Second Wind

Chapter Thirty-Four

Joey

Ben and I got ready for the bowling tournament Saturday morning with mixed feelings. We'd both been looking forward to it as something fun and 'normal' in our otherwise crazy lives. We loved to bowl and a tournament was something we'd never done before. But Paul had called early in the week to let me know that the custody hearing had been scheduled for Monday morning. That was something that I was both dreading and wanting to get over with. So the tournament was the one buffer between me and the court date. Once it was over, I was staring the possibility of losing Connor in the face.

We dropped Connor off at Mom and Pop's a little after eight. Mom was friendly enough to both of us but was still a bit stiff toward Ben. That was going to take some time. We got to Hudson Lanes in Jersey City at nine. Bowling didn't start until ten so the place wasn't very crowded. Ben had long ago told me that gay people were rarely early for anything. Most of the bowlers had apparently registered the night before at the host hotel so there was only a short line at the registration table. When we were the next ones to register I overheard the guy in front of me inquiring about signing up a last-minute guest. I asked Ben what that was about.

"Mike said that you can bring along a non-bowler as a guest for a reduced fee. Since they're not bowling and aren't eligible for prizes, basically all you have to do is pay for their meal at the banquet. Mike has a new boyfriend who doesn't bowl who's coming as his guest."

An idea occurred to me. "How about we bring James? We're the only gay people he knows and we can't exactly bring him to parties or clubs to see others." I swept my arm around the lanes. "This is such a diverse crowd, all ages, races, men and women. I think it would be really good for him to see gay people like this, doing something he would consider so normal."

"That's a great idea. It will give him a chance to meet some gay people in a non-threatening atmosphere. Do you know if he has any plans for tomorrow evening?"

"I'll call him and find out."

"He's not gonna like you waking him up so early."

"Too bad. We left him a list of chores to do and he said he was going to the library to work on a paper this afternoon, so he's gotta get up anyway."

I called and woke him up, of course. He was groggy and didn't exactly follow what I was saying but assured me he had no plans for Sunday. I paid the extra fee as we registered. Ben and I went over the roster of bowlers to see where we were going to bowl. I was on lanes seven and eight and he was on thirteen and fourteen.

"I thought we were bowling together. Is this a mistake?"

"No, this afternoon in the doubles event we'll be together, and tomorrow in the team event we'll be with Mike and Scott, but this morning is singles. It's every man for himself, so to speak. They mix everyone up so you get to meet people that way."

I was a bit disappointed. Not that I had to be with Ben every minute, but I hadn't been bowling much lately and I thought I might be a little rusty so I was looking forward to Ben being there for moral support if my first ball went into the gutter. It turned out I had nothing to worry about. They had assigned us to lanes based on our averages so the people I was bowling with weren't any better or worse than me. There were two women on my lanes and, while I didn't have any experience with lesbians, I warmed up to them faster than to the men. I didn't have that much experience with gay men either, but at least I knew the women weren't after me and they'd know I wasn't after them.

And my Ben was only fifty feet or so away. We bounced back and forth a lot, watching each other bowl, checking each other's scores. I actually bowled quite well the first couple of games, comfortably over my average. The third game was something else, though. Just as it started I realized that a guy on the lanes next to me was staring at me. A lot of guys were checking out the other bowlers and I had assumed that some cruising would be going on, but this guy was so obvious. He couldn't take his eyes off me. He wasn't bad looking, maybe around forty with short blond hair and a slightly receding hairline. He was maybe six feet tall and looked like he spent a lot of time in the gym. At first I thought that maybe I'd met him at one of the parties in Maplewood and that's why he was staring, but he didn't look at all familiar.

As I became more self-conscious my game deteriorated. I was relieved when I finally finished bowling. My score for the last game was about ten pins under average but I didn't care. As soon as I was done I packed up my ball and shoes and moved over to where Ben was finishing up. I tried not to look back to where the guy was, but spent the next few minutes being very affectionate with Ben, making sure that it was obvious to one and all that we were a couple. When Ben finished his game and suggested we go across the street to the diner for lunch instead of eating at the alley snack bar, I jumped at it. I knew it was silly to feel uncomfortable because of one guy, but I was relieved that for the rest of the tournament Ben and I would be bowling together.

Ben

I wasn't happy with my performance in the singles event. I had two games right around my average and one quite a bit lower. But the point was to have fun and I was enjoying myself. Joey seemed to be doing all right too, though he was a bit tense when he came over to watch me finish up. When we got to the diner and settled into a booth he told me about this guy who had been staring at him all morning.

"Well, you're an amazingly hot stud. If you hang around gay guys much you'll probably find half of them staring at you."

He blushed and smiled for a second. "I've noticed a guy cruising me here and there but this was pretty creepy. It wasn't like he was making eyes at me or coming on to me, he was staring, just gawking at me. He made me really nervous."

"Some guys just don’t have any class, Joey. Don’t worry about it. It's not like he's gonna attack you. Besides, we're bowling together the rest of the tournament."

The waitress came over to the table and we ordered our lunch. She was just turning away from the table when Joey groaned.

"Damn, he just came in the door. I know he's not following me but he's making me paranoid."

I slowly turned and looked at the large number of people waiting for tables. Joey explained which one was his 'stalker.' He was a hottie, very much my old type. He looked in our direction and immediately started toward us. I think Joey and I were both hoping he was heading for the men's room but he stopped by our booth.

"Hi, my name is Rick Saunders." He looked down at Joey. "I'm sure you noticed me staring at you this morning and I wanted to apologize. That was very rude of me."

Joey mumbled something about it being okay and I introduced the two of us to Rick.

"It's just that you looked so familiar. I know, that sounds like a pick-up line, but I mean it. And then when you got up to bowl I saw your name on the monitor over the lane and I was wondering, do you have any relatives in Madison?"

Joey visibly relaxed, realizing the guy wasn't after his body, or at least seemed to have another reason for his staring. "Yeah, actually, my whole family."

"I knew it! It couldn't be a coincidence."

"Why, do you live in Madison? You don’t look familiar."

"No, I grew up there but moved down near the shore in high school. I live in Hoboken now. But when I was a kid in Madison, up until not long before we moved, I had a best friend named Vinnie Napoli. He wouldn't be your cousin by any chance, would he?"

"No, but I do have a brother named Vinnie."

Rick shook his head. "Must be another one. My Vinnie," Joey and I looked at each other when he said that, "would be 39 or 40 now. I remember that he had a couple of brothers but they were older than him."

"Yeah, that's right. He's 39 and Anthony and John are in their forties."

Rick looked puzzled but then his eyes opened wide. "Oh my God, you're the baby! I forgot they had a little baby who was so much younger than all the other kids." He nodded his head. "Yeah, Anthony and John, those were the brothers. I didn't really know Anthony much but I remember John."

"And you were Vinnie's best friend? I can't imagine what he was like as a kid. In my earliest memories he was already grown up."

I could imagine him as a teenager. He was a loudmouthed bully as an adult and he was probably worse in high school. Now that Joey had some common ground with Rick he finally seemed to loosen up.

"Say, are you here with somebody?" He looked at the crowd by the door.

"Nah, I'm by myself. My doubles partner, my friend Deirdre, had some errands to run so I was going to eat at the counter."

"Then how about joining us? You can tell us all about Vinnie's adolescence."

His smile faded for just a second but then he nodded. "Sure, that would be nice."

Joey got up and moved into my side of the booth and Rick sat facing us. He was back to staring at Joey.

"I can't get over how much you look like him. Your facial features are a bit finer and you're built smaller, but the resemblance is amazing. I'm sure he's changed a lot over the years, though."

"Well, he is a lot bigger than me, and a bit hairier, too."

"Yeah, he was bigger even then. I was just a skinny runt, a late bloomer, one of the smallest kids in the class. I didn't discover the gym until after college. Vinnie always beat me at everything we did so I called him Champ. He was always there when bigger kids picked on me. He was my champion, my hero. I was so totally hung up on him."

"Vinnie can be a really good guy but I can't imagine him being a hero to anyone, or a guy being hung up on him." Joey shook his head. Especially now, I thought.

Just then the waitress came by with our drinks so Rick ordered a chef's salad while she was there. He looked lost in thought and a little wistful as she left, but then he suddenly laughed.

"Your brother taught me how to jerk off, Joey."

Joey had just taken a sip of his iced tea and nearly choked on it. "No way!"

"Yeah, I was an only child and a bit naïve, but Vinnie had older brothers. He said Anthony taught John and then John taught him. So he was passed it along to me."

Joey shook his head. "I can't imagine any of my brothers having sex with another guy, especially Vinnie."

"Well, I'm only repeating what Vinnie told me about the others, but he and I jerked off together all the time for a while. But it wasn't really sex with another guy. There was nothing gay about it, at least as far as he was concerned. He never even touched me and I didn't touch him, until the end, that is."

"And then? Don’t leave us hanging here, Rick. Joey and I have to know all the juicy details." I didn't know about Joey but I was storing up all the ammo I could to hit Vinnie with the next time he mouthed off at us.

"Well, like I said, we just jerked off together. We were fourteen and you know what hormones are like at that age. I knew I was gay by then, but he was so straight. If I hadn't been so infatuated with him, all of his talk of tits and pussy would have been really annoying. So we did it but didn't talk much about it. One time I did reach over and grab his rod just as he was about to shoot and finished him off. I just couldn't resist the urge to touch him."

"Man, what did he do?"

Rick laughed. "He came, Joey. He never said anything about it but the next time we were together and I tried to do it again, he just brushed my hand away, so I didn't try to touch him again for a while. But then, one afternoon a couple of weeks later we were hanging out in your parents' garage, that's where we always did it, you know. He brought out this bottle of wine he'd smuggled out of the cellar. You father used to make his own wine."

Joey smiled. "He still does."

"Anyway, we both got pretty wasted. Not that it took all that much. In no time we were each pulling our pud. Like I said, it wasn't really sex. We just had our pants open and were each strokin'. But the wine had given me the courage to try something I was dying to do. As Vinnie got close, I bent over and took him in my mouth. I sucked while bobbing up and down on him for about thirty seconds until he exploded in my mouth."

"Oh, fuck, what did he do then? I'll bet he didn't handle that well."

"Actually, Ben, I think he probably would have just fallen asleep when it was over. Vinnie was even drunker than I was. He was leaning back with his eyes closed, but just as his orgasm was ending, the door opened and John was standing there. John went ballistic when he saw me going down on his half-conscious brother. He started yelling, calling us both faggots. That sobered Vinnie up real quick and he pushed me off of him and jumped up. He acted like he'd passed out and I had taken advantage of him. He started calling me faggot and cocksucker and all kinds of names."

"Now that sounds like the Vinnie we all know and love." I looked over at Joey, who was mesmerized by the story.

"Like I said, he probably wouldn't have made a big deal of it, but as much as I idolized him, that's how much he looked up to John. God knows I'm not making excuses for him but later I had to come up with something to help me understand what happened next."

"And that was…?" I was nearly as fascinated by the story as Joey, but at least I could speak.

"Vinnie was in a panic and determined to convince John that I was the bad guy. They were both standing over me and I was on my knees with my cock and balls hanging out of my pants. Before I knew what he was doing, Vinnie kicked me in the balls with all his might. I fell over but he grabbed my shirt, pulled me up and started punching me in the face, calling me names. John joined in and between the two of them they beat the crap out of me. By the time they were done I was barely able to crawl out of there and make it home. I told my parents that some kids from out of town had jumped me. I didn't want to take the chance that they'd find out what really happened and why."

"And what happened after that? After he'd sobered up and had a chance to think about it?"

"It only got worse, Joey. I thought maybe he'd come talk to me, apologize and suggest that I avoid John for a while. I mean, we'd been friends practically our whole lives. But our friendship was over. He never spoke to me again. Well, he did speak at me. Every time he saw me in school he called me names - queer, pervert, cocksucker. Pretty soon all of the other kids were picking on me, too. And I didn't have my champ to defend me anymore. It was nearly the end of the school year but those last few weeks were hell. Fortunately, my father got transferred and we moved down to Freehold over the summer, so I didn't have to go back to Madison High again."

The conversation came to a halt. Rick seemed lost in the pain of his teen years. Joey was a bit overwhelmed at hearing of how his brother had treated his best friend. With my opinion of Vinnie I wasn't shocked, but it was still hard to believe someone could turn on a friend like that. The waitress brought our food and we ate in silence for a while. An odd thought occurred to me.

"Now that I know what they're capable of, I guess I should feel grateful that my encounter with John and Vinnie last fall wasn't any worse."

Rick's mouth was full so he raised his eyebrows in question. I briefly told him about the run-in in Angelo's parking lot.

"Shit, I would have thought that they might have grown up a little after all this time. Especially with having a gay brother."

"Well, I just came out a few months ago. The family hasn't exactly taken it well."

He spent the rest of the meal talking about his family's reactions to his coming out. I was surprised he didn't say anything about James, but I figured he had his reasons. Rick commiserated over John and Vinnie's reactions and seemed to be less depressed than he'd been when he finished his story. When we got back to the bowling alley he left to go to his lanes for the doubles event, on the opposite side of the house from us.

"I can't believe Vinnie actually did it with a guy, Joey."

"Well, he didn't really do anything. Rick did it to him. But still, that story is a lot to process. How about we not talk about it until later? I'd like to just have fun bowling and not be thinking about family problems, if that's possible."

Joey

We both ended up bowling really well in our three afternoon games. I had one average game and two very good ones. All three of Ben's games were well over his average. In spite of all of the time we'd spent at the bowling alley back home, we'd never actually bowled together. We'd been in separate leagues for most of the season and I'd subbed a few times in Ben's league but never for his team or one he was bowling against. It turned out that we did well together, not that I was surprised. We were good together whatever we were doing.

We didn't hang around very long after the bowling had ended. I knew that socializing was half the fun of tournaments, but I was anxious to see how Connor had made out in his first long visit back to his old home. I think Ben and I were both thinking of Rick's story as we started home. Neither of us said anything as we took the Turnpike extension back to I-78. We’d just passed through the tollbooth when Ben turned to me.

"So how come you didn't say anything to Rick about James?"

"I guess after seeing what my mother's talking about me did, I'm super-sensitive about talking about others. Besides, it's not my place to tell anyone about James."

"Yeah, I agree, but Rick may meet James tomorrow at the banquet."

"Maybe not. After all, there are over 250 people at the tournament. For the most part we'll all be sitting at tables. Isn't that what Mike said?"

"Yes, but there's a cocktail hour before the dinner and awards. A lot of the focus of the tournament is on socializing, even if we're concentrating mostly on the bowling."

"Well, if the two of them meet then James can tell Rick if he wants."

"And what if Rick tells James about how his friendship with Vinnie ended? I'm the last person to want to protect Vinnie's reputation, but that's not a thing any kid should hear about his father."

"You're right. I didn't think of that when we were talking to Rick at lunch. Maybe if we run into him tomorrow one of us can ask him to not say anything about that in front of James."

We were quiet for a few minutes again. I took the exit off Route 24 and followed Main Street through Chatham, heading toward Madison. I decided to ask Ben the question that had been on my mind all afternoon.

"So do you think Vinnie is bisexual? How could he be having so much trouble with me and James if that's the case?"

"No, I'm pretty convinced that he's straight. You heard how Rick described what went on between the two of them. Vinnie never reciprocated and didn't even want Rick touching him, except when he was nearly passed out from the wine. Lots of straight guys fool around with other guys at that age. And Vinnie wasn't even fooling around, really."

"Yeah, I suppose. It's still hard to imagine him masturbating with another guy, though."

"I'll agree with you there. I'd love to know what goes on inside his head, although he probably doesn't even know most of the time. And his mind would probably be a pretty frightening place."

"He's never impressed me as the type to analyze things or deeply examine his life. What you see is what you get in his case. It's all pretty much on the surface."

"That just means that whatever else is in there is buried deep down so he doesn't have to deal with it."

"Yeah, well, he's got to deal with James and me. We're on his surface, not buried deep down."

"I know. Maybe that's why he's not handling things very well. He's not used to that."

We stopped in at Mom and Pop's place and picked up Connor. He seemed happy, but not as happy as Mom. She was fussing over him and positively gushing. She was even nice to Ben. We only stayed a few minutes and I left Connor's stuff there, since he would be back in the morning. We'd only gone a few blocks up Greenwood Avenue toward Florham Park when I saw a familiar figure walking on the left side of the road. I pulled over and put down my window.

"Hey James, get over here and get your skinny butt in the van." He jumped and turned, then smiled and started across the road.

"He doesn't exactly have a skinny butt, you know. It's developing into a nice little bubble, just like his Uncle Joey's."

I gave Ben a disapproving look. "You're not supposed to notice things like that."

"It's hard not to with him living in the house, walking around in his boxers all the time. At least he doesn't wear briefs."

"Yeah, that would be hard to overlook. To tell you the truth, I've noticed his butt myself, even though I know I'm not supposed to."

"Not supposed to what, Uncle Joey?" Fortunately James only heard the tail end of that sentence as he opened the door and hopped into the back seat next to Connor.

"Er, nothing, James. We were just talking about bowling."

James went to his room when we got home and didn't reappear until supper was ready. He was pretty quiet though most of the meal but finally seemed to snap out of it a little toward the end.

"So does this gaydar thing you were telling me about always work, Ben?"

"No, like I said, it's more like an educated guess, or a hunch. Sometimes it's just wishful thinking. Why do you ask?"

"Well, there's this kid Jared at school. He always comes over to say hi when I'm with Cookie."

"Ah, the blond stud from the mall. You've been getting gay vibes from him?"

James looked embarrassed. "Yeah, he's the one. But no, I haven't seen anything that made me think he was gay. In fact, I've been pretty sure that he liked Cookie, since he always seems to enjoy talking to her."

"So, what's the problem?"

"Well, I was at the library this afternoon and toward closing time I saw Jared there. He came over and started talking to me. I was kinda surprised because Cookie was always around when I ran into him before, so I'd never talked to him alone. Not that I can ever say anything around him. He's so gorgeous I feel like I'm gawking at him all the time. But he came over and said hi and talked a few minutes and then the library was closing, so we went outside and he kept talking. I relaxed a bit and was able to at least respond to him a little, and then he suggested we go get a Coke at the diner."

"Sounds promising. What happened there?"

"Not much, Uncle Joey. We just talked some more. But I was glad the table was between us. It was hard for me to not look at his body. I mean, everyone knows I'm gay now so I didn't want him to think I was after him, but even so, he's really hot so it's hard not to look. I just stared into his eyes and that was bad enough. But I did manage to loosen up and talk with him for a while. It was nice. He was nice. When we left he said that maybe sometime we could hang out together again."

"And what did your gaydar say?"

"Nothing. That's just it. He didn't seem to be gay or interested in me that way, but why else would he have wanted to hang out with me?"

"Because you're a great guy, James. Ben and I see that and love being with you and we're not after your body. Is it so hard to believe that someone just wants to be your friend?"

"No, I guess not. It's just that I would love to be more than friends with him so maybe that's why I think like that."

"Well, don't push it, kid. Just get to know him, concentrate on being friends. I'm not saying that maybe something more won't develop, but you can't force it and you could ruin a possible friendship. So just go with the flow."

"Hey, I know, Ben. Even if I was sure he was gay I couldn't see myself making the first move anyway. But it's gonna be hard hanging out with him and not drooling all the time."

"As long as it's not too obvious that it's hard." Ben finally succeeded in making James blush.

Ben

Sunday morning we took Connor back to the Napoli's on the way to Jersey City. Joey's mom was still at church so we left him with Pop. In spite of her softening attitude, I was still a lot more comfortable with him. We stayed for coffee and talked while, then headed to the tournament. There was an accident on the Turnpike, which backed up traffic, and we made it to Hudson Lanes only minutes before we were supposed to start bowling. In spite of feeling rushed, we did good. Mike and Scott bowled well and they thought that left our team in good position in the event. Neither Joey nor I knew anything about how tournaments worked so we took their word for it.

I looked around for Rick but his team was apparently bowling on the other side of the house so we didn't get a chance to talk to him. There was a three-hour break after bowling before the banquet was to begin, so we went home to change and pick up James. We'd considered bringing Connor with us, figuring they wouldn't charge the guest fee for a 22-month old, but we decided that he would be a handful in a large crowd. He wouldn't get anything out of being there and we'd spend the whole evening watching him, so we left him with his grandparents.

By the time we got to the Hilton in downtown Newark, James was visibly nervous. My teasing him that it was his coming out party probably didn't help. After stopping at the check-in table in the hall, we went into the ballroom. We looked around for a minute before heading over to the line at the bar.

"Everybody looks so normal."

"That's because they are, James. And so are you. You've got to stop thinking that way."

"I know, Uncle Joey, that's not a good word. What I meant was that you'd never know most of these people were gay. They look just like anyone else."

"Now you're getting the idea, kid."

"Holy shit!"

Joey and I both turned in the direction of the voice. Rick and a woman with long dark hair were standing a few feet away. Rick's mouth was hanging open and he was staring at James.

"Hey Rick, how are you? This is my nephew, James. James, this is Rick. We met him yesterday at lunch."

James held out his hand but Rick seemed frozen. The woman next to him elbowed him in the side and shook hands with James. "Hi, I'm Deirdre. You'll have to excuse my rude friend here. He's not usually a social clod."

"Uh, sorry about that." Rick rejoined the living and began to shake hands with each of us. He still didn't take his eyes off James. "You're Vinnie's son, aren’t you? You look just like him."

James looked shocked. "You know my dad?"

Rick took my hand last and I pulled him close and whispered in his ear. "Careful what you say about Vinnie."

"Yeah, he and I were friends when we were kids. Looking at you is like stepping back twenty-five years."

We'd made our way up to the bar at that point. When we all had something to drink we moved off to one side. Rick explained that he and Vinnie had been buddies when they were kids. James seemed a little confused.

"So what are you doing at a thing like this?" He looked over at Deirdre.

"Oh, I'm gay, James. Deirdre and I are just pals."

"Wow, Dad had a gay best friend when he was growing up? I can't imagine that."

"Well, he didn't know about me and when he did find out he didn't handle it well." Rick looked at me for guidance, a question in his eyes. He wasn't sure just what he was supposed to say. Joey and I couldn't very well say anything but we were both ready to jump in if the wrong thing was said.

"'Not handle it well' would very mild for the way Dad reacted to finding out about me. That's why I'm living with Uncle Joey and Ben now."

"You mean he threw you out?"

"Not exactly." James gave an abbreviated explanation of his living situation, leaving out the overdose and the hospital. I was surprised he was so comfortable talking about his family situation, especially in front of strangers, but apparently he was making good progress with his therapist. Rick was getting noticeably upset as James told his story.

"What a fucking asshole! Excuse my language, but I've been pissed at him for twenty-five years. I'd pretty much buried all of that in the past, but hearing that he's still such a jerk after all of this time really gets to me."

"Well, we're working on him." Joey somehow managed to move the conversation away from Vinnie back to the tournament.

After a while an announcement was made asking everyone to take their seats for dinner so the banquet could begin. The buffet dinner was good though it took forever for 250 people to serve themselves. Afterward the speeches went on a little long but considering how many awards they had to give out it wasn't too bad. James seemed to be enjoying himself though every now and then I noticed he appeared to be lost in his thoughts. The highlight of the whole thing, for Joey and me anyway, was when they were giving out the awards for the doubles event. Joey and I knew we had both bowled well, but we didn't realize how well. We placed third, which meant we got trophies. Mike and Scott both acted pissed but obviously weren't as they gave us a standing ovation. They'd been doing tournaments for a couple of years and while they'd each won some money occasionally, neither had a trophy. They teased us that it was beginners' luck. They did seem a bit happier when we found out our team placed sixth, good enough to at least win some money.

James was pretty quiet all the way back to Madison. He didn't even say much at his grandparent's house when we picked up Connor. When we got home Joey asked him what was wrong.

"Didn't you enjoy the banquet, James?"

"No, I did. It was fun and a great experience. And I'm really happy you guys did so well and won trophies. But I keep thinking about Rick and what he said. Dad couldn't handle finding out about him being gay, and while he didn't come right out and say it, it sounded like their friendship ended over that. So if Dad hasn't changed in all these years, what hope is there that things will ever get better between him and me?"