The Polaris Effect
By Riley James
Chapter Sixteen- Do You Really Love Me?
The contractor and his crew had been working on the main house
for a little over six weeks now. Jeremy
had wanted them to be able to move in sooner, but things just never went as
planned in the incessant downpour that was
As he stood under the big oak tree that defined the front yard,
he considered all the things that could go wrong with this endeavor. Archer had been out of the hospital for a
little over four months now. His
regiment of meds was being strictly monitored by Jeremy and Anne, although she
had returned to the Bay Area and only kept up by phone these days. Arch’s moods seemed to have leveled off
sometime around the second month of steady medication and therapy. The new psychologist seemed to be good and
Archer was finally able to let go a little and trust someone besides Anne. His demons were still inside of him though. He shared what had happened to him on his
trip to
Gianna was now seven months pregnant and a little more than
cranky, if her tone on the telephone was any indication. Her moods, without the aid of lovely
stabilizers such as Archer’s, were in flux, to say the least. On occasion, she could be as pleasant as a
soft morning rain and others her Italian heritage jumped up and bit you in the
ass. As Archer had lived through most of
these swings before, none of this fazed him, but Jeremy felt a little like he
had been drug through a knothole backwards lately. He was hoping that when the baby finally
arrived, things would settle down for all of them.
They were still living with his mom and dad and every day that
the rain pounded the pavement was one more day they’d been relegated to
Jeremy’s childhood bedroom. A tight fit
to be sure, they had finally broken down and bought a new bed, as Archer’s back
was starting to suffer from the small queen sized one that had originally
occupied the space. Over the past few
weeks, they had closed the sale of Jeremy’s condo in
Mom had come home last week from her knitting circle to inform
them that the college was looking for a new art teacher. She thought that it would be the perfect job
for Archer. Jeremy wasn’t so sure,
although he kept his doubts to himself.
During the past few days, Archer seemed to be considering it privately,
as though he could sense Jeremy’s reservations, but could see this as a viable
option for his future. He certainly
couldn’t go back to the everyday stress of a thriving architectural practice
and the idea of starting a new business was not something he was interested, he
had made that clear ever since he had come home from the hospital. However, the idea of Archer having to interact
with “interesting” college students everyday, not only made Jeremy nervous, but
insanely jealous. Even though they had
been through hell and back to be together again, Jeremy still didn’t have the
faith in their relationship that he thought he should. Everything seemed so at odds. Maybe it was just the fact that the house
wasn’t done yet, or that Gianna was coming back and he wasn’t ready for any
more confrontations, but something was nagging at Jeremy and it was as though
he was sitting on an uncomfortable edge of an abyss. He didn’t like it one bit.
***
The bathroom upstairs in his parent’s old farmhouse had been
remodeled some years ago. It now had
double sinks and a spacious shower enclosure.
Jeremy couldn’t imagine he and Archer both fitting in here before the
work had been done. They would have had
to stand on top of each other. That
might have been a welcome position, however.
Since coming home from the hospital, their sex life had been practically
non-existent. They cuddled in bed at
night, they kissed good morning and good night, but other than that, they had
only had oral sex twice in the past four months. Anal intercourse was almost a taboo
subject. Jeremy had gone past Archer’s
balls, licking the sweet folds between his asscheeks one night and he thought
Archer would shoot through the ceiling with dread. He didn’t try to pursue the path any longer,
he only finished the blowjob he had started and fell back against the mattress
without hope of reciprocation. The ache
in Jeremy’s loins only scarcely represented what he felt in his soul.
Jeremy picked up the toothpaste and found the cap askew and a
film of white and blue residue around the opening. Disgusted, he ran the cap under hot water to
dislodge the gritty paste. He cleaned up the remaining spillage and squeezed
some out on his brush. He knew grousing
about the toothpaste was something trivial, but it seemed to be the last straw
for him today. He had awoken hard and
aching this morning and rolled over to his lover, or more precisely, his
recently celibate boyfriend. He stroked
Archer’s thigh, hoping for a response.
He knew he was awake, but there was no movement when Jeremy’s soft touch
floated closer to Archer’s cock. He
wanted to sweep up and kiss Archer, enfold him in his warmth and embrace,
hoping to break the spell that Archer’s experiences held over him. When he kissed Arch’s belly softly and still
there was no reaction, he knew there was no hope for relief today. He picked himself up out of bed and walked
solemnly to the bathroom to start the shower.
Archer had finished in the shower now and was slowly drying
himself behind the frosted glass door.
As he stepped out, he noticed the scowl pasted across Jeremy face.
“What’s a matter babe,” he asked with a little trepidation. He knew that their lack of intimate contact
was wearing on Jeremy’s nerves. He felt
guilty, but his body didn’t seem to want to respond to physical contact. He couldn’t get hard for the life of him and
he was afraid to bring it up with his therapist. The new guy knew he was gay, was aware that
he was in a committed relationship, but he found that he just couldn’t talk to
him about sex with Jeremy, or the lack thereof.
“Nothing.” Jeremy snapped
Archer’s body was still damp, but he pushed up behind Jeremy
anyway. He didn’t know if this would
work, but he had to try just the same.
“Honey, are you mad at me?”
Archer asked him directly.
Jeremy looked at Arch’s reflection in the mirror. His eyes were so sad. This wasn’t supposed to be happening to
them. They had spent so long apart and
now they were finally together. They
couldn’t just give up now, or at least Jeremy wasn’t willing to. “No, babe, I’m not mad. “
He turned in Archer’s grasp and leaned up on his tiptoes to kiss
his one true love. “I’m a little
frustrated, I guess. Waiting for the
house to be done and Gianna coming back this weekend has got me on edge. “
“I’m sorry Jem.” Archer stroked Jeremy’s cheek.
Their lips met again and this time Archer opened his lips and
searched out Jeremy’s tongue. Jeremy was
surprised. Archer hadn’t initiated this
kind of contact in months. The kiss
slowly progressed to something steamy and erotic. Archer could feel Jeremy’s manhood pressed up
his against right thigh. He was
semi-hard himself, but nothing like the granite poking against his bare skin,
slowly leaking Jeremy’s essence. Archer
knew there was a way to relieve Jeremy’s tension without having to get hard
himself. He sank to his knees letting
the damp towel pool beneath him. His
broad hands scraped across his lover’s chest, tweaking the nipples as he
went. He engulfed the head of Jeremy’s
pulsing shaft and let his tongue lead the path to his partner’s ultimate
oblivion. With Jeremy lodged in the back
of his throat, he flattened his tongue in order to make as much contact as
possible. Jeremy’s pleasure was his only
goal. Normally during any kind of
encounter of this nature, he would use one hand to bring himself off as well,
this time he had both hand on Jeremy’s hips as he fellated him with all of his
skills. It didn’t last long. Jeremy was strung like an expensive violin
and shot off in Archer’s mouth before he made a dozen passes.
Jeremy’s eyes focused again and looked down on his massive
lover. Tears sprang from him in a
torrent, unexpected and uncontrollable.
He grabbed onto Archer’s head and pressed him against his tummy. He was so unprepared for this encounter that
the combination of his frustration, worry and pent-up passion exploded into a
mini emotional break down.
Archer rose slowly. He
pulled Jeremy to him in a soft and comforting embrace. They stood there for what seemed like
forever. He saw Jeremy glance at his softened
member and he knew they had to talk about it.
Embarrassed, he squeaked out, “I can’t get hard.”
Jeremy’s eyes always betrayed him. No matter what he said, Archer knew exactly
what he was thinking. “Is it me?”
The tears had abated slightly and his voice rasped with the fear
he felt in his gut. This couldn’t be the
end of them, not after everything they had been through.
“Oh god, Jem; NO!” Archer
held him tight and began to smother the top of his head with kisses. Holding Jeremy’s head in hands and with his
mouth pressed to his scalp he said, “I think it’s the meds.”
“Tell Dr. Everett. I’m
sure he can figure out something else to give you that doesn’t have the same
side-effect.”
”Everything I’ve ever been on does it to one degree or another. It’s part of the whole MAOI effect.”
Jeremy was one of those people who fixed things. Not just computer things or things around the
house, but people. At least that’s what
his mother always told him. “You
can’t always fix them Jemmie.” She
was so famous for saying. Some people
called it a Jesus or Messiah complex, but Jeremy just thought it was because he
wanted to make things better for his family and friends.
“Well can we at least go in and talk to him about it
together? Maybe there’s something you
haven’t tried that will work.”
Archer’s face was doubtful, but he knew Jem was right. He hadn’t tried all of the drugs that were
available for his form of Bi-Polar disorder. “It’s kind of embarrassing, you
know; talking to a complete stranger about my dick.”
Jeremy tried hard not to laugh, but the remark was so ARCHER. “Well, I think you’ll survive. Otherwise you’re going to have to learn to
bottom a lot more…is that something you’re willing to consider?” If the truth be known, he was kidding. If new meds didn’t work, he’d have to learn
to get along without intercourse. He was
willing to do it; for Archer he was willing to give up anything, but not before,
they explored all of the medical options.
“Okay, if it means never being inside of you again, I think I’ll
risk a little embarrassment.” He stroked
upwards on Jeremy’s cheekbone to get him to look at him. “Jem, I love you and I
don’t want to lose you, ever again. I
want us to be together for the rest of our lives. I hope you can live with me if the medication
change doesn’t work.”
“Oh my god, Archer; don’t even worry about it baby. I didn’t spend ten years pinning over you to
let you go because of a temporary sexual problem. This happens to lots of people, honey. Everything is going to be fine, don’t
worry.” It was Jeremy’s turn to try to
shore up his lover’s self-respect. “I’m
here for the long haul too, baby. There
is no one else I’d rather be with, spend my life with. It’s you and me babe, this is all part of for
better or worse, you know? We may not be
legally married, but in my eyes when you agreed to take me back; we were bound
together, forever.”
The words reassured Archer and set his troubled mind at ease, at
least for now. A little communication
goes a long way. Where they had both
awoken that morning with worries and doubts, now after having taken the time
and the courage to breach the widening gap between them, things seemed to be
back on the road to happily ever after.
***