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"AS I REMEMBER HIM"

©Ritchris 2005

A story by

Ritch Christopher

Literary enhancement by

Les Martin

* * * * *

"As I remember him, he was a loving man..."

Portia Nelson (1995)

<><><><><><><><>

Chapter Eleven

Much to his disappointment, dislike, and dismay, Thad drove David

back to his own apartment to wait for Randy to pick David up and take him

to spend the night at Randy's ostentatious digs. Whether he wanted to admit

it or not, Thad had redecorated his apartment to the tune of several

thousand dollars on a more than rapid timetable just to impress David. But

with David now going to Randy's, Thad felt as if he had spent his money on

a hopeful folly which now appeared to be futile.

As soon as they reached Thad's, David noticed that Randy was

already there waiting for him in his expensive sports-car. Thad suddenly

had a almost-overwhelming urge to ram his dilapidated Chevrolet into the

side of Randy's hundred-thousand-dollar foreign sports car, but he knew it

would take the remainder of his savings account just to have it

repaired...But, then again, just the goddamn satisfaction might be worth

it! Randy was leaning up against his fancy 'wagon' as David got out of

Thad's car.

"Hey, big guy!" Randy said, giving David a million-dollar

smile. "You look a bit bushed. Long evening on the dinner train?"

"Not really. Actually, it was kinda fun," David replied, smiling at

Thad. "You'll find out all about it in the morning."

"Perish the thought. I've never seen three-thirty A.M. from the

other side. I'm quite often awake at that time of the night, but I can't

remember ever arising at that hour of the morning."

"Then it'll be something new for you to experience. I thought there

was nothing new to be experienced in your life."

"There weren't many things until I met you."

"Good evening, Randy," Thad said, interrupting loudly on purpose.

"Good evening, Detective. Long time, no see..."

"I guess maybe I'm just lucky sometimes," Thad replied with obvious

sarcasm, then added. "David, would you and Randy care to come upstairs for

a drink before you go?"

"I don't know.." David said. "How about it, Randy? Do you have time

for a drink?"

"The rest of my evening belongs to you, David, to whatever you want

to do. If you'd like a drink, I'd be happy to have one with you."

"Okay. Thanks, Thad. I'd like Randy to see what you've done to your

apartment."

The trio walked into Thad's apartment building and up the stairs as

Thad and Randy continued to banter like two old hens sitting under dryers

at a beauty parlor. A slight surge of competition for David's attention

became apparent.

"Thad, don't tell me that you put new contact paper in the

kitchen!" Randy joked.

"Yes, asshole, and I would have put colored toilet paper in the

bathroom if I had known you were going to come by."

"Thad, you should always be prepared. You never know who will drop

by in the middle of the night looking for a policeman," Randy quipped. "I

seem to recall that your handcuffs came in handy one night that you and I

spent together."

"Yes, and to this day, I've always been sorry I didn't lose the key

to the fuckin' cuffs."

"But, Thad, I'd have had to change my name to Rapunzel if you had

kept me locked to the bed in your tower."

"Shit! I heard you DID change it but it wasn't to 'Rapunzel'. I

thought you changed it to Sydney."

"Sydney? Why for God's sake."

"Sydney Biddle Barrows," Thad replied wryly.

"The Mayflower Madam? Very funny, Thad. I'm amazed that you've

developed a sense of humor since last we met."

"I didn't need one back then. You were a barrel of laughs...enough

for both of us!"

"Well, are we going to stand here in the hall for you to put the

key in the door or can you open it with magic words like 'open sushi'?"

Thad was somewhat reluctant to open the door. He was proud of his

new furnishings and the last thing he needed was Randy to assault his pride

and joy with 'faggoty' criticism.

"Did you forget the combination for the lock?" Randy joked. Thad

turned to look at Randy with vehemence flashing from his eyes. Randy

realized he had gone too far, said too much, as Thad's look almost made

Randy tremble and he quickly added, "Sorry, Thad, I...I made a bad

joke. I'll keep my sordid humor to myself."

"That would be a nice change, a relief for the rest of us in the

world."

David had spent one night with Thad and one night with Randy and

had had conversation with each about the other. Neither had really said

anything harsh or detrimental concerning the other. There had been no

denotation of hatred between the two...some dislike perhaps, as Thad was

still carrying a grudge based on his interpretation of why Randy had left

Mark. Therefore, David couldn't understand the sudden verbal battle filled

with the insults each was casting at the other. It never occurred to David

that he was the cause of this contentious rage.

Finally Thad opened the door, turned on the lights, and David and

Randy followed him inside. Randy got no further than the door as he stood

there stunned and speechless, looking at the drastic change in what had

once been a candidate for condemned housing. He was awestruck, aghast, and

amazed.

"My God in heaven, Thad," Randy exclaimed. "I can't believe what

I'm seeing."

"I don't need your patronizing condescension, Randy!" Thad said

with a warning.

"I telling you the honest truth, Thad. It's beautiful! I really

mean it!"

Thad played detective for a minute to see if Randy was being

serious or merely baiting him. After carefully examining Randy's expression

and the look in his eyes, Thad suddenly realized that Randy was being

honest and truthful.

"Very frankly, Randy, I didn't think it would meet with your

approval. I thought you were lying to me."

"The color scheme! The furniture! Every item seems to complement

the others. Seriously, I've got to know who your decorator is! He's

fantastic! You should be proud as punch. I don't know how you could afford

all this on a policeman's salary, but it looks like a million bucks!"

"Thad, I get the idea that Randy likes your place," David

said...more than relieved to sense that the tension between Thad and Randy

had now subsided.

"Like it? I love it!" Randy added. "Come on, let me see the rest of

it! I want to see the bedroom and the kitchen."

Almost instantly, Thad became like a child at Christmas showing off

his first bicycle. Never in his life had he owned anything which he could

display without being ashamed. He was enthused, he was pleased that he was

able to impress Randy, of all people...Randy who had all the money in the

world and the best looks of anyone, model or Hollywood star...Randy, whom

Thad had hated for over a year...Randy, with whom he had slept one night,

ending in disaster...Randy was impressed by something which didn't belong

to him personally.

Thad grabbed Randy by the hand, leaving David standing in the

living room as if he wasn't even there, and took Randy into the bedroom for

the grand tour. While Tim had been busy with the redecorating, Thad had

imagined hearing David, 'ooh' and 'ahh' with restraint over the

transformation, but Thad could never believe that it would be Randy

'oohing' and 'ahhing' with such abandon.

Whatever hatred or jealousy had passed between them earlier had

suddenly disappeared. Thad and Randy seemed to have bonded anew! Even David

became amused as he stood alone in the living room, listening to Thad and

Randy making plans to have dinner at each other's apartment next

week. Randy was insisting that he buy something new for Thad in the way of

a housewarming gift. Thad said he would accept it only if Randy would

accept a gift from him in return.

The sudden mood-swing and attitude change between Thad and Randy

gave David insight into another aspect of gay life he hadn't seen until

now. Rivals one minute and best friends the next! David couldn't recall

seeing opposing demeanors ever switching so fast in the straight world. He

smiled and thought, 'Too bad the leaders of the world aren't gay. Wars

could be avoided and conflicts resolved by swapping household tips or

recipes'.

David became content to sit on the new sofa while the two 'new'

friends explored the modified kitchen, preparing a pitcher of margaritas

which they brought on a tray into the living room. Believe it or not, David

had never tasted a margarita. He had seen them served in movies or on TV,

but had never observed that there was salt on the rim of each glass. God!

What kind of sheltered life had he led in River Oaks? Besides a bottle of

cooking sherry in his mother's kitchen cupboard, David couldn't remember

seeing any alcohol---or even beer, for that matter---in his parents'

house. At college when he and some of his fraternity brothers went to a bar

after a game, only beer was ordered. David had really never ordered a mixed

drink before coming to Atlanta.

Randy poured three drinks into the glasses and Thad toasted with a

simple, "Cheers" and David tasted his first margarita. It was sweet and

'citrusy' with lime...cold and delicious. The mood in the room was festive

and this was the happiest David had been in three days. He swore to

himself, privately, that he would drink no more than two drinks because, if

he consumed three of these volatile concoctions, he might find himself in

bed sandwiched between two gay men...Perry Mason and Richie Rich!

One hour and just one drink later, David, Thad, and Randy went

downstairs to Thad's car to get David's old suitcase and the new one Randy

had given him and David transferred them to Randy's car to go to Randy's to

spend the night. While he was doing this, David heard Randy and Thad making

plans to have dinner Saturday night at Randy's. It was satisfying to David

to think how things had a way of working out for the better in spite of the

tragic circumstances which brought the three together.

David and Thad still hadn't set a time or date for Mark and Alex's

memorial service, but David said he would discuss it with Chris in the

morning when he and Randy went to the church to prepare breakfast for the

morning meal run. Thad told David that whatever time he chose would be all

right with him. David promised to call Thad as soon as the matter was

settled.

When David and Randy drove away from Thad's, Thad became aware that

he was no longer aware of being jealous of Randy spending time with

David. The newly 'struck-up' relationship between Randy and Thad had been

enough to abate Thad's loneliness and had given him something to look

forward to. The love/hate relationship between him and Randy suddenly had

become hopeful and promising. It was as if Thad had been reborn or that his

youth had been revitalized. He felt almost like a teenager going to his

first prom. He only hoped that Randy felt the same way...or at least MOSTLY

the same way...and, though Thad couldn't know it, Randy did. Randy hadn't

found himself in a relationship since Mark. He was happy to find that Dirty

Harry had changed into Prince Charming---and a stud, at that!!

<><><><><><><>

Chris and Andy lay still in the dark on Mark's bed. If thoughts had

been audible, the entire room would have been a nightmarish cacophony. The

two lovers had been so emotionally high while having sex that coming back

down to reality was as great as detoxing from some euphoric narcotic. Chris

had broken a sacred vow and Andy was in a state of puzzled delight. Where

would they go from here? What was to happen next?

Chris, who just an hour ago, was innocent of that of which he had

been accused by Father 'D' and Mr. and Mrs. Thompson!!! But now, all that

had changed. Chris had not molested a minor. After all, Andy, being

eighteen, was old enough to vote, to join the Army, though not legal to

drink in many states, but free to make his mind up whether or not to have

sex with a male or female. No penal law had been broken, but Chris had

violated a moral law of the Church and his vocation. Did Chris' desire, his

sexual lust, outweigh his love, his duty and obligation to Jesus Christ? In

the teachings of the church and in the eyes of God, Chris had committed a

moral sin. Now he must decide what to do! He would have to confess his

actions to Father 'D' in his weekly confession and that would be grounds

for his termination as a priest at St. Thaddeus, or at any other Catholic

sanctuary.

When asked by Andy, Chris has said that maybe he loved Andy, but

was this possible? Had he felt love for Andy before they had sex or was he

just caught up in the moment of ecstatic bliss that comes with the moment

of orgasm?

The sex was an affirmation to Andy of how much he loved Chris and

suddenly he was filled with hope that at long last, that Chris' feelings

for him was reflective of his own and he was ready to chuck school, the

Church, and even his parents, if necessary, to have a life with Chris. No

doubt about it, the two found themselves in the middle of what seemed a

hopeless dilemma.

"Chris?" Andy whispered.

"Yes?"

"Where do we go from here? What's gonna happen next?"

"I...I don't know, Andy. I can't explain what just happened. I

should have had more control over my emotions than to get carried away as I

did."

"Are you saying that you're sorry that we made love?" In the dark,

the tear in his eye was still unheard in his voice.

"I guess I'm trying to say that I'm sorry that things happened as

they did. It's obvious that we shared a mutual feeling and that we desired

to express it physically, but...but....I'm not belittling you by saying

that I'm an adult though I'm eight years older than you. I swore, before

God, never to have sex for the rest of my life...and by not being able to

control myself, I've gotten both of us into a lot of trouble."

"Do you think God will punish you?"

"Not directly...I mean God won't come down from heaven and strike

me dead or blind or render a physical punishment on me personally. The

Church will have to find out about it and they'll decide what should happen

to me. Being blunt, I'll probably lose my position as a priest."

"I...I don't want that to happen, Chris. You'd have to start a new

life. What about other priests who have sex with men or women? Does the

Church kick all of them out as well?"

"Well, no. If they did ,then half of the priests in the country

would be thrown out. The last report I read said that something like

forty-eight percent of all priests were gay."

"You mean they had gay tendencies or that they actually had gay

sex?"

"I think the article implied that they were sexually active. A lot

depends on how liberal their immediate supervisors feel about

sexuality. The Church recently lost nearly twenty-five percent of it's

priests because the priests opted to get married or to engage in some kind

of sex, like laymen do"

"That's why Pope John-Paul, the second, wasn't too popular in the

United States, isn't it?"

"That was one of the reasons. He viewed gay sex as a contributor to

moral decay in the Church. While other denominations such as the Anglicans,

Episcopalians, the Jews, and all protestants allow their clergy to marry,

the Vatican forbid all priests to have a partner of any kind...married,

gay, or straight."

"You...you just stepped over a serious line, didn't you?" Andy's

tone showed his concern about Chris and his future.

"Yes, Andy, and now I see I've got to make a life-changing

decision. I could ask for forgiveness and probably would have to pay a

tremendous penance for what I did, but I'm asking myself how long would it

be until I found myself wanting to sin again."

"Do you personally look upon what we just did as a sin?"

"As a man, no...but as a priest, I'm obliged to say yes."

"But would you HAVE to confess it to Father 'D'? I mean, couldn't

you just keep it between yourself and God? Why does Father 'D' have to

know? Why is he your judge and jury?"

"That's just the way things are in the Church..."

"Chris, you said that maybe you loved men..."

"Yes, I did."

"Did you mean it?"

"I must have...I said it to you..."

"Then are you trying to take it back?"

"I...I don't know. There will be serious repercussions if I don't

take it back. There's still the matter of what you wrote in your diary."

"Oh, shit! I forgot all about that! I...I could tell the truth to

my parents and tell them that I made it all up. That wouldn't be

lying. That would be the truth."

"Yes, but if we ever saw each other again, your parents and Father

'D' wouldn't believe you made it up. We'd have to never see each other

again unless we were in a crowd of people. We could never find ourselves in

a situation like...where the two of us are alone together."

"Couldn't we see each other privately when I come to you at

confession every week?"

"You mean, have a tête-à-tête once a week inside the confessional

booth?"

"Why not?"

"Andy, that would be a sin. It would break every precept of the

church and make me guilty of many mortal sins."

"So, Chris, what should we do?"

"First of all, I think I should take you home so that your parents

know where you are and relieve their minds by knowing you're all

right. Then, if you want to tell them that the entries in your diary were

fiction, that would ease the situation for the time being. Hopefully, Todd

and Marcia would relay this to Father 'D' and that would get him off my

back for the time being."

"I...I'll do it. Then what?"

"Then we'll have to take some time for things to cool off. I mean,

no one outside your parents and Father 'D' know about this. Well, that's

not exactly true. Thad and David know about the diary and you told Steve

why you did what you did to wind up in the hospital, but I don't think any

of the three will divulge the secret. No one knows what we just did here in

Mark's room. Only you and I know...and no one else is to ever know!"

"I swear I won't tell a soul."

"Then let's see if you're a good actor. Straighten your clothes and

we'll straighten up Mark's bed and let's go out to say good night to Steve,

as if nothing out of the ordinary happened...just that you and I had a nice

private chat and I had convinced you to go home to see your parents. Don't

give Steve any reason to think anything happened between us!"

"Okay...but just one thing...?"

"What's that?"

"Would you kiss me once more?"

"I know I shouldn't, but something inside me wants it just as bad

as you do."

Chris leaned over and their lips met as before, tenderly, then

passionately. Again, Andy whispered, "God knows I DO love you, Chris."

Chris replied, "God help me, but I love you, too, my dear little

Andy."

Silently, the two got dressed, remade the bed, made sure the room

looked decent, turned on the lights, and went back into Steve's living

room. Steve was still in his room or if he had slipped out to eavesdrop

outside Mark's door, Steve kept it to himself. Chris or Andy would never

know if Steve had heard their lovemaking or not.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

"So who exactly is this guy coming down to see you tomorrow from

Virginia?" Randy asked after he and David arrived at his apartment.

"His name is Luke Sparks. I only knew him as a friend of Mark's. I

don't remember ever talking to him much. I just didn't know how close he

and Mark really were," David replied.

"He was the one that caused Mark to make a quick exit down here to

Atlanta?"

"Well, in a manner of speaking. It was my dad who threw Mark out of

our house after he caught Mark and Luke in bed together."

"You dad...conservative, through and through?"

"With a giant capital 'C'!"

"You know, Mark still loved your dad in spite of the havoc."

"Then if you didn't know who Luke was, apparently Mark never talked

about him. You don't know, I suppose, whether Mark ever received a letter

or phone call from Luke, do you?"

"Never heard his name, David, before YOU mentioned it."

"I never did find out how Luke's parents reacted after my dad

spread the news to them about their two sons."

"Luke must have been an alright person for Mark to risk going to

bed with him in his own bedroom."

"As I remember Luke, he was very much like Mark...nice looking kid,

a bit more muscular than Mark, though. The few times I saw him, he was

always very polite...always said 'sir' to my dad and 'ma'am' to my

mother. He must have been 'brainier' than Mark because Mark was always

asking him to help him with his homework. Of course, looking back in

retrospect, Mark's homework might have been just a cover so that they could

spend more private time together."

"Look, David, when we go to pick him up at the airport tomorrow, in

case he hasn't made a hotel reservation, why not ask him to stay here with

you and me? I mean, we all three have 'Mark' in common."

"That's very nice of you, Randy. I don't know if Luke is enrolled

in college or what his financial situation is, but staying here for a

couple of days would be a help to anyone's wallet."

"Then if it's OK with Luke, it's more than OK with me."

"Thanks, Randy. Not only are you rich, but you have an abundance of

Southern hospitality."

"You talk as though Virginia's part of the North. You're as polite

and cordial as anyone I'd ever want to meet. I mean, you pitching in to

help Father Chris with his meal route shows me what kind of person you

are."

"You might change your mind when the alarm goes off VERY early in

the morning," Chris said with a broad grin.

"Oh, shit! I almost forgot...or maybe I was trying to forget. Now

tell me what I'm supposed to do to help Father Chris?"

"By the time we get to the Church, he'll have yours and my

assignments ready. Just follow his instructions and keep busy. We have a

lot to do before we even load up the van...maybe scramble a hundred or so

eggs, butter a couple or three hundred slices of toast, cook up ten pounds

of bacon. It's like preparing breakfast for a lot of guests, multiplied by

ten."

"What do you think Father Chris is going to do for help when you go

back to Virginia?"

"I don't know...of course, YOU'RE not going back to Virginia..."

"Don't volunteer my services just yet. I don't know if I can

acclimate myself to become an early riser on a regular basis."

"You might be surprised after you look into the eyes of those who

depend on Father Chris for their meals. It might give you a new purpose in

life."

"That remains to be seen."

"Speaking of new purposes, you and Thad seemed to hit it off at his

apartment."

"You noticed, huh? I...I've always liked Thad, but, after Mark

turned me away, Thad became like everyone else and began to resent or hate

me."

"I think you should tell him the whole story of why you stopped

coming by to see Mark. He might like you even more."

"Whoo, boy! You're supposed to be straight, so why are you suddenly

becoming Dolly Levi, the matchmaker?"

"Don't forget, I slept with both of you. I just think you two would

make a nice couple."

"You and he didn't have sex the way you and I did, did you?"

"Why don't you ask Thad after I've gone home to Virginia?"

"Aha! A mystery is about to unfold..."

"You sound as if you're jealous to think Thad and I might have done

something."

"Not really. I've slept with Thad and I've never forgotten how big

he is in the... 'man' department...also, what an aggressive lover he can be

when he's turned on!"

"You know what? It's getting pretty late and if we're gonna get any

sleep before we go help Chris, I think we'd better turn in."

"I know you're right. You know where the guest room is, even though

you didn't use it last night since you fell asleep on the sofa...Of course,

I have a huge king-size bed in my bedroom in case you don't want to be

alone...?"

"No way, José. I've got to get my sleep, too...and if I'm within

arm's reach of you, you won't sleep a wink."

"You got that right!"

"Come on, I'll carry one of your bags and turn the covers down for

you."

"Thanks."

"I really hope you'll throw away every piece of your own clothing

and wear the things I gave you."

"I'll see...that's all I can say."

They both grabbed a suitcase each and took them down the hall to

the guest room. David went into the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth

while Randy got David's bed ready. David came back into the bedroom and

Randy was standing beside the bed. Without hesitation, Randy put his arms

around David and hugged him. David showed no sign of resistance and slowly

his arms encircled Randy's back to complete their embrace.

"I'm gonna miss you, David, when you go home."

"I'll miss you, too, Randy. The more I get to know you, the more I

see how Mark must've loved you. If...if I were gay..."

"Ssh, don't say it! You might encourage disaster before I leave

this room. I know you're straight but it confuses the hell out of me since

you look so much like Mark, I just naturally expect you to respond to me

the way he did."

"Are you asking me to kiss you?"

"I'd never ask that, David."

"What if it's I who wants to kiss you?"

"Then all things considered, I'd promise to behave like a

gentleman."

"Good!"

David leaned forward and pressed his lips to Randy's. Randy was

more confused because David's kiss was more than just 'friendly' or like a

quick 'good night kiss' on the doorstep when a boy brings his date home for

the first time. David's kiss had warmth, passion, especially when Randy

felt David's tongue trying to pry his lips apart.

It was Randy, not David who stopped things from going too far. He

stepped back to unlock the kiss and the embrace, which left David a bit

embarrassed since he had risked showing passion only to please Randy.

"I think I'd better go to my room," Randy said as he walked out of

the bedroom without so much as looking back to catch a glimpse of David's

expression. Randy walked through his own bedroom and straight to the

bathroom to take a cold shower and jerk off the erection which David had

just given him.

David closed his door and locked it. He took a quick shower and

shave, then walked back to the bed still naked. At home or at college, even

when he was alone, David had always worn pajamas or at least his underwear

to bed. Tonight, he felt different... more adventurous and daring. No one

was around and he decided to sleep in the nude which he found exciting and

stimulating. As soon as the top and bottom satin sheets touched him, they

felt erotic to him and he, again, sprang an erection. He hadn't masturbated

in several days. He had reached a climax from Randy's oral sex on him the

day before. But now he was alone with his thoughts and fantasies. He was

free to think about having sex with Jenny or perhaps, Nicole Kidman or

Catherine Zeta-Jones as he reached to take his prod in hand.

'Dear God, how good it feels to jerk off!' David thought. He

suddenly remembered he had to have something to catch his warm spurts to

avoid messing the sheets. He looked over at the nearest night stand only to

discover that Randy thought of everything. On the table was a brass box

which encased a container of 'Wet Ones' and so he continued to pleasure

himself without missing a beat.

David closed his eyes and tried to imagine Jenny beside him in the

luxurious bed, but suddenly he found his hard-on going limp His mind began

reliving yesterday afternoon's treat when Randy had gone down on

him. Almost instantly, his sexual prowess was restored and all thoughts of

Jenny were replaced with thoughts about Randy...and also of Thad. He didn't

care, as this didn't seem to bother him. If it took fantasies about Randy

and Thad to get him off, then so be it! Masturbation hadn't been this

exciting since he was a teenager and nothing could stop him now!

Had there been a sky-view cam above Randy's apartment, it would

have recorded Randy and David's orgasms reaching their peaks simultaneously

in two separate bedrooms. They were both relaxed now and fell asleep almost

instantly to await the sound of an alarm clock four hours from now.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

Todd and Marcia were beside themselves with excitement and relief

when Andy walked through the door. However, both looked oddly askance when

they saw it was Father Chris who had brought him home. They wondered if

Andy had been with Chris the whole time he'd been missing...or whether

Chris had known of Andy's whereabouts when they had the conversation in

Father 'D's office. Had Chris hidden their son? Remembering all the

explicit things Andy had written in his diary accounting various sexual

acts Andy and Chris had apparently performed together, part of the joy of

the reunion was clouded with suspicious speculation.

Todd stepped forward to thank Chris, hoping that Chris would take

that as a hint and leave so that he and Marcia could have some privacy with

Andy and perhaps pry a few answers from him. Even though Andy was eighteen,

his parents might still need to call the police to report a kidnapping or,

even worse, sexual assault charges against Chris.

Actually, Chris was more than glad to leave, since, for the first

time, he did feel uncomfortable being around the Thompson's. Hopefully,

Andy would not mention his introduction to gay sex into which he had

entered only two hours ago. Andy had sworn to Chris that no one would ever

know, considering how Chris' position at the Church would be jeopardized,

not to mention the scandal that both of them would endure, not only at the

church, but in the community as well.

Marcia still had her arms around Andy, smothering him with maternal

kisses as Chris left to go back to St. Thaddeus'. Chris knew that David and

Randy would be meeting him around 3:30 AM and he could get a head start if

he returned to the church's kitchen.

"Andy, are you sure you're all right?" Marcia had asked, at least a

dozen times.

"Mom, I'm fine," Andy said, while trying to peel her arms from

around his neck. "I am tired and I would really like to go to bed."

"I know you are, honey! Have you eaten? Can I fix you

anything...some soup? A roast beef sandwich? A glass of milk?"

"Mom, please! I...Before I go to my room, could I ask you and Dad

to sit down for a few minutes."

"Certainly, son," Todd said as he took his wife's hand and led her

to the couch to sit.

"I have so much to say...and I...I know I won't get it all said

tonight, but there are a few things I want you to know."

"Andy, tell us as much as you like..."

"My...my diary..." Andy said, dropping his head, a bit

ashamed. "Chris...FATHER Chris told me about the meeting at the church

where you let Father 'D' read what I had written." Andy's shaky voice

became stronger as he mustered up more courage. "First of all, I don't like

the idea of your reading it. I wrote my private...and I stress, PRIVATE,

thoughts on paper. I wish now I'd never done it. But, I'm eighteen years

old...no longer a child! Legally, although I'm a senior in high school, I'm

still a man."

"Son, we're sorry!" Todd said, "We were trying to find a clue as to

your whereabouts."

"And you didn't find anything in my diary to find me, did you? But

you did find out some things about me that you didn't know. The thing

is...you STILL don't know, because nothing in my diary ever happened...in

real life, anyway. In my mind, they WERE real and DID happen the way I

wanted them to..."

"Then why did you write them, Andy?"

"You've heard about kids who grow up with make-believe friends who

don't exist except in the kids' minds? The image I portrayed of Father

Chris in my diary was all make-believe. Chris was my make-believe friend

and I could make him be, or do, anything I wanted. Chris...FATHER Chris had

no idea of what I had written. He was as much in the dark as both of you

were...or are...but, since you both took it upon yourselves to invade my

private thoughts and had the audacity to share them with Father 'D'...Don't

you see what you've done? You've practically gotten Father Chris

fired...who knows?...maybe even excommunicated...because of things I had

made up and now Father Chris' and my worlds are suddenly turned upside

down!"

"But, son, you described everything with such intimate detail. How

could we NOT believe there wasn't some truth to it? The first thing is that

you implied that you are gay. Is that true?"

"Before tonight, I didn't know if I would ever tell you, but, love

me or hate me, yes, I am gay."

"Well, if you didn't do those things with Father Chris, has there

ever been anyone else in your life?"

"No, Dad. That's why I made up what I did. There was no one in my

life...NEVER has been! You're fully aware that I've never asked to borrow

the car to go on a date because I've never been on a date. The night that I

took all of Mom's pills, I realized that I had never kissed anyone...never

held someone's hand, never held anyone in my arms, and certainly never had

any kind of experience which even resembled sex. I felt as if I was the

only eighteen-year-old virgin in the world."

"Andy, maybe your mother and I have never discussed these matters

with you before...and that's our fault. We have talked about the

possibility of you being gay when you weren't around and, you wanna know

something? It didn't bother either of us. We're a Catholic family and

raised you as a good Catholic, but we also are liberal Democrats, and we

disagree with the Vatican about many things. 'Being gay' is one of

them. Sure, the old school says that being gay is a phase or a temptation,

but anyone who reads the news or watches TV can see that it's a trait

you're born with, not one you acquire during puberty. I would hate it if

someone tried to force me to become gay. I couldn't do it because of my

genes. So why should the Church, society, or anyone try to change a

homosexual into a heterosexual? That could lead to all kinds of depression,

traumatic experiences, or even suicide. Being very frank, that's the first

thing I thought of, night before last. Maybe you were gay and took an

overdose to keep from facing reality or trying to make your mother and me

accept who you are."

"Then you don't mind? You're not ashamed?"

"Good heavens, no! I wouldn't care if you were a transvestite or

wanted a sex-change operation if that's what it took to keep you alive and

part of our family."

"I...I don't know what to say...I hardly know what to believe."

"Andy, I'm relieved that none of the entries in your diary are true

because if you HAD fallen in love with Father Chris or ANY priest, you

couldn't possibly have made your situation more difficult. That's what made

it so strange and mysterious to us. It was impossible to believe that you

could have done any of those things with a Catholic priest! There's no way

that relationship could have ever worked out realistically."

Andy thought back two hours ago when he was having the wildest sex

imaginable with Chris and he almost laughed...but there was no way he could

ever let anyone know what he and Chris had experienced together...and how

wonderfully fantastic it had been.

"I...I guess that's all I wanted to tell you for now. I...I DO feel

much better...and tomorrow, the three of us need to go see Father 'D' and

let him know that Father Chris is innocent of any part of my sordid

fantasies."

"My God," Todd said, "I feel so ashamed of the way I treated Father

Chris when he brought you home a few minutes ago. He must've felt I was

trying to convict him twice in the same day. Dear God, I've got to make it

up to him somehow.!

"Thanks, Dad. We ALL must do that." Andy walked over to the sofa

and kissed each of his parents on the cheek and said good night. Then he

went to his room.

<><><><><><><><>

Three-thirty AM came around early...REALLY early for Randy. He had

to down three cups of Cuban coffee before he could keep his eyes open

enough to focus. Getting up early with little sleep was not a difficult

task for David as he was used to cramming all night for tests at an early

morning class in college. To insure their safety, Randy let David drive his

car to St. Thaddeus' to meet Chris.

Chris' demeanor had changed mightily since David had seen him the

night before. Primarily, Chris was relieved to have found Andy and returned

him safe and sound back to his parents. Not knowing what had been discussed

at Andy's house with Todd and Marcia, Chris still had the troublesome

accusations hovering on his shoulders. He missed not having Jeff and Tommy

to help him with the breakfast meal and run, but, mostly, he missed Andy,

especially with all that had been said and all that they'd done when they

were alone together last night in Mark's bedroom.

Having sex with a real person for the first time in years had

relaxed Chris and had reopened his eyes to the life he'd missed since

becoming a priest. Granted, he had lots of sex before he took his vows,

but, thinking back over all of his raunchy escapades, there had been no, or

very few, feelings of love during those fun-filled nights. Had Chris ever

been in love with a guy before?...a very YOUNG guy? The answer was 'no'. If

there had ever been anyone in his past with whom he'd had had an emotional

bond, he might have thought twice before entering the priesthood.

When he got back to the church last night, he hadn't slept. He kept

feeling he was on a giant teeter-totter atop the Washington Monument. Which

or whom did he love more...his avowed vocation, his dedication to God and

the Church...or Andy, a young, inexperienced high school boy, whose future

in a gay relationship with him seemed hopeless of a future and almost

sinful? He had lain in bed for three hours praying and meditating. Had he

been 'caught up' in the momentary excitement, the gratification of physical

lust or was he actually in love with Andy? If he was in love, where could

it lead but only to disaster? The scandal, the idea of giving up his

calling from God, the eight-year difference in their ages, the probability

of Andy going off to college in the fall and maybe Andy's finding someone

closer to his age and leaving Chris alone...without a career and without

someone to love. This, indeed, was the most difficult decision Chris had

ever made or would most likely EVER have to make.

His mental anguish had caused him to commit another minor

sin. Chris masturbated twice, thinking of Andy each time, and at the end of

both climaxes, he was extremely perturbed at realizing he'd been thinking

he loved Andy even more. Chris wanted terribly someone to confide in. He

didn't know David well enough and, God knows, Father 'D' was totally out of

the question. Thad was probably the only one who might understand and look

objectively at both sides of Chris' dilemma. Chris hoped that, when David

arrived with Randy, David would have kept secret from Randy anything he

knew about the situation from the night before. But then, David had left

with Thad from the church parking lot. David didn't know that Chris had

returned to Steve's or that anything had happened there between Andy and

him.

As David and Randy entered the kitchen, ready to start the

breakfast run, Chris tried to read their eyes and expressions. David

appeared to be 'David' with no accusing looks. Randy looked as if he had

been on a weekend drunk, still half asleep from arising so early.

"The cavalry has arrived!" David said, cheerfully.

"Yes, and I feel like Custer AFTER Little Big Horn," Randy said,

trying to make a joke.

"I'm so glad to see both of you and believe me when I say I'm

grateful," Chris replied.

"Just show us what to do!" David said.

"Yeah, only please don't make me stir anything. The churning of

scrambled eggs or gravy might make me dive head first into them."

"How about buttering around two hundred pieces of toast?" Chris

asked Randy.

"How many days do I have to finish?"

"I'd say around a half hour."

"Oh, Jesus! Can I use a paint roller or spray gun filled with

butter?"

"No, but you might think of how to invent one. You might make a

fortune with cafeterias and lunchrooms."

"Who needs another fortune?" Randy said. "Why don't I call Denny's

and order two hundred slices of buttered toast and have them delivered."

"Randy, you said you would help," David said, jokingly to

Randy. "If Chris served Denny's toast, his clients would expect it every

morning. Are you going to pay for it on a daily basis from now on."

"How expensive could a half dozen loaves of bread and three pounds

of butter be?"

"Not that much, but who's going to toast the bread and spread the

butter?"

"Some street person looking for work. Heck, I'd pay twenty-five

bucks an hour."

"Would you stop grumbling and get to 'buttering'?" David said.

"Yes, 'Massa'. Is the butter made or do I have to churn it, like Ma

Walton?"

"It's in the big fridge over there," Chris replied.

Looking as if he was in a stupor, Randy walked to the refrigerator

and got the box of butter and placed it on the table with the bread. He

opened one package of bread and started dealing slices on a metal sheet as

if he was Las Vegas card dealer. He stopped and looked at Chris.

"Father, do you know this bread is stale? In another six hours,

it'll be growing mold...and this yellow stuff you call butter, I wouldn't

donate this to the humane society to spread over dog biscuits!"

"Randy, I'm afraid that's the best we can offer. We depend on

donations from stores and restaurants who give us their leftovers."

"Pardon my saying so, but this shit looks like something the

Salvation Army threw out the back door. Even THEY wouldn't serve it!"

"The people to whom we cater are very appreciative, no matter how

old the food or how bad it must taste sometimes. They are just grateful to

get a meal."

"Jesus Christ! Why didn't I know about this? I can get you lots of

food...FRESH food from many of my friends who own restaurants and food

warehouses."

"Randy, anything you can find for us would be most appreciated."

"Hell, just wait until I get home and make a few phone

calls. Starting tomorrow, the menu is going to change for the better for

your meal clients."

David was so pleased with Randy's enthusiasm, his eyes were filled

with tears as were Chris' as they looked at one another.

"Damn! You need new equipment, too!" Randy continued. "How about a

new stove or two...some restaurant sized appliances? What's that but a few

thousand bucks?"

David gave Chris a 'knowing' smile and uttered, "Chris, the Lord

DOES work in mysterious ways".

Randy overheard David's remark and said, "I'm not sure if the

Lord's middle name is Randy, but I'm gonna damned well see that you get

whatever you need. Jesus! I had no idea that this was the kind of stuff you

were bringing by for Mark or Steve to eat. Hell, no wonder Mark never

gained any weight!"

"When Georgia had to cut the budget for social services under the

new administration in Washington, many things, such as food, were cut...as

well as many of the medications Medicaid had been paying for."

"They cut out food in Georgia to buy weapons to kill Iraqi

insurgents?"

"It wasn't only Georgia; all states had to make social service

cuts."

"I'd love to take a couple of loaves of this stale bread and ship

them to the White House with a note saying, 'Here's your breakfast! Eat it

and be happy' and see how long it would take for the President to make a

few adjustments in his budget."

"Randy, this is what we've been facing for the past four years and

it seems to get worse every three months with more and more cuts."

"Then I say it's time we get that asshole out of the White House."

"I'm afraid it would take getting rid of a few hundred Congressmen

as well."

This part of the conversation had created a raging tirade in

Randy. He was wide awake now and began buttering the toast three slices at

a time. "God damn! Some of this white bread is darker than

Pumpernickel. Maybe we should spread cream cheese and chives on it to make

it look more appetizing!"

Randy's grumbling continued until all the food and meals were

prepared and they had it loaded into the van. For the next three hours,

Randy received a complete education of how poorly indigents and AIDS

patients are cared for. The hundreds of faces he saw, and the conditions in

which they were trying to survive, opened Randy's eyes in a way in which he

had never looked at the world. He was almost ashamed of his rich wardrobe,

his sports car, his lavishedly furnished apartment. He was a bit reluctant

when the first two or three clients tried to thank him for the meal by

offering him a hug, but half an hour later, on the run, it was Randy who

was giving the clients hugs. Several times he had to leave a client's room

to wipe his eyes because he was so moved by what he had seen.

The last stop on the route was Steve and Mark's apartment. Randy

was reticent about seeing Steve as he knew Steve still blamed him for

leaving Mark while he was so ill. But Randy felt it was time to make amends

if it was at all possible.

David and Randy followed Chris up the stairs and Chris knocked on

Steve's door. Chris waited to hear Steve's usual sarcastic greeting, only

this time, there was no reply. Chris knocked again and waited another

minute.

"Do you suppose he's all right?" David asked Chris, seeming quite

concerned.

"Maybe he took an extra pain pill for his condition and is sleeping

soundly."

"Wanna try the door? Maybe he left it unlocked..." David said.

Chris turned the knob and the door opened. He entered the living

room slowly and called out for Steve...Still no answer. Then Chris walked

into Steve's bedroom, but Steve was not in the bed. However, the door to

the bathroom was closed.

David took it upon himself to go into the bathroom and invade

Steve's privacy if necessary. That's when he saw Steve lying on the

bathroom tiles. Steve's trousers were around his ankles, appearing as if he

had falling off the commode in a heap. Beside Steve's mouth lay a pool of

vomit. David knelt to touch Steve's shoulder and called his name,

quietly. David could now see that Steve's eyes were open and fixed. Steve

was dead.

"Chris!" David called. "In here..."

Chris hurried to the bathroom door to size up the situation. "Is he

all right?" Chris asked.

"He's dead, Chris..."

"Oh, my God!" Chris said, putting a hand to his mouth.