By Scribe
The first few days after I
left the hospital passed surprisingly quickly.
My head was healing nicely and I was less and less reliant on pain
medication to make it through the day.
Josh was a near constant companion in those first few days. He virtually waited on me hand-and-foot and
he would not take no for an answer. He
was also a little clingier than he normally was and I received more than a few
of his wonderful massages. I certainly
wasn’t complaining because I loved having him around. We spent most of our time curled up together
in front of the TV in my apartment.
Another of our favorite pastimes during that period was playing “Doom!” We rigged up a mini network in Josh’s bedroom
and linked our PCs together. We spent
hours on end playing cooperative and death match games.
During that time, I managed
to do some research related to the summer plan that was rapidly forming in my
head. My dream had always been to spend
a summer visiting every province and
I had a Canadian Automobile
Association membership which allowed me to request free maps and travel
information for just this sort of road trip.
I called them and requested everything they had on all 10 provinces and
all 3 territories. I used the Internet
to research points of interest and I began plotting out routes and projecting
costs. The more planning I did, the more
excited I became about the possibilities that the trip would become a
reality. It nearly killed me to keep the
plans from Josh before I’d had a chance to discuss it with Susan. I had no doubt that Susan would agree to let
Josh go, but I didn’t want to see him disappointed if she wasn’t agreeable.
During my research efforts, I
discovered a program being offered by the federal government through the
Heritage Department. In honour of the turn of the century and the turn of the
millennium, they were offering grants to Canadian Citizens to fund projects
which celebrated
My idea was to turn the
planned summer vacation into a Millennium Heritage Project. The plan was to travel to every part of the
country take pictures and write stories and then compile a book which would
document the “Great Canadian Road Trip”.
It would not only satisfy my desire for taking Josh on such a road trip,
but it would also give us a project which we could work on together and which
could offer some real tangible benefits down the road. I had just submitted the proposal via the web
when Josh crept down into my apartment.
“Are you ok?” Josh
asked. He sounded worried. “I woke up and I could hear the clicking
sound as you typed.”
“I’m fine, son,” I told
him. “I was just reading something on
the net and got carried away.” I
disconnected from the net as Josh came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me
and rested his head on the back of my neck.
“Time for bed,” he said in a
sleepy voice as he helped me up and led me towards my bedroom.
Josh climbed into my bed as I
undressed and brushed my teeth. A moment
later I climbed in beside him. He was
already half asleep but it didn’t take him long to roll over and snuggle up to
my side, tangle his legs up in mine and toss an arm over my chest. I hadn’t realized just how tired I was until
I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me. I didn’t even get a chance to say ‘good-night’
before I drifted off.
The next day was New Years
Eve. Josh and I slept in until almost
We headed out to the Mandarin
for a late lunch at around
“Are they going to have
lobster again, dad?” Josh asked as we hit the road.
“I hope so, bud,” I
chuckled. “I love lobster.”
“Me too!” Josh replied.
I loved seeing him that
happy. His grin was positively
radiant. I have no doubt that his grin
could melt even the hardest of hearts.
He had certainly melted mine.
Thinking back, Josh had come into my life for the first time just as I
was recovering from what was my darkest hour.
The accident which had ended my military career had dropped me into a
deep depression. Had it not been for the
efforts of my family, Andrew in particular, I don’t know what would have become
of me. I was still very much in recovery
mode when I met Josh and he really helped to bring back the old Tommy.
Just a few short months
before the lasting effects of that accident made themselves
known, Josh had come back into my life and I couldn’t be happier. Had Josh not been around, things would not
have finished up so well. Josh was
evidently my good luck charm. Come hell
or high water, I was not going to let him out of my life again.
I glanced over at Josh as I
pulled into the Mandarin parking lot. He
was just about bouncing up and down in his seat from the excitement. He was licking his chops constantly and I
could see his small
“Holy crap! Look at the
crowd,” Josh exclaimed.
“Good thing we have a
reservation,” I replied. The restaurant
was packed like I had never seen it before.
Despite the higher than usual prices I wasn’t surprised in the least.
We were relieved that we
didn’t have long to wait before we were seated.
Once we were shown to our table and gave the waitress our drink orders
we assaulted the buffet with the precision of JTF2 commandos. I hadn’t eaten all that much since leaving
the hospital and I hadn’t eaten anything before heading out so that afternoon I
was able to pack away a lot more than usual.
I still couldn’t keep pace with Josh, but I did an admirable job. Josh must have been on the verge of a growth
spurt because he put away even more than he normally did. The sight of Josh dismantling and devouring
about 4 lobsters was a truly awesome spectacle.
Thank God it was all you can eat!
Several times during the meal
I noticed Josh looking past me with a slight frown on his face. I didn’t really think much of it until it
happened the third or fourth time.
“What are you looking at
lady?” Josh asked in a perturbed voice
that caught my attention.
I turned around and there was
a woman who appeared to be in her late 20s sitting at the next table. She looked at Josh and me and then quickly
turned her head away. “What’s wrong
Josh?” I asked with concern.
“That woman keeps staring at
your shaved head and making comments,” Josh said angrily.
“It’s ok kiddo, don’t worry
about it,” I said trying to calm him down.
Josh was having none of it.
“Lady, my dad just had an
operation on his head to treat an injury that he got when he was in the army
serving this country. I was always
taught that it’s rude to stare at people.
I guess you didn’t learn that lesson.
Why don’t you mind your own business?”
Josh was livid. I had never seen
him that angry before.
“Just ignore her, Josh.”
Josh ignored me and kept at
it. “I love my dad and I won’t just sit
here and watch someone like you act like that towards him.”
“I….I’m sorry, I didn’t
know,” the woman stammered.
“Of course you didn’t know;
that’s why you should have kept your mouth shut and acted like an adult. Please don’t let it happen again.”
I reached across the table
and squeezed Josh’s arm and gave him a smile that communicated volumes to
him. He smiled back and winked at me
before diving back into his plate. As I
watched Josh enjoy his meal I wondered how many other 12-13 year olds would
have the courage and the confidence to do what he just did and stand up to an
adult.
We rounded out the meal with
plates of warm, fresh waffles topped with whipped cream and strawberry
sauce. I barely got through half of mine
before turning the plate over to Josh who happily inhaled the rest.
By the time we waved the
white flag and I paid the cheque, the table was a
shambles. The carnage was
unbelievable. The formerly clean table
cloth was littered with countless broken up sections of crab legs, picked clean
lobster shells and stains from various sauces and toppings.
“I can hardly walk,” I
moaned.
“Me either,” Josh said and
then laughed. “I hope the waitress
doesn’t come back and offer us wafer thin mints!”
I immediately picked up on
the Monty Python reference and joined his infectious laughter. The two of us were soon roaring like a couple
of lunatics. Other diners looked at us
like we’d both lost our minds.
Predictably, the woman that Josh had told off kept her head down. We probably were out of our minds but we were
having fun and enjoying each other’s company too much to care what anyone else
thought.
We finally waddled out of the
restaurant and made our way back to my Jeep.
It was still early and still bright and sunny so I decided it was time
for Josh’s first driving lesson.
“Hey kiddo, how would you
like your first driving lesson today?” I asked as we climbed into the Jeep.
He answered by giving me a
bear hug and plating a kiss on my cheek.
“Awesome!” He crowed.
“Great! Let’s head over to the GO Transit
station. They have a huge parking lot
and it’ll be virtually empty today.” The
local GO (Government of Ontario) commuter train station had a parking lot which
could accommodate a couple of thousand cars and it would be as good as deserted
on New Years Eve.
It took us all of 10 minutes
to make our way there. As it turned out,
I was right. There wasn’t a car in sight
for Josh to crash into.
“Alright bud; before we get
started you need to remember that I am teaching you this so that you can drive
in emergency situations. You aren’t to
go out and drive the Jeep, your mom’s car or any other car. Understand?”
I really didn’t think I needed to say that, but I was just being
prudent.
“I know dad,” Josh
replied. I was amazed that I didn’t
detect even one single iota of attitude in his response. He simply accepted the rule as reality and I
knew I’d never have a problem with him breaking it.
“Good.” I spent the next 5 minutes demonstrating the
various controls and instruments that were employed in driving the Jeep. “Josh, the Jeep has a manual transmission. That means that you have to manually select
the appropriate gear for the speed and conditions of the road. Driving a manual transmission is more
involved than driving an automatic.
You’re going to have an advantage over other drivers because you’re
going to learn how to handle a manual tranny
first. Once you master that, you’ll be
able to drive an automatic like your mom’s without a second thought.”
“My mom tried to learn how to
drive a standard once but she got frustrated and gave it up,” Josh laughed.
“She isn’t the first person
to do that and she won’t be the last,” I said with a smile. I was actually aware of at least one marriage
that had ended over a poorly executed lesson in driving a stick-shift! “Now there are a few golden rules for you to
remember whenever you drive. First,
always look before you move. If you’re
going to turn or change lanes you must look to ensure the way is clear before
you signal and then make your move.
Second of all, you must always look where you’re going. If you’re going forwards, you look
forwards. If you’re backing up, you turn
around and look backwards. When you
turn, always look in the direction of your turn.”
“That all makes sense. I’ve heard that you have a ‘blind spot’ when
you drive. What’s that?”
“Excellent
question, Josh. You actually have 2 blind spots; one on each
side of the car. The size of the blind
spots varies with each different vehicle.
The only way to see what, if anything, is in
your blind spot is to turn your head and look.
You MUST always check your blind spots before you turn or change lanes.
“Cause someone could be there
without you knowing it, right?”
As usual, Josh amazed the
hell out of me. “Exactly! Now there are a couple more golden rules to
go over with you. The third rule is that
must always maintain a high degree of situational awareness. That means that you must be aware of
everything that is going on around you and you must be constantly scanning your
mirrors and keeping an eye on things. It
also means that you’re always thinking ahead.
You must always have a plan ‘B’ which will get you out of trouble. You need to constantly look for and identify
potential sources of danger.”
“Like drunk drivers or kids
running into the road, right?” He said
the phrase ‘drunk drivers’ with more than a little distaste and bitterness in
his voice. I knew I’d never have to
worry about Josh driving drunk.
“Exactly right, kiddo,” I
replied proudly. “It’s too late if you
have to decide what to do when you’re confronted with a danger. You have to know what you’re going to do
before the situation arises and you have to take that action
automatically. The final golden rule is
this….The driver is in command. The
driver gives the orders and the driver makes the decisions. When you are driving, no matter who is in the car with you, you are in charge. You have to take responsibility for your
vehicle and for your passengers.”
“Just like the captain of a
ship.”
“Or the pilot of an
airplane,” I grinned at Josh. “Today’s
lesson is going to be all about the clutch and shifting gears. When you drive a vehicle with a manual
transmission, you have to use both feet and both hands. Your left foot operates the clutch which is
the left most pedal. Your right foot
operates the gas pedal which is the skinny pedal on the right and the brake
which is the middle pedal which looks the same as the clutch.”
Josh leaned over and looked
at each of the pedals with interest.
“You must always have either
the gas pedal pressed or the clutch pressed.
If you release both pedals, the vehicle will stall. That means that when you stop and you release
the gas, you must press the clutch. You
also have to push the clutch when you shift gears. When you push the clutch, you have to be sure
to push it all the way down and you have to keep it down until you finish
shifting.”
“Sounds pretty easy so far,”
Josh said.
“It is pretty easy once you
get used to it. Now, the gear shift is
used to select the appropriate gear.
When you’re in neutral, which means that you are not in a gear, the stick
is in the middle and you can wobble it back-and-forth,” I said as I
demonstrated the neutral position for Josh.
“You see the diagram on the top?”
“Yeah,
1-2-3-4-5-R. Those are the five gears and reverse.”
“Bingo. It’s the shifting pattern. To shift into first gear, you pull the stick
all the way to the left and push it forward.
To shift into second, you pull it to the rear. For third gear, you push it to the front and
a little further to the right. Fourth and fifth work the same way. We’ll forget about reverse for now since it’s
a little more complicated.”
“Sounds
pretty clear.”
“Separately, working the
clutch and shifting the gears are dead easy, but it’s a little more complicated
when you combine them. I’m going to
teach you each part separately and then we’ll combine them. To start with, I’m going to drive around the
lot and work the clutch and you’re going to shift the gears for me. Let’s go.
Shift us into first.”
Josh shifted smoothly into
first gear and flashed a delighted grin.
“This is the most challenging
part of driving a manual transmission.
In order to get moving, you have to be very smooth on the clutch and gas
pedal. As you ease off the clutch, you
have to ease the gas in. If you’re too
slow, you’ll stall and if you’re too fast, we’ll lurch forward. Imagine it as a pivot from one foot to the
other.” I demonstrated proper clutch
control and explained the “sweet spot” and how to identify it. “Most of this is just a matter of learning
the vehicle and memorizing its characteristics.”
“How do you know when to
shift?” Josh asked as he watched me intently.
“That’s the easy part. You can watch the tachometer or you can
listen to the engine. You want to shift
before the needle gets too close to the red line on the tach.” I pushed the gas and revved the engine. “Hear how the engine sounds as the RPMs go up?”
“Yeah, it gets louder and
faster. If I learn what the engine
sounds like when it’s time to shift, I won’t have to look at the tach.”
“Exactly
right, kiddo. That’s how most people do it.”
We spent the next few minutes
doing laps of the parking lot and Josh did an excellent job of shifting the
gears. Finally it was time for him to
take the wheel.
“Alright bud, it’s time for
you to take the wheel and try operating the clutch,” I said as I pulled over
and set the parking brake. I climbed out
and walked around to the passenger side as Josh slid across the seat. “Ok kiddo, press the clutch down and then
start her up. Keep the clutch pressed
after the engine starts and put your other foot on the brake.”
Josh did as he was
instructed. I smiled as I noted the look
of intense concentration that he wore on his handsome face.
“Nicely
done, Josh. Now release the parking brake and I’ll shift
you into first gear.” I could tell that
he was excited and nervous at the same time.
“You’re doing fine, bud,” I said trying to reassure and relax him. “Ready to go?”
“Let’s do it!” He said with a radiant grin.
“Alright, take your foot off
the brake and gently start pressing the gas as you release the clutch.” I braced myself for the expected ‘bump start’
but it never came. I was utterly amazed
as we began to move forwards. “WELL DONE
JOSH! Let’s shift to second gear, off
the gas and on the clutch.” As soon as
he had the clutch all the way down I shifted and without even being told to do
so, Josh properly released the clutch and went back to the gas pedal.
“How am I doing?” he asked
anxiously.
“You’re doing amazingly well,
bud.” I was so proud of him that I could
hardly contain it. I had never taught
anyone to drive a stick-shift before but I knew how difficult it was for some
people. I learned pretty quickly but it
took me a couple of lessons before I mastered it. Josh was picking it up as if it was second
nature. I was increasingly interested in
learning his IQ; it had to be well above average.
He was doing so well that I
had him start shifting the gears on his own and I taught him how to down-shift
as well. He did it without skipping a
beat. We spent over half an hour circling
the large parking lot. Josh didn’t stall
a single time and had only a few very minor “bump-starts” I was utterly floored
at how quickly he had picked it up.
“Ok bud, it’s time to head
home. I’m really proud of you. You learned even faster than I did.”
“It was really easy,” Josh
replied through his massive grin as he pulled over and we switched back. This time he exited the vehicle and met me
behind the Jeep. “Thanks dad, I love you
so much,” He said as he through his arms around me and gave me an incredibly
tight octopus style hug.
“You’re welcome son and I
love you too,” I replied tenderly as I returned his embrace. We drove home and Josh bounded into the
house. I think he wanted to tell Susan
all about his exploits, but she had already left on her date with Bob. It was nice to see her getting out but Josh
didn’t seem to think much of it or of Bob for that matter. She already had little time to spend with him
and now that Susan was dating a new man, she had even less time than
usual. I certainly spent as much time as
I could with him, but he still wanted to spend at least some time with his mom
too.
I was a little tired and my
head was a little sore so I took one of my painkillers as soon as I got to my
apartment. I didn’t like taking those
pills because they made me sleepy but they did help with the pain.
“Your head hurts?” Josh asked
with concern. Since the night that I
went to the hospital, Josh had been particularly sensitive towards my
headaches. Whenever I had one, I could see
the usual concern on his face, but I could also see a touch of fear. It would take time before he would lose that
fear.
“Yeah, it’s not too bad
though, I just need to lay down for a while.”
“Do you want a massage?” He
asked as he walked over to me and began to rub my shoulders.
“I’d love one, but you don’t
have to, son.”
“I know, but I want to,” Josh
said firmly as he took me by the hand and led me to the sofa. He sat down in my usual position, put his
feet up and directed me to lie down on my stomach with my head resting against
his belly and chest, essentially using him as a cushion. I did as I was told and wrapped my arms
around him.
“I really love you Josh and
I’m so proud of you.”
“I know, dad. I love you and I’m proud of you too. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but
you’re my hero,” Josh said as he began to firmly massage my shoulders.
I had a lump in my
throat. “Thanks Josh. You’re an amazing young man and I’m honored
that you consider me to be your hero. I
hope that I can measure up to the challenge.”
“You really are, dad. I want to grow up just like you. You’ve had so many things happen to you and
you’ve kept on going. Not only that, you
do all sorts of amazing things like flying planes and working miracles with
computers. I want to learn all of that
stuff.”
“I had a lot of help,
Josh. My family helped me through some
tough times. That includes you kiddo,
you helped me out a lot. Back when we first
met you were helping me. I probably
wouldn’t be here today if not for the way you handled yourself the other
night. In many ways, you’re my hero
too. I’ll teach you whatever you want to
learn.”
Josh hugged me firmly for a
second and then resumed his massage.
Before long, the combination of the painkillers and Josh’s
loving treatment caught up with me and I drifted off to sleep.
When I awoke and hour or so
later, I was lying on my side stretched out on the couch and Josh was curled up
with me. After I had fallen asleep, he
had finished the massage, climbed out from under me and then stretched out with
me on the sofa. As usual, I had wrapped
my arms around him as I slept. Josh
didn’t sleep; he just lay there with his back against my chest and watched TV
with the volume turned down.
The rest of the evening was
pretty quiet. Amazingly Josh was hungry
again by around
We watched “True Lies” with
Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was a really
good, fast-paced action movie with lots of guy stuff like fighter planes,
nuclear weapons, explosions and gun-fire.
When that was over, we watched “Seven” with Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey
and Brad Pit. That movie also featured
one of my favorite character actors named R Lee Ermey. Ermey had played
the maniacal drill instructor in “Full Metal Jacket” which was one of my
all-time favorite movies. I decided that
I would eventually have to introduce Josh to that movie.
I had taken Josh to see
“Saving Private Ryan” and he loved it so I figured he’d enjoy “Full Metal
Jacket” as well. I was actually amazed
to notice that Josh actually had moist eyes at the end of “Saving Private
Ryan”. The cemetery scene at the end was
pretty emotional and it certainly pulled his heartstrings.
As
Just before I got sick, I had
picked up a mini bottle of
I untangled myself from Josh
briefly as I went into the small galley kitchen and put the champagne in the
freezer to get it good and cold quickly.
I also took a moment to retrieve some glasses from the cupboard. I didn’t have any champagne or wine glasses
but I was pretty sure that Josh wouldn’t consider it gauche to drink champagne
out of a regular drinking glass.
“Well son, any New Years
resolutions?” I asked as I sat back down
with him on the couch and he snuggled back up against my left side.
“What’s a New Years
resolution?”
“It’s sort of a pledge that
you make for yourself. Something that you intend to do in the New Year. Some people resolve to lose weight, to stop
smoking or to get in shape.”
“I can’t think of anything,”
he replied. “How about
you?”
“I have one. I resolve to pay more attention to my health
and to listen more to people who love me, people like you, when they try to
express concerns.”
Josh smiled at me and leaned
his head against my chest for a moment.
“I resolve to learn everything I can from my dad so that I can grow up
to be as good a man as he is.”
I smiled broadly and leaned
down and kissed him lightly on the top of his head. “You will be a great man, Josh. You’re going to go far in this life and I
have the funny feeling that we’re both destined to be part of something really
big.” I was thinking about my dream from
the other night. I didn’t believe for a
moment that I had any sort of psychic abilities but something about that dream
made it seem so real that I couldn’t ignore it.
We sat quietly and watched
the final moments of 1999 slip away.
Larry Gowon was on stage in
“What’s that?” Josh asked.
“It’s champagne. I don’t usually drink and I know you’re a
little too young, but it’s a special occasion so I thought we’d both have a
small glass of this stuff to see in the year 2000.”
“I don’t see why not,” Josh
said. “I don’t want to drink a lot and be like my father was.”
“Joshy,
you’ll never be like he was. It is
possible to drink responsibly and not end up like him. You see, alcoholics drink because they’re
addicted. They drink to get drunk. Social drinkers, people who drink occasionally,
drink on social occasions or on special holidays like this.”
“I always think about my
father being such a drunk whenever I think about alcohol,” Josh said sadly.
“You don’t have to drink it
if you don’t want to, Josh. You always
have the right to say ‘no’ when you don’t want to do something. Don’t ever let ANYONE pressure you into drinking
or doing anything else. In fact, one day
you might find yourself in a situation where people are drinking or doing
drugs. If you ever do find yourself in
that situation, you can call me at any time of day or night and I’ll come get
you.”
“Thanks dad. I trust you and I want to have a small drink
with you.”
“I’m glad, kiddo.”
The final countdown had
started. Josh and I counted down the
last ten seconds along with the crowd in the square. At the stroke of
The crowd was belting out
“Auld Lang Syne” as I handed Josh his glass and
raised my own.
“Happy New
Year, son. May the New Year and all the years that
follow be filled with happiness, joy and good health. I love you kiddo.”
“Happy New
Year, dad. I love you too. This year is going to be amazing. We’ll be together and that’s all that
counts.”
“Always, Josh,” I said as we
clinked glasses and drank. After sipping
our champagne, we sat back down on the sofa and watched the fireworks display,
cuddled up together in our usual positions.
We watched the worldwide
coverage for a little while longer before the champagne began to take effect
and we both decided to turn in for the night.
We took turns in my small shower stall and then climbed into bed
together. I lay on my back and Josh lay
on his belly up against by side and chest.
He rested his head on my shoulder and draped an arm across my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and gently
rubbed his back as we both drifted off to sleep.
That night, I had another
dream about Josh and me. As with the
previous dream, all that I could recall the next morning was a series of
fleeting images and emotions. That
dream, like the last one, seemed to be set 25 odd years in the future. I couldn’t recall any specifics, but I did
remember standing on a stage with Josh in front of a large crowd of cheering
people. A lovely blond woman was on the
stage with us and so were the same 2 children from the earlier dream.
I recalled vividly that the
boy, who appeared to be about 13 or 14, was the spitting image of Josh. He had lighter hair, but he had the same eyes
and they same warm and friendly smile.
The little girl was incredibly pretty and she was a miniature replica of
the blond woman. She also had Josh’s
gray eyes. One detail that I did
remember quite clearly was that Josh referred to the boy as Tom. The boy was clinging to my right side and the
girl was clinging to my left.
I also remember that Josh,
who had to be in his late 30s or early 40s in that dream was talking about the
summer of 2000. I knew then that it was
time to discuss my plans with Susan and to reveal them to Josh. I had a very strong feeling that the planned
trip had some greater significance than simply a summer of fun.