'd planted a row of hemlocks. I went out to take a look at them. I felt something tickle the back of my leg and looked down to see Lula sniffing my ankles. I turned back to the house and Ben was coming across the patio toward me.

"I'm just inspecting Sal's work. What do you think of it, Ben?"

"It's beautiful. Anything special I have to do to take care of it?"

"No, we'll water what needs to be watered when we cut the grass. By winter everything should be okay on its own."

Ben looked around the yard. "You guys really did a great job, Joey. The fence, bushes, grass, everything. It's wonderful, nicer than I hoped. Thanks."

"If you're happy, we're happy."

There was a long awkward pause as we both looked anywhere but at each other. Why was this happening? We'd been so comfortable with each other up until just before we left Angelo's Monday.

"Do you have time for a beer, Joey?" Maybe he was just being polite but he sounded friendly enough, though a bit strained.

"Yeah, sure, Ben. I can't stay long but that would be nice."

He went in the house and brought out two bottles. We sat on the patio and drank in silence for a while, watching Lula sniff her way around the yard. We both started talking at the same time, then stopped, then started again.

"You first, Ben. It's your house."

"I just wanted to thank you for putting up with me the other night and to apologize as well. I don’t know what came over me, crying in my beer like that. It wasn't like I was drunk or anything and I don’t usually spill my guts like that to someone I've just met."

"You want to apologize? I'm the one who was rude. You were obviously comfortable enough with me and trusted me to confide in and I pretty much turned my back on you. I'm not usually like that. I'm sorry."

We looked at each other and laughed.

"How about we accept each other's apologies and move on, Ben? We both seem to be feeling worse toward ourselves than toward the other."

"You're right, Joey. The evening ended a little awkwardly and we both blame ourselves. It wasn't anyone's fault. Things like that happen when people first meet. I do feel bad for monopolizing the conversation, though."

"Tell you what. Come to Angelo's with me again after bowling on Monday and I'll get even by telling you the story of my life." I wasn't sure how that would go but now I was committed.

"It's a date."

"I'm glad we had a chance to talk today, but I have to get going. I catch hell if I'm late for supper. Thanks for the beer."

"Okay, I won’t keep you, but before you go I have one question. What's with the hedge here along the side of the patio? It's nice, but why just there?"

"It's for privacy. Your girl, er, your friend, said you liked to sunbathe in the nude and she didn't want you scaring the neighbors."

"Becky told a complete stranger that? I'll kill the bitch!"