Second Wind

Chapter Twenty-Six

Joey

I got into work Thursday at noon and Vinnie was just leaving for lunch. He pointedly ignored me and I tried to pay no attention to him. I took over the front counter from Anthony and thought about James' situation. It was bad enough for me having to deal with a brother who was so rabidly anti-gay. James had to live in the same house and put up with Vinnie all the time. But what made it even harder was James' age. He was only fifteen, going through all of those usual teenage insecurities, trying to figure out who he was. That was difficult enough without having your role model, the man you looked up to, loved and tried to emulate your whole life giving daily tirades against something that was a basic part of your identity. I'd promised James that I would be there for him and do anything I could to support him and I was going to try. God knows he was going to need all the support he could get, though I wasn't sure how I could do that with Vinnie's attitude toward me.

Vinnie didn't come back for a long time after lunch. From what Pop said he'd been taking time off during the morning all week to go to the hospital with Rita. The hospital had called this morning to ask that they not come until the afternoon; that James was finally talking to his counselors and they thought they were making progress. I was glad to hear that. I knew it had been a breakthrough for him to come out to me, but I wasn't a professional. I could love him and offer support, but he needed more than that.

Around three-thirty, I had just handed the only customer in the shop her change when I saw Vinnie come in through the side door. He seemed to be thoroughly pissed off and quickly looked around the shop. He spotted me at the register as my customer went out the front door. Vinnie stormed over toward me, his eyes flashing. A movement in the back of the shop caught my eye and I glanced back and saw Pop standing in the doorway to the office. I never even saw Vinnie's fist as he came around the counter. I felt a sharp stinging pain on the side of my face as I was knocked backwards by the blow. My feet went out from under me and the back of my head slammed the floor as I landed. That pain was worse than that from his blow. I didn't lose consciousness but I was stunned, unable to move or function in any way. I felt groggy and wanted to shake off the feeling but couldn't.

"Vincent!" I looked up and saw Pop push against Vinnie's chest with both hands, slamming him back against the wall. "What the hell is wrong with you? I've had enough of this from you."

"He fucked up my kid, Pop. James is confused and has been going through a bad time and he went to see him yesterday. Now he thinks he's a fag like his dear Uncle Joey."

Anthony had appeared from out of nowhere and knelt down beside me. He carefully helped me to a sitting position. My head was throbbing and I raised my hand to carefully feel the back. When I brought it back around and looked at it there was no blood so that was a good sign.

"I know we're all going through a rough time with everything that's happening, but that's no excuse for violence. I won’t have it! I told you before if you can't treat your brother civilly then just stay away from him. Now get out of here before I lose my temper."

"But Pop…"

"Vinnie, I mean it. I know you're upset and maybe you have some reason to be, but this is not the way to handle it. Go home and calm down. You're not helping James by acting this way."

Vinnie glared down at me and for a second I thought he was going to kick me. But he just turned and stormed out of the shop, slamming the door behind him. Pop squatted down next to me.

"Are you okay, son? Do you think you need a doctor?"

"No, it's not that bad. Pop. I was just kind of stunned for a minute. It hurts, but even that is fading."

Pop and Anthony helped me to my feet and I went back to the office with Pop while Anthony took over the register. I sat at my desk and Pop went into the storeroom. He came back a minute later with some ice cubes wrapped in a towel.

"Better put this on your face, son. You've already got the beginning of a shiner."

I held the ice pack to the side of my face. It felt cold but oh, so good.

"So what was Vinnie talking about? You went to see James?"

I told him about Rita coming by the house the other day and my visit to the hospital. I'd promised James not to tell anyone except Ben about his being gay so I couldn't tell Pop what we'd talked about. It didn't really matter much now since James had apparently told his parents but it still wasn't my place to out him to anyone else. I apologized to Pop for seeming secretive but explained that I'd promised James.

"I understand. I wouldn't ask you to break a confidence. I knew Rita was probably going to see you when she called for Ben's address. You and James have always been close and I was hoping you could help." Pop looked thoughtful for a minute. "That poor boy, what he must be going through. This all makes me feel so inadequate. I'm the head of this family. I supposed to be able to fix things, to make everything right for my loved ones. And look at the mess we're in." He sadly shook his head.

"You can't fix everything, Pop. You've been great, trying to help us all, but we've each got to work thorough this ourselves. You can't force understanding."

"I don’t know, Joey. It all seems like it's falling apart. I can't get through to your mother at all about you, and now there's this about James."

"I know, I was thinking a few weeks ago that maybe with time everyone would calm down and be more reasonable but it just gets worse instead of better."

"A few weeks isn't much time, son. Let's keep at it. I'll keep trying with your mother and maybe if you can avoid your brothers for a while things will calm down. I don’t know what we're going to do to help James, though. He's really stuck in the middle of all of this."

"I know. He's having enough problems without having to go home to Vinnie. Maybe the doctors at the hospital can work with Vinnie to get him to ease up and not be so hard on James."

Pop got quiet and seemed to drift off somewhere. He was thinking and I didn't want to disturb him so I went back to work. After a few minutes he turned back to me.

"I may not be able to do anything to help James right now, but I have to do something about you and Vinnie. Back when your brothers were little, they often fought, mostly over small things. I could usually reason with them, or scare the hell out of them if necessary, but now and then the only solution was to separate them until they calmed down."

"But Vinnie and I hardly see each other, anyway."

"I know, but even that little bit seems to be too much. Right now the nursery is open six days a week, so for a while you will each work three days. Since you're already doing Saturdays, you can have Thursday and Friday as well. Vinnie gets Monday through Wednesday. If you're not here together you can't fight. And you won't be scaring the customers, either."

I thought how absurd it was that Pop had to do this to separate two grown men. I didn't like the idea of hiding from Vinnie, but I agreed that maybe things would cool down if we weren't in each other's faces all the time. Pop was trying hard to be impartial, but the schedule actually benefited me. I'd only been working two and a half days since I moved into Ben's house, so this would be more time for me. Of course, that meant more day care for Connor as well.

"Okay, Pop, I'll make arrangements with the day care center. But how is Vinnie going to support his family on only three days pay? Rita only works part-time and they need his whole paycheck."

Pop smiled. "It's so like you to be worried about him. But it's not forever, Joe. This is only for a short while and I'm sure he can manage for a little bit."

Ben

I was helping Connor build a castle with his Leggos on the family room floor when Joey got home from work. Actually, I think Connor was helping me since I seemed to be more into the actual structure of the thing. Connor would have been just as happy pushing a couple of loose pieces around the floor. I gave Joey a quick glance as I put a final piece in place. When I saw his black eye I did a quick double take and leapt up to get a closer look.

"Fuck, what happened?" I very carefully touched the side of his face but he jerked his head away at the contact.

"James came out to his parents. Guess who Vinnie blames?"

"Shit, I should recognize his handiwork by now." I avoided his black eye and put my hand behind his head to pull him into a kiss. He gasped and pulled away again.

"Sorry, babe, it hurts even worse back there." He told me how Vinnie had taken him by surprise and knocked him onto the floor.

"Well, you've got to give him credit. He's a consistent asshole. Are you sure you're okay, babe?"

"Yeah, just a little sore. It was no big deal, but you should have heard Pop." He went through how his father had sent Vinnie home and then come up with the new work schedule. "So it looks like more time for Connor at the day care center. He seems to enjoy it there so I don’t feel as guilty as I did at the start, but that means that what little extra money I make will all go there."

"It doesn't matter. We're making enough."

"You mean you're making enough. I'm not contributing much of anything."

We'd been through this a couple of times since Joey moved in. At first he insisted that we should split all of the household expenses down the middle, but we both knew there was no way he could afford that on a part-time paycheck. Besides, it was my house so why should he pay half? I was used to paying all the bills and he had expenses with Connor, too.

"As long as the bills get paid it doesn't matter where the money is coming from, Joey. When business picks up in the spring you'll be working a lot more and making more. A couple of snowstorms and you'll be swimming in bucks, too. So don’t sweat it."

"I know, Ben. I just want you to know how much I appreciate all you're doing for me and Connor."

"I'm not doing anything for you that you guys aren't doing for me. The love you two give me makes me happier than I've been in ages."

"I know you mean that, but I also know this isn't exactly the way you expected your life to be. A lover who's just coming out, all of these family problems and hassles. I wish this was all behind us and we could just be happy."

"I'll admit there have been times where I just wanted to grab you and Connor and take off, getting the three of us as far away from your family as possible. But if you can deal with it, so can I. It's harder on you. They're your family and I know how much you love them all. I'm just a bystander, trying to help you out, hoping I'm making things better for you and not worse."

"You always make things better, Ben. Always."

I knew that in spite of his trying to brush it off as nothing, his face and head had to be hurting, so I babied him a little the rest of the evening. I turned over the castle-building chores to Joey, while I made supper. It wasn't much, just some minestrone soup that Joey had made the day before and some burgers and fries, but it was easy and tasty. Especially the soup.

While Joey was putting Connor to bed I went through my dvd collection, looking for a romantic comedy that didn't involve family squabbles. I finally settled on Notting Hill. We were both Julia Roberts fans.

By the time we went to bed his run-in with Vinnie was a distant memory, though since he still had a slight headache I didn't want Joey to overexert himself, so we had a mild lovemaking session. In fact, it took me back to my adolescence, to those innocent days of mutual masturbation with my friend Mike, before Father Tom made me think I was a pervert. We lay side by side, each stroking the other, our slippery lubed hands sliding up and down the other's shafts. After a while I got up and straddled Joey's hips. We continued our mutual jerk, with Joey pulling on me and me on him. Now and then I leaned down and kissed him, which made it harder for us to stroke but made it feel so much better. I had to be careful not to press his head back into the pillow, but that just made the kisses more tender. After what seemed like an hour of gently stroking each other, Joey began to gasp, so I sat back and pulled a little harder, gently squeezing his head each time my hand passed over it. I felt his hips buck under me and then his thick rod swelled and exploded in my hand, sending stream after stream of his thick white juice squirting all over his face, his chest and his abs. He'd stopped wanking me when his orgasm began but picked up again as it subsided. I wrapped my hand around his and we pulled together. In no time, I climaxed, sending my little men to join Joey's in sticky white pools on his body.

I collapsed to one side and lay next to him, running the tip of my index finger through the milky puddles on his body. Now and then I licked my finger. When he saw me do that he grabbed my hand and insisted on licking it as well. After a while I got up, went into the bathroom and came back with a towel to clean him up. We cuddled together until we both fell asleep.

Saturday Becky came to the house for lunch. She stopped at the Millburn Deli and picked up some of their incredible sloppy joe sandwiches and I heated up the last of Joey's soup. At first Connor seemed a bit suspicious of a sandwich that contained cole slaw, but after he'd nibbled his a bit he decided it was all right. Becky watched as I helped Connor with his soup.

"I still can't get over how good you are with him, Ben. In all the years I've known you I never thought you'd ever want to be around a kid."

"Me neither. Kids were always like an alien species to me, interesting to look at from a distance, but nothing I ever wanted to have contact with. Connor's a little thief, though. He's stolen my heart."

"I wish I could get along with Glenn's daughter even a fraction as well as you and Connor make out. She's never accepted her parent's divorce and now she blames me for keeping them apart."

"Hey, I remember when I was ten and my parents divorced. I blamed everybody because deep down I believed it was all my fault. Kids are very self-centered that way. They think it's all about them."

"I keep telling myself that and Glenn says not to let her get to me, but it's hard."

"Everybody brings a lot of baggage into a relationship. We've all got a past that our new partners have to deal with."

"But you and I are pretty easy, Ben. Your past is Paul and he's not really a part of your life. I've got exes but none were serious, so I've left them behind."

"It doesn't have to be an ex, Beck. In Joey's case, he has the memory of Jenny, but he's dealing with that just fine. And Connor isn't a problem at all. It's the rest of his family. I've been spoiled by having a very small, very accepting family. Joey's situation is so different. I know it 's hard for him and I try to be supportive, but sometimes I really don’t want to have to deal with it. I just wish it would all go away. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, Ben, it makes you human. I know it's gotta be tough and there are times when you don't want to be a part of all that's going on, but I also know that you'll stick it out. You're not the wimp that you think you are. You're tough and you're loyal. You've always been there for me and I know you'll always be there for Joey, no matter how rough the going gets."

"I know I will, but sometimes I just feel so weak and helpless, like I'm gonna fail him. And I can't tell him, either. He needs me to be strong.”

"He's pretty strong himself, Ben. Don't think that you have to be perfect. Even though he's going through all of this shit with his family you can still lean on him now and then. Not only can he handle it, I think he'd probably be happy to be able to help you for a change."

"Maybe you're right. This strong tough guy persona doesn't suit me that well. I need to fall apart now and then to feel like myself."

"Now that's the big sissy I know and love."

Joey

I decided to give Ben a break and go to church alone Sunday morning. Most of the time I was okay alone, so I thought it would be best not to 'use up' Ben's tolerance for Mass when I didn't absolutely need him. When he greeted me as I was leaving the church, Father Vittorio looked surprised to see me alone but didn't comment on it. His eyes fixated on my fading black eye but he didn't say anything about that either. I was halfway to the parking lot when Rita came up behind me.

"I really need to talk to you, Joey. Do you have time for a cup of coffee?"

"Sure, you want to come over to the house for a while?"

Rita looked nervous and uncertain. "No, how about the diner? I need to talk to you alone and I don’t have much time. Vinnie will wonder what's keeping me."

We'd reached my car at that point. "Okay, hop in, I'll drive. No point in taking two cars a few blocks."

We rode to the diner in silence. She didn't say anything until we were settled in a booth with cups of coffee in front of us. Then she finally started, hesitantly and quietly, like she didn't want anyone else to hear what we were talking about. I wondered if maybe it wouldn't have been better if we'd stayed in the car.

"I just don’t know what to do about James. When he told us he was gay, I was sure he was just confused. Neither of us wanted to believe it. But the counselors at the hospital seem pretty convinced so I guess it must be true. I'm still holding out a little hope that he's wrong or he'll change as he gets older, but I'm starting to accept that it's reality at this point. Vinnie's not accepting anything, though."

"I'm sure. Did he tell you about what happened at the nursery?" I ran my fingers over the area around my eye, remembering the blow.

"Yes, but that was before he believed that James really was gay and thought you had just confused him. He's even worse now, but you're not the target. He spent half the day on the Internet yesterday, reading up on this group that says it can change people and make them straight. He's talking about sending James away to be 'saved.'"

"I don’t know much about those groups, but from what I've read even they don't claim to be able to change someone's orientation, only the way they act on it. In other words, they teach people to live a lie."

"That's the way I look at it, too. I want James to be happy and I'd prefer he not be gay, but I don’t want my son brainwashed. I told Vinnie I wouldn't allow him to send James to those people."

I couldn't remember Rita ever standing up to Vinnie, but then again they'd never been in a situation like this before. Rita might be a bit timid and insecure, but she was a good mother and loved her kids above anything.

"So what are you going to do? Have they said when James can come home?"

"They say he can leave the hospital at any time, though they want him to continue therapy. But Vinnie says he doesn't want him home as long as he's gay."

"He can't just throw him out. James is only fifteen. Vinnie is responsible for him, legally and morally."

"I know, but even I think it would be a bad idea for James to come home as long as Vinnie feels the way he does." She looked down at the table and fumbled with her coffee cup for several seconds. "Do you think that maybe he could stay with you for a while? Just until Vinnie calms down, I mean."

Just what I needed, more conflict with Vinnie. Just what Ben needed, more of my family underfoot.

"Why me? My life is a mess right now. And I don’t even have my own place. I'm living with Ben. What about my parents?"

"I thought about them but your mother is as unaccepting as Vinnie, though not as harshly. John is out of the question as well. Anthony or Donna Marie would be good for James, but they don’t have any room."

"So you're stuck with me."

"No, I didn't mean it like that. You're a good man, Joey, and I know you love James. And he loves you as well. I know you'd take good care of him. I don’t know Ben at all and I'll admit I'm a little nervous about James staying with a stranger, but if you say he's okay that's good enough for me."

"Ben is more than okay, but that doesn't mean this is going to work out, Rita. It's his house. I don't know how I can ask him to let James stay with us. This family has already disrupted his life so much. He's been good about it so far, but how much can I ask of him?"

"I know it's a lot to ask someone to take in a teenager who has problems and isn't even related to him, but it's only temporary, until I can get Vinnie to see reason. And it won't cost you guys anything. We'll pay all of James' expenses."

"Right. Vinnie would be bad enough if James came to stay with us. I can't see him giving money to Ben."

"If you can talk Ben into helping us, I'll take care of Vinnie." Rita hesitated again. "You know, Vinnie really isn't all that bad. Everybody thinks he bullies me and pushes me around, and maybe I do let him get away with too much, but deep down he's got insecurities just like anyone else. His bluster is just his way of covering that up. Overall he's a good husband and father. I know he loves his family. It's just that this issue seems to push some button for him and he can't control himself. But that doesn't make him bad, just confused."

"I know Vinnie is a pretty good guy, normally, and I love him. I wish I knew why this has thrown him so much, but right now I'm more concerned with Connor, Ben and me. I've got to take care of my own first. I'll talk to Ben about James, but I'm not promising anything. It's a lot to ask."

"I realize that, Joey. I can't expect anything but I can hope."

In the short five-minute ride home I wondered how I was going to ask Ben for yet more help. I wanted to help James and I knew that Ben's nature was to automatically try, but there was a limit as to how much I could ask.

It turned out that I didn't have to worry about bringing up the subject. I'd called Ben when Rita and I got to the diner to let him know I would be later than usual, so he knew something was up. He asked me as soon as I got home and I blurted it out apologetically.

Ben didn't say anything at first. He just sat on the couch for a minute. I could usually tell what he was thinking, or at least make a good guess, but his face didn't give anything away.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to get more involved with Vinnie?"

"No, I wouldn't think that was a good idea at all. But I don’t think he's going to want to have anything to do with us whether James is here or not. Any contact we have with their family would be through Rita, I'm sure."

"I don’t even know the kid, Joey. I talked to him exactly once, that day he dropped by your parent's house when you were out, and he didn't like me at all. What if he and I don’t get along?"

"Like you said, you don’t know each other yet. And he was confused and thought you were taking advantage of me. It will be different when he gets to know you." I could see the doubt on Ben's face.

"We'd lose a lot of privacy, you know. Fifteen years old is a lot different from twenty months. We wouldn't be able to just put him in his crib to nap when we wanted to be alone. And we'd have to watch what we said and did in front of him. He'd understand a lot more than Connor."

"I know, Ben. It would be a huge imposition on both of us, especially you. But he's a good kid and he needs us. We could handle it, I'm sure."

"Anthony doesn't have room? He'd probably be best for this kind of thing. He's already raised teenagers."

"His kids are doubled up in their bedrooms as it is. And they turned their guest room into a computer/study room for the kids several years ago. The only place they have for James would be the couch in their living room."

Ben got quiet again and thought for a while. I didn't push him, just let him think about it. After a few minutes he got up and walked down the hall to the bedrooms. I picked up Connor and followed, wondering what was going through his head. He was probably silently cursing the Napoli family. He stopped in the doorway to Connor's room. I stood a step behind him, unsure of what to do or say. He turned and looked into the small bedroom next to his office.

"If we take the twin bed out of this room we can move Connor's crib in here. Then James can have the bigger room."

"Are you sure, Ben?"

"No, I'm not sure it's a good idea, but what choice do we have? Throw the kid out in the street? He's been through enough."

"So have you. You don’t have to do this, you know. You should be able to have a little peace in your life, especially in your house."

"I agree. This house is our safe space. This is where we can escape all the craziness going on around us. I hope it can be that for James, too. But if the craziness of your family follows him here, then we're going to have to try something else. I want to help him, but I'm not going to do anything that will hurt you or Connor. Or me either, for that matter. I'm no hero, I'm just me."

"Just you is plenty for me, but I know what you mean. I want this to be a safe place for us all, too."

Ben wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Now as long as all of those animal sounds you make when you're pounding my butt don’t drive the poor boy's raging hormones wild, we should all do just fine."

To Be Continued…