Second Wind

Chapter Thirty-Five

Joey

Monday morning, Ben, James and I were all a bit quieter than usual as we had breakfast and got ready to go to Morristown for the hearing. I was filled with apprehension. As much as Paul had told me not to worry, there was no way I could relax. My life was on the line. More important, Connor's life was on the line. I knew that Dave and Alice cared nothing for him. I loved him with all my heart and so did Ben. His place was with us.

When we got to the county courthouse a little before nine we were directed to a waiting room outside the family court. We walked in and saw my parents were already there. Across the room from them were Dave, Alice and Janice, Alice's sister. The two families were sitting there in silence, glaring at each other. Paul had warned us not to say anything to the Reynolds. We were all so emotional and it could get ugly really fast if we started talking.

We took seats next to Mom and Pop and talked quietly among ourselves, but none of us had much to say. I think we were all nervous, not knowing what this process was going to entail and what we were facing. A very well-dressed man with graying hair came in and went over to the Reynolds' side of the room. He sat with them and they talked in a low murmur. Paul came in a minute later. He and the other man stepped off into a corner and spoke a bit, then he came over to us. He spoke very reassuringly as he greeted us but just then a short, stocky man came in and announced that the hearing was about to begin.

The whole set-up wasn't at all what I expected from having watched trials on television. In criminal and civil trials, I suppose it's important that they be public. But in family court, the emphasis is on protecting the minors involved, so almost no one was allowed in the hearing room. The plaintiffs (Dave and Alice), the defendant (me) and our attorneys were asked to follow the court officer. The others all had to remain in the waiting room until they were called in as witnesses. I put Connor in Ben's lap and went into the hearing room.

The room itself was like a mini version of a courtroom. The judge's desk was in the front of the room, raised on a low platform. There was a chair next to it, for witnesses, I assumed. And facing the judge's desk were two tables with chairs behind them. Paul and I sat at one and the Reynolds and their lawyer, who was named Mr. Bruckner, sat at the other. Unlike other courtrooms, there were no seats for spectators behind us. We sat there in silence for over five minutes until a middle-aged black woman came in, sat at the desk up front and introduced herself as Martha Washburn, the judge.

"I have been told that neither the plaintiffs nor the defendant have been involved in anything like this before, so let me explain to you how this hearing will go. This will be much more informal than the type of court proceeding you may be familiar with. My only concern here is what is best for Connor Anthony Napoli. As such, I will examine the witnesses. Your attorneys will make sure your rights are protected, object when they feel it is necessary and will be allowed to ask questions as I permit. I have read all of the depositions submitted by both sides and the DYFS report as well, so I am fully familiar with the situation and the facts of the case, but I'd like to get to know the people involved and have a few questions answered. Now, we'll begin with the plaintiffs."

First Dave and then Alice got up and sat in the chair next to the judge. After being sworn in, they were each questioned, mostly about their feelings toward Connor and me, but also about their home in Atlanta and their plans if they won custody. It was clear that they hadn't given much thought to that, as they both pretty much indicated that they'd play it by ear. They also weren't sure how they would handle possible visitation by my family. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about them having custody of Connor. As far as their feelings toward Connor, they said the standard lines you would expect from grandparents. To me, the lack of feeling behind the words was obvious; it was as if they were each reading from a book. I wasn't sure the judge heard it that way, though. As far as their feelings for me, I think what they were trying to express was distaste and disgust for my lifestyle. What came through to me was resentment and hatred. They were still blaming me for Jenny's death.

Then it was my turn. The judge's questions at first were mostly about my job schedule and day care. She asked a bit about Ben's schedule and James' as well. She had all of the interviews we'd done so she was familiar with our living arrangement. She also asked me about my feelings for Connor. I tried as well as I could to put my love for him into words, but they sounded so inadequate. I was hoping she was just about finished when she asked me a question that shook me.

"Mr. Napoli, if I were to grant you continued custody, but were to make it a condition of that custody that you terminate your relationship with Mr. Donnelly and find another place to live, what would your reaction be? What would you do?"

I was stunned. It had never occurred to me that that was an option. I'd assumed that the two possibilities were that I would either keep custody or lose custody, with the former much more likely. Being ordered to give up Ben wasn't something I thought of as a possibility. I thought for a few minutes.

"I'm not really sure, Your Honor."

"Not sure? Keep in mind it would be a court order."

"In that case, I think I would lean towards taking Ben and Connor and leaving the jurisdiction of this court." Probably the wrong thing to say, but I was under oath and couldn't think clearly enough to lie in any case. I looked at Paul and he was shaking his head.

"You would defy a court order?"

"I'm usually a law-abiding citizen, Your Honor, but in your opening remarks you said that your only concern was the well-being of Connor. That is my only concern, too. I love him more than my own life and I know that being with me is the best thing for him. That's not my ego talking. It's just a fact. He is a part of me and I am a part of him. We're very, very good for each other. Every minute of every day that is obvious to me. And Ben is good for me as well. He loves me, takes care of me and makes me a better person. By doing that, he makes me an even better father. Plus, Ben loves Connor. He doesn't just tolerate him or put up with him the way some stepparents do. He loves him. And Connor loves Ben back. There is no doubt in my mind that being with us in a loving, supportive home is the best thing for Connor."

Neither lawyer had any questions for me so I took my seat at the table again. Janice was brought in as the first witness. I guess the other side got to go first because they were the ones who had filed the suit. The judge had Janice repeat the comments Mom had made about me, James and Ben at the salon. Some of it I'd heard before, straight from Mom, and some I had imagined, but it was still hard hearing that my mother had said such nasty things about me and those I loved. When she was finished the opposing attorney had no questions. Paul did have a few, though.

"In the time that you have had appointments at the salon that coincided with those of Mrs. Napoli, have you ever heard her criticize any of her other children and their parenting skills?"

"Oh, all the time. You'd think she was the only woman who'd ever raised a child. She knows everything and no one else knows anything, to hear her tell it."

"You are Connor's great-aunt, is that right?"

"Yes, that's correct. His mother was my niece."

"And how much contact have you had with Joseph Napoli since Connor was born?"

"Actually, today is the first time I've seen him since Jenny's funeral."

"So you have no firsthand knowledge of the kind of father Joseph is, of how he takes care of Connor?"

"No, just what I've heard from his mother."

"That's all. Thank you."

Next came my witnesses. First was James. He was so nervous and looked younger than his age. For the most part he looked down at the floor and spoke quietly, but when he looked up I smiled at him, hoping to relax him a bit. It didn’t do much good but at least he seemed to be coming across as shy, not disturbed. Ben came next. I could tell he was nervous as well, though it wasn't as obvious. He looked into my eyes through most of his testimony. I was moved when he spoke of his love for me, the way Connor had stolen his heart and his growing affection for James. I only hoped the judge was moved as well. Pop and Mom completed the testimony on my side. Pop was quiet and steady. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as he spoke of his love for me, and he praised me both as a good man and a good father.

Mom's turn on the witness stand was probably the longest. First, the judge asked her about Janice's testimony, about the things she'd said at the salon. She didn't deny them, but apologized, saying she was overly emotional and sometimes spoke without thinking. She made sure she told the judge that she loved me and thought I was a great father. Paul asked a few questions, getting her to emphasize my love for Connor and how well I cared for him. The other lawyer went back to her comments from the salon and stressed them. Mom was pretty flustered throughout her testimony, alternately whining, sniffling, stuttering and fidgeting. Mr. Bruckner kept throwing her own words at her. Mom finally exploded at him.

"You obviously know nothing about me if you think I really meant that about my own son. I've said terrible things about all of my children at one time or another, but they're just words. My kids know me and know not to take everything I say to heart. I'm a very emotional woman and I'm used to getting my own way. I suppose you might say I'm a bit domineering. It's just that I love my family and want what's best for them. So sometimes I push a little too hard, sometimes I don’t realize that maybe they know what they're doing better than I do. But I do know that I have five wonderful loving children and they are all excellent parents. I'm proud of all of them, especially Joey, who has been through so much. He's a good man and a great father."

The last person to testify was Charles Decker, the social worker. He went over his interviews with all of us and then gave his opinion that our home was a safe, loving, supportive environment for Connor and that he saw no reason to move him from there. While most everyone had been very supportive of me in their testimony, I was more nervous than ever. I was sure I'd screwed up with my last answer, admitting that I would probably defy the court if the ruling went against me. I was also afraid that the judge would take my answer as an indication that Ben was more important to me than Connor. Even Mom's apologies and raves about how good a father I was didn't make me feel any better. Other than Janice, Dave and Alice hadn't bought in any witnesses at all. It looked like what Paul had said was true - that it was my lifestyle that was the whole issue to them and since that was established there was no need to say any more.

That was proven when the lawyers gave their brief closing arguments. Their attorney talked about the immorality that Connor was being exposed to. He said that our relationship was not only decadent and depraved, but unstable and probably temporary. I was horrified when he alluded to the danger that Connor was in living in our house, implying that Ben, James or I might molest him at any time. He didn't come right out and say it, but that was clearly what he meant. Paul, on the other hand, focused on what a wonderful loving father I was, quoting the depositions from Mom, Pop and Father Vittorio. He talked about what responsible adults both Ben and I were, our stable jobs, and our loving supportive families. I knew he was stretching it a bit about the families, but I did have plenty of relatives who were on my side, and some of the others were slowly moving my way.

It was a few minutes after twelve when the lawyers finished. The judge adjourned the hearing, saying that we should return at two for her decision. Dave and Alice and their attorney left the room first. When Paul and I got to the waiting room, they were gone.

"Okay, folks, let's get some lunch. I've had reservations made at a restaurant down the block. We can take our time and still be back in time for the verdict."

"I wasn't sure we'd get an answer this soon, Paul. Is that a good sign?"

"It's a very good sign, Joey. In complex cases that could go either way the judge often schedules a return session at a later date, so he or she has more time to weigh the issues. But this case is so cut-and-dried, so obvious, that she doesn't need any time. She'd probably made up her mind just reading the depositions. The testimony today went all in our favor as far as I'm concerned, so you have nothing to worry about. Let's eat!"

Ben

The minute Joey and Paul disappeared into the hearing room Mrs. Napoli got antsy.

"I don’t see why we can't go in there. Dave and Alice went in. We're more Connor's grandparents than they are."

Pop sighed. "That has nothing to do with it, Rose. They're the ones who brought the suit. We're just witnesses."

"Well, I can't just sit here and wait. I'm too nervous. Come on, Tony, walk with me."

She headed for the door to the hall and Pop got up to follow her. As he went through the doorway he turned, smiled and winked at us. James grinned back at his grandfather, then plugged his iPod earphones into his ears, leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. The woman who was apparently Jenny's aunt buried her nose in a magazine and ignored us. Connor shifted around a bit on my lap getting comfortable and finally lay his head against my chest, wrapping his arms around either side of me. I put my arms loosely around him to hold him in place, bent my head down and nuzzled the top of his head, rubbing my nose through his thick curly hair. As I relaxed, I understood how Joey felt when he had Connor in his arms. He had some kind of magic in him.

I lifted my head a bit and kissed him on top of his head. "I love you, Connor," I whispered.

Just then a scraping sound made me look up. A fifty-ish black woman in a dark suit was standing in the doorway watching me. She just stared at me for a long moment with no expression on her face, then crossed the room and went through the door that I assumed led to the hearing room. Pop and Mrs. Napoli came back in about twenty minutes. About half an hour after that, the man who had originally called the others into the hearing room came out and asked Alice's sister to accompany him inside. When she returned about fifteen minutes later she just crossed the waiting room and went out into the hall. She didn't come back. James was next and he was practically shaking when he got up to go into the hearing room. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. He was only gone a short while and didn't look any more relaxed when he came back. Then it was my turn. I put Connor in Mrs. Napoli's lap and followed the court officer into the room. The black woman was sitting up front and I realized she was the judge. I took the seat next to her and smiled at Joey as I was sworn in. He looked more nervous than James and me put together.

I was surprised when the judge started asking me questions. I had expected to be examined and cross-examined by Paul and the other lawyer. I had also been expecting the questions to be about my relationships with Joey and Connor, and maybe James. Instead, she asked me about my coming out and my past. I was glad she specifically said past relationships, not sexual encounters, so I was able to talk mainly about my previous ten-year relationship. I had to keep my eyes away from Paul as I talked. She did eventually get around to Joey and Connor. Paul didn’t ask any questions. I supposed that meant he was satisfied with how I'd come across. The opposing attorney asked a few somewhat sarcastic questions that implied gay relationships were shallow and based on sex. The judge cut his questioning short and excused me.

Pop was next. He went into the room as I took a seat next across from James. Connor looked content in his grandmother's lap so I left him there. After a while, Pop came out and Mrs. Napoli gave Connor back to me as she took her turn. A few minutes later, Pop got up and excused himself, saying he was going to the men's room. He passed Charles Decker, the social worker, in the doorway. Charles came over, shook my hand and took the seat next to me.

"How's it going so far?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." I shrugged. "Probably better since this is old hat for you. You're used to this."

Charles was about to reply when we were interrupted by a sob. I looked up and James had his right hand on his face, and I could see tears running down his cheek. I picked up Connor, moved over to the chair next to James and took his hand in mine.

"What's the matter? Are you feeling all right?"

"It's all my fault, Ben. I'm the reason we're all here and Uncle Joey is having all of these problems. You guys were doing just fine until I came to live with you. I'm the one whose moving in messed everything up."

"Don’t be silly, James. We told you before that this is about Joey being gay and being with me. Your presence is a side issue."

"But you guys are so normal and it's almost like you're married. I'm the one who makes it a weird household. I'm just a fucked up gay kid who's fucking up your life."

Charles came over and sat in the chair next to James. He took James' other hand.

"James, I've been working with DYFS for over twenty years. Believe me, I've seen a lot of weird households and yours isn't one. Judge Washburn has seen lots of horribly dysfunctional families as well. She's probably never had as normal a household as yours before her court."

"How can you say that? Three gay guys and a baby? That's normal? More like a freak show if you ask me."

"Well, we're not the typical suburban family, James, but we're pretty good people. Hopefully, the judge will see that and not form an opinion based just on our being gay."

"Okay, guys, I'm supposed to be an impartial witness here, but I think maybe you'd feel better if I told you a little bit about how I got into this career and my experience with the courts here. My whole life has been spent involved in this kind of thing. My mother turned me over to the state when I was two. I've never known anything about my father. So I grew up in a series of foster homes, some better than others. I realized I was gay when I was 12 or so and others seemed to pick up on it pretty quickly after that. I was dumped by two sets of foster parents when they found out about me."

James looked at me and nodded. "You were right, Ben."

"Like I said, everybody's always been able to figure me out. I don’t know what it is." Charles shrugged. "Anyway, I was headed for the equivalent of a state-run orphanage, a real hellhole, when a gay couple right here in town offered to take me in. State bureaucrats at DYFS thought about it a long time, but they finally took a chance and approved the couple as foster parents. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. To this day I consider them to be my real parents. They are my family. I started working for DYFS with foster kids right around the time the AIDS epidemic started. A lot of children became orphans due to that and it was hard to place some of them, so after a while I started bringing my work home with me, so to speak. My partner Bernie and I took in five foster children and when the state approved adoptions by gay couples, we adopted them. So you see, thirty years ago the state said it was okay for a gay teenager to live with a gay couple. And fifteen years ago the state approved of gay couples as parents. So I'm not just talking theory or opinion here. You guys have nothing to worry about."

Although I'd guessed that Charles was gay, his story surprised me. But it made me feel so much better. He had actually experienced situations similar to ours. Not identical, but close. James didn't seem quite so reassured.

"But it's still up to the judge, isn't it? Every judge can make his own decision. If this one doesn't like gay people, we've had it."

Charles smiled. "That's another reason I'm so confident, James. Bernie and I have had Judge Washburn and her husband to our house for dinner many times. She's quite familiar with and comfortable in a gay home."

"Well, why didn't you tell us that right at the beginning? That's great!"

Just then Pop came back in. "What's great, James?"

"Charles says Uncle Joey's gonna get to keep Connor, Pop-Pop."

"Of course he will, James."

Joey

We all walked to a restaurant called The Famished Frog on Washington Street about a block from the courthouse. On the way there Ben told me about the conversation Charles had had with them. I suppose it should have made me feel better, but nothing was working for me at that point. Everything was done and in less than two hours we would know the answer. In the meantime, I was strung as tight as I'd ever been in my life.

I ordered a grilled chicken Caesar salad but couldn't eat anything. I just toyed with it and fed the chicken to Connor. The conversations at the table were all over the place. Paul began by reassuring all of us that the decision would be in my favor, but after that there seemed to be an unspoken agreement not to talk about the case. Mom asked Paul how he knew Ben. Paul neatly sidestepped the question, saying they were old friends who had lived in the same neighborhood in Maplewood. James seemed more relaxed than he had earlier, but basically tuned us all out. Now that he wasn't worried about the verdict, he wasn't that interested in the conversations the adults were having around him. He went off into his own world for most of the meal. Ben asked Pop about the nursery.

"Have you heard from Margaret lately? Any idea when she'll coming back?"

"I talked to her last week. She was pretty vague but I've been getting the feeling that she may not be coming back at all. Her sister is doing better but is going to need long-term assistance. Margaret's thinking about moving down there to take care of her."

"I guess you should start thinking about replacing her, then."

"I was wondering, Ben. Would you consider coming to work for us? You could oversee what we're doing now and take over the work that Phil, my accountant, does as well."

Mom looked surprised but kept her mouth shut.

"I'm flattered you think so well of me, Pop, but there really isn't enough work there to keep me busy full-time, even if I took over the bookkeeping that you and Joey are doing right now. Besides, I really like my job. And you have a couple of employees who wouldn't be happy having me around the place all the time."

"Don’t worry about my sons, Ben. I can handle them. But I understand what you're saying. It's too bad. We seem to be working well together right now."

"I do have an idea, something you might want to consider. If you were to hire my company to do your books you could request that I be assigned to your account. That way you'd get the full services of a large accounting firm and the personal attention of a member of the family. I'm not sure how much it would cost you but I could look into it for you if you like."

Pop nodded as he chewed his sandwich. "That sounds like it might work. One reason I never looked into an arrangement like that before was that I like to keep it all in the family, so to speak. I like the personal touch. Between what I've been paying Margaret and Phil, there should be enough money in the budget for something like this. If you could get some information for me, I'd appreciate it."

"I'll look into it tomorrow." Ben turned to Mom. "Say Mrs. Napoli, Joey and I were wondering if you and Pop had any plans for Saturday night."

We'd been meaning to set something up for them to meet Gale and Sam but with everything else going on I'd completely forgotten so I was glad at least Ben was thinking.

"We have no plans, Ben. Why?" Mom still wasn't comfortable talking to Ben and seemed a little wary.

"Joey and I are having my mother and step-father over for dinner and we'd love to have you join us. Since we're all family now it would be good for you all to meet."

I could tell Mom wasn't happy with the idea. She seemed to have as big a problem with the idea of Ben's mother as with Ben, but she'd already said she and Pop weren't busy so she was trapped.

"That sounds nice, Ben. Let me know if there's anything I can bring."

When the check came after everyone had finished, Pop insisted on paying. We all walked back to the courthouse in silence. It was a few minutes before two when we got to the waiting room. Dave, Alice and Mr. Bruckner were already there. I could tell by the way Connor was walking that he needed to be changed so I took him to the restroom. In a building that old I hadn't expected a changing station in the men's room but there wasn't even a flat surface to work on, so I carried him back to the waiting room. Ben pushed a few chairs together in a corner and I went to work. I put the dirty pamper into a garbage bag and handed it to Ben.

"You can't say I never gave you anything."

"Thanks, I'll remember that on your birthday."

I was cleaning Connor when Judge Washburn walked in. She glanced in our direction and smiled slightly as she walked into the hearing room. Ben took the garbage bag out to the men's room to dispose of it while I hurried to get Connor dressed again. He had just come back when the court officer came into the waiting room and looked around.

"Please come into the hearing room for the court's decision. The witnesses may come in and stand in the back of the room, but there will be no talking." He looked in my direction. "If you're ready?"

I nodded and picked Connor up. Once we got into the room I decided I probably shouldn't have him with me at the table so I handed him off to Ben. He and James stood in the back next to Mom and Pop. Janice hadn't come back after her testimony so that was it. Charles slipped in at the last minute, gave me a smile and stood next to James. Paul and I and the Reynolds and their attorney remained standing at our tables. Judge Washburn waited until we all stopped moving around.

"There are a few issues that have been raised in this suit and I would like to address each of them before I give my decision.

"First, there is Mr. Napoli's homosexuality. The state of New Jersey has along history of not allowing sexual orientation to be a determining factor in deciding custody cases. One's homosexuality does not make one a good parent or a bad parent. Each case should be decided on it's own merits based on the individuals involved. In this case, the only negative statements regarding Mr. Napoli's parenting were made in a public place by his mother, someone who should know what she is talking about. However, under oath she has stated that she did not mean what she had said and testified that Mr. Napoli was, in fact, an excellent parent. That testimony might be questionable if it weren't for the fact that everyone else with any knowledge of Mr. Napoli's parenting agrees that he is a good father.

"Then, we have the issue of Mr. Napoli's relationship with Mr. Donnelly. These two men have only known each other seven months. That isn't a very long time. Also, the timing of their registering as domestic partners is quite suspect. However, it is obvious to me that there are deep feelings between these two men. They have been living together for nearly half of their relationship and have been faced with many challenges but their relationship has survived.

"Last, we have James Napoli living in the house with the two men and Connor. Being a teenager is not easy under the best of circumstances. James has gone through a hard time coming to terms with his own sexuality and facing strong opposition from his immediate family. It is a credit to Mr. Napoli and Mr. Donnelly that they have taken him in and provided him with a supportive home. He is a sensitive young man and, though he has experienced many troubles, I do not see that he is any more or less stable than others his age. He loves his uncle, has a great deal of respect for Mr. Donnelly and obviously dotes on his cousin Connor.

"There has been no evidence submitted to this court that Connor is in any danger, either physical or emotional. Even if there were, I would not be inclined to award custody to absentee grandparents who have shown no interest in this child at all and who would take him out of state, away from everyone he has ever known. But all evidence shows that Connor is in a safe, loving home. Therefore, this court awards continued, permanent custody of Connor Anthony Napoli to his father, Joseph Napoli."

Until the very end I hadn't realized that I was holding my breath. But as she said those last words I let it out, took a deep breath and turned to face Ben and Connor. Tears were running down Ben's cheeks and my eyes felt pretty damp, too. Ben came over to me and I threw my arms around him and Connor and just held on tight for a long time. James quietly joined us in our little group hug. When we all pulled apart I saw that Dave and Alice and their attorney were gone. Judge Washburn was talking to Paul and my parents. She came over to me.

"I'm sorry you were put through all of this, Mr. Napoli. It's quite apparent to me that there was no case here to begin with and while in a sense it was a waste of the court's time, I'm glad we were at least able to confirm your custody of Connor. You shouldn't ever have to worry about this kind of thing again."

"Thank you for being so open-minded, Your Honor. I don’t think I could live without Connor."

She smiled. "That's pretty clear, Mr. Napoli, but I don’t think you're ever going to have to try."

I thanked Paul, not just for being a great attorney and providing me with a wonderful defense, but for being a good friend as well. I also thanked Charles for his help. Mom and Pop both hugged me and congratulated me and then excused themselves to go home. I was holding Connor and talking to Charles when Ben and James came over to us. Ben put his arm around my waist.

"C'mon, babe, let's take our family and go home."