Second Wind

Chapter Twenty-Four

Ben

Over the next couple of weeks Joey and I settled into a sort of routine. With all of the stress Joey was experiencing it wasn't exactly ideal married bliss, but close. Just having him in the house every day and in my bed every night was heaven to me, though. The attitudes of everyone in his family remained pretty much the same. I'm sure it was in the back of his mind all of the time but he seemed able to deal with it. The worst days were the Saturdays when he had to work with either John or Vinnie. He always came home totally stressed out, needing lots of tender loving care, which I was glad to provide.

Our Monday night bowling routine had changed also. Joey got Sal to take his place on his brothers' team. Bowling was supposed to be fun but it wasn't when two of your teammates weren't speaking to you. He still came to the lanes and brought Connor along to keep me company while I bowled, my own little fan club. Since he was a sanctioned bowler he signed up as a sub for my league but he wasn't needed the first couple of weeks so he just watched. We skipped going to Angelo's afterwards because we didn't want to keep Connor out too late. It was a couple of hours past his bedtime by the time we got home as it was.

Once January was over I got busier with my friends' tax returns. It seemed like every day someone I knew dropped their paperwork off at my office or at the house. I tried not to work every evening, but I didn't want to let the work pile up. It would only get busier in March and April. It frustrated Joey that he was only able to work part-time. He had all this time on his hands and I was working long hours. He directed his frustration into cleaning the house on his days off during the week.

The first Tuesday in February Rob stopped by my office early in the afternoon with two thick files.

"Here's everything for Jim and me for our taxes. Let me know if we forgot anything."

"I will, but you guys are usually pretty good at keeping your records. If it wasn't for some of your complicated investment income you could probably do the returns yourself."

"No way. Numbers are not my friends. I leave stuff like this up to the professionals."

"You're pretty early with your paperwork this year. I didn't expect to see you for a few more weeks."

"Well, to tell you the truth, I had another reason for coming by. Last night Jim and I were going over the RSVPs for our Valentine's Day party on Saturday and realized that somehow we'd forgotten to invite you. Since I had this stuff ready I thought I'd use it as an excuse to come by and extend a personal invitation to you and Joey."

"I'll have to talk to Joey about it. I know he had a great time New Year's Eve and we haven't been out much lately and could use a good party. But it probably depends on the babysitter situation."

"Babysitter?"

Joey had told Rob and Jim about Connor at the party; in fact, like any proud father he'd shown them several pictures. But Rob wasn't aware that Joey was now living with me. I very briefly told him about Joey's coming out and the resulting changes in our lives.

"Sounds like he's going through a rough time. Be sure to give him my best. I hope you guys can make it to the party. He could probably use a little fun."

It was one of Joey's afternoons to work and I didn't like calling the nursery. It was like playing Russian roulette, not knowing who would answer the phone. Thank God for cell phones. I put through the call and he answered on the second ring.

"Hey babe, what a coincidence. I was just about to call you. What's up?"

I told him about Rob's visit and the invitation to the party.

"It sounds really tempting but we'll have to talk and see if we can manage it."

"Sure, I know it may be late notice to get someone to watch Connor, especially on the Saturday before Valentine's Day. So what were you going to call me about?"

"I was thinking it would be nice to go to Angelo's for dinner tonight. We haven't seen him in a while and he must be wondering what happened to us, though I'm sure he's heard the news from the rest of the family. Besides, you've never tasted Aunt Josephine's cooking. It's out of this world."

"You don’t have to say any more. It's a date, babe. I'll pick up Connor at day care and we'll be ready when you get home."

Joey had called ahead, not that we needed reservations, and Angelo was waiting for us. He had put a child seat on one side of the booth we usually sat in.

"Well, it's about time. I thought maybe you boys were mad at me."

"Never, Uncle Angelo. Things have just been a little crazy lately."

"Tell me something I don’t know. Your mother is on the phone to Josephine every day. She's not taking this well."

"That's putting it mildly, Angelo. How about you? I had a feeling that you knew what was going on with Joey and me a long time ago."

"I'm not exactly a sophisticated man of the world, Ben. I'm just an old-fashioned tavern owner. But it was pretty obvious even to me that there was some kind of connection between you two right from the start. You were good for Joey. You made him happy. And I could see how happy you were with him, too. I didn’t understand it and I was always told something like that was wrong, but watching you I had to believe it was right for you."

"It is, Uncle Angelo. We love each other very much and I know it's right."

"It's going to take a lot to convince my sister of that, I'm afraid. She's always been so positive that she knows what's best for everyone and she's a very stubborn woman. But you know she loves you. She'll come around, sooner or later."

"Probably later, I'm afraid."

Angelo left menus and went to get us some wine while we took off our coats and got settled, with Connor in the child seat next to Joey and me across from the two of them.

"So I thought you said you couldn't come here with Angie and Connor because Angelo didn't have a seat for Connor."

"That's what I told Angie. Did you really think in a family the size of mine anyone would be without a child seat?"

"I guess not. Speaking of Angie, have you talked to her lately? She seems to have dropped out of sight again."

"Yeah, she called the other day. She's seeing that guy Ethan again and her parents aren't happy about it. Of course, they're blaming me."

"You? How could that possibly be your fault?"

"They thought I was the perfect Italian boy for her."

"Turns out you're the perfect Italian boy for me."

Angelo poured us each a glass of chianti and took our orders. A few minutes later a short stout woman with graying hair came out of the kitchen carrying two steaming bowls, which she placed in front of us. Joey stood and gave her a hug and a kiss. She leaned across the seat and gave Connor a kiss on each cheek and ruffled his hair.

"Aunt Josie, it's so good to see you. I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Ben. Ben, this is my Aunt Josephine."

She looked me over pretty carefully. Her look clearly said, 'So you're the one who's causing all this trouble,' but she politely acknowledged the introduction. She and Joey chatted a couple of minutes, all family stuff, but no mention of his coming out troubles.

"I'd better get back in the kitchen before everything backs up. And you don’t want your soup to get cold." She started to turn away then stopped. "Will we see you on Saturday, Joey?"

"Um, I'm not sure. I've got to talk it over with Ben."

She nodded and went back to the kitchen.

"Saturday? Talk what over? I thought we were gonna talk about Rob and Jim's party Saturday."

"Eat your soup while it's hot. I guarantee you've never had minestrone like this. We'll talk while we eat."

I dipped my spoon into the thick soup and took a taste. Joey was right. It was incredible. Joey alternated between eating and blowing on the spoon to cool the soup enough for Connor to have some. About halfway through my bowl I slowed down enough to talk.

"So what did your aunt mean about Saturday? Somehow I don’t think she and Angelo are planning on going to Rob and Jim's party."

Joey took a deep breath. "Saturday is my parents' wedding anniversary. They always celebrate with a little informal party, sort of like an open house."

"And you're thinking of going?"

"Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think I should. It's not as crazy as it sounds."

Joey

When I got to work on Tuesday, Margaret was just leaving for lunch, so that left Pop and me alone in the office. He'd been quieter than usual, if that was possible, since my coming out. When we talked it was always about business. Pop was eating a sandwich at his desk and suddenly put it down and turned to me.

"You know it's your mother's and my anniversary Saturday, Joe. We're having a party like always and I was hoping that you'd come."

"I don’t think that's a good idea, Pop. Your anniversary should be a happy time and if I go there will be lots of tension. It would spoil your party."

"What would spoil the party for me is if one of my sons wasn't there."

"It would cause a lot less trouble if I just wished you a happy anniversary and left it at that. Besides, I wouldn't go without Ben and you know how everyone would react to him being there."

"When I said I wanted you to come, I meant the both of you. Of course Ben should come with you." He hesitated. "I'm not very comfortable with this whole thing, son, and I still don’t think it's a good idea, but you're my son. You're a grown man and you have to make your own decisions, plan your own life. As long as Ben makes you happy, I suppose I can find a way to live with that."

"What about Mom? What about John and Vinnie?"

"They're going to have to live with it, too, because no matter what, we're always going to be a family."

I spent the next hour or so trying to figure out a way to ask Ben to go with me. His past experience with my family had not been good and I knew he wouldn't be very enthusiastic about it. He'd been treated pretty badly all around. I decided a great meal at Angelo's might put him in a more receptive mood. I was just about to call him when he called me, extending an invitation to a party at Rob and Jim's house. Great, now in addition to trying to talk him into going to my parents' party, something I was sure he wouldn't want to do, I would be competing with a really good party, one I was just as sure he'd want to go to.

I'd planned on waiting until after we ate to bring up the subject, but Aunt Josie opened her mouth as soon as we got there. I'd been thinking of how to put it to Ben to make him understand why I wanted to go.

"Obviously, you know I am not enjoying being around some of my family members lately. It can be really stressful at work sometimes. But there are a couple of reasons I think we should go."

"We? You're not serious. Vinnie and John would go nuts if I was there."

"Yes, I'm serious. One of the reasons is that Pop specifically invited both of us. He's still not thrilled that I'm gay, but he accepts that we are a couple. So I think that since he went out of his way to try to include us, we should go. Also, he had another point. We're family. Some of them may not want me around right now, but I'm not going anywhere. I won’t hide and I won't run away from them. They're just gonna have to deal with it."

"A very courageous attitude, but that doesn't make for a fun party. But if you want to go, we will. Sometimes I can get into shoving things in people's faces, and I know how much my being there will spoil the day for John and Vinnie. I'll call Rob when we get home and tell him we can't make it."

"Don’t do that yet. This thing of my parents' is early, probably from six to eight, and I can't imagine that we're going to stay very long. So if we can line up a babysitter, we should be able to make it to both events."

Ben

The time I was able to spend with Becky had changed quite a bit since the first of the year, but it was more due to her relationship with Glenn than Joey having moved in with me. Since Glenn was manager of a large store that was open fourteen hours a day, seven days a week, his work hours varied quite a bit. Instead of our old take-out and TV routine on Tuesdays, Becky would come over one night when Glenn was working and join the two of us. And we'd have the two of them over for dinner at least every other week. Now and then the four of us would go out to eat, five if we couldn't find someone to watch Connor.

Joey had checked with his sister-in-law, Gina, about babysitting for Connor after his parents' party but she couldn't do it. The women in the family were all helping Mrs. Napoli with the open house and Gina's job was cleanup, so she'd be busy well into the evening. Donna Marie wasn't yet on the babysitter list and there was no point even thinking about the other two.

Thursday night Becky came over for dinner. We ordered Chinese takeout, giving Joey a night off from cooking. I asked if she was doing anything Saturday. I knew that sometimes Glenn worked and sometimes they stayed in if her roommate was going out. They could stay in at my place as well as hers, better maybe.

"I wish I could help you guys out, but Glenn is taking me out to celebrate Valentine's Day, I know it's not actually until next Tuesday, but he's working then."

"Where are you guys going?" I was thinking that maybe we could set them up with a romantic catered meal here. Babysitting would make it a bit less romantic, but Connor would probably sleep through it.

"Glenn wanted to surprise me but I wormed it out of him. He's made reservations at the Highlawn Pavilion. It'll probably cost him a week's pay but I can't wait. I've wanted to go there for years."

So there went the idea of them babysitting. That left Mother. She and Sam had a busy social life so I wasn't counting on her being available. I was pleasantly surprised when I called and she said that they had no plans and were going to spend a quiet evening at home. Everything seemed to be working out fine. The first party ended at eight, which was the same time the second party began. And Mother and Sam lived halfway in between the two. Since we weren't planning on staying very long at Joey's parents', we would be able to spend a few minutes with Mother and Sam, decompressing.

I was more than a little nervous on Saturday. I spent a good part of the day working in my home office while Joey was at the nursery, trying to keep my mind off his family party. It promised to be a very tense visit but I agreed with Joey that it was important that we go. I knew there was a third reason for his wanting to go that he hadn't mentioned. He was feeling guilty. Connor had lived his entire life with the Napolis. His grandmother had taken care of him nearly every day. Now it had been a month since he'd seen her. I knew she must miss him terribly, but I really didn't care about that. It was her choice. But Connor must have wondered where she was and why he wasn't with her.

We'd planned on getting there early to get it over as quickly as possible. I was hoping that maybe one or both of the 'bad' brothers would be late and we might miss them altogether. But my lust for Joey did me in. He wanted to take a shower to refresh himself before getting ready and I thought he might need a hand, so I put Connor in his playpen and joined Joey. One thing led to another and we didn't get out of the shower until the water was turning cold. And while we were both feeling wonderful, refreshed wasn't exactly the right word.

Anyway, it was after six-thirty when we parked in front of the Napoli residence. Even so, I had hope.

'There aren't many cars parked on the street. Maybe everyone else is late."

"Everyone else lives within a few blocks, Ben. I'm sure they all walked."

Connor seemed excited to be 'home' again. We went in the front door and Joey had no sooner set him down and taken his coat off than he took off into the living room. A few seconds later I heard Mrs. Napoli shriek, "My baby!"

We chatted for a few minutes with Tony and his sister Anita in the front hall while Joey hung up our coats. Finally we couldn't put it off any longer. Joey turned to me and smiled nervously.

"Ready to face the lions?"

"No, but we might as well get it over with."

"Holler if you need reinforcements, guys."

"Thanks, Tony, we will."

We went into the living room and found it was mostly men. Mr. Napoli, Sal, Anthony and John were there, as well as an older teenager I assumed was John's son, Vito. John glared at us and walked out of the room. Vito followed.

"I'm glad you made it, boys. Connor just dashed through here a minute ago so I knew you were here."

Joey walked over to his father and hugged him. Mr. Napoli put a hand on either side of Joey's head and pulled him close, giving him a kiss on the lips. Joey had told me his father occasionally did that to his sons but it was still a bit of a shock to see. My family wasn't at all physically demonstrative. I held out my hand to Mr. Napoli and he got very formal and stiffly shook it.

"Happy anniversary, sir. How many does this make?"

"Forty-eight, Ben. Nearly fifty happy years."

"Congratulations, sir."

I looked at Joey and wondered what he would look like in fifty years. Still beautiful, I was sure. As he talked with his father and Anthony a couple of little kids ran though the room, paying no attention to us at all. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Joey nudged me after a while and suggested we continue mingling so we moved toward the dining room. The table was extended to its maximum length and every square inch was covered with bowls, trays and platters of food. There was a huge antipasto, shrimp with cocktail sauce, stuffed mushrooms, tortellini, meatballs, sausage with peppers and onions, and probably a half a dozen pasta dishes. The women were hanging out in there, keeping an eye on the table so they could bring out refills when needed. Mrs. Napoli was standing near the door into the kitchen holding Connor in her arms. I followed Joey across the room toward her but we hadn't taken more than a couple of steps when she saw us, turned her back very deliberately and passed though the swinging door into the kitchen.

Joey shrugged. "Well, I tried. At least she's knows we're here and Connor has a chance to spend a little time with her. Want to grab a plate?" he nodded toward the table.

"Everything looks and smell so good, Joey, but my stomach is in a knot. I don’t think I can eat a thing."

"Same here. I'm sure there will be stuff to nibble on at the next party though it probably won’t be as good. I guess we might as well get through the rest of the family and then we can leave." We turned away from the food and headed for the family room.

Joey

Working with Anthony on Saturday made going to my parents' house a little easier. If it had been one of my other brothers it might have been too stressful, trying to avoid him all day at work and then all evening at the party. Even so I was tense when it came time to get ready. I decided to take a shower to relax and Ben found the perfect way to take my mind out of my body, as usual. Not that that was his point, I was sure. His point was sticking about six inches out from his groin; at least it was when the shower began.

I wasn't very nervous about seeing my family. I had seen each of them at least once since my coming out. Seeing them all together was a little daunting, but I was determined to show them that I was still the same person, that they weren't going to make me back down, and, most of all, that I loved Ben.

The evening started off better than I'd hoped. Sure it was stressful, but all of the people who had problems with Ben and me being together were going out of their way to avoid us. First John walked out on us, then Mom. Only Vinnie was left and he scowled at us as we walked into the family room. He headed toward the kitchen as soon as he saw us, muttering at me angrily as he walked by, "I can't fuckin' believe you had the balls to bring him here."

Most of the kids were in this room. There was a self-service bar set up on a table in the corner but neither of us wanted a drink. We chatted a bit with a very uncomfortable Donna Marie and then I caught James' eye. He was talking to his cousins Carole and April near the fireplace. Or at least he was listening to them talk. When he saw me looking his way he averted his eyes and quickly slipped out of the room. He was the one family member I didn't want avoiding me. He'd always been such a good kid and I hated that he was having a hard time with my being gay. I'd never had a chance to talk to him and once I'd come out Vinnie had told me to keep away from all of his kids.

After what I thought was a decent time we worked our way back to the front of the house, planning to leave soon. I saw Pop in the dining room and asked him if he could get Connor from Mom. Apparently, she still had him in the kitchen. When we got to the living room Anthony and Tony broke away from the other guys and came over to talk to us. It was so nice talking to people who were totally at ease with us. They put me at ease, so much that I almost forgot that John and Vinnie were across the room. I could tell Ben was more relaxed, too, and I moved over closer to him. I rested my right hand on his left shoulder for a minute, until I felt another hand tightly grab my wrist and pull it away. I turned and Vinnie was glaring at me.

"Can't you keep your fuckin' hands off the guy? There's kids in the room, for Christ's sake."

I shook my hand away from his grasp. "Then you might try watching your language."

"Oh, excuse me, I forgot how sensitive you are. But apparently you think cocksucking and buttfucking are perfectly acceptable, but a little foul language isn't?"

He was right in my face, his body inches away from me. I put both hands on his chest and shoved him away. He stumbled back a bit.

"Keep your fuckin' hands off me, faggot," he said a bit loudly as he lunged forward. He swung a fist at me and I tried to block it but he grazed the side of my head. Anthony and John both jumped in between us and it turned into an off-balance four-way scuffle.

"Boys!" Pop's voice was as sharp as the crack of a whip. We all froze in our tracks. I slowly turned toward the dining room and Pop was standing in the doorway holding Connor, whose eyes were bugging out.

"Pop, he had his hands all over the guy. He's …"

"That's enough, Vincent! That's enough from all of you. This is disgraceful, the way you're all acting. You are brothers. This is a family. You may not agree with each other but you will treat each other with respect. And if that's too hard for you, then at least leave each other alone. I won’t have this in my house."

He wasn't speaking loudly but there was a strength in his voice, a force that clearly took charge of the situation. Pop didn't exert his authority often, but when he did everyone knew he meant it. Vinnie hung his head and went out into the hall. John followed him. I went over to Pop and took Connor from him. I noticed James and his little brother Mike in the dining room behind Pop. A couple of the girls were standing there, too. They all looked horrified.

"I'm sorry, Pop. I don’t know what happened. The tension just kind of exploded."

All of a sudden Pop looked tired and sad and just shook his head. He crossed the room and sat in his recliner, leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I turned to Ben.

"I think we'd better go."

We put our coats on in silence and left without another word to anyone. Ben got behind the wheel and I buckled Connor into his seat, then got in the front next to Ben. He started the car but didn't attempt to drive away for a minute.

"Damn, your father scared the shit out of me. Where did that come from? He's always been such a quiet guy, almost meek."

"I've only seen him like that once or twice. Just because he's quiet doesn’t mean he's not the boss in this family. I know everybody thinks Mom is in charge because she's the noisy aggressive one, but Pop has the final word, always. When he lays down the law no one dares challenge him, not even Mom."

"So what do you think this will mean?"

"I don’t know. Pop knows he can't force everybody to like one another but I think he's had it with all of the antagonism. I don’t think any attitudes will change but maybe everyone will be a bit more civil."

"It looks like he's on your side, at least."

"Pop doesn’t take sides. He doesn’t believe there should be sides in a family. He wants the best for all of us, for us all to be happy."

"So do you still want to go to Rob and Jim's?"

"Yeah, I think I need a good party now."

Ben drove to Short Hills and we spent about half an hour with Gale and Sam before leaving for the party. We told Gale we wouldn't be late but she assured us it didn't matter to her. We were walking up the sidewalk to Rob and Jim's house when my phone went off in my pocket causing me to jump.

"What was that little dance step about?"

"My phone is on vibrate and it just gave me a thrill." I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen.

"Who is it?"

"Nobody I know, or nobody in my phone book, anyway, and that pretty much has everyone I know in it." I put the phone back in my pocket without answering. "It's probably a wrong number, but if not they can leave a message. Right now I just want a drink."

It was Ben's turn to be designated driver so that meant I got to drink. The crowd was pretty much the same as on New Year's Eve and I surprised myself by remembering a few names. Paul and Chad were there, of course, but they completely ignored us this time and we returned the favor. When it came to creating tension, they couldn't hold a candle to my family.

Even after two drinks I couldn't stop thinking about the almost-fight with Vinnie. I didn’t think he really meant to hit me. I had pushed him without thinking and he reacted the same way, instinctively. The tension that had been building between us had made things worse. Ben was quieter than usual so I thought he was probably thinking of our early evening as well. A little after eleven, I realized that we were both stifling yawns. It had been a long stressful day for us both.

"What do you say we call it a night, Joey? I think we've both had as much as we can handle tonight."

"Thanks, Ben. I know these are your friends and I'm sorry my family got in the way of us enjoying this party."

"Don’t worry about it. I had a good time for a while but now I'm tired. No big deal."

We found our hosts and Ben explained that we'd both had a long day and we were leaving.

"We're just a couple of old married farts who turn into pumpkins at midnight."

As we drove off I took my phone from my pocket again. The screen indicated there was a message. The number looked familiar. I called my voice mail and punched in my code for the message. There was several seconds of what sounded like sobbing, then James' voice came through sounding muffled. "I can't take it any more, Uncle Joey. I just can't." Then more sobbing, then silence.

"Who was it?" Ben had stopped at a light. We were nearly back to his mother's.

"James. He was crying. Damn, I wish I could talk to him. He sounded so upset."

"Call him. You've got his cell number there."

I called the number and it rang several times before going to voice mail. I hung up and tried again. Same thing.

"I'm really worried about him. I'm going to try the house phone and hope Rita answers."

Luck was on my side and Rita did get the phone.

"Rita, it's Joey. Sorry to call so late but I was worried about James."

"Joey? James? What do you mean?"

"He called my cell phone a while ago and left a message. He was crying. I wanted to make sure he was okay."

There was a rustling sound and then Vinnie came on the line.

"What do you want, faggot? Didn’t I tell you not to talk to my family?"

"Shut up and listen, Vin. James called me before and he sounded very upset. Just check on him and see if he's okay. I don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want me to."

"Of course he's upset. He idolized you and now you've turned into a cocksucker." His voice got quieter and a little muffled. I realized he'd put his hand over the phone. "What's your problem, Rita?"

I could hear Rita's excited voice in the background but couldn't catch what she was saying.

"What do you mean he won't wake up? … Shit, haven't I told you to keep your pills where the kids can't get them? How many were in there? … Fuck!" He slammed the phone down.

I looked up and we were turning into Gale's driveway.

"Let's get Connor and get out of here, Ben. We've got to get over to Vinnie's."